Newbie Question - Is This Any Good?

Hi there. My name's Matt, and a friend of mine and I have decided to start work on a Fan Film. We've read the tutorials on the site, and thus have come up with a basic plot outline before we even think of special effects and action sequences.

I would very much like your opinion on the following plot outline:

"STAR WARS
Penumbra

Overview: A series of films detailing Maw Larsca?s battle against his darker emotions, and eventual fall to the Dark Side. Also explaining the Jedi?s scorning of romance.

Time Period: x,000yrs before the films. [Doesn?t really matter as of yet]

Divided into 3 acts, each with three sub-parts:

Act 1.1
This part begins on the farming world Stonami about 20 yrs before the start of the body of the story. A young boy (Maw Larsca) catches the eye of a passing Jedi. The Jedi requests the parents allow him to take the boy to Coruscant for training. After a lengthy discussion regarding the Jedi Order and The Force, they accept begrudgingly.

Act 1.2
We skip ahead 20 yrs to a point where the boy has been fully trained. He now has a girlfriend (Kata Surith, a fellow Jedi). They are aboard a starship on-route to Connauta, a small human world undergoing political turmoil. They meet with the current leader (Plaeni y?Ton) who informs them of the situation, and suggests they question the rebel leader (Octana Gral) about a possible diplomatic solution. They then meet with Octana who seems all to willing to work towards peace. Maw detects something amiss in the force with the Octana, and the pair enlist the help of a computer Splicer (Nu Sa Faral) to hack the rebel leader?s data-net. They discover that Octana is actually a Sith apprentice. After being attacked by rebel troops, Kata is injured, and Maw is forced to go without her to confront the rebel leader once more.

Act 1.3
Maw and Nu Sa infiltrate Octana?s compound and after a series of minor action sequences we are led up to the confrontation between Maw and Octana. After a short duel between the two, Octana draws Maw into a discussion over the nature of the force and the Dark Side (interspersed with brief moments of combat). After a while Maw?s concentration seems to slip, and he seems more and more receptive to Octana?s arguments ? until Octana mentions Kata. Maw remembers the injuries his beloved has suffered as a result of Octana and is spurred on to fight harder. Octana baits Maw into giving in to his anger, and Maw defeats Octana. Octana, in his dying breath tells Maw that he has just taken the first step to the Dark Side. Maw is horrified. Maw and Nu Sa return to the Plaeni and inform him of what has happened. The words ?To Be Continued? appear and the credits role for Act 1."




Does this sound like an interesting plot to you guys? Would you be enticed to watch the resultant movie?

 

Sounds good. I'd certainly be interested in seeing it. If you do decide that you are indeed going to follow through with it, I do give you my best wishes in getting it completed. Good luck!

~DK~

 

For it being just a general outline of the plot, you have my attention. I do have two comments though.

1. In the beginning, make sure that there are more details surrounding why the Jedi wants to take Maw to be trained. It seems a little strange that he would just walk up and say, "Well, I was passing by and I noticed that you have a son. I'd like to turn him into a Jedi. That is if you'll let me, of course." I'm sure you already have something in mind though.

2. This has nothing to do with the script but I need to say it, because I love it when people do this with their films. Show detail in every shot. A classic example of this is in Broken Allegiance when we see Korban Thor's holographic projection while Vader is talking to him. If you look in the background there are people walking around behind him. The people hold no real significance but just those little details will add tremendously to the cinamatic feel of the story.

Overall, I'm really interrested in the story and hearing about the other acts. And as I tell everyone, let me know how I can help.

 

Cheers for the vote of confidence.

I'm trying to keep this film plot-based rather than action-oriented. This is partly due to personal taste and partly due to budget constraints and the fact that it'll be my first fan-film.

 

Dr Modean:

I'm thinking of showing the Jedi wandering through the village [I'll have to think of a reason other than "he's on holiday"...] and Maw using the force inadvertantly [protecting himself from falling equipment? making a ball get into the net in a game?] in front of the Jedi.


Don't expect the best SFx to date, but hopefully I'll make up for it with a good plot and good acting.

 

anyone notice that jedi shouldnt have girlfriends...

what do you guys think... ?

 

I thought he said that would be addressed...

Also explaining the Jedi?s scorning of romance.

~DK~

edit> re:below ~ no worries
re:below below - good point

 

ok... i admit it... i just skimmed it...

o, btw, welcome to the forums. i hope you will enjoy...

[edit] i read it. and i like it. good luck. I'LL DEFINATELY WATCH IT.[/edit]

 

I suppose it depends whether it's set in the PT or the EU. PT canon says Jedi = no sex, but all the ghosts of Ben, Yoda, and Anakin have never said that Master Luke can't get laid...

 

Using the force to protect himself from falling equipment sounds good.

Personally, I would like to see Maw working on something or some project in a workplace or his garage(I know that we wouldn't see a car or call it a garage but that's the best way I can describe it) and the Jedi walks past and sees Maw using the force to maybe pull a drink to him. So the background is that Maw knows that he has the ability but doesn't understand what it is. He just thinks that he can do a cool trick that he uses in practical ways.

It sounds like you already know what you want though so you can discard this comment if you'd like. Both instances would be good to use.

 

Similar (but not TOO similar) to another film in production by another board member. I won't say who because he really doesn't want a lot of the story out. But the romance/fall part are similar.

It makes for very powerful plots if you ask me. More power to you. Let's see it!

 

Regarding the girlfriend point:

I wasn't sure if the 'no nookie' thing applies throughout the history of the Jedi, or whether it was introduced at some point [I guess prior to the KotOR time frame] as a result of a series of incidents. I'm hoping it was the latter.

I suppose if I go too far back, I go before the time that the Sith are supposed to have been 'formed' and so I'd have to just be calling them Dark Jedi, which isn't so good a term I feel.

 

To help you out on canon...

1. The Sith became known of (at least, the main Sith) 5,000 years prior to A New Hope

2. Even if the Jedi oppose having girlfriends/boyfriends, no one says anything that the Council had to KNOW about it (look at Anakin/Padme for proof there)

3. We actually do not know the time in which the Jedi Love Rule came into effect, but it is a fair bet that several incidents had to have occurred for them to make the rule.

That's all for now.

Welcome to the forums

 

Question -- once you set this whole thing up, I trust you will have other acts to bring closure to the story. Right?

 

bumping this to top of list.

Maybe someone else can help me add on known info. Have I missed anything?

 

what's closure?

 

Of everything in your concept I am most drawn to getting a closer look to the emotional rollercoaster of a "falling" jedi. We've seen Jedi's turn to the darkside, I've never seen a filmmaker take on the responsibility of what a character truly goes through to get to that point (Lucas himself is trying so hard with the prequels ) I would be careful about your first section though, sounds A LOT like the discovery of Anakin in Episode I. What if you introduce a character that shows nothing but Sith potential? Perhaps the council feels its safer to simply not train him, this way he'll never be a threat one way or the other, but the teacher wishes to train the child as a Jedi to prevent him from being discovered by a Sith and trained against them. Then when he's older, trained as a Jedi, his inevitable fate begins to overcome hime despite the intentions of his teacher.

I figured since I felt your opening was too much of a rehash I could at least suggest some other possibilites. Hope it helps. Good luck to you regardless.

 

I figured since I felt your opening was too much of a rehash I could at least suggest some other possibilites.

Hmmm...I'm curious to know why you decided to basically paste the Anakin Skywalker story into his plot when you thought that the beginning already had too many similarities. I realize that you changed it up with the Jedi not wanted the Sith to discover him, but even you have to admit that that sounds a lot like the situation with Anakin, the council, and Obi-wan.

 

The more I think about what I said...you're right. What if he had already begun sith training? And his master is killed by a Jedi and the Jedi takes him under his wing?

EDIT: As in he had already begun Sith training.

 

That sounds a lot better. Actually, if someone used that idea for their film, I think it could have real potential.

 

Very nice, I think the Sith idea would give it a unique taste. I'm interested either way. Just make the discovery of this character unique.

BTW -- closure = conclusion, ending of the variety that does not leave people hanging.