JCC "Nice guys."

It was a joke, dummy. We've talked about Borat and satire in a different thread.

 

So 90% of the people around here...

 

How come there are no "nice" girls? I've never heard such stories. But the experience that SLG is telling about is so common it's like a meme. Is there something inherent to malehood that predisposes you one to patheticness?

 

It definitely happens with girls too, I just don't experience it.

 

I experience a nice girl. It was about 8 years ago, at my job, and she thought I was cute. She would drop random candy off at my cubicle when I wasn't there for about a week straight, and when I was there she would stop by and flirt with me. It was very obvious, and I tried to be nice about it, but I was not interested at all. If I'm remembering correctly, to be honest, I probably gave her the cold shoulder a little bit to make that apparent. It was definitely weird, and it made me feel awkward, but thankfully a mutual friend told her to dial it back and we were able to be friends. At the time I was looking to casually date and she was looking for a husband to make babies with. She did eventually find that guy and I'm happy for her.

 

I'm in a somewhat similar situation with my job actually.

 

NiceGirls do in fact exist, but they are fairly rare. I definitely believe NiceGuys are so much more prevalent because of the sense of entitlement to women men typically feel.

 

Yeah, the whole "how do you dare saying no to me after all I've done for you?" girl definitely exists, if rare. I mean... we are all human beings, after all, prone to the same mistakes and the same mental illnesses.

 

From what I've seen, the main difference is basic. Where as NiceGuys babble about how all women just want to date jerks instead of Supreme Gentlemen like them, NiceGirls go on about how boys only go for "sluts" and "bimbos" in lieu of intelligent, "authentic" women like them. Minor differences with the same over all spirit of vilifying people you don't know.

 

Now, what's interesting is that when those two types meet, the nice girl will likely change her ways afterwards and the nice guy want.

I just remembered a GROOMZILLA who tried to propose to every single woman on a particular forum.

 

I don't know about that. I know a few lifelong habitual nice girls.

 

It is harder to be nice now without your intentions being questioned.

Walking a female work colleague to her nearby house when it's late at night (in an unsafe area of the city) is sexist, holding doors for women is sexist, offering to carry things is sexist etc

I thought such acts were about being polite, the way one is taught to be at a young age. Like offering seats to old people on public transport.

As for the problem in the OP - I agree ignoring is the way to go. And repeatedly making it clear you are not interested.
Maybe get mutual friends to have a talk with this person, if they don't listen to what you say.

 

I think the important thing to note when it comes to opening doors for women, walking them home, etc. is that you really need to be honest with yourself about your intentions. Ask yourself, would you walk home a male co worker? Seriously.

 

You know, back in the 50's that was called being romantically persistent. Today it's called stalking! Go figure...

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Back in the 50's the average man could pull off a fedora.

 

Um, will she now?

I just. OK, sure, you know what? Yes.

 

I don't understand anything you just said.

 

I think the gist of it is, he doesn't agree with you.

 

I never know it with people who have a shtick going on. It's too complicated.

 

I think I was trying not to suggest the notion that, when confronted with basic mental health issues such as SAD or the like coupled with general insecurity and lower confidence, the notion that a "nice girl" would change when presented feedback where a "nice guy" would double down and ignore the feedback is laughable, naive, patently untrue, and a view formed with nothing to back it up.

 

Nice girls are products of their families, forced stereotypes. If one's smart, they can break out of stereotypes and realise that marriage, a romcom relationship et cetera are not achieved through meaningless gestures to the first stranger who appears interested. Nice guys, on the other hand, have whole networks of support groups to convince them they're better, cooler, special, so underrated and eventually, they'll be MRAs. May be a bit black and white, but I have seen both happen many times.



How does SAD relate to this? You sure you didn't mean GAD, which is a basic, but somewhat crippling issue when it strikes?

 

OK, so, men are not products of their families and forced stereotypes on masculinity? You basically go on to acknowledge this is the case, but because our plucky heroine apparently doesn't have a support network reinforcing those same messages.... I don't know, an elaborate shrug makes it all better?

The reason people get into the "nice <gender>" routine is almost exclusively linked to their confidences as a person. The need to be liked over the need for standing up for themselves; conflict avoidance; abandonment issues - you can take your pick but they don't have a variable effect depending on whether you have a penis or not.

 

I think he was using "SAD" as an [incorrect] abbreviation for social anxiety disorder (it's actually an abbreviation for seasonal affective disorder).