SWRPF Archive NJO Purges II: The Bigshots Strike Back

((You read it!? Wow...you're better than Wyld and GI. They were lazy sacks of crap and just asked us what happened...))
I'm proud not to be a lazy sack of crap anymore.
Yeah, JM, it seems disjointed.
((Jm if your smile is anything like that smileys then your gonna be in a load of trouble in getting guys. It looks like a chicken on drugs.))
Ouch.
You gotta love us
We do.
(( Chozen, why is it always only you and TSL or Me, You and TSL in your posts? ))
Perhaps he's stalking you...
ewwwwwwww, twisted Jimmy-Chozen-Spoonie love triangle
Now, that's a possibility...
*Opens the trapdoor and shoots Nolan repeatedly for no apparent reason.*
WHAT IN THE NINE CORELLIAN HELLS ARE YOU DOING?!!! AM I ALL OF THE SUDDEN THE PURGES' PUNCHING BAG?!!!
[Nolan actually dies]
Kedri: Uh, oh. What do we do now?
Gen: I'm not sure...
Drake: I didn't think the brat could actually croak...
JM: Where's Nakita?
Fett: Who'll I work for now? HUTTS?
TSL (Celia Lindir): WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Wyld: WHERE'S MY HAIR GONE?
Auto: [Nolan frankly has no idea what Auto would say]
Malachi [in a brogue]: That's me lucky chaaaarrmmmms...
GI_Admiral: What do I do?
Rika: Where have I gone?
Readers: WHY DID DEL REY KILL OfF NOLAN??!!! I HATE NJO!
ALL: Why all the questions?!!! WHAT A WORLD WHAT A WORLD!!!

D'Rewan

 

Opens the trapdoor and shoots Nolan repeatedly for no apparent reason.*
WHAT IN THE NINE CORELLIAN HELLS ARE YOU DOING?!!! AM I ALL OF THE SUDDEN THE PURGES' PUNCHING BAG?!!!
[Nolan actually dies]

Tsl: *blinks in mild shock* Wow...killed by multiple shots....by a water pistol. How.............interesting.

 

((Sheez TSL what was in that water?))
*Lerriya helps a soaked Nolan and Kedri out of the trap and hands them a towel*

Now that we're all here can we kill Damsein, so I can take control of.....umm never mind that

 

((Here's the part where I'm going to start confusing y'all even more... ))

*Drake and his clone continue their fight in the corridor...Drake lands some hits as does his clone...they are equal in combat skills*

*they punch and kick and jump their way through the hall until one of them lands a powerful hit on the other's chest...sending him soaring through the wall and down into the room where everyone else is...the Drake who hit the other flips down from the new opening*

*the one who was hit gets up and dusts himself off then continues fighting with his other while the rest of the Purgers look on*

Chozen: *mutters to Jimmy* I say we blast one of them now...save some time.

Jimmy: That's a dumb idea. What if we kill the wrong Drake?

Chozen: Good point...I'll just keep my flamethrower pointed at both of them to be on the safe side.

 

((Chozen, why is it always only you and TSL or Me, You and TSL in your posts?

Its.........Because your special ))

Chozen: Hehe i got an idea....We burn both of them.

Drake: No that a stoopid idea.

Draake: Thats a great idea.

Chozen: Damn thats the real drake *points to Drake*. But..but i liked the other one more... Can't we just keep him?

Drake: But what about me?

Chozen: Ooh we could find a nice home for you...National Society Drake Protection Association.

Auto: Hey thats a re-homing for lost and unwanted Drakes...

Chozen: *blinks* And?

Auto: *rolls eyes* Doesn't matter.

Fett: *shakes head in disgust*

 

*Whilst everyone is discussing what to do with the other Draake/Drake, the two go to fighting again and get all mixed up.*

Chozen: Darn...

Jimmy: Stang...

Nolan: Shoot the one with two A's

Lerriya: Um....can't see the spellings, silly!

Kedri: Why don't we just attack them both, and lock them both up until we can figure out which is which?

Tsl: Good plan....but they are both invincible. And this ones a higher quality clone, so it won't blow up so easily.

Drake: *points at Draake* It's that one!

Draake: *points at Drake* No! It's that one!

Wyld: Just shoot them both! Please!

 

*Fett shoots them both with stun bolts and whipcords them*

Now we can tell. Since the real Drake is fireproof and his clones aren't, then the one who burns is not the real Drake.

*burns the real Drake first. Drake is in serious pain but doesn't die because of course he is the real one.*

Oops... Aww crap! he's gonna kill me

*burns the Draake. He turns immediatly to ashes*

Purgers: Yes!

Now all I have to do is survive the real Drake's wrath.

(( Problem solved ))

 

*runs past in the other hallway and does a double take*

drake?

Drake: i'm gonna kill him. he's a dead little mother--

JM: i'll take that as a yes. *falls over laughing*

Drake: *isn't nearly as amused as she is*

 

((I wouldn't actually be injured by fire...))

*is burnt by Jimmy's flamethrower*

Since I eat energy for breakfast...I thank you for that tasty snack.

*brushes the ashes of his clone off of him then goes to find a new set of clothes since his was just burned off*

Yeah that's right...I have no shame.

 

(([Nolan frankly has no idea what Auto would say]
Prolly something about everyone needing to calm down and have some tea. All of life's problems can be solved with a cuppa, thinks Auto ))

Auto: Oh for the love of-! *covers Malachi's eyes* Drake! Stop corrupting the innocent! Don't you look, Mal.

Auto: ...

Auto: *remembers to cover own eyes*

 

JM: GAH! *looks away and notices GI all wide-eyed and staring ((if he wasn't with us, he is now. gotta love loopholes. ))* hey! *smacks him* don't you be staring like that!

GI: jealous?

JM: tch. yeah right. are you?

GI: *shrug* what do i have to be jealous of?

JM: GAH! you sick, SICK people! *bangs head on the wall repeatedly*


((you knew that was comming. so @ GI))

 

No shame....and not much else....

Drake: [hardcore glare]

I'm kidding! Heh....um, here [throws him her cloak] put this on for heaven sakes. You're disturbing the children. [pats a crying wyld on the head] There, there dear. Everything's ok now.

Wyld: [sobbing] But...it's sooooo wrong!

I know, I know....here. Look at this!

Better now?

 

GAH! *bangs head on wall some more*

scarred for life; scarred for life; scarred for LIFE!

 

*wolf whistles at Drake and wonders if theres any cloning samples left.*

*Decides Drake would probably kill her for just thinking about itso returns her attention to Damsein*

*pops open a vial of itching powder and dumps it on his head*

*Damsein raises a hand to scratch his head.Lerriya shoots the wall next to his head,her blast close enough to burn the hair on his arm*

Lerriya:Move again and I won't hit the wall.

*Damsein twitches as the itch drives him crazy.*

 

(( Gen, if I wasn't so obviously attracted to Justin, I'd LOVE ya! ))

 

[Kedri is enraged; Nolan lies dead in his arms; killed by a squirtgun]
Kedri: MURDERERS!!!
[Orders Special Cadre on Damsein]
Celia Lindir: WHOA NOW!
Auto: Kedri, lets sit down and talk this over a cup of tea...
[Kedri gives the order]
Celia: Wait! We need him alive!
[and Damsein is shot dead by the squad; Kedri's eyes burn with rage]
Kedri: We're going.
Drake: But the mission...
Kedri: We have what you wanted Damsein is dead.
Drake: But--
Gen: Drake...
Kedri [bitterly]: I'm returning to Chandrila for his majesty's funeral. [then with contempt] You do what you want...
[He exits]
Gen: Uh, oh.
Drake: You felt it?
Gen: The Dark Side...
JM: Hmm. Unfortunate, this is...
Celia: Hmm, seems someone filled this squirtfun with... the same poison used on Mon Mothma--only much faster...
[They all look at each other]
Lerriya: But who put the poison in the squirtgun?
[They all look at each other in mystery]

D'Rewan

 

*snaps his fingers*

This is just like that game! Uh....Clue!

*continues to look at everyone else suspiciously*

 

JM: *quickly hides the candlestick behind her back*

Kedri: IT WAS YOU WASN'T IT?!

JM: Kedri, if i had killed Nolan, there wouldn't be a body left. it would be in tiny little pieces spread over several miles and eaten by flesh eaters.

Kedri: humph.

 

Yeah...if I killed him, his body would be hanging off a meat hook in front of the entrance to my palace on Koralis...hehe.

 

((Hey wyld, I got your back...JT is one fine motha....uh hem. Right...))

Drake: Wait, we're Sith Lords. Why would we be upset about Kedri's dark side tantrums?

Kedri, is faaaaaaaar too hot to turn. I don't want to hide that face with a life support mask. I mean, we've already lost Hayden...must we destroy more innocent, sooooo insanley beautiful men?

JM: [dumps a bucket of water on Gen] Geez, get the girl a Legolas poster...

Hey! This water smells funny....[starts to slur her words] My, what....beautiful...feathers....[passes out]

All: [gasp]

Drake: [points] It was you!

JM: Nuh uh! I didn't fill that bucket! cozen did!

Chozen: Woa, woa, woa....now hold on there. [panicks] Wyld brought the water from the Apocolypse!

Wyld: Whatever! I sooooooo, got that water from a supply crate on Jimmy's ship!

Fett: [mutters] So maybe you could stop calling me that....[louder] Well, I agreed to transfer that water from Auto when we were on Koralis.

Auto: What?!?! No! That was my tea!

TSL: Oh I see....it's a tea conspiracy. It's like the Boston Tea Party!

Drake: The what?

JM: No way! That's totally different... that's just-- [Tsl wrestles JM to the floor and the entire group breaks into a fight except all the NPC's cause they don't know what's going on]

 

((I know, I know....here. Look at this! ))

Yeah..*goes to check if he looks like that in the mirror*))

 

[Kedri is enraged; Nolan lies dead in his arms; killed by a squirtgun]

((Lmao! Nolan, that is quite possibly the most hilarious thing ever written ever in the history of hilarious written things! I very nearly fell out of my chair laughing, reading your post ;D ))

 

*gives up wandering around and suddenly appears where everyone else is fighting*

Umm, yeah, about that. Auto, some of your tea was made in my still in the lounge, so it's probably a teensy bit alcoholic.....

Oh well. This looks like fun! Geronimo!

*D3 jumps into the fray, ping pong bat swinging. Lands a good hit on JM's backside, and ducks to avoid inevitable claw slash*

 

*Sits back and watches the fight and sees Nolan dead*

Wait, if Nolan's dead, who made that last post if Kedri is an NPC?

 

Wait, if Nolan's dead, who made that last post if Kedri is an NPC?
Nolan and Kedri's master and author--who shall now be called D'Rewan.
And yes, Nolan is officially dead--by which I mean he is not living any more--his body is a corpse and god only knows where his soul went... [shudder]
Kedri is too hot for the dark side--but fate does care how much of a studmuffin you are.
The Clue thing is pretty cool. Is Gen actually dead?
Oh and BTW, Kedri returns to Chandrila to oversee Nolan's funeral pyre. Ruling Councilors are now scrambling to seize control of the Grand Imperium and Senior Councilor General Scorsa Park is dead so... uh, oh: that leaves Drake to handle the council and Kedri to take Nolan's place. But how will a Mr. Nice-Sexy-Surferboy prove to be as the arbitrary tyrant a totalitarian regime? Find out in the next exciting episode of [echo]NJO PURGES[/echo]

D'Rewan