Saga No Big Loss - Obi-Wan humor vignette by Jedikma and VaderLVR

Title: No Big Loss
Authors: Jedikma and VaderLVR
Summary: A girl?s gotta do what a girl?s gotta do.
Timeframe: Pre ROTS
Characters: Siri, Obi-Wan
Notes: The usual insanity... Originally posted on the Obi-Wan challenge thread, thus the insanity warning.



No Big Loss



Of all the cantinas in the entire galaxy, why did he have to show up in this one? Now? But there he was, as big as life and looking good. Too good. Great, actually.

Shavit.

While I felt a bit rumpled and shabby, he was elegant even in his ragged undercover attire. I swear that Obi-Wan starches his underwear. How else could he appear so prim and proper, even in that get-up? Though I imagine the chafing would be annoying. That thought made me grin. I admit it; I?ve got a mean streak.

But why was he here? Was he checking up on me? Had he come to gloat? This assignment had turned out to be tougher than I anticipated. But the last thing I needed was Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Knight Extraordinaire in all his glory, breathing over my shoulder.

I hated to admit it, but his timing, like everything else about him, is impeccable. And do you know how annoying perfection can be?

He was wearing that adorable smirk, the one I always want to smack off his face. Or kiss it off; I haven?t decided yet. I wanted to remind him that a Jedi does not know smugness, but I?m afraid it would only encourage him. Or hurt his feelings. One can never be sure with Obi-Wan.

My assignment was to find and detain an informant that had flown the coop. The Jedi had given him good hard credits and he?d made himself scarce. Not a smart idea to skip town with Jedi credits in your pocket. We tend to follow up on things like that, and quickly.

We had information that he?d come here to his home planet. If he was here, he would be hanging out in a dive just like this one. And I was going to find him.

Unfortunately, I had attracted the attention of more than one less-than-savory character. I think that a lot of males see blonde hair and blue eyes and they think ?STUPID!? As if they had anything to offer me that I might find appealing.

I have very high standards and so far only one man has even come close to meeting them. So it was with less than high hopes that I turned toward the oily voice that sounded over my shoulder. Definitely not the cultured tones of the only man I would care to encourage.

?Hi there,? he said. ?Do you come here often??

The witty start to our conversation left me breathless. Or maybe it was something else.

He was tall and broad. Broad as in fat, not muscular like a certain Jedi who shall remain nameless. And apparently he suffered from an allergy to water or any other cleansing device or agent, even a sonic shower. I was sure the grime of the last decade or so had built up on his skin. Not exactly the picture of a young girl?s dreams.

?Not interested,? I said quickly, forestalling whatever else he might have to say. I sniffed audibly to add insult to injury. There?s nothing like being brutally honest.

The odor of my would-be admirer assaulted my nostrils. Briefly I allowed myself to long for a breathing apparatus that would save my sense of smell.

?Come on, don?t be like that,? he whined.

?Don?t you understand Basic?? I snapped at him. ?Tell the truth, was your mother a Gamorrean?? I put just the right amount of pity into my voice and made that sad, sorry face that drives men like this crazy ? with rage.

Oh yes, that had hit a nerve! Look at those nostrils flare! Interesting, Stinky had a temper. What a surprise.

I saw Obi-Wan from the corner of my eye. His jaw was clenching as he pretended to take a drink. I took a closer look and noticed two things. First, he wasn?t pretending. And second, he?d ordered Ithorian Lilac Water, which sounded like such a prissy drink that only a Twi?Lek dancing girl would drink it. That?s probably why the oh-so-proper Kenobi ordered it. But it packed a 1-2-3 punch that was almost coma-inducing.

I glanced at my chrono and mentally gave him approximatel

 

Oh, that was terrific. Wonderful job, ladies!

 

I swore then and there that my Obi-Wan would get his reward one day and soon.

Hell yes! He deserves it.

To hell with the Code!

The Code can kiss my sweet derriere, as well as Siri's. You get him, girl!

 

Even better the second time around

 

LOL That is so funny! A drunk Obi trying to fight of some fat guy who was hitting on Siri LOL Great idea!

 

I swear that Obi-Wan starches his underwear.

LOL!!! It would explain the primness, yes.

He kept looking in my direction, rather like a little boy who is showing off for his mother and wants to be sure that she is watching. Ah, the male ego, so fragile and yet so endearing at the same time.

It is that.

Then Stinky drew back a meaty hand and punched my Jedi smack in the middle of his face. Now that?s just not right. Not the face! Don?t touch that mug, Stinky! It?s too pretty to mess up.

Isn't it, though?

?You crazy, insane, stubborn, sweet gundark!? I said as I leaned over him, placing a hand gingerly on his forehead. ?All this for a derriere you can have only in your dreams.?

?No big loss on the jewels then.?



Beautiful. The whole thing - just beautiful. Wonderfully written, ladies.

 

Hee. Wonderful, the second time around. Lovely work. To hell with the Code, indeed!.

 

Wonderful job, both of you! slightly inebriated Obi-Wan defending Siri's honour?

My favourite! Again, simply marvelous

 

Wonderfully funny! I love Siri's point of view, watching Obi-Wan fighting drunk. "Not the face!"

 

I loved it the first time I read it and I still do. You two should write more SiriWans!

 

Oh, this was hilarious, ladies. Just perfect! And, yes, I think Obi-Wan does deserve his reward.

 

I didn't notice you had posted this. I loved this and laughed just as hard the second time around.

 

I LOVE IT! It grabbed me from the very first sentence and didn't let me go until the end of a repeat reading!

FANTASTIC JOB!

I especially loved how you referred to Obi-Wan's opponent as "Stinky." *giggles*

This was classic. This one will most definately have a place in my memory.

Shame on you, Stinky, for picking a fight with our Obi! Good going, Siri, for bashing him over the head with a tankard! Woohoo!

*runs of to give a good bout of TLC to Obi-Wan*


Obi-WansApprentice

 

Lovely! It's great to see Obi-Wan a little off kilter shall we say? And the perspective was wonderful!

_PSK_

 

I loved Obi-Wan defending Siri even if she didn't need it. He think it was all worth it when she finally rewards him. This was a great one post story.

leiaremer

 

A proper bar-room brawl!!!Incredible

 

a Jedi does not know smugness

Good to see you ladies tapping into the drunker (and flirtier) side of the force!

*Sighs* humour fluffettes are good for the soul

 

Glad I wandered over to The Saga board and found this. It was hilarious!

 

Just as hilarious the second read!

 

Was that an implied sequel there at the end? *hopeful look*

*giggling* Poor Obi Wan, knocked out by a drink and beat up too. Siri will just have to nurse him back to health....

 

* giggles * That Siri is such a card...and I wouldn't even put it past Obi-Wan!

Poor Siri!

- This just kills me. It's so true of men--even mature men like Obi-Wan--that they all have that streak of little boy in them no matter how big they get!

Oh my....


- Lovely vignette, ladies...so much fun!

 

LE

Thank you!!! Glad you enjoyed a good laugh.



Luthe

I'm sure Siri will make good on her promise.



PadawanKitara

Thank you, again.



Senator_Leia73

Glad you enjoyed it. Thank you!



Gabri_Jade

Thank you so much!!! This little viggie was so much fun to write, too.



P_A

Thank you!!!



sheleigh

Thank you!!! So glad you enjoyed it.



Jedi_Tigris

Thanks!!! No, definitely can't touch that beautiful face.



Diane

Asking me to write more siriwans is like asking me if I want another piece of desert. Now that I have corrupted Vadey to the siriwan side..... Muahahahahahaha!!! Anything is possible.



Gina

Thank you!!! Obi-Wan does deserve that reward, doesn't he?



Noi

Thank you!!!



Obi-WansApprentice

Thanks!!! But be careful about giving Obi-Wan that TLC, I think Siri is a force to be reckoned with.



PadmeSolo

Thank you!!!



Leiaremer

Thanks!!!



cdmcc

Thanks!!! A proper bar-room brawl, indeed. Sometimes you just can't beat good old-fashioned fun.



mithrissa

Thank you!!! I agree, good humor fluffettes are definitely good for the soul.



Jedi-2B

We're glad you wandered over, too. Glad you enjoyed this, thank you!!!



oe

Thanks!!! We know you secretly love siriwans.



AvenKiel

Sequel? I don't know, but I'm afraid that might have to be a pm story.



LadyPadme

Thank you!!!


Thanks to all our readers. VaderLVR and I had a great time collaborating on this story.

 

Just now discovered this little viggie -- what an excellent vig! Truly great work Ladies!!!

 

Layren

Thanks so much!!! We so enjoyed writing it.

 

Oh, I do love this story. Siri's internal comments on everything are so perfect and funny. So possessiveness is not allowed to a Jedi, eh? They managed it anyway.

I loved all the quotes others have mentioned, as well.