Before No Longer Tainted -- Qui-Gon / Obi-Wan -- Vignette (More Author Replies - 8/8)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Bekah_K, Apr 7, 2005.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. Bekah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2002
    star 4
    Title: No Longer Tainted

    Author: Bekah_K (a.k.a. bek)

    Genre: AU

    Characters: Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan

    Summary: Qui-Gon deals with Obi-Wan?s first kill.

    (This was originally posted on the Qui-Gon Jinn Challenge Thread.)

    Disclaimer: The characters (Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon) belong to Lucas. I make no profit from this. It's just a hobby.



    No Longer Tainted

    He had been sent on an errand. An errand was all it was suppose to be. Deliver the message and return to his master with the other party?s response. The directive was simple, the task should have been easy, but the assignment was condemning.

    The threat detached itself from the shadows and trailed him, seeking a weakness. When no limitations were forthcoming, one by one they began to surround him, taunts and jeers making their way around the group. The apprentice ignored their temptations of conflict and sidestepped around them to continue on his way. The mission his master had sent him on was imperative; he had to deliver the proposed treaty. Subtly reaching into his tunic, he felt for the document his master had entrusted him with. Having lightly brushed it with his fingertips, he breathed a sigh of relief knowing that he had not yet failed.

    The leader of the group, a tall heavily muscled teen, pushed his way through the crowd to the apprentice?s side.

    ?Where you goin boy? Where?s yer keeper?? He stopped in front of the Jedi. Plunging his hand forward, he rammed it into the student?s chest halting his step.

    The padawan neither spoke nor pushed back. He met the angry gaze with the sereneness of his own. Stepping back, he once again stepped around the group and proceeded on his way. He prayed to the Force that they would leave, that his mission to the embassy on the other side of town would be an easy course to travel.

    He mentally smiled at his own arrogance of thinking a Jedi could walk an unproblematic path. This brief distraction of thought caused his senses to be unprepared when the gang?s leader rammed into him from behind, the force of the blow sending them both sprawling to the ground.

    The teen enclosed the Jedi?s neck with his arm, slowly cutting the air supply from the boy?s lungs. ?Where is it, scum?? the boy muttered, his teeth slightly clenched. His survival instincts kicking in, the padawan called upon the force to overturn the boy. Slowly rising from the ground he kept his attacker within his sight. ?Where?s what?? he replied nonchalantly. The Force screamed out a warning a split second before a blaster shot slid past his ear, nicking the edge. ?The treaty Jedi! I came for the treaty?!? The boy snarled. Obi-Wan turned quickly toward the threat, his left hand protectively probing his injury. His light saber flew from his utility belt and into his hand. Tripping the switch, a blue blade sprang to life. ?Then you came for nothing,? he quietly answered. The hum could be heard through the silence, the echo reaching far down the corridor from which they came. Raising his saber, he took a defensive stance. Taking that as a challenge, the leader took out his blaster, his ranks following suit. One by one they fired until it became a simultaneous effort. The padawan moved quickly, striking down the white blue lines of energy as they erupted from their foundations. Closing his eyes, he gave himself completely to the Force.

    The shots soon died down as the members of the group began to disperse. The display they witnessed, one against fifteen, and the faulty information they had received, had changed their minds as to how easy a target this Jedi pup would be. If the ambassador wanted the treaty as to keep it from being signed by the eleventh hour, then he could take it himself.

    Sirens sounded in the distance and silence once again fell upon the area around them. Refusing to back down, the gang?s superior once again charged the apprentice. A thrown brick hit the padawan on his wrist knocking th
  2. maychorian Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2005
    star 4
    Oh, man. That was wonderfully written. Very striking images--the vibroshiv in the ground, the way Obi-Wan folded his cloak, and the blood stringing between his hands. Terrible and poignant. Just . . . wow.
  3. DreamOfKenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 4, 2004
    star 2
    Excellent imagery and descriptions! =D=
  4. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Another masterpiece! =D=

    I don't know how you do it, but you hit a home run every darn time! (I find that very annoying, LOL!)

    Great work!
  5. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    That was beautiful Bekah. :) So moving and I could almost see the entire thing beinf played out. Wonderful moment between Obi and Jinn.
  6. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4

    Excellent!

    Such a terrible moment his first kill
    and not being able to make sense of such a waste of life, for a small task that should have been simple
    Deliver the message and return to his Master.
    Gripping very nice story.
  7. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I'm glad you re-posted it.
  8. Jedi-Tiger-Lilly Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2005
    star 1
    Wow! That was incredible. The pain and guilt just were so well written. I loved it.
  9. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    He mentally smiled at his own arrogance of thinking a Jedi could walk an unproblematic path I liked his observation of this. The scene of Qui-Gon watching Obi-Wan as the youth slipped away was so sad, how Obi-Wan used his cloak for a pillow for the injured one.

    Ahhh, I though I recognized this and in the rereading it still jobs to the heart.
  10. BrokenNoseOfQui-Gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2004
    star 2
    I think you really climbed into the Jedi mindset here, and did it so well. Great work!
  11. Tanith Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2003
    star 1
    That was beautifully written Bekah.
  12. shanobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2001
    star 4
    That was absolutely beautiful and so full of emotion, Bekah.

    Wonderful job. Very glad you posted it - or I never would have gotten the chance to read it. Much as I'd love to - I dont' have the time to follow the obi or qui challenge threads.

    --shan
  13. Bekah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2002
    star 4
    I apologize for the late replies. Life's been a bit busy as of late, I work in an educational environment and the end of a semester is not a pretty site. :)

    maychorian: Oh, man. That was wonderfully written. Very striking images--the vibroshiv in the ground, the way Obi-Wan folded his cloak, and the blood stringing between his hands. Terrible and poignant. Just...wow.

    Thanks! [face_blush] When the challenge was first posted, this bunny began gnawing at me with determination to be written. I struggled with it at first, but am pleased with the way it turned out. :)

    DreamOfKenobi: Excellent imagery and descriptions!

    Thank you! :)

    VaderLVR64: Another masterpiece! I don't know how you do it, but you hit a home run every darn time! (I find that very annoying, LOL!) Great work

    [face_blush] That is a wonderful complement coming from you as I very much enjoy reading your fics and vigs. Besides, look who's talking! Your writing is absolutely amazing! :)

    OE: That was beautiful Bekah. So moving and I could almost see the entire think being played out. Wonderful moment between Obi and Jinn.

    Thanks! :) I rather enjoy happy endings and mushy moments between these two. :p

    Gkilkenny: Excellent! Such a terrible moment his first kill and not being able to make sense of such a waste of life, for a small task that should have been simple, deliver the message and return to his Master. Gripping very nice story.

    :) The Jedi life is rarely simple...but in this case, it should've been! ;) Thanks for reading!

    PadawanKitara: I'm glad you re-posted it.

    Me too! Thanks for re-reading! :)

    Jedi-Tiger-Lilly: Wow! That was incredible. The pain and guilt just were so well written. I loved it.

    Obi-Wan has a tendency to take things close to heart, I figured his first kill would upset him very much. :)

    Healer_Leona: He mentally smiled at his own arrogance of thinking a Jedi could walk an unproblematic path. I liked his observation of this. The scene of Qui-Gon watching Obi-Wan as the youth slipped away was so sad, how Obi-Wan used his cloak for a pillow for the injured one.

    Qui knew what it was like to experience a first kill. He know Obi-Wan would have to face it one day, but didn't realize it would be this soon.

    Thanks for reading! :)

    BrokenNoseOfQui-Gon: I think you really climbed into the Jedi mindset here, and did it so well. Great work! Thank you! :)

    Tanith: That was beautifully written Bekah. Thanks! [face_blush]

    shan: That was absolutely beautiful and so full of emotion, Bekah. Wonderful job. Very glad you posted it - or I never would have gotten the chance to read it. Much as I'd love to - I don't have the time to follow the obi or qui challenge threads.

    Thank you! :) I was thinking along the lines that there may be some who don't have a chance to venture into the challenge threads, so I wanted to post it just in case. :)
  14. Indra Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2003
    star 3
    Wonderful, Bekah. =D= Very nice descriptions and a beautiful end. Qui-Gon was excellently written with his thoughts about his own experiences and his wisdom of knowing what was best for Obi-Wan in that situation. Very well done. :)
  15. Bekah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2002
    star 4
    Indra: Wonderful, Bekah. Very nice descriptions and a beautiful end. Qui-Gon was excellently written with his thoughts about his own experiences and his wisdom of knowing what was best for Obi-Wan in that situation. Very well done.

    Thank you! :) I enjoyed writing it as it came easily.
  16. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Ooh, that was so good! I can just see dear, sweet Obi-Wan reacting like that. Poor boy! :( I'm glad Qui was there for him, I love the scene where Obi-Wan backs away from the vibroshiv, straight into Qui-Gon's big, strong arms! *sob*
    Thank you, Bekah, for such a wonderful story!
  17. Seven Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2000
    star 3
    This was wonderful. It made me want to cry.

    Thank you for sharing it with us,

    Seven
  18. LadyPadme Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2002
    star 5

    Wow...how very sad to see innocence die like that... :eek:

    Very beautifully written!
  19. Bekah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2002
    star 4
    Bastet: Ooh, that was so good! I can just see dear, sweet Obi-Wan reacting like that. Poor boy! I'm glad Qui was there for him, I love the scene where Obi-Wan backs away from the vibroshiv, straight into Qui-Gon's big, strong arms! *sob* Thank you, Bekah, for such a wonderful story!

    You?re welcome! Thank you for taking time to read! :)


    Seven: This was wonderful. It made me want to cry. Thank you for sharing it with us.

    I enjoyed writing it even with the content it deals with. I think this piece is my second favorite that I?ve written, next to Sheltering Tree that is. :p


    LadyPadme: Wow...how very sad to see innocence die like that... Very beautifully written! Thank you! :)
  20. JOINME Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2005
    star 4
    WOW!

    This was so...fantastic, for lack of a better word.

    The imagery, the exploration of the emotions, the kill...
    Obi-Wans shock was so real I felt in shock too...

    The ending was so beautiful and poignant...

    The first kill, a metaphor for the loss of childhood..

    this is very haunting. Really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing :D
  21. Bekah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2002
    star 4
    JOINME: WOW! This was so...fantastic, for lack of a better word. Thank you! :)

    The imagery, the exploration of the emotions, the kill... Obi-Wans shock was so real I felt in shock too... The ending was so beautiful and poignant... The first kill, a metaphor for the loss of childhood.. this is very haunting. Really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing. [face_blush] I enjoyed writing this one as it challenged me every step of the way. Thanks for reading! :)
  22. Star_Drifter Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2005
    star 3
    It would be very difficult to have to deal with the fact that you had killed someone, even in self-defense.

    I like how you handled this with Obi-Wan, and then Qui-Gon remembering the first time that he had to take a life.

    Very touching....

    @};- @};- @};-
  23. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Aaaah, that was a very touching story of Obi-Wan's feelings and Qui-Gon's counsel as well. Nicely done.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.