Before No Longer There....Obi's thoughts on Qui's death...Lurker Appreciation Week has begun!! **DELURKED**

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Durhelediel, Sep 25, 2004.

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  1. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    Title: No Longer There
    Author: Durhelediel
    Rating: G
    Disclaimer: Obi-Wan, Anakin, Yoda and Qui-Gon belong to George Lucas. I just use them as I please for free.
    Dedication: This is dedicated to Layren since she claimed that Obi-Wan did not grieve long enough after Qui-Gon's death. I seek in this little vignette to prove to her she's wrong. Lol Love ya, Master Layren. heehee
    Summary: Obi-Wan's reflections after Qui-Gon's death?occurs in-between Qui-Gon's death and before the burial rite.

    He was gone.

    Was he gone?

    It seemed like all he had to do was turn his head and Qui-Gon would be right there.

    But he would not.

    Never again.

    Obi-Wan Kenobi visited in his mind the quarters that he had shared with Qui-Gon Jinn, his Jedi Master, ever since he had been thirteen in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. There was the empty cage that his master kept in the odd chance that a small creature might be in need of his help. Over there stood a tall stick that Qui-Gon had informed his padawan contained healing powers, at least according to the inhabitants of Inquodi.

    Too many memories.

    Obi-Wan was?numb.

    He had been numb since Qui-Gon breathed his last in his arms.

    How that memory plagued him! How he wished that he could do anything, give anything, trade anything just to have those last few moments back so he could try to change them.

    He did not want to be a Jedi Master. He did not want to even be a Knight if it meant that Qui-Gon was no longer there. There had never been this possibility in his life; never had this future outlined to him?a future without Qui-Gon's steady guidance.

    How could he go on?

    How did things go so terribly wrong?

    Tomorrow was the burial rite for his slain master?and Obi-Wan did not wish to go. He felt torn inside, but as if the wound were invisibly bleeding. He could not stop it because he could not see it and he had no idea what to do.

    His life as he knew it was over?and all he wanted was Qui-Gon back. Qui-Gon to walk through those doors to his right and smile at him in his quiet way; Qui-Gon to let out another booming laugh as Obi-Wan ran, exasperated, from another pathetic lifeform; Qui-Gon to fill their bond with love and acceptance as Obi-Wan successfully negotiated an important treaty.

    How could he possibly go on?

    His cheeks were wet?he had been crying again without realizing it. Too many hours now he had been silently weeping, filled with such inner pain that it poured from his very spirit through his eyes.

    The strong presence that he was used to was gone. He was alone in his mind, and through the Force, once again. He was lost, adrift on an empty sea, and no longer had his compass to guide him safely to shore.

    With a sudden wail, Obi-Wan dropped to his knees and buried his face in the soft flooring of the space that he and Qui-Gon had shared while on this horribly beautiful planet. His arms wrapped around his head and he could not breathe as he let loose one long peal of anguish that ripped from his tortured soul.

    He felt as if he could scream the agony away.

    The sun set and night settled on Naboo, the planet that had taken his master from him before he was ready to let him go. He did not know how long he was there, curled on the floor in a fetal position, wishing only to join his master in blissful death. He did not care.

    He was exhausted beyond tears, beyond grief, beyond life even when he felt a small, three-fingered hand rest on his bent back. He knew who it was beside him and he resented the Jedi Master for being there, for seeking him out, and so he did not speak.

    "Let him go, you should," came Yoda's quiet counsel.

    Despite Obi-Wan's desire for the Jedi Master to leave him be, he rose quickly as anger filled him. Anger at himself for being weak to not save his master, anger at Yoda for thinking that a few words would comfort him, anger at the Force for taking Qui-Gon from him.

    "Oh?" Obi-Wan replied coldly as he backed a few steps away from the tiny green being. "As I see it, h
  2. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Such raw emotions. That was exceptional Durhelediel.
  3. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Awwwwwww when I said he didn't grieve long enough I didn't mean you had to make Qui permanently dead!!! That was so beautiful :_| and so sad..... *sniffs* Please pass the tissues...
  4. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    Wow. Thank you Leona for the compliment. I'm glad you liked the emotion.

    Layren, when I said in the summary that it was after Qui's death, what did you think it was going to be? lol ::passes tissues::
  5. masterobiwankenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2003
    star 1
    That was great, so sad. Poor Obi. :( :_| It was so like Obi-Wan to blame himself for Qui-Gon's death even though there was nothing he could have done to prevent it. Obi needs a hug me thinks. [:D]
  6. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    I'll hug him... lol

    Thanks for the compliment, Peggy! [face_blush]
  7. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Wow! That was incredible! Beautifully written! Very nicely done and powerful. Bravo!
  8. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Great job indeed!! Poor Obi...

    And I feel sorry for the troll cuz he couldn't do anything for Obi. *Snrk* yeah... feeling sorry for greeny how ironic is that? ;)
  9. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    Vader- Wow. ::is speechless:: Wow. It's really hard to win praise from you and here I have somehow managed to do it. Wow.... [face_blush]

    Kynstar- haha! Well, Yoda can't cure all ills, ya know. lol
  10. KSkywalker Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 7, 1998
    star 3
    Sniff, it's hard to type with tears in your eyes.

    That was very good!!
  11. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    kskywalker- aww ::passes a tissue:: Though that is the reaction I had hoped to get. Thank you!!
  12. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Poor guy. Of course, he would blame himself for 'letting' Qui-Gon die. I'm sure that the guilt lasted a good long time.

    Good job with this.
  13. AnakinsHeir Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 2, 2004
    star 3
    :_| That's about all I have to say about that.

    Oh, and good job!
  14. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    :_| So heart wrenching!! Wonderfully done!
  15. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    Diane- why thank you! You are another that praise from is hard to earn. [face_blush]

    AnakinsHeia- I'm so glad you liked it!

    Arwen- Nice to see you here as well! Glad you like this mildly depressing bit. lol
  16. JediVeloJinn Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 23, 2003
    star 1
    Oh, that was very sad.

    I felt my heart twist out for Obi-Wan when he cries out in anguish: "I did nothing!". For me, that was the part where I felt the most for Obi-Wan.

    Velo
  17. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    ::sniffs:: Me too. When I wrote this, I was in his mindset and was thinking...What would Obi's greatest regret be as he watched those events unfold? What would he think? And then I had it..."I did nothing". Not exactly true, though it is from a certain point of view. ::smirks::
  18. SarkaVrae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2004
    star 5
    Beautifully written!! Great job!
    I really liked:

    "Too many hours now he had been silently weeping, filled with such inner pain that it poured from his very spirit through his eyes."

    How powerful of a description! well done!
  19. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    ::blushes:: Thanks. I'm more of a poet than anything else and this gave me an opportunity to try to put prose into a more flowing form. I really enjoyed writing it.
  20. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    Hello! Today marks the beginning of... ::drum roll please:: Lurker Appreciation Week!

    All week fun stuff will be happening for those shy lurkers who delurk in my stories. For now, here is a nice wonderful shiny button, thanks to Agentj, to look upon. Enjoy!

    [image=http://myweb.cableone.net/agentj/starwars/images/obigreviouslurk.jpg]
  21. Qui-Gina-Jinn Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 2, 2003
    star 4
    :_|

    Poor Obi... Feeling all alone.
    Beautifully written!
  22. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    That was just so raw...I loved it!
  23. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    Qui-Gina- You a delurker, or just picking up on this story? Reason for the question, trust me. And, thanks for liking it. I just seemed to think that he would have some kind of emotional response, Jedi or not. He lost someone like a father to him.

    Arwen- Now I know you're not a lurker, unless you've become one recently. lol Let me know either way. Like I said to Gina, there's a reason for knowing. And I am especially glad you liked this. Perhaps I should put "Tissue Alert" in the title after this week is over...hm...thought...
  24. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    LurkerIsh looms up from the depths of the thread, dressed in Viking costume and humming Ride of the Valkyries, here to drag this wonderful story off to the land of The Saga, where it really belongs.

    Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan in spectral forms go chasing after her, but she throws them cheesy bread and chocolate in her wake.

    "Wonderful, loved the Yoda conversation, and the emotion was very believably raw!"
  25. Jedi_Tigris Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2005
    star 4
    :_| =D= Wow, the raw emotion is overpowering! Loved Yoda's talk. He can't do everything. ;) And poor Obi, thinking that he could have done something, when really he can't.
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