Before - Legends "Not-So-Much-Fate" (Humor, Marysue Parody, Qui, Dooku) ---The fic that wouldn't die! Updated--1/3!

like it so far
keep up the good work
hope to see more soon

mad4dos

 

WOOO! Author reply time!! ^_^ I intend to post on Saturday-as in, tomorrow, Saturday, so hope you all enjoy the further madness...

Oh, and thank you guys so so much for all your comments. They so much make my day, and keep me writing, and just, thank you. *big hugs to all reviewers*


Athenaness, the Wonderful: Awww!!! Thanks so much! I'm glad you're to the liking of this, Athena, because I value your opinion so much, and is a silly fic.

PADAWANO! Ahhhh, thank you!! hehe, yes, we are very out-of-control-now...

The_Hutt: LOL! Exactly!!!! Qui was overestimating Charm's abilities! I know, now I've got an angsty Jedi boy on my hands-it can only end in disaster!

Diane: DIANE!! Good to see you, it's been a while!! How goes Betrayal?! Oh, I'm so glad you like my fic!! Yes, Charm has a habbit of digging her grave deeper and deeper...

Kynstar: Thanks!! *hugs dialogue of any kind* is so fun to write, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it! I hope you like the next part!!!

LAURIE! Lol, glad not to disappoint! Poor Qui, yes, Charms must give him a hard time, how else would he grow up to be all mature? She's just, um, helping him.

Mad4dos Yay! I'm glad you like it!! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me a review, I appreciate it so much, I hope you like the bit that's to come as well!

 

Ok I had nothing to do this morning so I reread this again for my amusement -- I was snorting as I laughed and it's all your fault My hubby was wondering what was so funny Awww I love this ficcie I can't wait for more!!

 

Update!! *dances and points* Hope you enjoy the madness!!!


~*~

He gave me another look of disgust, and shifted, rolling onto his back with a gasp of pain. For a moment, he lay there panting, apparently trying to regain that elusive composure. Then he spoke again. ?Are they gone??

?I think so. Maaaaan, you must have made them really, really mad.?

He ignored that, and chewed his lip for a moment. ?So, some of them had blasters apparently.? I think he was more talking to himself than to me. ??perhaps then that means they have other technology...? His bright blue eyes roved across the scrappy desert for a moment, finally resting with haunting certainty on me. ?Charm.?

I swallowed, his intense gaze made me uneasy. I knew it. I was about to be used as some form of a twisted Quiggy pawn, like Anakin in Episode 1. ?Um, yeah??

He nodded toward the direction where the men had come. ?They?ll be back soon, so you?re going to need to hurry. I think once they realize we didn?t magically transport ourselves to the rocks, they?ll come back and do a double sweep. I know I hit some of them, there should be bodies.? The Jedi took a breath. ?I need you to crawl over to the bodies-mind that you keep your head down-and find me a comlink. Then we can contact my Master and he?ll come...take care of things.?

I laughed humorlessly. The pain and heat was obviously getting to the poor boy. I snapped the branch at him again. ?Heh! You?re kidding, right?!?

He just stared at me. ?No.?

Again, I laughed. ?Um, no??

?No...?

?By no, to my question of no, you mean yes, you are kidding, right??

?No.?

?I can?t.?

?Why??

I stalled. ?...well, heh, see, darling, I have this blood phobia...?

?Phobia??

?Phobia, it means, like, fear...?

?I know what it means, Charm!?


?Well, I kind of do this whole...passy-out thing, when I see blood, so your whole, um, ?crawl amid the corpses? thing isn?t going to work out so well.?

?Not going to work out so well?!? He glared at me incredulously. ?Do you want to die or not?!?

I squeaked, and crouched further into the bush. ?...not particularly...?

?Then get out there!?

My heart was skipping like my cracked Episode 2 Soundtrack CD. ?But-don?t you think you should go instead? I don?t know how to work a comlink! I can?t even get my cell phone to work half the time!?

He smirked and motioned to his leg. ?I would go get it, but you got me shot, do you recall??

I glared at him. ?Qui-Gon, I don?t even know what a comlink looks like! I?m not from Star Wars world, remember?!?

He gave me another odd look. ?Are you on spice?? The boy shook his head wearily. ?Look, please, just do as I tell you. Or we both die. Just crawl out there. I?ll give you directions from there.?

I clung to my bush. He couldn?t make me. Desperation made gave me strength; panic filled my sugar-water veins with strange purpose. ?No-no-no-no-no??

?Charm, please.? He nodded toward the bodies. ?It?s unpleasant, I know, but it could save our lives. Just go have a look...you?re being irrational...?

?Your face is irrational!? I retorted, shocking myself with my own wit. ?anyway, I?m telling you, I don?t know what a comlink looks like??

?Go.? He waved his hand at me, and narrowed his eyes. ?And don?t lie to me.?

?Oh, yeah, ha! Like that?s gonna happe?? I stopped midstream. I suddenly wanted very badly to go crawl around those bodies and find a comlink. Something good was going to happen if I did, and something very bad would happen if I didn?t. And sure, I didn?t know what a comlink looked like, exactly, but I had seen the movies, hadn?t I? Oh yeah, I had. And, oh, my calendar back at home had a picture of Qui-Gon talking into his to Obi-Wan, wow, at this point Obi-Wan wasn?t even born yet, was he? Nope, not yet, but in the picture Qui-Gon?s comlink was kinda grey-lookin? and it was shiny, and didn?t I read about an interview with Lucas saying Qui-Gon?s comlink was actually a women?s razor they had tweaked to look like a comlink, haha, a women?s razor, I wonder if Liam shav

 

*holds sides and tries to contain her laughter so she wont wake her household up*

Charmisjess--you are so funny!!

I'm catching up a bit, so here are my comments on the last 2 posts:

Qui-Gon would probably say it was my fault, but unfortunately for him, that?s a lie, and it is my understanding that liars go to hell.
you are so funny!

In an uncharacteristic wave of pity and compassion, I grabbed for Qui-Gon. ?Under here, come on!?
lol--"uncharacteristic" huh?

I stalled. ?...well, heh, see, darling, I have this blood phobia...?

?Phobia??

?Phobia, it means, like, fear...?

?I know what it means, Charm!?

?Well, I kind of do this whole...passy-out thing, when I see blood, so your whole, um, ?crawl amid the corpses? thing isn?t going to work out so well.?
this had me rolling!!!

And then he mind tricks you, and the thoughts going through your head....LOL!!

I can't wait for another post! This is the best!

 

?Your face is irrational!? I retorted, shocking myself with my own wit.

*snerk*

Very funny! Loved the whole mind-trick thing. Keep going, Jess!

 

Hahahahhahahah! Yay you did postie it! Once again you had me snorting with laughter./... I had to borrow Tim's pc this morning to check to see if you updated cause my big one doesn't work Great post!


?Triangles and diamonds are very different, Qui-Gon.? I lectured. ?Apparently Geometry was not chief on the Temple training agenda, no??

Only charm would lecture Qui about geometry amid a battlefield of corpses!!! Great job!

 

Oh, my dear Charmsian One and herald, that was wonderful. Look you've got me smiling again! Speaking of passing out, I almost did that this morning! I'll have to tell you about that later, I guess. Ah, but story, so funny. No meaning yes? Lol, mwahaha. ?Your face is irrational!? LOL, good one. And the inner monologue about the comlink was perfect. Triangles, diamonds, those shapey things, yeah, one of those. Kite-shaped button *snort* DOOKU! Yay! Must see more! Haha. Me love.

 

it is sooooo wrong of you to say you have posted 11/14, but there be nothing here! ugh!

 

Oh man! That was hilarious! Mind tricked indeed!

*snrk* well blood wouldn't make me pass out... but to talk with Dooku... now that juz might make me pass out!!! Especially a younger, lustier version of the Count (to be)!! hehehehehe

Great job!!

 

LOL!!! geometry. poor Quiga, he's trying so hard. hahaha, "your face is irrational!" Master Zhes, that's wonderful. i laughed so hard i started coughing again *grumble* stupid cold *kicks it* ow...anyway, i can't wait for more *dies* Dook!

 

I absolutely loved that he mind-tricked her and that she was enjoying it up to the time when she realized where she was. I don't think I've ever read the viewpoint of the mindtrick-ee before.

And that he didn't believe that she didn't know what a comlink looked like. Lots of little things!

Great job with this. Very funny.



Errrr. Betrayal.. it's coming... Relax. Actually I have a post for Thursday. Thanks for asking.

 

UPDATEDAGE!!!

Well, I hope you all had a very lovely thanksgiving, those of you who have the holiday, and are all stuffed and thankful..and all that jazz! Is late, so shall make the replies to the replies a bit short so I can post before bed---but allow me to emphasize on how much I appreciate your comments. They are all so kind and encouraging, again, thank you!!


SarkaVrae You are so kind!!! I'm so glad you enjoy it!! Oh, yes, sorry about the date mix-up. I posted at like midnight, or something and then got confused... lol, anyway, sorry!

SARAH!! Hehe, aw, glad you like! *blushes* Hope you like the update, is not my favorite bit, but should be entertaining, I hope!

Laurie! Ha, I'm glad you like!! My faithful laurie!! Yes, it's not so much that Charm likes geometry, but that she likes to be right...

beloved Athenaness, darling!!! awww, you're so nice! *hugs* I'm glad you found it amusing, I love making peoples laugh with my sillyness. I'm so happy you like, and thanks for taking the time to review, means lots to me, yes.

Kyn LOL, yes, poor Dook, we shall torment him muchly in chapters to come! Glad you liked, thanks for reading!

Padawano! *grins* yes, it's hard for me to write it so mean to Qui, when he's so nice about it all...I'm glad you are to the liking of it!!

Diane Yes, lol, well, I thought the Jedi wouldn't do mind tricks on innocent idiots (as often as they do, *ahem* *cough cough* Qui-Gon...) if it hurt them, so why shouldn't she enjoy it? I'm happy you're enjoying it!!!!

 

and now, the actual update!!! Is not as well as I had hoped, but I'm vaguely proud of it, and the next part I'm really excited about, so is all good! Hope you like!!!


I typed as quickly as I could, beginning to get jittery, as if I?d eaten too much rock candy. I was about to speak with Dooku. The Count Dooku. Oh, good times indeed.

The number clicked through, and I felt like bouncing. I don?t suppose it would be too good an idea, with all the secrecy and creeping around and stuff, but I was that excited! Dooku was my hero. He was all...bitter, and dark and angsty. That was hot. Well, not exactly, but-

?Master Dooku, here.? The dark velvet voice suddenly broke through the frantic prattle of my thoughts. And my mind went utterly and completely blank in that eternal moment.

There was a long pause over the link while I tried to regain my breath and think of something to say. Something hot, and intelligent, I thought. I wanted to impress him. It was Count Dooku, he was a good guy to be chummy with. But even when I had decided to settle with ?hello,? my lips wouldn?t cooperate with me. Hmm. This was a problem I had never had before.

The tone was dry, unamused. ?Hello? Who is this?? A heavy sigh. ?Is this a prank?? He must have been able to hear my breathing through the connection. I could tell he was about to hang up, and a little blip of impulsiveness I finally replied.

?EEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeiiiiiiii! Count Dook!!!? My word choice might have been a little better, in retrospect.

I could hear utter incredulousness in his voice now. ?What?!?

?DookyDookDookDook-? I was singing. Again, I might have been a bit more sophisticated.

?Who is this?!?

?Oh!? I stopped, trying to come back to myself. I was out-of-control again. Sith, but he had a very sexy voice. ?My name?s Charm! I already know yours, it?s Count Master Dooku, but sometimes we call you Yan, and stuff, because no one in fanfiction really knows your first name! Dude, do you have a first name? Or is it kinda like, that singer ?Cher,? just one name? Anyway-I?m a big fan of your work, totally dig it.?

I think somewhere in Star Wars world history, I broke a record of some kind. Master Dooku had been rendered speechless.

I plunged on heedlessly. ?-so, I?m really looking forward to meeting you and stuff, oh, and could I have your autograph, and one for my friends Jurious and Kynstar too? They?re Dook fans too. But yeah, thanks! And if you don?t have paper with you, you can always just sign my-?


?How did you get this number?!? he sputtered out. I could almost feel his blood pressure rising, even over the connection. It was probably my intimidating aura of hotness affecting him. I got that a lot. It was always hard to be the beautiful one.

?Oh, Qui-Gon gave it to me, no worries!? I assured him, laughing a little. I could vaguely see in the background of my Dooku-induced bliss, Qui-Gon lying under the bush making all sorts of gestures at me. Funny little boy. ?He got shot, by the way. He might be cute but he?s pretty dumb. Just so you know ahead of time, he?ll probably blame the whole getting-shot-thing on me, you know, with him being a constant and perpetual liar.?

?Qui-Gon?s injured?!?

?Yeah, I actually saved his life. I guess you two owe me what you might call, um-what?s the word?? I chuckled obviously. ?Oh yeah, a life debt.?

?Just tell me what happened to my Padawan.? He growled through the link. ?Is he alright??

?He won?t shut up, or keep the force to himself, so I?m sure he?ll live.? I glanced toward Qui-Gon and stuck my tongue out at him. I was still miffed about the mind trick.

Dooku?s voice was somewhat disdainful. ?And just who are you, again??

?Charm.? I could feel my face growing red. There was a lengthy pause over the connection. I frowned. ?Charm from Washington, DC.? I chewed my lip. ?I work in a coffee shop. Um, do you like coffee??

Qui-Gon?s voice cut through mine. ?Master, if you can hear me, please ignore Charm! I?ve been in

 

This was very funny. Charm is so...so... wow, words fail me. I can't believe that she just left Qui-Gon thre. Well, actually I can.

I could picture this very clearly. Great job....still laughing..

 

lol!!!!!

man, Jess, you are so silly!

There was a long pause over the link while I tried to regain my breath and think of something to say. Something hot, and intelligent, I thought. I wanted to impress him.

?EEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeiiiiiiii! Count Dook!!!? My word choice might have been a little better, in retrospect.

you think?

still loving the insanity of it all....lol! great work!

 

Stopping in from vacation to check the boards, even as I am ridculed by my family members for my love of fics and I see an update from dear jess!!!

yay you did get unstuck! This was well worth the wait oh I can't believe you said that to Dooku! *dies with laughter* Very much worth being on the dial up to check this update -- and leave a postie for you

I can't believe you just left him there!! hahahhahahah.
Great post I can't wait for more!
Love you! Happy holidays!

 

Ahhh she's gonna try to get an autograph for me and Jurious!!! How sweet!! *snrk* if she lives that long

*SNRK!* Oh my goodness! I sooooo can't believe she said that to Dooku! [face_laughing] That was soooo hilarious! Saying ?EEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeiiiiiiii! Count Dook!!!? My word choice might have been a little better, in retrospect.

That was juz great!!! hehehe

This is soooo great! And she left Qui?? *snrk* hehehe Poor Qui! But she didn't get too far though did she? Poor Qui hope he's all right too

Awesome work!!! I sooo needed that laugh, I did!

 

hahahahaha! Poor Dook, Charms really must learn some self-control. That was a great reaction. ?He won?t shut up, or keep the force to himself, so I?m sure he?ll live.? I glanced toward Qui-Gon and stuck my tongue out at him. Lol, suits them both. Very very good, can't wait for the next part.

 

Replies!

Oh, the next part shoullld be out...um.. heh, I'm not quite sure. I have plenty of ideas, just not a lot of time in the next couple days. But should be soon, fear not, Charm and Quigs adventures shall not be abandoned, not now, at least.


Diane! Ahhh,yes Charm is not exactly the um, what you might call the self-sacrificing type. You know how it goes. Thanks for reading, I appreciate muchly!

SarkaVrae Silly? Me???! Aw, why thank you, you are very kind!! Unfortunately, yes, I am fatally silly. But whatcha gonna do, hm? Glad you're enjoying it though!! Updates soon!

Laurie Aww, you *know* you would've left him too! is um, human nature.hehe, glad you are liking, yes, I got unstuck, but I had to sacrifice my 'prostitute house dog' comment I was telling you about for it.

Kyn Haha, of course I would! You an Juri are the two examples I always use of 'other Dook lovers' so naturally I would have to get you a little something. Dook, however *grabs for him* is mine! Thanks for reading!

Athenaness! hehe, yes, Charm needs self control, or perhaps a sedative. I guess the getting shot thing was probably a good thing then. I'm glad you are enjoying, happy my brilliant Athenaness is enjoying silly tale of Charm.

 

......I live!


Okay, first and foremost, I wanted to say a big THANK YOU to those of you who voted for this little monstrosity for the Before the Saga humor award! You guys are so great! Now... what to send in for an excerpt? But thanks, seriously, it means so much to me.

Secondly, perhaps a few are wondering about the lack of um, updates. Was having a bit of brain-stoppage, but I think with the advance of Christmas I should get a post in. Plot bunnies are biting, so it should be soon!! Thank you for your patience, and Merry Christmas!

 

Hey! Figured ya lived thought maybe you were being overrun by holiday stuffles. Man I sure am... too many cousins I have! hehehe Waaay to many.

Hope your holidays are safe and fun!

 

Giving your fic a timely boost so maybe you'll update


One can only hope Congrats on your noms! They are well deserved!

 

[covers face in hands] I don't believe this?

I like a? Mary Sue? [shudders] I don't even read them!

Okay, I read this one. 'Cause I liked your other fic w/ the check. It's pretty funny. You keep her a normal girl thrust into everything?no "hero girl" or "sharp-enough-to-be-a-nerd girl", but a normal girl.

I think. I'm not quite normal, myself, you see?

Mockeries are fun! I'm working on an original novelette mocking the average fantasy, myself. As I, someone who avoids Mary Sues in all forms 'cause the very definition annoys me, like your fic; so seems to be the case with mockeries. Someone I know likes my fantasy mockery and she doesn't like fantasy?LotR included.

And I just performed a logical fallacy with that generalization, there?

[shrug] Oh, well.

Keep going!

 

Okay, so I don't know what a 'Mary Sue' is...but I'm still choked up with suspense about Charm and Qui, here. What happened next? Whaat???