Not so pathetic lifeform (JA fan fic)

All right, Datree, go! Whip him good! Make Qui-Gon wonder just WHO is the pathetic life form in this story! Yeah! More, Tenel'Ka, more!

 

Thank you Jane Jinn!!! Anyone else want to comment? Please? Bastet?
Anyone?!?

 

anybody out there?

 

okay, this is just getting pathetic. What do you guys suggest to get more readers here? Repost the story with a different title? Any ideas would be much appretiated!!! Is the story that bad???

 

Enjoying! Still here!

 

Uh, I'm still here! Sorry! I was sort of glued to a book (Harry Potter #4) all weekend, so I haven't been on the computer at all since the 7th. That book was 734 pages long!
Anyway, that last post was great! Loved the action, and Datree kicking Obi-Wan's booty! Yeah! So what has Qui-Gon stumbled across? Very, very interrrrresting.
I'm looking forward to more!

 

Do you have any idea how great it was to go on my computer after seeing a 12:00am
showing of X-men, and getting home at 4:30am, (due to the drive to the theater) then
waking up, and seeing my story was #2 on page 1? Thank you so much!
New post coming today!!!

 

Here is a new part for those of you who asked for one!
*********
*********

Qui-Gon typed in the name of the planet, into his data pad, waiting for the list of
missions to it, to show up.

Number of missions to planet: Derca
-0


/This can't be. There WAS a mission on this planet, but why won't it compute? /
Qui-Gon put a hand over his mouth in thought. Then an idea hit him. /I should check
the computer console at the landing platform. That would tell me when the Jedi
Master came here, and might tell me why he came. / The Jedi Master retrieved his
cloak from the entrance, and headed for the platform.

********

Obi-Wan tried to hold Datree down, but she kicked him off. Both of them jumped to
their feet, ready for the other to attack.

Obi-Wan tried to calm himself, to find his center of calm. But as he did so, Datree
charged, and tackled him. As Datree did so, Obi-Wan's lightsaber came free from
its place on his belt, and fell to the ground.

********

Qui-Gon was too preoccupied with trying to solve the mystery of what Jedi
Master Krintog's mission could have been and why it wasn't in the records to
notice his padawans distress. He arrived at the landing platform and went to
the small building that held the records of who had ever landed on it.

After searching the records, he discovered that the last two ships that had
landed there, were a cargo ship that Master Krintog had arrived on. The other
ship had arrived was a... /No, that can't be right. / Qui-Gon thought, reading
it. /The other ship would have been the one that Datree came on. She couldn't
have come on one of the Jedi temples private transports. They are only used by
the Jedi council, and very rarely at that. / Qui-Gon thought for a moment about
all the new information he had discovered. Then he looked at the date on the
computer console. He read the dates of which the ships arrived. /I remember
hearing of a temple initiate that had to be sent away, but I don't know why. It
had nothing to do with the fact that no Masters had chose her. What if Datree
was the initiate? Master Krintog's ship arrived one week after the temples private
transport. If Datree was on it, the Jedi Master could have been looking for her.
But, why? And why was she sent away from the temple? So many questions, and
so few answers. / Qui-Gon thought as he left the small building and went outside
to the landing platform.

********

Obi-Wan saw Datree's eyes fall on his lightsaber, still lying on the ground. He had
no time to even consider what that could mean, yet alone react. He found himself
being kicked away from Datree. He fell to the ground. Datree stood. She pointed
at the lightsaber, then to Obi-Wan. He saw it happen in the blink of an eye. The
lightsaber ignited in midair, and flew at him.

Obi-Wan thanked the Force for his Jedi reflexes. He was able to get out of the
way, or mostly anyway. He felt the energy blade slice the skin on his left arm. He
yelped. Then, overcoming the pain, he got to his feet. He felt anger boil in him,
throughout his body.

Using the Force to amplify his leap, he jumped at Datree, willing to do whatever it
took to stop her, and get back at her for using his own Jedi weapon against him.
As Obi-Wan started to descend from his jump, Datree raised her hands toward
him, raising him a few hundred feet in the air. Datree let the apprentice levitate
there, for a moment, before lightning came from her fingers, electrocuting him.

*********

Qui-Gon was deep in thought standing on the landing platform, when he felt a
dark ripple in the Force. No, it was more like a tidal wave. Then he saw a bright
light; he looked up toward the sky. He nearly fell over at what he saw. Hundreds
of feet in the air his padawan floated, and it looked like he was being electrocuted,
but not from the sky, from the ground.

It was then that Qui-Gon could put the final pieces of the puzzle together.

/Datr

 

No comments!!! I went to all that work to post before I left yesterday, and when I
came back, no replys! I'm dissapointed.

 

If nobody else will push this up, I will have to do it myself.
UP!!!

 

I'm commenting see!

Poor Obi-Wan! Qui-Gon better flex those Jedi Master Powers of his and kick Datree's @ss before she drops Obi-Wan's.

 

Tenel'Ka, I'm surprised at you! I had inside information that you were going to be posting another part soon! Your co-writer just had to review it. For everyone who's wondering where I've come from and what I know about the story, my friend has been very nice to me by printing them off and bringing them to me at work. I've been following Tenel'Ka's work very carefully. You may think me a Sith, but Tenel'Ka is the one who got me hooked on Star Wars. That's right, Tenel'Ka. Be afraid. Be very afraid you one armed creature! Did you guys lose anything? I'm following up on a theory of mine.

Cerasi

 

Wow. Lots of replies! Thanks ALL of you! So Cerasi, you want another part? here it is...
*******
*******

Qui-Gon saw Datree standing in the distance, her hands toward the sky, where
Obi-Wan was suspended in midair. Energy bolts that looked like lightning shot
out from her fingers, electrocuting her victim. Qui-Gon used the Force to run
faster.

*******

Obi-Wan shook with pain as he was electrocuted. He tried to use the Force to
make the crazed girl put him down, but it didn't work, she was too strong.

*******

Qui-Gon had only about 10 meters to go until he could reach Datree, he noticed
the energy bolts had destroyed trees around her, burning them. That was when
he felt the ground beneath his feet shake with such a force, it sent him to his
knees. He looked up, and saw Datree had fallen as well. /But that means.../ he
thought, as he looked up to see Obi-Wan falling toward the ground.

Qui-Gon used the Force to slow his apprentice's decent. The young man was
probably too shocked to do it himself. Qui-Gon shakily stood, and ran forward,
just in time. Obi-Wan landed heavily in his arms.

"Are you alright padawan?" the Jedi Master asked.

"Y...yes, I t...think so." Obi-Wan replied jerkily, as Qui-Gon put him down.

/The ground seems to be shaking even more. / Qui-Gon observed. It felt like
something was pushing up against the dirt below him. He looked around and
saw trees falling...all away from the clearing made by Datree.

"RUN!" Qui-Gon yelled.

Datree seemed to notice the same things Qui-Gon had, so she obeyed.
Qui-Gon had to help Obi-Wan run, due to the effects of what Datree had
done to him.

They made it to the trees when the ground in the clearing shot up towards
the sky like a volcano erupting.
*******
*******
well??? Cerasi, did that make you happy? Give me a little time for the next post, I
have LOTS of planning to do. BUT I expect at LEAST 5 replies before I wll post again!!!
(sinister laugh)

 

So Tenel'Ka, we meet again. That post made my blood run cold. Poor Obi-Wan. Why is it that he always gets picked on?

(waves a hand in front of Tenel'Ka in the Jedi fashion) YOU WILL POST ANOTHER PART TODAY.

It's not fair to leave a person hanging like that! It reminds me of book six or seven of Jedi Apprentice(which my very close friend also lent me). Figured out who I am yet, Tenel'Ka. HAHAHAHA!!!!(that was a sinister laugh)

Don't worry. You'll know in good time, my little one armed creature.

 

Well, well, well, so there's more to this Datree than meets the eye. I liked the touch with the Force lightning. That's not something you see often in fanfic. And the earthquake/volcano adds just the right amount of suspense to the cliffhanger. Wow! Post more!

 

Thanks you guys!
Sorry about how short this is, but I wrote a long thing to all of you yesterday, but
it never posted! So I expect at least 2 more replies before I post!!!
TTFN

 

Aha! So it's Darth Datree, is it? Cool. But now she must pay for hurting my baby!
So anyway, what just happened in that clearing?! What's going on?! I must know, so please hurry and post more! More more more more more more more!!

 

(laughing) thanks Bastet! I hope to have more written this weekend!

 

Well, I'm sure Bastet has nothing to worry about, right Tenel'Ka? Oh, you know what I'm saying! Tenel'Ka (*smooch*) Obi-Wan. LOL.(just kidding) Anyways Tenel'Ka, I think this is number five! Time for another post, I'd say. What's that? I can hear you whimpering through the screen. You don't have it done yet because you didn't think people would post this fast? I'm surprised at you Tenel'Ka. Give us another post *SOOOOOON*!!!!!!!!!

 

Sorry Cerasi, but this is only 4! 2 people can't
post more than once. It doesn't count.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get my butt
in gear and start writing!!!

 

No fair! You didn't put that in the rules! Well, Tenel'Ka, I will just have to come over there and chop your OTHER arm off, or maybe I'll try my hand at fan fiction to make the time fly faster. PLEASE, PLEASE, give us another post!!! I can't stand the suspense any longer!!!!!

 

Please write more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!