~*~Nothing Left to Lose~*~ *A Cali story 1 year after her time in USJS*

Hello, everyone! Yes, I'm doing it again, starting another story. This is a spin-off from my character, Cali-Ana Angli, in the USJS threads.

In case you are not familiar with her and the *cough* entanglement with our favorite Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you may be a little lost or confused. I'll fill you in a bit so you understand at least somewhat what the heck is going on.

Cali is an exchange student that more or less is the opposite of a Jedi. She has a checkered past and 'hangs in the bad crowd'. So, of course, going to the Jedi Temple is a major change in her life. To summarize, she more or less falls in love with Obi, and vice versa. Their relationship carries on to an extreme where Obi breaks a MAJOR Temple rule to help her heal her own dark past. A week later, Cali finds herself pregnant, hides it from Obi, runs away, is later found, miscarriages (or that's the explanation she comes up with), and returns to the Temple. Still has problems with herself and breaks off with Obi. The Masters find out, and they are both punished BIG TIME. Then, she checks herself into a mental institution.

*deep breath* That is a quick summary that completely leaves out any real detail and must be scaring you off. Through flashbacks and Cali and Obi's thoughts, the back story will unravel along with this new one. It's not really quite how it sounds in the ^above^ paragraph.

Anyway, on with the story.








~*~NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE~*~

Lifehouse: ?Hanging by a Moment?

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely and complete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me

Now...I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm livin' for the only thing I know
I'm running here and crashing
Where to go?
And down I know I'd like to be in tune
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing left to lose
Nothing left to fly
There is nothing in the world that can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else...

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer where I started
Chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm livin' for the only thing I know
I'm running here and crashing
Where to go?
And down I know I'd like to be in tune
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment...
Hanging by a moment...
Hanging by a moment here with you...



*Chapter One*

The walls were bare, four converging seas of endless white; with white floors as the ice caps of the oceans. Two seas were interrupted only by the presence of a white door, and the other of a window, which aloud white light to shine through and blind any seaman that dared venture across the forbidding abyss of white.

Nestled in the crook of the barred window, a young girl sat, knees tucked up to her chest, head laying back against the sill, hair the color of autumn gold hanging below her shoulders. Her deep blue eyes stared unseeingly out the window into the racing world beyond this white globe of her misery. Her thin frame was clad in lightweight, white tunics, her snuggled in gray stockings. One might have thought her a delicate doll, sitting so still and quiet. Not a doll to set on your shelf with all the other treasures, but a doll that had been rejected by a child. A doll locked away in the back of a closet when its owner had grown bored of it.

Cali-Ana Angli no longer noticed her sickly appearance, nor did she care. Any sense of the life outside her white prison was just a dream of yesterday. A dream she could no longer find in her restless sleep, a dream

 

Yay! You started posting the story!
It looks great so far. I forsee much angst in this, I do. Happy I am.

 

YAY!! You posted it! Yippee!! More Cali! Cali is the coolest! Thank you for writing more, Ami! You are great!

And JMMJ is in a very giddy mood! Ahh!!

 

Wahoo! More Cali!! So, just asking, does this take place *after* Obi-Wan and Sari visited her, or before? Or does that not happen here...I'm confused. Which isn't a new thing, really

aa

 

Yes, after. It's a year after she left in USJS, but I'm not going to have Sari and Obi's visit inserted. That did not take place according to this story.

Glad you all like it!

Ack, I *swear* I had written allowed and not aloud!!!!! :-( Grrrrr

 

//Intrigued

Oh, gosh! Please write more!

 

I love your story. Please continue it.

 

I look forward to reading more, Amidolee!

 

I'm here, Amidolee, and waiting none-too-patiently for more of this!

 

:-D You're all so cool! Here's some more, and if you have questions or are totally confused, hopefully many things will be cleared up in the coming posts.



*****


Ruj studied the troubling eyes closely. Rarely in his visits did Cali really talk, or volunteer to speak of something extremely deep. If it had not been for the fact she had been his responsibility when all the Sith hells had broken loose, he would have thought nothing more of her than Qui-Gon Jinn did. He knew the Jedi Master?s resentment to the girl, and Ruj couldn?t rightly blame him. It was this girl who had nearly destroyed Kenobi, and had taken advantage of the boy?s giving heart and have him break several strict rules for her. Not that Cali was all to blame. Kenobi was an intelligent lad, and knew how to use his mind. He could have said no, could have remained loyal to his training, but he had chosen a different path, if not noble in a sense, and he had to face the consequences.

Cali?s despairing eyes dropped to the black topped table, her hands working silently in her lap. A slight flush rose on her cheeks, and she swallowed. Ruj knew not to press on, so he waited quietly as she gathered her courage. What could be so horrible she had to say? Anything worse than what he knew was beyond his imagination.

?I . . .? she paused, and almost didn?t begin again. Standing up, she walked over to the window, staring out at the bleak afternoon. ?I now realize that I created even more of a mess than necessary.? Gingerly, she wiped at her eyes. ?I mean, none of this would have happened, if I had not been insane.?

She turned to him with a faint smile, but it held no join, and her eyes did not sparkle. ?I lied. To myself and everyone.?

Ruj had heard this before, but he could sense the words held different meaning now. He waited patiently, knowing any voice on his part would only scare her away.

Cali-Ana turned back to the window. Her head was pressed against the windowsill, and she took another deep breath. ?I wasn?t pregnant.?

If he hadn?t been a Jedi with acute hearing, he would have never heard the mumbled words. He tried to hide his surprise, but it was clear she had sensed his confusion.

?I truly thought I was,? Cali said in a soft, childlike voice. ?When I realized I was late, I panicked and was convinced that I was. There was just simply no other explanation. I had to destroy this wonderful world I lived in, and I couldn?t believe anyone would really love me, I guess.

?When I was meditating, I found this light in the Force inside me. I thought it was the baby, another life. When I took the pregnancy tests I?d stolen from the infirmary, I think I *willed* them to be positive.?

She wiped her eyes again, taking a few moments to pause. ?Then I had to run away. It was for Obi-Wan?s good. I was sure he wouldn?t become a Knight because of my stupidity. After that week at Granny and Hahna?s, that bright light in the Force seemed to leave me, and then I was no longer late. I assumed it was a miscarriage.?

Finally, she turned to Ruj, her eyes suddenly passionate with bitterness. ?It wasn?t until last week, when I was thinking after a session with Dr. Lorenz that I realized what that light had been.?

?And what was it?? Ruj inquired, sensing Cali-Ana?s halt.

The girl, thinned by her depression and lack of a free diet, slumped back into her chair. Again, those almost trance-like eyes bored into his. ?That light . . . was *me*. I had found my place in the Force.? Her gaze clouded, turning a stormy gray. ?And then I lost my place, forgot everything I had learned, and it left me.?

There was a long silence, and Ruj knew it was his turn to speak. ?How did you come about this theory??

Another ghost of a smile, cold and unfeeling. ?It was a long process, but it makes more sense. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized it to be true.? A thoughtful look crossed her young, tormented face. ?I?ve only just begun reaching out to the Force again, but it isn?t as easy as before.?

 

Oh OUCH . . . . . why do I sense everyone's favorite Paddle-one is about to freak? *grin* I can't WAIT!

 

Wow...lots of revelations in that post. DANG...Kenobi is going to freak when he finds out! GREAT POST, AMI!

MORE!

aa

 

Is everyone sufficiently shocked and pleased -wondering - surprised - weirded out that she wasn't really pregnant? I sure was! Whoa, does that put everything on a different note! I can't wait to find out how Obi will react to *this* news... and with Ami's writing talent, I have no doubts that this story will live up to it's initial shock *very* well...

I repeat, I am extremely and incredibly pleased to see Cali back, especially with this volitile situation. This is going to be COOL...

And, Ami, have fun caroling tonight! Christmas carols are awesome, I've been singing them since before Halloween. =P

 

Yeah, I can't wait to write his reaction!!!

I'm so evil sometimes.

Anyway, had fun! My throat hurts too. I'm writing some more, but debating whether to post tonight or not. Maybe if you beg ;-)

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^


The halls of the Jedi Temple were quiet as Ruj strode purposefully down the hall towards Master Billaba?s chambers. He knew the Jedi Council member was more flexible and observant than many of the elder Council members. Being young and a woman of great nobility, he thought her an excellent choice to bring the sometimes stubborn and resolute council members. She would be a key player in his little scheme. Depa Billaba had protested the actions taken as punishment for Padawan Kenobi and Angli?s actions, and tried to point fault in them as well in the Council. While the two teenagers had not been intoxicated that night, the example the Knights and Masters had set during the celebration had been nothing more than encouraging of the couple?s behavior.

Then there had been other disturbing incidents that had caused damage in the Order. Forcing a Master to lie to her Padawan and selective student charge for the sake of the Council?s face had nearly destroyed two influential healers in the Temple. Ruj had his own opinions about that, since Depa had filled him in after a frustrating time with the Council. She herself had been obligated to keep the ?secret? a secret.

As he walked, he passed the main turbolifts. The doors to one hissed open, and two figures strode out.

?At least they didn?t keep me there,? a familiar voice grumbled.

?Only because they are too busy to worry about a common cold, Padawan,? Qui-Gon Jinn said cheerfully. ?I believe this call?s for my special soup.?

Obi-Wan Kenobi groaned, then sneezed. ?I?m suppose to be eating *good* food.?

Ruj hoped to brush by without having them notice, but there was no luck in the Force. Qui-Gon was the first to notice him all but slinking by, and Obi-Wan?s comment faded as he followed his Master?s unreadable gaze. The young man?s eyes were carefully blank, but yet there was a hint of interest in his stern face. Obi-Wan knew where Ruj went, and probably could tell he had just been from the institute.

Ruj bowed his head in greeting, then moved into his turbolift.

?Come, Padawan,? Qui-Gon said quietly, his voice floating to Ruj as the doors slid shut.

Inside the enclosed interior, Ruj sighed. He knew Master Jinn blamed him somewhat for Cali-Ana?s actions. And he was right to some degree. He had not been stern with Cali, and hadn?t strictly enforced anything until it was too late. He had put too much faith into Kenobi, expecting the young man to be was stoic as Master Yoda.

The doors hissed open and he found himself in the Council members? wing. He knew they were not in session this hour, and quickly rang Billaba?s door. A moment later the young woman answered.

?Master Ruj,? she said with some surprise. ?Is this about Student Angli??

Ruj smiled warmly. ?Yes. It is of importants.?

?Then come on inside,? Depa said, letting him in. Her sharp brown eyes were curious and attentive, long dark hair laying over her shoulder in a twist. ?I take it you came back from a visit??

?A most interesting one,? Ruj said, following her silent orders to sit and sip some freshly made tea. ?In fact, I think she is ready for what we had talked about.?

?And what was that?? Depa took a cautious sip of the hot beverage.

?Her returning to the Temple.?

Depa raised her thin eyebrows. ?Is that what she wants??

?I mentioned it to her today,? Ruj said, watching the brown liquid swirl in the cup. ?She was more open than ever before, and admitted that she has tried to use the Force now, but it?s harder to grasp.? He paused, ?And she told me something that would put an interesting twist to the entire situation.?

Intrigued, but also unrevealing, Depa frowned. ?There are times I do not believe you, Angli, Jinn, and Kenobi had confessed the entire situation to the Council. Which I don?t think I would blame those two for not wanting more than a thirty-lashes and solitary confinement.?

Ruj paused, weighing his options. ?Cali-Ana believed herself pregnant.?

?Believed??

Ruj relayed the inciden

 

Poor Obi-wan . . .

 

Oh boy! If she does return.....I hope whatever solution that presents itself is a *really* good one. That was great Amidolee!

 

I also want to thank you for mentioning Lina and the whole Cassel situation.

That was way cool and really well done!

 

*kick*

Oh, no. I didn't mean it like that. *wipes off foot mark from thread*

Just trying to bump this thread up. Guess I should have just pushed it.

I hope you'll post on this again really soon, Amidolee!

 

Yikes, HAL!!

Here's another post, but it isn't super long. I have some I'm doing now, and I have to write on my other threads. Also, I'll be gone this weekend and doubt I'll get a chance to post.



^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The faded gray carpet was worn from previous treads, but Cali-Ana?s own furious pacing was setting a faint groove. Back in her white cocoon, she had been delaying the writing of the letter, letting the blank sheet of flimsy waste away beside the stylus. Her mind was racing, and she couldn?t slow her rapid thoughts enough to collect the monster and press the stylus on the flimsy. Words came to quickly, tumbling through her whispering lips, incoherent and unable to be translated into anything remotely understandable.

Making another circuit, Cali paused, glaring fiercely at the blank sheet. Hands clenched, she sat down at the block chest, folding her legs under her. She *had* to do this. It would be the first task she would accomplish in a year, even if it was a horrible start. Her talk with Ruj had left her with a relieved dread and ambition to perhaps begin climbing out of her white pit. It was a frightening thought to leave the white walls and quiet hostility she had turned herself into.

The nubs of her fingers itched, as if demanding she write and be done with it. Biting her lip and narrowing her eyes, she stared at the stylus, as if trying to retrieve it without use of her hands. Once, she had been able to do it. But now, she was left only with frustration and resentment. It seemed the Force would tease her when she tried to ignore it, and the moment she bowed to its commands, it would skip out of her reach in an evil taunt.

?Fine, then!? Cali snapped, her voice echoing. She snatched the stylus and scrawled across the flimsy, feeling a rush of emotions as she wrote that cursed name out. The never-ending torment of memories pounded in her mind, and her eyes stung as she began to write, her hand disembodied and taking over. She wasn?t even positive of what she was writing, only watched in amazement as her bitten nails gripped the tip of the stylus with such crushing strength it might have snapped.

When her hand finally ceased its frantic race, she gasped and dropped the stylus, quickly folding the letter in an envelope and sealing it. When Master Ruj returned, he could send it to *him*, and she would return to her daily routine of watching the traffic and sun reflect off the buildings.

 

Another story for Amidolee!!! Yeepee!
It's really great!!!!

 

You evil thing you! I wanna know what she WROTE!

 

Wow, great! Two wonderful posties Yeah, I think that Obi-Wan would sure freak if he saw Cali walk back in....that would be some cool Obi-torture though, heehee...

aa

 

No, I can't let you know what she wrote until Obi reads it. It'll be a group thing ;-) See, I'm experimenting with reader-torture, too.

 

aaarrg...
Well, you're already good at it...