Saga Numb (Dooku after the death of Qui-gon, slight AU, one post)

This is slight AU because I don't know whether Dooku left before or after TPM.

Just a short look into the soul of a man fallen to the dark. Enjoy. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Numb



He?s dead? He is dead?

That?s all I can think about, all I know. Numbness lurks in every limb of my being as I sit here, looking out into the crimson sky.

He is dead, and there is nothing left.

I look to the darkening sky, and all I see is ashes, and all I feel is coldness that emanates from my heart. When did I loose the ability to feel, when did I stop knowing how to grieve? I have lost my son, yet I cannot even cry for the loss of him. When did the darkness steal my humanity away?

Qui-gon saw it long before I did, he tried to warn me, out of love, out of loyalty, and I turned my back on him. There was nothing he could ever say that could have saved my soul from the dark, he knew that, yet he still tried to save me as best as he could. Even when I struck him, when I drove him away with a cold word or careless gesture. He still loved me, was still loyal to me, even after all the pain I have laid upon his soul. I never deserved to have him at my side, yet the Force saw it fit for a child destined to die, a child so pure that his soul was as bright as the sun, to be laid in my hands and taught by me, one doomed to darkness.

I tainted him of course, when he was older. I am the one who made that rebellious spark into a flame that drove him to every reckless action he could get away with. I am the one that gave him a sense of darkness, forcing that beautiful, pure soul of his to grow towards the gray areas, and yet, he kept his heart, and his heart kept him from darkness. Even if his heart was touched with frost from the brush of darkness he had when he was connected to me during our days as Master and Padawan.

I didn?t even start to fall until he was on the verge of being a knight. I don?t know how it started, I don?t remember where. I wasn?t even aware of it really, but my beautiful souled Padawan was, and he grieved for me. I didn?t even realize how cold, distant, and dark I was becoming until I hit him that first time. I don?t remember why I did it, but I know he didn?t deserve it, and I can still remember the hurt look upon his face. My heart shattered then when I saw what I had done, now, I don?t feel a thing, and the memory of it is dark and distant.

Qui-gon once told me that he first time he felt the stirring of darkness in my soul when we had been on a mission to some planet on the outer rim. We had been captured, and as punishment for what we were, they had tortured us. But they found they could not affect me very much, and so had turned their attention upon my then eighteen year old apprentice. In his pain they found a way to torture me, for my heart screamed with him, and his tears were mine as he endured their unrighteous punishments. I can remember that, I can remember his screams, the near broken look in his midnight eyes, and I can remember the rage I felt. I remember that rage becoming stronger as the days went on, and Qui-gon broke further under their whips and chains, and I remember what had finally made me lash out at them with all the force of that rage. They had broken him, beaten him till he couldn?t even scream, his eyes had gone dead, and my soul broke with him. I don?t remember what happened after that. Qui-gon did, but he never said a word, though I could always see the slightest bit of horror when he looked at me, even when he had grown into a man, and had aged into a Master that had weathered through even the worst things, such as the loss of one Padawan to darkness, and death. Yet whatever happened in those dark tunnels that day long ago has left him with the worse fear, and I was the embodiment of it. At first, I hated it, but as the darkness in me increased, I began to secretly enjoy it. How twisted have I become.

But, he is no longer here to fear me. No more will I see those sorrowful, horror filled midnight blue eyes tempered with love. No longer will I look with pride and jus

Wow. That was very deep. It was really good!! BTW~ I don't think it was said, it just said that he left ten years before AOTC.

J&J

Very moving. I'm just now exploring this character myself so I found this very enlightening.

Deeply powerful, Neon. Very moving too. Dooku had gone dark but I couldn't help but feel bad for him. His affection for Qui-Gon never changed even when he had gone bad. That was really touching. Wonderful story.

That was a very interesting look into Qui-Gon's Master, and what he felt at Qui's death.

It adds to the line in AOTC where Dooku reveals to Obi-Wan that he wishes Qui-Gon was there. Don't know if he just used that to get to Obi-Wan, but it looked as if he really meant it.

~Bek

That was powerful! I liked the way you went back and explored the beginning of Dooku's darkness, and the way Qui-Gon tried to help his Master hide it. It was so real. Great job!

--later--
6669

I forgot to add this. Just a bit of selfless promotion, if you will. The prequel to this can be found here: Unchanged.

Jaina_and_Jag: Thanks you. That's why I was a little unsure, I knew it was ten years before AOTC, but not sure when exactly.

obi_ew: Thanks and I'm glad you did so. Exploring Dooku is a rather intresting experience.

Sara_Kenobi: Yeah, you have to feel sorry for him, even if he did go dark. And no, it didn't really. Thanks.

Bekah_K: Hmm, I never drew that connection, but now that I look at it, you're probably right. And thank you, I tried to make it as intresting as possible.

Darth_Leia_6669: I'm glad it seemed real enough, and that you liked it. Thanks.