Saga Obi-Wan Challenge Stories - Closed

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obi_ew, Aug 11, 2003.

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  1. DarthMousche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2005
    star 3
    Kestrel_Kenobi - What a powerful start! And I love Obi-Wan in the role of caretaker, especially among the city's forgotten. His memories are sad and touching.

    OK, here's mine:

    ***

    Title: Dedicated
    Timeframe: Intertrilogy
    Characters: Bail, OC, Obi-Wan and a bit of wee Leia
    Summary: Bail visits a local bookseller and chats about the history of a certain best-selling author.


    At least a decade?s worth of grime covered the shop window, softening the sunlight that spilled across the labyrinth of books piled around the tiny room, many of the stacks so precariously balanced that they would fall over if anyone so much as sneezed on them.

    In the midst of all this, Bremin, a blonde-haired man with a stocky build, was lost in his electronic inventory spreadsheets. For nearly a week now, the clerk/owner had been mired in the tedious task of cataloging his stock. In his 12 years of running the shop, he had never had to keep such close track of what went in and out of his store. Bad business practice, he knew, but in his little corner of Aldera it had never made a difference.

    Until the Empire was formed. Now every business in the Core was required to file reams of paperwork on inventory, credit flow and many other details that Bremin considered trivial to what his shop was for: to sell books. Unfortunately, the new government didn?t see it that way.

    His eyes stung and the figures on his datapad blurred into a glowing green blob. The clerk looked up from his datapad and cracked the kinks out of his neck. He closed his eyes and attempted to will himself to finish inputting just one more pile before calling it a night. Just as he went to take a book off the nearest pile, a jingle at the door alerted him to a customer?s arrival. Most people who entered his shop in the late afternoon intended to browse, not buy, so Bremin was prepared to continue his work. But the footsteps he heard seemed to ring with purpose - and they were headed his way ? so he lifted his eyes from the datapad.

    And instantly scrambled to his feet, dropping the pad on the floor. He fell into a deep bow.

    ?Your Highness,? he stammered.

    The gentleman with black slicked back hair held up his hand. ?Please, that?s not necessary.?

    Bremin straightened himself and took in the warm expression across the man?s features. He relaxed slightly and chose his next words carefully. It wasn?t every day you had the planet?s Viceroy and representative to the Imperial Senate in his shop. ?You do my humble establishment a great honor with your presence, sir.?

    Bail Organa lowered his head in a graceful nod. ?Not at all. I?m simply here as a customer.?

    ?Well, if you want to see it that way, any customer who walks into my store shows me great honor, sir.?

    A quick grin stole across the politicians dark features. ?Of course.?

    ?You?ll have to excuse the mess. It?s all the inventory paperwork for the Empire, you know,? Bremin said as he carefully made his way to the counter, sidestepping a few piles. ?Are you looking for something specific, then??

    Bail cleared his throat. ?Actually, yes. I would like a copy of that new Kenobi book, ah- I can?t remember the title. ?

    ? ?The Den of the Draigons.? We sold out this morning.? The clerk looked apologetic, then, as a thought came to him, his face brightened. ?You can have my copy, sir. On the house.?

    ?Oh, no. I couldn?t-?

    ?Of course you can.? Bremin reached under the counter and took out a package. ?This would be for the princess, of course??

    A light came to Bail?s eyes, as he thought of his 4-year-old daughter. ?Yes. She was rather taken with the journeys of Jiro when I read them to her last year. She has practically memorized all the words. I can?t skip a word without getting a stern look from her.?

    ?Well, that decides it, then. I will not allow you to disappoint your little girl.?

    Bail was still reluctant. ?But what about your own children? Won?t they-?

    The clerk shook his head good-naturedly. ?I have not been blessed with children, sir. T
  2. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    This is a wonderful story, and well written. [:D]
  3. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Oh my goodness, Mousche. That was...:eek: Beautiful and clever and so well-written. You've taken so much of what makes Obi-Wan Obi-Wan, like his penchant for telling captivating stories, and used it to create this amazing scenario.

    ?Yes, I was among those who encouraged him,? Bail recalled. ?I tried to tell him he could make a real difference. He told me that he could make more of a difference wading through a garbage compactor than trying to cut through the Senate?s bureaucracy.?


    I loved that line especially. Wonderful, wonderful job! Wow!
  4. Jennifer_Lyn Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2005
    star 4
    DarthMousche: Oh wow! Brilliant! Here, I'll quote Bail: "Genius!"

    That was lovely! Leia loves Obi-Wan's books, that's great!

    Yes, I can see him being a writer and working for the Alliance while supporting the Empire in public, that's just awesome!
  5. Yodan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 21, 2005
    star 3
    Kestrel_Kenobi - Wonderful Story! You really need to continue it. I liked your Obi, and I could see him sticking around to take care of the younglings even though he wanted to leave. As selfless as ever.

    DarthMousche - I thought you might be going in the direction that you did when I found out Obi was an author. This seems like the sort of thing he'd do. Also I really like your telling of the story from someone else?s POV and not even showing Obi. This adds to the whole mystery behind him and to his story.

    Wonderful Job on both stories! =D=
  6. Jedikma Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 4
    Kestrel_Kenobi~ That's sweet how Obi-Wan looked after the other kids.


    Mousche~ Very clever that Obi-Wan's stories hold secret information. :D And it goes along with the idea of Obi-Wan being a story teller. Very well done! I loved it. :)

  7. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    This little twist of a story came to me as my cat sought attention in the background. It's not at all polished, but it's not meant to be. I just sat down ignoring the cat and saw what appeared on the page as you do.

    Obi-Wan Kenobi, DVM

    As Obi-Wan Kenobi worked over the dog, he let his mind wander through the memories of the twists and turns of his life. Life had not taken him where he knew he belonged; the Force had not guided him where he had been meant to be. One of his strongest Force abilities had been his animal sense. It was an ability that did not help him secure a master.

    At 13, an un-chosen initiate with dashed dreams, destined not to be the Jedi he had dreamed of becoming, he had left the Jedi Temple he had called home his entire life and shipped to Bandomeer with the Agri-Corps. He had never been happy there. He could not bear to stay where each day was a reminder that he had not been good enough; he had not been wanted.

    He stayed a few years, anyway, dreaming of becoming a veterinarian on some planet that still relied on animals, not technology. With his Force ability, he had been able to calm and soothe most beasts, whether of hearth or field, and he felt an affinity with them. They did not reject him.

    When he could stand tending crops no more, he wandered, trying to find his way to his replacement dream. Now here he was, on Danforth, working with animals. Life was still laughing at him. It wasn?t quite the dream he?d envisioned.

    The dog stirred under his hand as he worked, the deep brown of its coat nearly black under the lights. He petted it absently. He tried a few snarky remarks on him. Most animals he worked on didn?t seem to mind his dry humor, but this one seemed ? different. It almost seemed to roll its eyes in protest.

    ?Calm down, boy,? he muttered.

    The dog didn?t seem to listen to him; he craned his neck forward and whined. He had caught the scent of a chestnut haired poodle, her long curly fur tied back in some elaborate gear that was fashionable among the elite who still kept animals as companions.

    ?Don?t worry, boy, I?ll take care of her next,? he promised. The dog ignored his whispers and gentle hands and whined to go to his new-found friend. Obi-Wan reluctantly pulled back out of his daydreams to turn his full attention on to the dog.

    ?Down, boy, down. Stay still,? he urged. For some reason, he had decided to call this dog ?Anakin,? though its tag read otherwise. It seemed right, almost like something twisted awry from some impossible future, where he might now be a Jedi with his own Padawan, or the replacement dream of being a veterinarian, where he could work happily with animals to keep them well or restore them to health.

    Obi-Wan sighed. He had never acquired the credits for the training required. None of his dreams were coming true. His eyes wandered over to the shop door and its little sign advertising his services.

    It read, ?Kenobi, Dog Groomer.?
  8. Knight_Dilettante Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2002
    star 4
    Oh, wow Mousche! That's a fantastic and fascinating story. I could see that turning into a lovely nice long AU story that tells the whole story from beginning to end. [face_whistling] I'd really like to see that one.

    KD
  9. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    DarthMousche - Wow, what an original idea. I loved how you brought Leia in and how Obi himself wasn't in the piece but his story was told through other characters. Great job. =D=

    Valairy_Scot - I liked this line For some reason, he had decided to call this dog ?Anakin,? it made me laugh! Although I felt a bit sorry for Obi. Well done.
  10. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Time to catch up here.

    Yodan : Stripper to mud wrestler... every Obi fan dreams. Destined to wrestler with Bruck as well. The Force moves in mysterious ways. LOl. Very enjoyable.

    Jennifer_Lyn: That was wonderful. Loved how you ised what we alrady were familiar with and just twisted into place. Very clever and well done.

    Jedikma: Oh wow. That was a stellar twist on the cannon. No matter what it seems Obi-Wan could never shake his Jedi roots.


    jedipati: OOh, dark OBi adn Ani. That was well done!

    K_D: No way! ROFLOL! You did that intentionally you evil, evil woman. Have me thinking Mace wants a Jedi favor and have him ask for a movie role instead. That totally blindsided me. [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    bek: OH my, from hilarity to tears. That was beautiful and so ... sad.

    Noi: A wonderful tale. So many potentials simply let go from the Order and Obi-Wan and Xanatos are there to help them. How lovely!

    Kestrel_Kenobi: Another lovely tale of Obi-Wan at his best. Beautifully written and though it seeme dsad it really felt hope at the end.

    DarthMousche: An author and more. What a novel idea and still he helps the galaxy. Bravo!

    Valairy_Scot: Anakin... okay, must stop laughing. Very well done!!

    Thank you all for the amazing variety of ideas here.
  11. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Mousche- That was amazing! You really had me going there toward the end, wondering how our Obi could support the Emperor. [face_frustrated] Wonderful twist, him managing to undermine Sids and Darth and play a pivitol role in AGFFA even without being a Jedi. Bravo! =D=

    VS- Ha! Loved that he named the dog Anakin! And what a lucky critter. [face_batting]
  12. Yodan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 21, 2005
    star 3
    Valairy_Scot -- Very nice answer to the challenge! I feel very sorry for Obi, but at least he has Anakin...

    I liked how the dog acted somewhat like the Padawan, rolling his eyes at his master and not always listing to him...

    Wonderful Job!

    =D=
  13. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    DM bravo!

    Valairy very cute
  14. Jaira Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2005
    star 4
    Okay, I've been reading this thread little by little, and I finally finished it! I wanted to say that all of the stories (even where Obi dies) were good, and I enjoyed each and every one.
  15. Knight_Dilettante Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2002
    star 4
    Oh No! Valairy_Scot You must have posted after I started my reply. I didn't mean to not reply sooner, only I've only just managed to get online for a little while just now, and thus only just now seen your vignette.

    Poor Obi-Wan he does seem to have the worst luck. I found the parallels to film-verse events/people to be quite amusing. I liked all those little subtle touches. =D=

    KD
  16. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Valairy_Scot that was excellent! [face_laugh] I loved Obi-Wan's reaction to 'Anakin's' attraction to the poodle. =D= Great job.
  17. Jedikma Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 4
    Valairy_Scot~ Dog grooming. [face_laugh] Cute!
  18. DarthMousche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2005
    star 3
    Valairy_Scot: Well, I always thought he had an affinity for animals... Very cute.
  19. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Lovel colors, Mousche! Now, go pick your victim! :D [face_laugh]
  20. DarthMousche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2005
    star 3
    I've got to wait my turn, right?

    I've heard you're a big fan of orange ... and Ewoks. [face_whistling] Or is it mustard yellow and Palpatine's teeth?
  21. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Shield

    By LuvEwan

    PG

    Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.

    Some are born to protect, no matter what. And some cannot write summaries, no matter how hard they try.

    Endless, heartfelt thanks goes out to o_e for her lovely advice and help. [face_love]

    --

    The storm was coming.

    Qui-Gon Jinn stared out the window, peering between the old scratches and scuffs. He saw the horizon, a crisp layering of sand and sky, beginning to swirl into a pale mélange, invigorated by the winds.

    And something inside him twisted, and he frowned. Through the distorted lens of the kitchen window, the man watched two silhouetted figures run across the sands. The larger of the pair suddenly caught the other around the middle, struggling for a moment before throwing the diminutive, shadow-swathed form into the air. For a moment, the little energized figure was flying, short arms flung above the head, legs sprawling out. And then the form was falling into the waiting arms of the other.

    The ensuing laughter was brilliant, for it was the combination of two young, strong voices, one as pure as the pale azure heavens, the other soft with the slightest hint of grate.

    The grip of disconcertment within him loosened. Qui-Gon smiled, setting aside the grime-soaked rag he had been using to clean the eternally rusty, dirt-caked sink unit, and walked outside.

    The strengthening winds immediately buffeted his unbound hair, but he didn?t notice, eyes sewn to the young man and boy who wrestled, though each seemed to have more trouble controlling fits of giggles than besting their quasi-opponent. For long moments, he was content to stand there, only distantly aware of the burgeoning tempest, his bearded mouth curling in an amused smirk as the roughhousing continued.

    This life rarely permitted lapses in work, and for Obi-Wan and Anakin to be freed from their separate labors-albeit temporarily-was a treasured event. The approach of the sand storm had sent the bedraggled inhabitants of Mos Eisely ducking for shelter, and even the most hardened of Masters had dismissed their slaves to the crumbling hovels for the remaining hours of the day.

    There was nothing to do while the winds swirled, for they funneled sand so quickly every grain became a razor, and an unlucky person could be blinded in the onslaught. Yet, it was in these pockets of time that the slaves of Tatooine existed for; the twisters were reprieve from the grinding routine of sweat and ache and fear. Children were allowed to huddle in the arms of their mothers, knowing that there would be no task or whip to divide them?and a father could spend the dwindling seconds before the storm observing the sons of his soul play, their sun-bronzed faces lit with utter abandon.

    But the moment vanished faster than rain on the dunes. Too soon, he was compelled to take a few steps forward, and call over the air?s sharp whistle, ?Come on, you two! It?s picking up!?

    Obi-Wan stood, dragging a visibly reluctant Anakin up with him. The frown on the small lips was short-lived, however, and the child ran ahead, grinning. ?I beat Obi-Wan!?

    Qui-Gon laughed. His eyes flickered from a proud face to an exasperated one. ?Hiiljo, you were really bested by this whelp??

    Obi-Wan dusted himself off, faux crossness stitching his brows. If Qui-Gon didn?t know him better, he would have believed the man was truly disgruntled by the outcome of the skirmish. But he did know Obi-Wan, perhaps deeper than he knew himself. For all the intense gazes and crossed arms, Obi-Wan Kenobi was hardly ever angry. When he was, the mood was unmistakable.

    Predictably, the lines faded from the twenty-five year old?s countenance. ?Ah, but you forget that this whelp is a crafty one. I wasn?t prepared for his tricks,? The final word was a hiss, and Obi-Wan glanced down at Anakin with twinkling-eyed accusation.

    ?It wasn?t a trick!? Anakin insisted, hands moving to his hips. He looked pleadingly to the older man, ?It really wasn?t.?

    Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow.

    Anakin
  22. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    You left me crying at the end of that one
  23. DarthMousche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2005
    star 3
    LE, you sure do know how to tug at the heart strings. :_|

    Your portrayal of slave life was touching, especially the fact that the devestating storms were actually a respite, a happy time, for the workers.

    Obi-Wan is just ... Obi-Wan, yet in a situation that feels a thousand times more tragic. Stupid Council! :mad: Of course, I couldn't helping thinking that Qui-Gon wouldn't have found himself in that situation if it hadn't been for a very bad decision he made 12 years ago.

    Just beautiful! =D=
  24. Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 4
    LE - ?You?re asking me to destroy my heart.? :_| :_|

    Simply beautiful. Every emotion - so raw, so powerful, so real. The imagery was exceptional and really enhanced the emotion already there. It was interesting and a little creepy how different characters ended up saying and doing things that belonged to others in the movies.

    Amazing! =D= That's all I can say. I'm still in emotional shock.

    :_| Do you have any spare tissues?
  25. Yodan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 21, 2005
    star 3
    :_|

    I am at a loss for words LE...

    It was beautiful, and so sad... Poor Obi! [face_worried]

    I hope you don't mind but I'll imagine that Qui-Gon mugged Yoda as soon as they got back to the Temple and stole his wallet, then "borrowed" a ship and went to buy Obi... 'Cause that's what happened, right? [face_batting]

    What a wonderful response to an awesome challenge that you thought up! =D=
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