Saga Obi-Wan Challenge Stories - Closed

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obi_ew, Aug 11, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Thanks you guys! :) I enjoyed writing something short! May have to go back to vignettes! :p

    Miss Sheila should have her's up sometime this evening! :)
  2. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    ** Sneaks in and quietly posts so that no one will notice. **

    Please remember I am a rank amateur and yes, I know it is a bit long. ?[face_plain]

    ***************************************

    Patterns of Life

    The barest of illumination coming from the brilliant starlit sky outside was just enough to prevent total darkness from enveloping the bedroom. Even without the moon?s brilliance, the dry desert air provided the clearest of portals for the stars in the sky to cast their own radiance upon the arid landscape. The slanted light coming through the small arched window ran across the figure on the bed sparkling in the luminescent eyes, eyes that should have been shuttered in sleep at this unbearable hour of the night. Instead the eyes were staring transfixed at the ceiling, a ceiling whose every imperfection was starkly evident in the harsh shadows created by the ambient light. A ceiling whose pattern had long ago been memorized in the endless march of sleepless nights Ben Kenobi had endured since making this his home some ten years earlier.

    The figure on the bed sighed but otherwise remained still. He was physically exhausted and yet he could not sleep. Obi-Wan Kenobi found it ironic that during this period of his life where he could sleep as long as he wanted and where sleep would be a welcome refuge from the endless tedium of his existence, he could not sink into its safe harbor. He had not always suffered from insomnia, on the contrary, he had always been very fond of sleep finding that more often than not the life of a Jedi required him to rise before he truly felt satiated. His master despaired at ever being able to get his teenaged padawan out of bed early enough in the morning to prevent the inevitable mad dash though their quarters to morning classes.

    It wasn?t that he had never had sleepless nights in the past, it was just that now, here on Tatooine, as he waited for his duty and destiny to reach its pinnacle, the inability to sleep had become an affliction haunting him more nights than not, causing discomfort where enough already existed. It wasn?t even the weight of his remaining task that refused to let his mind still, it wasn?t as if he had to plan or stategize for what was to come, Luke was still only a boy and he knew without a doubt that his only mission now was one of protection and patience until the boy was old enough to fulfill his destiny. Nor was it worry over his daily tasks that kept the Jedi up at night, while there was plenty to do just to keep himself alive in the harsh desert environment, after ten years, he had living down to a science and knew what he needed to do in order to survive.

    No, the sleeplessness was not caused by anything as mundane as worrying about what to buy at the market or when to check the evaporators, it was caused by the memories that pressed in on him with the coming darkness, when his chores were completed and he did not have enough to fill his thoughts and chase out the demons. Not only his memories of devastating loss and betrayal, but also his memories of better times, memories of laughter, happiness and belonging. His memories were the only company he had in this lonely existence his life had become, and like beings that made up the framework of anyone?s life, some memories were friends while others were enemies.

    Ben gazed unblinkingly at the ceiling of his hovel and remembered other ceilings that had provided sanctuary for his sleep. How many ceilings had he slept under in his life as a Jedi? There were royal ceilings gilded in gold that always left him feeling out of place, ceilings of rock that he hoped would not come down on him while he slumbered, leafed ceilings creating a moving pattern of shadows over his sheltered body, starlit ceilings that dazzled his closed eyelids with their radiance and then there were the ceilings of home, so very few of those considering the sheer number of places he had lain his head. Funny really to realize that he had only had a handful of homes in his life, a handful of places he could let down
  3. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    OE Challenge 1:

    Three Twists of Life:

    Large callused hands gently tugged the light ginger and the darker brown strands into the three-way weave, braiding together the hair even as he merged their lives. ?Master, Padawan, Force. One to teach, one to learn, and one to guide our steps,? a deep voice recited the age-old braiding ceremony as the short strands miraculously stayed neatly bound within the longer. ?Serenity, Peace, Knowledge. One to be, one to seek, one to know.? Another twist, another weaving of their lives together, promising the future. ?Duty, Honor, and Responsibility. One to do, one to be, one to shoulder.? Delicate white strings held the braid together. The Jedi Master straightened the braid to hang neatly, the longer brown hair touching the young shoulder, showing where the longer, more mature braid would lie. The boy beneath his hands quivered in excitement and happiness, not seeing the white walls of the Temple around them.

    ?Padawan. I?m a Padawan. With a Master, a real Master. Him. My Master. I?m going to be a Jedi. A Knight. I am.?

    Huge tourmaline eyes stared up into cerulean blue. Life long dreams floated across the changeable orbs, a Light shining out of them that glowed with the power of the child, the promise of a future to be. ?I?ll be the best Padawan ever,? the youth vowed fervently. Beneath the white uniform of the Jedi, the young Padawan knelt, struggling to hold in the overwhelming emotion he felt ? delight.

    ?I know you will, Obi-Wan,? the Master murmured. ?The Force is with you.?

    ~~~

    Shaking hands laid the severed braid between the large callused fingers lying so limply on the unmoving chest. Gray eyes filled with tears not allowed to fall as the braid slid slightly out of place, needing to be recoiled and tucked in more tightly. The wrong eyes had watched as he knelt. The wrong ears had heard the words. The wrong hands had severed it. Beneath the dark robe of the Jedi, the young Knight knelt, struggling to hold back any outward emotion. How had everything gone so awry? Where had he gone wrong?

    ***

    Strong hands, callused despite their youth, gently tugged the light ginger and pale blond strands into the three-way weave, braiding together the hair even as he merged their lives. ?Master, Padawan, Force. One to teach, one to learn, and one to guide our steps,? a husky voice whispered the age-old braiding ceremony as the short strands miraculously stayed neatly bound within the longer. Memories of other hands, other braids were firmly pushed aside. That life was over. This one was the only one that mattered now. ?Serenity, Peace, Knowledge. One to be, one to seek, one to know.? Another twist, another weaving of their lives together, promising the future. He had promised. No matter what it took, he would do what he had to. ?Duty, Honor, and Responsibility. One to do, one to be, one to shoulder.? Tan strings, pulled from the edges of a brown robe, too large for the Master that now wore it, held the braid together. The Jedi Master tried to straighten the braid to hang neatly, but the stubborn hair stuck out, resisting his guidance. The boy beneath his hands quivered in excitement and satisfaction, not seeing the crumbled and battered walls of the Naboo Palace around them.

    ?Master Qui-Gon promised me I?d be a Jedi. Obi-Wan has to keep that whether he wants me or not. I?m going to be the best Jedi there ever was. No matter what anyone says.?

    Pale blue eyes lifted in triumph to meet grieving gray almost hidden by long pale lashes. Life long dreams were pushed back, hidden and discarded in the changeable orbs, as the Master, who never had time to be a Knight after all, looked at his future. The Force shining out of the child glowed with the fierceness of his power, the bright Light casting shadows where none had been before, the promise of a future to be. ?I wish Master Qui-Gon was here,? the youth said softly, regretfully. Beneath the gray uniform of the Jedi, the young Knight knelt, struggling
  4. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    Wow froggy, that was beautifully done. :)
  5. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    Wonderful story, Sheila! I loved the look at the ceilings and sleepless Obi. Very good detail about his memories.
  6. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    :eek: These are both so beautifully written!

    Sheila Amateur huh? Well, you know what I think of your writing. For this being only your second excursion into fanfic, you sure manage to put out some impressive work! I look back on my first attempts and shudder! [face_plain] I will continue to imploy the cattle prod as we go, because I am not blind and can see the raw talent screaming to be set free! :) Plus I have seen some pretty amazing plot bunnies of yours! ;)

    At the time, he was still so unsure of himself and his place in the man?s life that he wanted desperately to be above reproach, but his master had only smiled at his flushed countenance, ruffled his hair and let him know that first meal was on the table. Love that image! [face_love]


    froggy I already told you, but the scene of Anakin's fall was riveting! My favorite part though is the scene with Luke sitting at his feet, Obi-Wan's fingers unconciously twining a braid in his hair! :)



    Bravo! Applauds to you both!
  7. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Oh, god, those were great. Both of them. The images they evoked were riveting.

    Sheila, what a great linking device to use the lights playing across the ceiling. The idea was so unique. And, you know me, I loved seeing Garen at the end. One question: when are we going to see a full length fic out of you? You have so much talent - get cracking!

    Froggy, that was likewise remarkable. I'm with OE, the best part was Ben braiding Luke's hair without either of them realising it. The inner thoughts were wonderful too.

    I'm in awe of both of you.

    And really, really jealous. :D

    Shaindl
  8. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    That was so enjoyable. My thanks to all three of you for such great stories.
  9. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    One question: when are we going to see a full length fic out of you?

    [face_mischief] No one's gonna leave you alone, Shiela. Your cover's blown with that astonishing, beautiful, searingly memorable work. I can't believe how wonderful it was, and with such an interesting, unique focal point. [face_shocked] Your style is just so.. wow.
    ;)

    And I loved how you linked the different periods in Obi-Wan's life (and afterlife) together, PaddyJuan. The language was beautiful, tender in places while heartbreaking and severe in others.

    This challengeis receiving such a phenomenal response! :D
  10. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    Oh, WOW!!! Great job, both of you! I wish I could write that eloquently. :_| Why are these all so SAD?!
  11. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    This definitely needs a resounding UP! :D
  12. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
  13. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    Can't let this thread fall too far, we need to encourage more writers! I second froggy, who's next? :)
  14. Phoenix_Reborn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 4
    Holy thud buckets you two!!! Those where both amazing!!!

    Sheila- I see great things in your future as a fic writer...please write more!

    Froggy- what can I say- as wondeful as we've come to expect from you!
  15. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    I just want to mention one thing. Someone told me in a pm that they were nervous about posting because they were a fairly new author and had not written much before. They thought that their post would not be able to stand up to Sheila's and mine.

    The only way you can learn is to write and write somemore, but eventually you do need to get some feedback or a beta to look at your story and let you know where they think you need improvement. This story thread is for the Workshop that Obi-Ew so nicely started. The stories here do not need to be perfect when they go up. You can edit them as you see fit and no one will complain as long as you put up a note so we can reread them if you make major changes. Use this board as a chance to get some free feedback on your story.

    Anyway, please post more stories. I know there are some very good ideas sitting out there waiting to be seen.
  16. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Great advice froggy ! It's scary to post for that first time! :eek: I know I and I'm sure I speak for any of the writers who have posted already would be more than thrilled to help anyone who feels they need it. We're just a PM away! :) This thread is for us all to learn and improve. Don't hesitate to reach out for help please!
  17. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    I just wanted to add my two cents on this subject. Anyone who has seen my name around on the boards knows that I am a reader not really a writer. I wrote one vignette and the only other thing I have written is the post above. I was a nervous wreck posting it, ask oe, I probably drove her nuts. :p

    Even though I do not feel that I am in the same league as the writers here, I am very glad that I posted. They are all wonderfully supportive and this is definitely the place to try your hand if you have never done this before. The subject is given to you, you get to see what others do with that subject and get feedback on your own work.

    Please, don't be shy, if I can do it anyone can, and like they said above, help is only a PM away. I have met some of the most wonderful people on these boards. :)

    So, go on, I know you want to do it. Post, you won't be sorry you did. :D
  18. Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 4
    I'm just popping in to say WOW! These are some amazing stories going up here. I don't have time to reply to everyone, I'll just say that there wasn't a single one I didn't like. If I think of something, I may post, but I'm feeling in the same boat as Sheila. I've got the start of a story on these boards, and that's it. But don't count me out yet!

    Again, nice job everyone! I can't wait to see some more!

    --later--
  19. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    So, go on, I know you want to do it. Post, you won't be sorry you did.


    Good advice, Shiela. ;) Replies to the vignettes have been great. I'm pretty sure everyone here will only offer encouragment and good-natured comments. :)
  20. Phoenix_Reborn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 4
    *places this here*

    *runs and hides back at her volcano*


    No beard- No Flannel- No Lucas!

    Obi's P.O.V. - very short. Thank you Froggy

    ****** ******
    I cry.

    Tears run down my face.

    Where is my mommy? I?ve been looking for her for almost forever!

    I can't find her anywhere! She was just here, I know it. She must be lost.

    I'm supposed to stay here if she gets lost.

    I stay, and wait and wait and wait...but I can't find Mommy. Why did she get lost? I haven?t seen her in a long time. Where could she have gone?

    She carried me to this great big empty building and now she's gone. The only other thing here is a green guy a little taller than me.

    I'm scared. Where are you Mommy? Come back to me!

    I cry.

    ~~~ ~~~

    I cry.

    Tears of relief flow down my face. After eleven years of straining to become one of the chosen ones, I have finally made it. I am no longer an initiate, but a padawan. I still hurt just thinking about how close I came to not making it...

    The tears continue to spill down my face. I can?t stop them; do I even want to? The hot tears fall; physical reminders of all the time I?ve sacrificed:

    Practicing

    Studying

    Waiting

    Hoping

    Praying

    that someone, anyone, would claim me as their own. Each tear reminds me of every time I ever cried, as I was yet again passed by for another, younger padawan; wondering what was wrong with me.

    Was I wrong to cry?

    ~~~ ~~~

    I cry.

    Tears of joy race down each cheek. I am so happy that I can not help it! I think...I believe, no- I know I am in love. My heart seems to be permanently residing in my throat, and every time she walks by, I cannot help but stutter. But that's not why I'm crying.

    She told me she loves me, too.

    I can't help it- I'm human and I have emotions too.

    That's why, once more

    I cry.

    ~~~ ~~~
    I cry.

    Tears of frustration, tears of anger, tears of sorrow, and tears born from betrayal. I want to curse, to rant, to beat the pain into him- the same pain I felt in those chambers. He's going to leave me for a boy...or rather he's going to leave me a boy to train. I've seen it... I saw his betrayal, and still, I did nothing. I hate him, I swear I do! I want to kill him!

    But I'm a Jedi Knight...

    Well, apparently, I will be soon.

    I have no emotions. I have no emotions. I have no emotions... goes around and round in my pathetic head. Along with one cannot kill thy master, one cannot kill thy master, one can not kill thy master...

    This is why I'm not ready. If I take the trials I will be a failure to the Jedi.

    A Jedi shall not know emotion.

    And still I cry.

    ~~~ ~~~

    I cry.

    It's been years since I have. I don't believe that I even cried at my master's funeral- keeping up appearances and all that rubbish.

    I couldn't help it. Today was the day of reckoning...the day I had to face the facts. My innocent padawan- turned by the Supreme Chancellor, the same one who betrayed the republic. I still can?t believe that even he could turn out to be so deviously evil.

    I didn't want to believe it- I offered Anakin a choice, he didn't have to die that way...we could have helped him...he didn't have to do it. It seems like the light has gone out in my world... I have neither padawan nor master.

    Just me.

    And new scars forever burned in my body, heart, and mind.

    I failed- I am no Jedi.

    I am allowed to cry.

    So I cry.

    ~~~ ~~~

    I've no time to cry today.

    I have to keep moving. A monster is on the loose. A monster I've created. My padawan is devastating worlds, and slaughtering Jedi by the hundreds. We have few refuges left.

    A tear glimmers in my eye.

    I cannot, I will not cry.

    Not while we have a glimmer of hope left in the galaxy.

    The tear slides down my cheek- I brush it away. I continue to work onwards- I must if we are to save the galaxy. The children must be hidden.

    I've no time to cry today.

    ~~~ ~~~

    I cry today.

    I'm alone.

    It's a few
  21. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    Very very good, Phoenix. You touched on so many emotions, the fear of the child left to a strange world, the child who was finally accepted after so much work and rejection, the young man in love, the young Master losing his apprentice to evil, the old Master finally seeing hope.

    I like the repetition throughout; it makes it so much more consistant as you see a tiny glimpse of his emotion. The same result each time, a different cause, a different reason.

    Thanks for posting!!
  22. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Oh my! :( That was very moving JKH ! I love how you found such a diverse series of events that factored into his emotions. I was particulary touched by young padawan Obi's tears at finally being chosen and his rage at Qui-Gon later on. Excellent! :)
  23. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    That was wonderful Phoenix. I loved how you portrayed the tears of so many differing emotions felt throughout his life. Great job! :)
  24. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Wow, Phoenix, great work! Very powerful. I too liked the repetition. By writing it that way, all that Obi's lost in his life hits you harder.

    I want to second the other people here. If you're worried about posting something, this is likely the safest place to do it in. You have a built-in reader base, and speaking from experience with these wonderful women, an incredibly supportive group who will help you in any way they can. Please, please let us know if we can give you a hand, whether it be beta-ing or simple moral support. No time like the present to make some new friends. :)

    Shaindl
  25. Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 4
    That was lovely Phoenix! What a rollercoaster!

    --later--
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.