Saga Obi-Wan Challenge Stories - Closed

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obi_ew, Aug 11, 2003.

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  1. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    I cry for everything- Everything I've ever felt, Everything I've ever done, everything I've never done, everyone I've known, and everyone I've never met.

    How incredibly touching and sad. And such a universal truth, isn't it?

    I too liked the repetition. It helped link the different scenes together very well. :)

    Great work, Phoenix! :D
  2. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Shaindl I really loved your little story about the chocolate and how it reflected Obi-Wan's lifehistory. How often we associate a smell or a taste with the experiences of that moment. Very well-done (of course!!!).

    Astroanna I liked how you linked the central place in Obi's life to what was going on with him at the time. A good reflection of how he looked at the same place and could feel serenity or fear or anything in between. Lovely....

    LE What can I say? It was gripping, warm and ice-cold and everything in between. Exquisite!. I especially liked when the part when Obi killed his first man and felt such self-loathing (as he must - otherwise he would be a creature of the dark). Hating himself, hating his weapon...wonderful.
  3. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    OE I really liked the whole clothing scenerio. How often the clothes fit the man or in this case the Jedi...I like that the circle was complete as he smoothed the imaginary wrinkle away. Beautiful.


    Sheila - You may think that you are a rank amateur but we know better. Two wonderful stories - heartwrenching and beautifully written. It cannot be a coincidence!!! Maybe you just need to be challenged more often!

    I loved all of it but especially that little thought that Obi-Wan was trapped into using his dead Master's bed and how he dreaded it. How well a beloved place can become a prison when it becomes tinged in sorrow and memories. Lovely.



  4. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    PaddyJuan Ah, yes...lovely as only you can do. I especially liked the litany that went with the braiding of the hair - explainations of what was expected as the joy of becoming a Padawan surged through. Nice touch with the difference between Obi-Wan and Anakin's thoughts at that moment. Loved that Ben was braiding Luke's hair!!!

    Great job.

    Phoenix_Reborn - I really liked that you kept emphasizing the I cry. It made it almost seem like a song or the beating of a heart. Good job.



    These are all so wonderful. Wow, what an outpouring of talent.
  5. Thalia_Nox Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2002
    star 3
    I just finally popped in here, and all I have to say is WOW! I have never gone through more of a whirlwind of emotions than in the last half an hour. I cried, I laughed, I smiled and I cried some more. Thanks to all of you, that was great!
  6. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Great job O' Feathered One. Diane is right, your constant repetition of "I cry" did have the cadence of a beating heart- WOW!
  7. Phoenix_Reborn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 4
    Wow! you guys actually liked it!!!

    Thanks so much for all the kind wordsFroggy, Sheila, o-e, Shaindl, DL_6669, LE, Dianethx,and PK

    It means a lot to me that y'all enjoyed it!!!
  8. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    It means a lot that you posted it, Phoenix. ;)

    And what is this wonderful thread doing on the second page? [face_shocked]

    Up for Obi-Wan! :D
  9. Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 4
    Ok, OE has approved this, so I figured I better put it up before I lose my nerve!


    THE DARKNESS OF MY PAST

    //If I could change I would
    Take back the pain I would
    Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
    If I could
    Stand up and take the blame I would
    If I could take all the shame to my grave I
    Would//



    The glare of the twin suns sinking below the crimson sand has me with closed eyes against bent knees. Fifteen years have I been on this sandpit, but the pain that has brought me here has yet to subside.

    I'm beginning to wonder if it ever will.

    My head raises as my eyes open to see the last of the light slipping from view. My heart aches as the sight reminds me of another light I watched fall into the darkness.

    The light of my beloved padawan.

    Twilight was fading as the pitch black of night engulfed the barren landscape, broken only by the sparkling clarity of the stars above. I wish that clarity would fill my mind, so I can escape these moving pictures in my head that continue to play.

    How much of the blame was mine? Granted, he had chosen the path for himself, but how much did I push him towards it? I stretch out on the rapidly cooling sand and gaze upward at the stars, allowing my thoughts to drift among them. Soon, I find myself lost in a universe of memories, drifting until I come upon one that calls me closer.

    The first time I laid eyes on the wide-eyed boy Master Jinn had rescued from slavery, I could feel the incredible untapped potential within him. He had been thirsty for knowledge, and drank in every detail of Jedi lore that Master Jinn told him. The entire trip to Coruscant they were glued to each other. Though I had felt myself drawn to the boy, being ignored the entire trip caused jealousy to begin prodding me sharply.

    After all, that was MY master he was clinging to, that was ignoring me in his favor. The master I'd had to fight so hard to get, struggled to get any approval from. The same master who now lavished his praise on the child he'd only known a few days. Even so many years later, one question continues to haunt me, now it has once again become overwhelming.

    WHAT DID THAT BRAT HAVE THAT I DIDN'T?

    Master Jinn was as enamored with the boy as the boy was with him. Was it because of that prophency he chose to believe? Or had he just had enough of me. The pain again pierces my heart as my thoughts fast forward, only to resume with THAT Council meeting.

    I had stood there, trying not to glare at my master as he faced the Council, his large hands resting on Anakin's shoulders. As Master Jinn announced me ready for the trials, and I quickly stepped up to agree, all I felt was jealous betrayal. My calmer, rational side tried to convince me that this was really a vote of confidence. In a way, it was.

    That still did not mask the very obvious fact that I was being shoved aside in favor of The Chosen One.

    I can remember thinking to myself that Master Jinn had finally found his "perfect apprentice". And it ate at my heart that it wasn't me.

    I was so relieved that the Council had postponed their decision. It gave me time to change my master's ever stubborn mind. Besides, I had my doubts if I truly was ready to face the trials. After all, this wasn't how I thought it would go, and I resisted the path that I had been thrown on.

    As these memories faded and I drifted once again, I wondered if things would have gone differently if I hadn't allowed my jealousies to get the best of me. These questions would never be answered. The past cannot be changed, the pain cannot be taken away.

    If I could, would I really go back and change things? Would I be able to change everything I had done upon our return to Naboo, the desperate seeking of approval, the disagreements with Master over the boy? Could I have kept up with the battle against the Sith, and prevented Qui-Gon from falling on his blade? Would any of that have made any difference?

    I am aware of the tears flowing down my face, testament of the remorse I now feel. Sti
  10. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Wonderful array of emotions DL ! I love how you worked the lyrics to the song in the story, and the last line was beautiful. :) Thank you for sharing.

    EDIT DL knows she spelled Council wrong, but was rushed to get this posted because of internet problems. She will fix it as soon as she can, so no need to point it out to her. :)
  11. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Hi DL6669!

    Great work! I could feel Obi's pain and anger as he thought back over his life. I'm so glad you decided to post - welcome to the club. ;)

    Shaindl
  12. Thalia_Nox Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2002
    star 3
    Great post! I loved how Obi realized that without Ani, there wouldn't be Luke.
  13. astroanna Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2002
    star 4
    Ah, D-L, great work!! :)

    So, you've crossed over to the LP side of the force!! :D
  14. Phoenix_Reborn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 4
    Wonderful! I liked how that even though there was a lot of pain in those memories, you still had the brief moment or two of happiness!

    Great Job!
  15. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    I've been busy converting the masses astro ! :D [face_love]
  16. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    That was wonderful DL. I really liked how you explored Obi-Wan's changing feelings towards Anakin and how they progressed from jealousy of a rival to affection for his apprentice to the love of a friend and then the horror of the monster he finally became. It was also nice to see him acknowledge that without Anakin there would be no Luke.

    Great job. :)
  17. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    Very good DL. I quite liked the friendly look at young Anakin in the middle to contrast with the views before and after.
  18. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Wonderful vignette, DL.

    I liked how you revealed the barest emotion within Obi-Wan, the feelings he repressed for so long, stifled by the rush of his premature knighting and accompanying responsibilities. :(

    And it was so wonderful to include a scene to show the true, familial love between Obi-Wan and Anakin.

    Great job! :)
  19. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Very nice job of exploring the different emotions someone can experience over the course of time.
  20. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    A nice range of emotion as Obi-Wan reviews his life but, to me, it's the little throwaway lines that I liked the best....

    Who would have known that those two words would doom the entire galaxy?

    Theory is always easier than reality.

    And my favorite

    "I can't have you corrupting the boy as you did his father! Look how having you as a mentor worked for him!"

    Great job!


  21. Darth_Leia_6669 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 4
    Thanks everyone! I'm so [face_blush]!

    And I can't believe that I forgot to give kudo's to LP for the wonderful song that was based around! I am so mad at myself! The song btw was Easier to Run.

    I'm glad everyone liked it, I had fun writing it, and it helped with my writer's block as well! :D

    Looking forward to more!

    --later--
  22. Bekah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2002
    star 4
    Thanks to Obi_Ew for her encouragement on this, and to PaddyJuan for all her help with beta'ing, and for helping to find the correct way to word parts of this

    Note: This is my first time writing anything, and I have developed a new respect for all the author's on these boards. This was not easy. Anyway, here goes.


    Caught in the Undertow

    We have a free afternoon. Free. It?s rare that we receive an afternoon to ourselves to do with as we please. No worries. No lessons. No looking over our backs wondering if we are behaving ?correctly? as a young Jedi in training should. We have an afternoon to run wild and to escape the formalities of our daily routines.

    I am swimming with Garen and Bant in the garden pools beneath the waterfalls, the most beautiful part of the garden in my opinion. The waterfall and its high cliffs backdrop to the pond and surrounding plant life. Depending on the temperature, and time of day, there are periods when a mist hovers above the water making the scene look as if it is an exquisite, tranquil paradise.

    It?s past time to return to the initiate dorms. Of course, we can?t help but press our luck and stay a few extra minutes. We know that we will receive extra meditations on how as initiates we are to follow the rules, not breaking curfew being one, given to us by our instructors so that we may learn and prepare for when we become Padawans and must follow our Master?s regulations, and as eventual Knights and Masters, the Council?s policies as well. With a final sigh, we swim to the bank and climb out. We grab our towels to dry ourselves, but not before I gently Force push Garen back in. He tumbles head over heels into the warm depths of the pool.

    ?That was mean, Obi,? Bant chides in an amused way as she picks up her tunics.

    ?Yes, but I owed him one,? I answer with a grin.

    Hugging my towel and clothing close to me, I patiently wait for Garen to emerge.

    Reaching the surface, he flashes me a grin that warns of retribution. I know that grin. I?ll be watching my back for some time to come. There isn?t an even score where we just call it quits. This is an ongoing part of our lives. That?s just part of our friendship, I guess.

    ?Payback, Kenobi?? Garen asks with a smirk as he lifts himself onto shore.

    ?You deserved it, Garen.?

    ?Are you still sore about that? You have to admit it was a sight to see. Besides, how was I supposed to know that it was Master Yoda?s gimmer stick?? He shrugs, while trying to keep the corners of his mouth from twitching up into a smile.

    ?Who else carries a twisted tree limb around the Temple, Garen?? I ask, rolling my eyes in mock exasperation.

    Garen can be impish at times; I guess that?s what draws us together. He keeps life interesting, even if I do pay the consequences at times. He?s a good friend; someone I can depend on.

    Gathering his towel and clothes, Garen begins walking toward the garden exit with Bant and I following closely behind.

    ?Will someone please tell me what?s going on?? Bant pleads, her silver eyes searching ours for answers.

    ?You mean, you haven?t heard?? Garen asks in surprise.

    ?If I had, I wouldn?t need you to fill me in, now would I?? Bant impatiently snips back.

    I watch as Garen playfully ducks a swat from Bant.

    ?A week ago, Garen found Master Yoda?s gimmer stick lying in the grass in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. From what we were told, Master Yoda had been meditating when an emergency came up. He went off to take care of it, and didn?t realize that he left his gimmer stick. Anyway, Garen picked it up, claiming that it had fallen from one of the trees in the garden.?

    ?Like you were saying earlier, Kenobi, it did look like a twisted tree limb,? Garen cut in, trying to salvage any innocence he may have left.

    Smiling at his attempt to pass the blame, I continue. ?Anyhow, we were doing experiments in science. Master Nole decided to let us experiment, under his watch of course, with some different chemicals and how they react when they come into contact wi
  23. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    WOW!! A Xan/Kobi story! [face_love] What parts did I love, let's see--all of it :) My favorite, though, was their first meeting.

    He was kind and his eyes held a warmth of caring. Caring for other people, and an interest in the person he was speaking to. Although, I also glimpsed the arrogance and pride that could take hold if he wasn?t careful. That is more or less a perfect description of him. Brief, to the point, and with that I could easily understand his actions later in the story. In fact, I felt that this particular little section seemed to sum up their relationship.

    Well done, Bekah! :)
  24. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    On my way out the door to work, will reply on my lunch hour. Course you already know what I think of it! :)
  25. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Well done Bekah - This was your first story! WOW!. You need to write more. I liked the flow of the piece as you take Obi-Wan from a child through the end of TPM and how you changed the official story in subtle ways to make the pairing of Obi-Wan and Xan more believable. Good job!
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