Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obi_ew, Aug 11, 2003.
*shivers* great story.
That was a great Halloween story LE, you had me completely fooled and gave me the creeps in a big way. Great job.
WOW- that ending caught me by complete surprise. Hmm... Sixth Sense meets Star Wars
That was just awesome! Very creepy, and very well done.
WOW! That was amazing LE!! I wish I had your talent with ghost stories...
Creepy, Freaky, and very well written!!
o_e Thanks so much. Any compliments from you are treasured, especially since you have so much talent.
Jade Thanks! Too bad I couldn't fit any Jello or signatures or birthday suits in it, though.
diane Blame me all you want.
Lurkalidth Thank you for such a nice review!
Sheila As always, thank you.
PK But Ewan's just so much better than Bruce Willis, isn't he?
D_L_6669 Thank you!
C_O I'm actually really surprised anyone found it scary, since I wrote it, and I get freaked out by the tiniest little things. Thank you.
LuvEwan - I loved your story! I kept thinking how it "felt" familiar, and then it made sense at the end. You managed to capture that eerie feeling that movie conveys. So cool!!! I loved it!!
Very creepy and perfect for Halloween. Never saw that ending coming. Great job!
HHP Thank you! I love that movie and the bunny's been hopping around my head for a few months now. I'm glad I wrote it as a vig instead of tackling a full-length! Stay safe.
Shaindl Thank you.
And where're all the other entries! Come on guys! (I'm having jello withdrawls. )
This started out as a horror story, but somehow the plot bunny redefined horror when I wasn't looking.
Hope you like.
There would be no relief, no quarter given. From the harsh visage of the gray hair man before there would be no assistance as well.
?You made a promise Obi-wan.? The man said.
The ginger hair man nodded. Sweat slicked his palms and he rubbed them against a too damp tunic. He had made a promise and would stand by his word. But too many rumors undermined his own self-confidence. He tried to focus on the moment, but the stench overwhelmed him. It was an identifiable smell, one that refused too close an inspection.
He couldn?t do it. His stomach rolled and nausea threaten to overwhelm him. Backing off slightly he was able to calm his stomach into behaving, but it just reaffirmed that there were some things he could not hope to accomplish.
He looked at the stern man again pleading with his expressive blue eyes. But the expression on the Jedi Masters face never changed, still stern, still unforgiving. His guide pointed. Obi-wan sighed resigned. He turned back to face his duty.
Something within the mound seemed to move. Obi-wan stepped back startled his heart pounding in his chest. With no repeat of the movement he tried to convinced himself that he had imagined it. Too dark to see beyond the entrance he squinted in a vane attempt to distinguish the details of the mounds and lumps.
Looking a back, his master was gone, but his sense of presence remained. But it was not enough. Obi-wan looked around trying to find some escape.
/Padawan./ his master?s warning echoed through the bond. /You will do your duty/
Obi-wan shuttered and gripped his lightsaber tightly. He tried to gather the courage that his Master seemed to project daily.
He would face the unknown with serenity.
/A Jedi knows not fear./ he sent and received cool regard in return.
Stepping into the breech, Obi-wan faced the fate that was in store for him. He looked over object rendered unidentifiable by dust and by things that he hoped would remain unidentifiable. For a long time.
/Padawan, all this drama is not going to get the work done. You made the mess, now clean your room./
Cute! My room is always like that and it doesn't matter that I am technically a grown up now. My fiance cleaned my room for me once, and found food and all sorts of things - and he's still agreed to marry me!
Brilliant! And I must admit I identity completely with Obi in this one.
I'm with Qui-Gon on this one! I have two daughters that believe that the floor is a good storage area - especially right in the middle so I can trip over it more easily!
Wonderfully creative! It's so nice to see some new faces try their hand at these! Next?
. Obi-Wan and the Ever-Present Layer of Dust
*looks around room, looks at desk, looks at food lying around*
Hmmm, I think I know how he feels
Great job Seraphena. I remember when my room looked like that but now as the Mom I can sympathize with Qui-Gon.
*remembers her room as a child and teen*
Wonderful idea of horror! My room was always pretty bad too, but I somehow always knew where things were. and there was a path from the doorto the bed, but no other floor could be seen. It really is a sign of growing up when you correct your children for the same things you were guilty of!
Great job nad hope to see more!
I remember my room as a kid- what makes you think this wasn't a horror story
Just for the record, no my room isnt' that bad, but close. The story was inspired by the look of terror I got when I asked my fiancee to help me clean. thanks to everyone for their wonderful comments.
Shaindl: Just got engaged too, and yes my fiancee has sworn not to disturb the science experiments in my room.
Obi_ew: Thank you,
JadeSolo: So do I
Sheila: you mean I am going to have to grow up?
Darth_Leia_6669: so when I have kids it can?t be do as I say... hmm think I?m going to rethink that kid idea
PadawanKitara: Thank you. Guess it does depend on your definition of horror.
Hee hee. Good twist there, Seraphena. Wonderful vignette. Great job.
This story is maybe spooky, perhaps a bit icky, and kinda short. Apologizes to Jude Watson for redoing a scene in JA #2, and apologizes to myself for reusing ideas in a short story I wrote in college.
EDIT: Forgot to say that Obi-Wan is 13 here, it takes place after events in JA #8, The Day of Reckoning. (That's the one where Xanatos dies)
The Dead Never Truly Die
A hooded figured emerged from the darkness, looming large above him. Obi-Wan backed away nervously, nearly tripping over his own feet.
"Who are you?" he asked, his voice trembling.
The figure threw back his hood to reveal ice-cold sapphire eyes. "I used to be his apprentice, too."
Obi-Wan took another step backward, uneasy at the strange ripple he sensed in the Force. "Xanatos? I thought they said his old padawan is dead."
A cold smile appeared, matching the cool gaze. "Is that what they say." Xanatos moved closer still, his cloak billowing about him like searching tendrils of darkness. "You crave his trust. Don?t you. And he refuses to give it; he never will. The closer you try to get, the farther away he goes."
Obi-Wan shook his head as he felt his back brush up against the wall behind him. Xanatos closed the remaining distance between them, blocking him in with his larger frame. "Qui-Gon will betray you, as he did me. It is inevitable." He leaned forward, bringing his intense gaze within inches of Obi-Wan?s face. "And when I?m finished with you, I?m coming for Jinn."
Obi-Wan looked down, avoiding his gaze, but Xanatos reached out with a cold finger and touched his chin, drawing his face upward. Reluctantly he met the man?s gaze, and his eyes suddenly widened in horror. The midnight-blue eyes seemed to grow in size, the black pupils becoming twin moons, shutting out all else, and there was only the sound of Xanatos? voice, and the whisper of the dark side in his mind . . .
"No!" Obi-Wan screamed. He opened his eyes, gasping for breath. Where was he? It was so dark. Darkness. Everywhere.
"Padawan?" a gentle voice asked, making Obi-Wan jump. He squinted as the lights flickered on. Qui-Gon stood in the doorway, his brow furrowed in concern. "Did you dream about him again?"
"Yes," Obi-Wan whispered. He still trembled from the icy feeling the nightmare always gave him.
"Xanatos is dead," Qui-Gon said gently as he moved forward to sit beside Obi-Wan. "He can no longer hurt you."
Qui-Gon brushed back the matted hair on Obi-Wan?s forehead. "Put it out of your mind and get some rest, Obi-Wan. You need to be rested for your classes tomorrow."
"Yes, master," Obi-Wan murmured sleepily as Qui-Gon slipped out of the room, turning the light off as he went. Obi-Wan closed his eyes, breathing deeply, trying to ignore the oppressive darkness around him. An icy breath blew across his face. His eyes flew open, but only met darkness. He closed his eyes once more, settling into an uneasy sleep.
When the lights in the library began to flicker in warning, Obi-Wan gasped in dismay. He had stayed longer than he had intended. He quickly shut off the terminal he was using and gathered up his datapads. As he entered the corridor, he realized he had been the only student left in the library. Clutching his pack to his chest, he hurried down the empty hall.
The lights of the majestic Temple were dim; some corners glared at him in their darkness. As he passed deserted classrooms and empty training salles he had to ignore the images of his nightmares that sprung unbidden to his mind. Qui-Gon was right; the dead could not hurt him.
Obi-Wan suddenly whirled, having heard what sounded like another?s footsteps echoing off the marble walls of the hallway. Yet there was nothing. Only silence, and the darkness.
He continued on, chuckling to himself. Get a grip, Kenobi, he chastised himself. You?ll never make a good Jedi if you jump at your own shadow.
A sudden heaviness settled on him, and the air grew bitter cold. Obi-Wan whirled again, pe
*applauds all LE, HPP, and Seraph!*
Darn that was scary. Great, spooky and icky!!! Good job!!!!
Wonderfully creepy! Now why did I find him yummy even with his skin hanging off of his face?