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Obiwan and Quigon on ice!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl, Jul 14, 2002.

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  1. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl

    Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 16, 2001
    Summary: Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon try and go ice skating, but something really bad happens.
    Rating: PG
    Copyright: I don't own Obi-Wan or Qui-Gon nor do I make money off of them. I just play with them.

    Obi-Wan came out of his room that he shared with Qui-Gon in their apartment. Once in the kitchen, he saw Qui-Gon and asked, "Master?"

    "Yes, Obi-Wan?

    "Can we go ice skating, Master, after my classes?"

    "Where did that come from? I thought you didn't like ice skating. You said it was for girls."

    "Yes, but I wanna go now with my friends...."

    "Would one of these friends be Bant?"

    "Yes Master...."

    "Very well, then, you may go, but I think I will go with you too..."

    "Thanks Master! I would like to have you there too. See you at 3:00. Bye Master."

    "Bye, my Obi-Wan."
  2. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl

    Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 16, 2001
    Here's the next part for now:

    After Obi-Wan was done with his last class, he all but ran to the ice skating rink to see Bant, one of his closest friends and maybe alittle more. Anyway, as he was on his way to the rink, he felt something in the Force. He turned around to see a Sith in his face, ready to kill him!

    Obi-Wan drew his lightsabre, and they started to duel right there in the street, just a mile from the rink. Qui-Gon knew nothing of the fight because the Sith was blocking Obi-Wan and himself so that the master could not know.

    Qui-Gon was at the rink by 3:00 like he said he would be. He didn't really wanna skate, just see an old friend that worked there, was all. To Qui-Gon's surprise, his friend was not working that day, so he would wait for Obi-Wan and then tell Obi-Wan he would go back to the Temple and would want Obi-Wan back home by 6:00 for dinner.

    3:00 came and went and still no Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon started to get worried, so he went and tried to find Obi-Wan. He took the path he'd taken to get from the Temple to the ice skating rink, and still no Obi-Wan. Now, at this point, Qui-Gon was really worried.

    When going over the path for the fourth time, he felt something.

    It was Obi-Wan. Looking around, he saw no Obi-Wan, but he could feel him near. Trying to follow his apprentice, he found him in an alley lying on the ground -- out cold. Qui-Gon went to him and kneeled down next to him to see if he could find any injuries, and found none on his body or his head.

    Qui-Gon picked up his apprentice and took him back to the Temple. Not finding any injuries, he took Obi-Wan back to their apartment, and waited for him to wake up so he could tell Qui-Gon what had happened. If only Qui-Gon knew that Obi-Wan was not his Obi-Wan anymore... but his Obi-Wan was lost and this was someone of the Dark Side in his place. Qui-Gon had no idea of the device the Sith had put on the back of Obi-Wan's neck that turned him to the Dark Side, but Obi-Wan was not in control. The Dark Side was, and Obi-Wan must try and find a way out of this before it was too late.

  3. Yodaminch

    Yodaminch Force Ghost star 6

    Mar 6, 2002
  4. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl

    Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 16, 2001
    Next part:

    It had been 3 days sense Obi-Wan and the Sith had fought and that Qui-Gon had found him and took him back to the temple and back to there apartment, and still no change he was still deeply asleep. By the second day Qui-Gon had taken him to the healers to see what was wrong and they found nothing and this worried Qui-Gon even more then before. The healers told him to take Obi-Wan back to there apartment for now and when he woke up to call them and let them know. It was the end of the 3rd day when it happened. Obi-Wan woke up screaming and holding his head like he was about to die, Qui-Gon was there in less then one second to help his apprentice, but he could not, because Obi-Wan threw his master across the room with the force out of fear and anger, and ran out of his room faster then he ever had before.

    Qui-Gon was not hurt, but he did not think his apprentice was going to do that still confused he ran after Obi-Wan he see what was wrong and try to help him. Three hours pasted and still no Obi-Wan to be found. Know that his padawan did not leave the temple he kept looking for him, just when he was starting to get really worried he thought: (maybe I should go back to the apartment to see if he is there by some chance.) To his joy he was there, but were? He searched and finally found him back in his room, but in the corner of his room still holding his head and trying hard not to scream out in pain. Obi-Wan?s head hurt so badly he wanted to die. Qui-Gon picked up on his level of pain and tried to help him feel better, but Obi-Wan would not let him near him he was scared of his master? Or was it anger? Qui-Gon did not know what was going on with his padawan, but he needed to help him right now.

    Part 4

    As Qui-Gon tried to come to Obi-Wan and help him the more Obi-Wan would go into the corner of his room. Taking a chance Qui-Gon tried to enter Obi-Wan's mind again and this time was able to get in, only to find a confused, lost, angry, and scared Obi-Wan. Not knowing what to think he called out to Obi-Wan and it seemed like Obi-Wan was going to answer and then Qui-Gon was pushed out of his 16 year old apprentices head. Knowing what Qui-Gon must do he called the healers after he left Obi-Wan?s room for a moment and told them what happened the healers told Qui-Gon to try and bring Obi-Wan in to the healers and if he couldn?t and left them know they would come to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan?s apartment. Once Qui-Gon was done with his call to the healers he tried once again to get Obi-Wan out of his room and go with him to the healers, but Obi-Wan was not moving and still was holding his head and Qui-Gon could feel Obi-Wan still in pain sense Obi-Wan would not let Qui-Gon in at all, Qui-Gon could not help him. So he did what he had to do he grabbed Obi-Wan and picked him up trying to calm his padawan down while slowing walking out of Obi-Wan?s room, but Obi-Wan was thrashing around so much trying to get away from Qui-Gon that Qui-Gon dropped him in the living area floor not meaning to of course.

    Obi-Wan tried to run back to his room, but Qui-Gon had to get him help so he stopped him and picked him up again and this time made sure not to let go of Obi-Wan.

    Qui-Gon put his hand on Obi-Wan forehead and force pushed Obi-Wan to sleep, after a few moments of Obi-Wan trying to fight it he gave in and was deep asleep in Qui-Gon arms. Qui-Gon carried Obi-Wan to the healers hoping that they would find what was wrong with Obi-Wan and this time he would make sure that the healers checked him all over top to bottom.

    Part 5

    The healers looked Obi-Wan over again and still find nothing. Not knowing really what to do they ask one of the mind healers to come and check Obi-Wan.

    Qui-Gon waits in the waiting room wanting to be with Obi-Wan, but knows he can not, not yet any way. After three hours passed the mind healers Jeno stepped out he was one of the newest healers, but he was the only one on duty at the time so any way.

    Jeno: Qui-Gon may I speak with you for a moment please sit down lets talk?

    Qui-Gon: I real
  5. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl

    Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 16, 2001
    Quigon jinn walked into the room were obiwan was and sat down next to him in one of the chair?s the healers gave him to use.

    Quigon: oh obiwan pleasee come back to me i need you more then you know pleaseee just come back to me.

    Obiwan: master?

    Quigon: yes obiwan i am here clam down no one is going to hurt you here i promiss.

    Obiwan: but i feel so scared and alone and i don?t know why but i do help me master help me.( Looking up into quigon?s big eye?s)

    Quigon: i will help you obiwan and you don?t need to be afraid i am here for you and you are not alone i promiss i won?t go anywere tonight i will stay right here with you ok obiwan?

    Obiwan: ok master.

    Quigon: now you must sleep obiwan remember i will be right here with you ok.

    Obiwan: ok master i will try and sleep, i mean i will sleep there is no try.( Obiwan smiles)

    Quigon: there is no try( smiles back at obiwan) and watches obiwan fall sleep for now any way.

    Part 7

    obiwan woke up the next day feeling tired but not as afraid as he was and he didn?t really feel alone either. He looked around and saw his master quigon sitting next to him in his chair asleep. Not wating to wake him up obiwan got up and went on to the porch to watch the sunrise.

    Quigon woke up also feeling tired but as long as he knew obiwan was going to be all right then so was he. He looked at the bed to see if obiwan was awake and obiwan was gone. Quigon got up at once and was about to call one of the healers and let them know obiwan took off again, but he felt obiwan on the porch and clamed his self down and went to the porch to find obiwan watching the sunrise.

    Quigon stood next to obiwan with one hand on Obiwan?s shoulder and they both together watched the sunrise.( Which wasn?t going to last for long)

    The healer came in sat them both down and told them both what had to be done to get that device out of Obiwan?s head at once. Obiwan didn?t really want to do it, it scared him to do it, but he knew he had to and he knew his master would be right there with him so he yes lets do it know if we can.

    With that they took Obiwan to have it taken out, but before they could it happened again. Obiwan got up went to the door to leave his master and the healer tried to stop him , but he threw them across the room with the force and left.

    Jeno: we must find him if that device is left over 24 hour?s we can?t take it at all you must find him Quigon.

    Quigon: don?t worry i will find him stay here if for some reason he comes back ok Jeno?

    Jeno: ok Quigon and Quigon be carfull!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Part 8

    Quigon jinn went looking for his apprentice he stopped bye lots of places and found no obiwan. He knew he was still in the temple, but couldn?t find where in the temple he was. Quigon decided to go back the the healers to see if bye some chance he went back there. Quigon was alittle surprised to see that Obiwan was actually there, but not his Obiwan.

    A evil Obiwan stood before Quigon holding the healer in front of him with a knife under the healers throat. Quigon had never seen his Obiwan do this, but again this was not his Obiwan, so he had to try and help Obiwan the best he could.

    Quigon: Obiwan Obiwan put the knife down no one is going to hurt you I and the healer are here to help you pleasee let us help you pleasee son come back to me.

    Obiwan: there is no obiwan here any more you will stand aside and let me threw or I will kill the healer. NOW MOVE DAM IT I WILL NOT ASK AGAIN MOVE.!!!!

    There was little Quigon could do so he slowly moved aside and let Obiwan start to make his way closer to the door just when he was about to be out of the door the healer used the force to throw Obiwan backwards against the wall giving the healer enough time to get out of harms way for the time being. Quigon went to Obiwan at once making sure he stayed where he was and did no harm to him or other?s, but it didn?t last long Obiwan threw Quigon off of him long enough to get out his lightsaber. Quigon drew his lightsaber out now both were standing face
  6. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi

    Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Knight star 5

    Feb 9, 2002
    WOW this is getting good

  7. Yodaminch

    Yodaminch Force Ghost star 6

    Mar 6, 2002
    i like where this is going.
    two questions
    any chance of obi having a flashback to battle
    will we find out sith's name
  8. shanobi

    shanobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 11, 2001
    Very interesting Jenny :)

    Lots of action already. Can't wait to get the whole scoop of what's going on.

    Post soon?
  9. Miana Kenobi

    Miana Kenobi Admin Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Apr 5, 2000
    Aye Carumba! Sounds like Obi-Wan met the Exorcist or something... Interesting story Jenny. :)
  10. babybantha

    babybantha Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 1, 2002
    Whoa! The Dark Obi thing caught me by surprise. Poor boy, all he wanted to do was go skating. But we do love hurting him, don't we? [face_devil]

    This is a good start, Jenny. Keep going!

    And you shouldn't worry about how many readers you have. Sometimes people just lurk through a story, and it does take time for everyone else to get here. You only started this story a few days ago, so there's no need for alarm yet. Keep posting and upping the story and more people will come. :)
  11. Antigone

    Antigone Jedi Youngling star 1

    Feb 24, 2002
    Nice start Jenny!

    I've found this community - especially all the other Obi torture fans, as they are who I interact with on a daily basis - is full of some of the sweetest people you'll ever meet - and most are more than willing to come and give their thoughts.

    And so, here are mine:
    Your plot is very interesting, and definitely original. Some of your grammer, sentence structure, spelling could use a bit of improvement, but that's something the majority of us are still working on and will most likely still be working on for the entirety of our writing careers. The only thing that I would suggest to help in all those areas is to get a beta. They really are sweet people and, well, a good source for ego boosts. :D It's like having your own personal fanfiction lackey...Only they just polish what's already there.

    But, keep it up! The more you write, the better you get, the more of a cult following you have. :D

  12. Cascadia

    Cascadia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 15, 2002
    I agree, you get better the more you write. Also, the more you read helps you see how others word things, and improves your writing as well - especially reading well-written fics.

    And even if not many people reply to a story does not mean no one is reading it or even that it's not a good storyline or well-written. I know that stinks, but it's true. We all want to see that someone's reading. If we didn't, I guess we wouldn't be posting what we write on the 'net where everybody could read it. :)

    Your story is very interesting so far. I don't think I've read anything with this plot, and I'd like to know what happens next. Obi's not quite himself, to say the least. :D
  13. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl

    Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 16, 2001
    There they stood Obiwan Kenobi and his master Quigon jinn face to face with there lightsaber drawn on each other.

    Quigon: I am not going to fight you Obiwan., and you are not leaving here without me.

    Obiwan: I am going to leave and if I have to I will kill you if you try and stop me, it would give me no greater joy then to kill you old master.

    At this point Quigon was starting to think maybe that device is more then what is seems maybe some one has taken over his body with the device that can be the only reason for all this. Then it came to him (Xanatos) that has to be it.

    Quigon: I said you are not leaving here with out me ( Xanatos).

    Obiwan - Xanatos: well well well it?s about time you figured it out I love this body he is soo young and full of life there is so much I can do with it and to you.


    Quigon: I am not moving Xanatos you will have to kill me and you will let Obiwan go.

    Obiwan - Xanatos: then so be it will kill you and I will enjoy it and Obiwan is mine.

    Quigon: Not if I have any thing to say about it.

    Part 10

    Obiwan goes after Quigon and they start lightsaber dueling right there in the healers ward. Quigon kicks Obiwan and knocks him down, Obiwan get?s up and slaps Quigon down to the ground.

    Obiwan - Xanatos: I told you old man i am leaving here and if you try and stop me i will kill your apprentice instead of you how about that? Jinn.

    Quigon: Sorry Xanatos that is something I can?t you allow you to do, now i ask you one more time let Obiwan go or else.

    Obiwan - Xanatos: you just made a big mistake Jinn now your apprentice will die say good bye old master.

    Quigon: NOW JENO NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

    Before Xanatos could react Jeno smashed the device that was on the back of Obiwan?s neck destroying it right there and now. Xanatos screamed: nooooo at them before he was gone all together and Obiwan?s body fell to the floor not before Quigon caught Obiwan from hitting the floor though.


    Obiwan: mmasterrr? What, were am I and what is going on why am I at the healers on the floor I may add? And why am I so tired?

    Quigon: clam down Obiwan I will tell you right now rest my son ok? Obiwan: Yes master....

    Part 11

    Quigon: How do you feel Obiwan?

    Obiwan: I feel much better master and thank you I couldn?t of done this with out you master thankz.

    Quigon: your welcome Obiwan you know you mean more to me then any thing I would not of let Xanatos hurt you any more then he already did I love you son.

    Obiwan: I know master and I love you too father.

    Obiwan: Master? When can I go home?

    Quigon: Right now if you wish. I have missed you at home.

    Obiwan: I have miss home too master and you.( Smiles at Quigon.)

    Quigon: as have I young one (smiles back at obiwan.)

    And together they walk home to face another day as life as a jedi.

    The End

  14. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl

    Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 16, 2001




    I LOVE YOU MY FANS :) :) :) :)
  15. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl

    Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 16, 2001
  16. shanobi

    shanobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 11, 2001
    It's over? Already? It was short, but good :)

    The plot was good, and I'm sure your writing will definately improve with time :) Not that it sucks now....oh, you know what I mean :D I'm sure having a good beta will help also.

    I'll go check out SW meets RE now.

  17. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl

    Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 16, 2001
    thank you soooooooooo much it means alot to me, but now i'm looking for a beta reading to help me, any one wanna take the job?? hehehe :)
  18. Miana Kenobi

    Miana Kenobi Admin Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Apr 5, 2000
    I agree, the plot was good, you just need to work on punctuation and wording. Sorry, I can't beta for you, but what you should do is go the Resource board and ask for a beta.

  19. Cascadia

    Cascadia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 15, 2002
    I agree that the plot was good, and it was different too. I don't recall reading a story where Xanatos takes over Obi's body like that. :)
  20. Yodaminch

    Yodaminch Force Ghost star 6

    Mar 6, 2002
    Very good.
  21. Skywriter

    Skywriter Jedi Youngling

    May 8, 2002
    I decided to come and read one of your fics because you had so rudely advertised it in other people's fics by not commenting on their fics at all but only advertising yours, and all I can say is I wasted my time!!!! If you're going to be rude like that, at least have something worthwhile to read!

    FELICIA_ZEZILI Jedi Youngling star 3

    Aug 5, 2001
    I liked this it was nice, original and entertaining. Though you do need to work on your structure a bit but that kind of thing can easliy be improved.

    And Skywriter I know what she did was wrong but that rude comment doesn't make you any different.

    Felicia Z.
  23. Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl

    Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 16, 2001
    thankz every one i just want to put this whole posting on others post thing behide me and move on :)
  24. babybantha

    babybantha Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jun 1, 2002
    I'm glad that you want to just put that behind you. Hopefully everyone else will, too. I notice you put the link to your new story in your signature; I think that's a very good way to attract new readers. Now when you post feedback on others' stories, people will see the link and might check it out. :)

    Anyway, enough with that! Onto my review...I agree that this is definitely a new and interesting concept. Of course, I'm slightly biased as I love any story where poor Obi-Wan is hurting... [face_devil] This was a good story, but I do think a beta is a good idea; everyone's writing can always be improved. ;) And if you haven't done so already, you can find a beta [link=]here[/link].

    And now I'm off to read "Star Wars Meets Resident Evil". That definitely sounds like it has the possibility for Obi-Torture... [face_devil]
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