*OFFICIAL THREAD* Crazy Episode III Theories!

Well I was thinking, how do those damn Jedi come back after they have died? Well maybe they arn't coming back? Maybe it is the force coming back in the form of fallen Jedi to help guide other's to fulfill the "Chosen One's" destany.

 

Well not really any theories, but some episode 3 humor I found on the web:

Possible ways Lucas will screw up Episode Three:

We learn that Vader's mechanical rasp the result of Anikin's not taking Artoo and Threepio's advice to immunize against "childhood diseases such as whooping cough, measles, diptheria and polio".

Holo-Chess characters enact classic "Three Stooges" scenario.

Cuddly, commercially appealing Chewbacca pup introduced.

Lucas gets social conscience, makes Yoda's home world look just like Tibet and has Republic troops invade in a transparent reference to Chinese occupation.

Scene featuring Threepio nursing Luke, Leia. We finally learn what those nipple nuts of his do.

Boba-Palooza!

We learn that Jar-Jar designed the Death Star's reactor venting system.

Aging Christopher Lee's (Count Duku) lightsaber duel as dynamic and tightly edited as Alec Guiness'.

Lucas wisely uses an army of CG animators and millions of dollars worth of digital technology to add small amount of plausable romantic tension between Padmé and Anikin.

Hundreds of "Gonk" droids in nutty synchronized 'Buzby Berkeley' dance number.

Computer generated Yoda outacts everybody.

A young Han Solo appears and gets into a Super Soaker fight with an equally young Greedo. Greedo shoots first.

Twins Luke and Leia are born. They French-kiss in the cradle.

Death Star is delivered on time and under budget. AS IF!

Jar-Jar Binks was actually Luke's stepfather for the first 3 critical, formative years, before being given over to Uncle Owen and and Beru. It took years to break Luke of the habit of saying "Meesa wanna potty".

Darth Sidious destroys the Jedi by inventing a vaccine for midichlorians.

Someone makes a casual remark about something "weighing twelve angstroms", prompting legions of Star Wars fans to develop convoluted theories about how, in the Star Wars Galaxy, they measure weight by comparing it to the weight of the amount of neutron-star material in a cube with sides of a particular length.

It is revealed that, as a result of a rift in the space-time continuum, Greedo actually fired before Han Solo was even born.

Palpatine and Darth Sidious turn out not to be the same person, or one to be a clone of the other, but to be long-lost twin brothers. There is at least one scene where they kiss each other on the lips.

A major character, important enough to be mentioned in the opening screen crawl, and intended as a dark and sinister villain and not as comic relief, is named "Dooku".

 

Obi Wan, not Anakin, kills Count Dooku, so the "Obi Wan is a sissy" crowd will be converted.

Yoda turns out to be a Sith lord all along, and a showdown between Sidious and Yoda occurs, where Yoda is defeated, but spared. He goes into hiding in Dagobah, awaiting Luke's maturity, where he can train the catalyst to Darth Vader to kill Sidious, where Yoda gets revenge.

 

I know this is the Crazy thread, but Anakin should kill Dooku. It makes sense, since Anakin takes his place.

But I want Obi Wan to do it

 

Anakin's father is really....


[image=http://www.mst3k.cc/torgowindow.jpg]

Torgo! The big-kneed sidekick of "Manos": The Hands of Fate (as featured on MST3K)!


And it also turns out that Torgo is the brother of Obi-Wan! Anyone notice the resemblance?

 

Anakin doesn't have a father

 

How about Palpatine achived mastery of the dark side of the Force by eating burnt womp rats?

 

Darth Sidious has a slave women (unknown to her due to drugs) artificially impregnated by an embryo that has been genetically enhanced with alot of midichlorians. The slave woman is shipped to tatooine and the rest is history.

Sidious created Anakin.

 

The last scene in EP3

Obi-wan walks out onto a rock-bridge (similiar to the one in MT. Doom in THE LORD OF THE RINGS) and sees a dark Anakin holding Padme hostage beside him. He has his new red Saber held in front of her throat. She is helpless and afraid...and blindfolded. He is mad with the darkside and doesn't really know what he is doing. All he knows is that he hates Obi-wan for some reason.

Obi approaches:"Anakin"

Ani: "So, you have come!"

Obi walking towards anakin: "Let her go Anakin...this is between you and me"

Ani: "Indeed, my former master. But I am the master now. And by all means if you want Padme dead, then keeping walking!"

Obi stops walking towards him.

Ani: "So, how do you suppose we settle this little dispute? I can't compete with your lightsaber abilities, and you're no match for my brains"

Obi smiles: "You're that smart?"

Ani: "Let me ask you this. Have you ever heard of Yoda, Mace Windu, Bail Organa?"

Obi: "Of course..."

Ani: "FOOLS, ALL!"

Obi: "Really? Then how about a contest of wits?"

Ani..laughs: "You really think you can outsmart me? Inconceivable!"

Obi: "What is it with you and that word all of a sudden...ever since AOTC you've been saying 'Inconceivable' this or 'Inconceivable' that..."

Ani: "Never you mind...let us begin."

Obi-wan reaches into his cloak and pulls out a small vile. slowly and carefully he hands it to anakin.

Obi: "Smell this, but do not touch"

Ani: "I smell nothing..."

Obi: "What you don't smell is an odorless, tasteless lethal poison known to the Gungans as 'woopy-woopy sauce'"

Ani: "Jar Jar gave this to you?"

Obi: "Actually, I gave it to him as payment for making Palpatine a dictator. The whole Galaxy is hailing me a hero for doing it...even Yoda and Windu. I told Jar Jar that Senator Amidalah would take it if she was in his place, so he should too, since he's the acting senator."

Ani: "Well, that's a relief"

Obi-wan pulls out from his cloak two ice-cold bottles of Corillian Ale Light, breaking the tops off, he turns his back and administers the poison. Placing the two bottles in front of anakin, he sits back and folds his arms.

Obi: "Choose, the battle of wits has begun. Then we will both drink, and the winner will walk out alive with the girl. The loser will die a quick death before falling to his death in the lava...I mean..he'll die first before dying...no wait...He'll probably die first from the poison, but then the lava will certainly...but then it won't matter...okay you catch my drift."

Ani pointing: "LOOK! OVER THERE! IS THAT THE GHOST OF QUI GON JINN?"

Obi, turning around: "WHERE? I SEE NOTHING!"

Anakin, with a cheesy grin on his face: "Oh, I guess it wasn't him. I forgot he hasn't learned that disappearing jedi trick yet."

Obi: "What's so funny?"

Ani: "Hm hm..oh nothing...hee hee"

Obi: "Well, okay. so Hurry up! choose your fate!"

Ani: "Very well"

Anakin slowly reaches for the bottle opposite of Obi-wan. He takes it, his stare never leaving Obi-wan, and slowly brings it to his lips and begins to drink while Obi-wan confidenlty takes the other bottle and drains it without a second thought.

Ani: "AH-HA! HA HA HA HA HA!"

Obi, with a smile on his face: "What's so funny, my young padawan?"

Ani: "You fell for it! You fell for the classic blunder! The first is 'never get involved in a land war on Coruscant'! I switched the bottles while you weren't looking! You underestimate the power of the dark side! HA HA HA!"

Obi: "Oh? Actually, you fell the for the real classic blunder, which is, 'never take what a Jedi says at face value'.I never said that only one bottle had poison in it...they both did! And it wasn't poison! If you had studied harder in the academy, my young apprentice, instead of drawing pictures of Padme naked on the back of your notebook, then you would have learned that 'woopy-woopy sauce' isn't a poison, its drug that changes your human speech patterns to that of a Gungan! Only Jar Jar, (whom I did not kill, by the way) gave me the anecdote! What do y

 

Chewbacca is a clone made up of genes from Teen Wolf, Ozzy Osbourne and Barbera Streisland. If you look closely you can see all three in the crowd at the Boonta Eve Podrace in TPM. I think that Jabba the Hutt bought the bong he uses in ROTJ from Ozzy, and he was there to collect what was owed from Jabba. Just a thougt.

 

i dont care what happens as long as Jar Jar dies in some real stupid way...

mayb he will get curious pick up anakins lightsaber thinking its edible and then slices his own head off

 

crazy?....um, Yoda will turn blue in Episode 3.

*throws smoke bomb (ala Batman) and disapears.*

 

hmm all the good ones are already taken. Thinks hard.

Ok ok here's one. Dooku turns out to be the clone of Sidious and the father of Luke and Leia. Padme found Dooku irresistable in everyway and left Anakin for him.

 

Ok, I cant think of anything else, so here goes...

Padme` is not Luke and Leia's mom.

HOW? You ask?

Well, you know how Padme`s always having a decoy, and this time the decoy, tired of always diong dangerous and diplomatic duties, decides to...

Have some fun!

Ok, what else, she turns out to be Anakin's sister, who Shmi didn't know about (having been drunk at the time, and since she didnt think Anakin had a father), thus being strong in the Force. The strong concentration of Force between them (in more ways than one...) and also the fact that Anakin is too naive to tell the differance between his wife and her maid, then Luke and Leia are born.

But, fitting in with Obi, Padme is still the mother, from a certain point of view.

Also, Anakin endes up killing Padme in revenge, once Obi walks in on them, (them being hidden in the Jedi Temple), and notices that it isnt Padme.

Anakin gets furious that he couldn't tell the differance and his master could.

This causes Anakin to turn to the dark side, thinkig that Obi was with Padme, and thats how he knew the differance.

Then Obi points out that the handmaiden was a much younger MOn Mothma, (but already a little wrinkly), and the differance was obvious.

This is just after Palpatine declares himself Emperor and that stuff, and MOn is part of the Rebels.

Anakin feels betrayed and decides to join up with Palpatine. He then tries to kill Mon, but Obi, secretly having a crush on her, protects her and escapes.

The battle rages on, and ends up in the Room of a Thousand Volcanoes, much like but opposite the Room of a Thousand fountains in Jedi Apprentice.

Anakin falls in, Obi escapes.

Time jump, taking the kids away.

Padme is mad.

Everyone ends up where they were in OT, and the movie ends.

 

Mace's alienated son, Lando, goes to a little-known flight academy on Tatooine and eventually takes the surname, Calrissian. He has a fling with Padme's decoy and, naturally, becomes Luke and Leia's father.

The guy who kills Mace is the same guy who kills Jar Jar: Lee Harvey Oslwald.

Betrayed by the senate and all the younger Jedi, Obi Wan and Yoda have a few drinks at the Mos Eisley cantina and wander off toward the Dune Sea. They take out their Jedi badges and throw them simultaneously off a cliff into the abyss. Obi Wan drives Yoda in his land-speeder and asks jokingly, "Hey Yoda, you ever consider a career in galactic law enforcement?" Yoda replies, "Maybe ... maybe." They laugh as they ride off into the sunset.

 

my sig says it all

 

This theory will explain the death of Mace Windu, reputation of Boba Fett, death of Cpt Typho, Lando's birth, Jedi purge and Dagobah.

Cpt Typho is really Boba Fett, or at least he thinks so because he looks like a clone. Actually he is a clone of Jango, but not Boba Fett. Anyway, he kills Mack Windu by shooting him in the back. Then he says something like: "You deserved it, because you killed my father." Then real Boba Fett enters the room and laughs. Confused Typho will slip on banana peels and break his skull. This is how Boba Fett will get his reputation as greatest bountyhunter because everyone thinks he killed them both. But Mace eventually wins because he has cloned himself as Lando Carlissian.

Then Dooku will take Darth Maul's legs, Zam Vessel's arm, Anakin's arm, Jango Fett's head and some sliced Tusken Raider's torso to Kamino. They will eventually make a psychotic character called Zanakin Feul. He will kill all the Jedi except Anakin, Obi-Wan and Yoda with bare hands and then will transform into planet Dagobah with no explanation whatsoever.

 

The imperials use a really weak protype of the death star on Naboo and accidentally turn it into Dagobah just as Yoda is arriving to meet with Padme for a coffee he gets pulled down to the planet by the shockwave which acts as a magnet for anything in the solar system filling it with junk and destroying the Eco-system

 

obiwansbeard, that is a crazy therory. I don't think Lucas will promote people having an affair in the movies. However, it is a crazy idea.

 

There will be flying monkeys in Episode 3, and lots of them. They'll comprise the main bulk of the Republic army after the supplies of human clones have run low. Just imagine how terrifying it would be to behold a sky blackened by an unholy host of airborne primates.

 

Jar Jar Kills Dooku, and takes his place as the Sith Apprentice. Why? Because Palpatine finds him much easier to control, and he's pretty much won so he really doesn't need a a kick butt apprentice, just some one who can really scare the crap out of people. And what's scarrier than Jar Jar.

PALPATINE: Bail you won't join the New Order.

BAIL: Never, you can torture me all you want I'll never join with evil.

PALPATINE: Don't sound so brave, I'm having Jar Jar fix the hyperdrive on your wifes space yacht.

BAIL: That's just as good as murdering her you fiend.

PALPATINE: I'm not killing her, I'm sending in my top lieutanent to help her. The Senate will love me for it.

BAIL: (sigh)Name your price for me joining you...[exit Palpatine] Nothing cans stop the demonic clumsiness of Jar Jar, he's the most destructive force in the galaxy...

 

I hate to say it, but that theory is just crazy.

Tayschrenn

 

I think obi wan gets cloned twice whilst bbeing held captive by dooku which he doesnt know about and when ani kills him he is bought back as old ben then as vader kills him he could come back as obitwo on eps 7,8,9

 

Okay, here we go...

STAR WARS: EPISODE THREE: Anakin Skywalker and the Jedi Temple of Doom...

George Lucas, pissed off at everyone screaming they want to see an OT character in Episode Three, decides that he will pack EVERY EU character, planet, plot, ship into Episode Three, thus dispelling all rumors made on the Forums, which he reads often, and actually takes seriously.

Yeah right.

Okay, my theory.

AFter the empire takes over, the Death Star is revealed to be operational, and destroys the planets Naboo, Geonosis, and Kamino. Palpatine is revealed to be the clone of Owen Lars with age speeder-up thingy. Owen Lars uses everyone in his relentless pursuit for power, until it is revealed he was sleeping with several of the senators, corrupting his career for Chancellor and giving his clone Palpatine a chance to be cloned twice, creating both Darth Sidious and a mistake, creating a strange-Yoda like creature that proceeds to kill all the Jedi. Obi-Wan is finally revealed to be Owen Lars in disguise, thus making him, not only Owen, but his clones are Palpy, Hideous Sidious, and the Strange Yoda-Like Creature. meanwhile, Wedge Antilles wanders into the Maw Blackholes, only to find they aren't actually blackholes, but time-warps. He travels back in time, and becomes Padme's bodyguard, and Saves Padme and Leia from Vader. THey try to escape from Palpatine and enter the Maw Time-Warps again, only to become lost in the annals of time. They spend three years wandering the halls of time, and finally find a way out, back to Padme's time, only a few seconds after Padme gives birth. Obi takes Luke to, well, himself, and his new wife, Beru, and Bail takes Leia. Padme is then killed accidently by Greedo who was transported to the planet Alderaan by means of flying podracers. Anakin gets really pissed off at Greedo, and kills him, thus making the Greedo who shot first a clone. Yoda decides to take his retirement on a small planet called Dagobah. The planet of Tatooine is cloned and called Dantooine. Wedge Antilles, stuck in this time, settles on Dantooine, calls himself Jagged Antilles from now on (because Jagged is a cool name) and inadvertantly marries his mother, who gives birth to Wedge later on.

If you actually read all this, and either understand or even agree, you are braver than me. Theory suggested by my 10 year old brother.

 

Borishey, now that was funny to read.