*OFFICIAL THREAD* PT/Episode III Humor Thread

Discussion in 'Prequel Trilogy' started by ST-TPM-ASF-TNE, Dec 24, 2001.

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Moderators: Bazinga'd
  1. ST-TPM-ASF-TNE Moderator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2001
    star 6
    Don't hate me. This thread needs a humor thread just because I said so. So have fun.

    Vader: Tarkin, I forsee you will die on a giant space station that gets blown up by my future son named Luke Skywalker while you are trying to demolish the rebel alliance and destroying the planet of Yavin 4.

    Tarkin: You're so full of it Vader
  2. Darth_Digital Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 4
    Anakin;

    He`s here, now, in these council chambers...I have to face him Padme..."

    Amidala;

    "Why?"

    Anakin;

    "He`s my father..."

    Padme;

    "Your father?!"
  3. Darth_Digital Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 4
    Amidala;

    "I, I can`t tell you..."

    Anakin;

    "Could you tell Obi-Wan? Is that who you could tell!?


  4. ST-TPM-ASF-TNE Moderator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2001
    star 6
    Vader: What is the biddy my master

    Palpatine: Come now Vader, you can come up with a better catch phrase than that

    Vader: Alright, yo dog, word up, what's my bidding my master, yo

    Palpatine: Try again

    Vader: Wazzuup, my master

    Palpatine: You really suck, now go kill the remaining jedi

    Vader: What was that bidding my master?
  5. Darth_Digital Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 4
    *Padme giving birth*

    Yoda;
    "A New Hope here comes."

    *Obi-Wan assists in removing an enfant*

    Obi-Wan (Smiling)
    "A girl."

    Padme;
    "Leia."

    Yoda;
    "Another here comes!"

    *Obi-Wan assists further*

    Obi-Wan (Frowns)
    "Un, er..."

    *Yoda leans in*

    Yoda;
    "Uncertain this is!?"

    Padme;
    "What`s wrong!?"

    Obi-Wan;
    "Nothing!" *Looks away*

    Yoda; *Waves hand in front of Padme*
    "A boy do you see."

    Padme; (Dazed)
    "Luke"

    *Yoda and Obi-Wan exchange worried looks*

    Yoda;
    "Have its hair kept short you do!."

    Obi-Wan;
    "I foresee this "boy" will bring balance to the force..."

    Yoda;
    "Now, matters are worse..."
  6. Lobot_Omy Moderator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 9, 2001
    star 6
    Vader after he gets his new suit: "With this handy calculator on my chest I will bring fear into this galaxy with my lightning speed abilities in long division."
  7. Vaderbait Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2001
    star 6
    [face_plain]


    It was only a matter of time. :p
  8. EwokSith Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 20, 2001
    star 1
    Palpatine: Fooled you all! I am really Darth Sidious!

    Obi-Wan: GASP!!!

    Yoda: GASP!!!

    Padme: GASP!!!

    Audience: DUH!!!!!
  9. Grilled-Sarlacc Former Head Admin

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2001
    star 6
    Luke: "It's too dangerous with all the sand people. We'll have to wait until morning to look for R2."

    3PO: "Sand people?"

    Luke: "Yeah, these mean nomads that shot at my dad when he was racing and then they clubbed my grandmother to death."

    3PO: "I see."
  10. Darth_Digital Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 4
  11. JediJeffro Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2001
    star 5
  12. Grilled-Sarlacc Former Head Admin

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2001
    star 6
    JediJeffro!!

    * Toasts JediJeffro with a pint of Heineken *
  13. Grilled-Sarlacc Former Head Admin

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2001
    star 6
    Owen Lars: "Here, Padme. Take C3PO with you to Geonosis. My mother would have wanted you to have him."

    C3PO: "You will never get me me into one of those dreadful starships."

    Padme: "....."

    C3PO: "Oh no!, I've been shot!"
  14. anomaly23 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 2000
    star 1
    Three old friends in a Coruscant dwelling.

    ANAKIN: OK, Jar-Jar, what do you think of midichlorians?

    JAR-JAR: Meesa think somebody be mistakin' dramatic tools for science fiction.

    OBI-WAN(looks up from his copy of Dune): I have something to tell you, midichlorians are a construction of the ancient Sith order! They actually are nothing more than a way for their kind to moniter their breeding program that we know nothing about.

    JAR-JAR: Meesa knows many about hizzen breeding program, meesa a product of it.

    OBI-WAN(Exchanging a knowing glance with ANAKIN): Is that right? What do you know about Midichlorians and the Sith breeding program, Ani?

    ANAKIN: Do they have anything to do with Kreb's Cycle?

    JAR-JAR: Kreb's cycle?

    OBI-WAN: Kreb's cycle is a science fiction theory of our universe, the Skywalker universe, which details the intracellular transition of protiens from DNA and RNA. Its similar to what midichlorians do, except in that science-fiction theory, one we will call "reality," or better yet, "re'ality," people have far less access to the force, if any at all.

    JAR-JAR: That is mui mui bad.

    ANAKIN: Not really, Jar-Jar, I mean, you're not force-sensitive, and you still manage a happy life.

    JAR-JAR: Meesa got the force! Meesa got the force!

    ANAKIN and OBI-WAN exchange a knowing glance.

    OBI-WAN: Well, Jar-Jar, we could give you the "force test" that we give all new recruits.

    ANAKIN: Yeah, Jar-Jar, you're about ready Obi-Wan and I have noticed.

    JAR-JAR: Ready did you spake?!?

    OBI-WAN(Escorting Jar-Jar to the balcony): Yes, Jar-Jar, you are ready for the test. We are going to throw you off this balcony, and if you are force-sensitive, then you will magically suspend just a few feet into your descent. If you are too fearful or angry, you will open up a rift in star wars time, which is to say, you will open up a space rift. therefore, if you open a rift out of fear or anger (or even aggression), you will have opened up a rift that will suck our universe into it, as our universe is pure space. So try not to be afraid or angry or too aggressive, and you will float.

    ANAKIN: But Obi-Wan, all I had to do for my test was win a pod-race!

    OBI-WAN: That was death-defying too, wouldn't you say, Ani?

    ANAKIN: For me, yes, but not for the whole universe!

    OBI-WAN: But Anakin, you are the universe. This is the universe of the Skywalker after all. Who would be interested if you were not here?

    ANAKIN: I'm not following.

    OBI-WAN: The only reason Coruscant is here, the Clone Wars are being fought, and Natalie Portman took this role is because of you, Anakin. It's all been set-up by the Sith so the one who would bring balance would be standing right next to me right now. You, Anakin. So, from a certain point-of-view, if you had been fried by Sebulba during the podrace, then the Skywalker Unverse would cease to exist.

    JAR-JAR: This'n sounds like weesa trying too hard.

    ANAKIN: Who is Natalie Portman?

    OBI-WAN: The question you should be asking is, "Who is Luigi Pirandello of the Re'ality?"

    JAR-JAR: Meesa want to know whysa Yoda talk backwards.

    OBI-WAN(Chuckling): One thing at a time, Jar-Jar!!! I am privy to a different awareness because while I am the caretaker of the chosen one, I am also the everyman, and by defeating the Sith Lord who killed my master, I made a deal with the force that gave me some pretty wierd knowledge.

    ANAKIN: Yeah, Obi-Wan, you just sound crazy. The universe won't implode if Jar-Jar starts down the dark path, I mean I've started down the dark path when I killed those Tuskens...(Anakin starts to ignite his lightsaber, as techno music starts and screaming girls start pounding on the door)

    OBI-WAN: NOT NOW ANI!!! I TOLD YOU YOURE GONNA FALL INTO SOME HOT WATER IF YOU CONTINUE!!!

    ANAKIN(closes Lightsaber, music and girls silence): It's not water I'm worried about, It's hot molten lava and a lifetime of cruel robotic encasement as the puppet of the greatest technological empire ever seen in the Sk
  15. Darth_Digital Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 4
    Jar Jar;

    "Guds! Yousa Darken Seeth Lord!?"

    Palpatine;

    "Er, no Jar Jar, this is simply my bath robe..."

    Jar Jar;

    "Ohhhh, squeeze me! That was bombad...Mesa silly....Whysa yousa hands sparking!?"

    Palpatine;

    "Er, I washed my robes without fabric softener...static cling...."
  16. Grilled-Sarlacc Former Head Admin

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2001
    star 6
    Anakin: "Sure, I love kids, Padme...but if you give me a daughter, I am going to torture her with an interrogation droid; and if you give me a son, I am going to cut his arm off. Thanks."
  17. Darth_Digital Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 4
    Padme;

    "I love you Anakin."

    Anakin;

    "I know."

    Padme;

    "What kind of lame ass reply is that!?"

  18. Darth_Digital Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 4
    Anakin;

    "No...I`ll never turn!"

    Palpatine;

    "It is unavoidable...The Jedi have used you, your love; betrayed you, the Republic has failed to maintain order in the galaxy-

    Anakin;

    "N-no..."

    Palpatine;

    "-And your future offspring will be lovers!"

    *Anakin snaps*
  19. Lobot_Omy Moderator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 9, 2001
    star 6
    Padme: "Just wait until Leia starts going out."

    Anakin: "I'll freeze the guy in carbonite if he as much as lays a hand on her."
  20. Grilled-Sarlacc Former Head Admin

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2001
    star 6
    Luke: "But it's a whole 'nother year!"

    Owen Lars: "The harvest is when I need you the most. Just don't go harvesting in the back yard. I don't want you to go digging up your grandmother."
  21. Darth_Digital Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 4
    *Groan*

    Dead grandmother...

    *Groan*

    Dark humor.

    Dark side...

    *Snicker*
  22. Rob64 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Dec 27, 2001

    How Anakin goes to the Dark Side:

    Anakin: Obi-Wan... I...have to tell you something.

    Obi-Wan: You didn't.

    Anakin: Uh... well...

    Obi-Wan: PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T!!

    Anakin: What? It's not like I went to the Dark Side, all I did was...

    Obi-Wan: DON'T SAY IT! DOOOOOON'T!

    Anakin: Quite frankly I don't understand what's so bad about it... We WERE in love, after all.

    Obi-Wan: DON'T YOU SEE? Now we have to do three more movies!

    Anakin: Well, I could just kill you in Episode 4.

    Obi-Wan: That's it!

    Anakin: Okay.

    *Anakin leaves*

    *Padmé enters*

    Padmé: Obi-Wan... I have to tell you something.

    *Anakin comes back*

    Anakin: I KNEW IT!

    Padmé: It's not how it seems!

    Anakin: No way! Obi-Wan! I might as well kill you NOW!

    Obi-Wan: Wait. Let's go to some molten pit type thingy. For effect, ya know?

    Anakin: Okay... sure.

  23. JediJeffro Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2001
    star 5
    I think I stole this from someone...*COUGH*G-S*COUGH*...

    Han: Shut him up or shut him down!

    Luke: Watch how you talk to my dad's creation!
  24. Grilled-Sarlacc Former Head Admin

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2001
    star 6
    Damn you, JediJeffro!!!

    * Shakes clenched fist in the air *

    :D!
  25. Lobot_Omy Moderator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 9, 2001
    star 6
    OK, since we're talking about 3PO...

    3PO: "Thank the maker!.. For helping Empire to take over the galaxy, destroy all the Jedi, ruin Padme's life, forgetting about me in Attack of the Clones, and building a giant space thingy to blow planets up."
Moderators: Bazinga'd
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