JCC ~~** OFFICIAL **~~ WACKY NEWS DEPOSITORY THREAD. TOS MINDED. MOD APPROVED. PROBABLY

John Malkovich has saved a man's life.

Marilyn, 79, yelled for help and the 59-year-old Malkovich appeared and applied pressure to Walpole's throat to stop the bleeding.
Also helping out was Toronto restaurateur Ben Quinn — owner of P.J. O'Brien's where Jim and Marilyn had just had dinner.

"They were so helpful, so wonderful," Walpole recalled to CBC News.

Malkovich applied pressure to stop the bleeding, using his scarf to help stop the blood flow.

"I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'John.' And I didn't ask the last name 'cause I didn't figure I'd remember it anyhow," he said.
Malkovich "took over just like a doctor," Walpole said.

 

It wasn't that funny.

 

That's funny and tragic at the same time.

 

Nude 'Pope' case resolved.

German banker falls asleep accidentally transferring millions.

China bans bras during university entrance exams.

 

Coast Guard, PETA, spar over 'goat camp'

 

Man calls police complaining about prostitutes looks.

A man has been warned after he dialled 999 to complain about a prostitute's looks after meeting her.
West Midlands Police said they were contacted by the caller who said he "wished to report her for breaching the Sale of Goods Act". The force said the call was received at about 19:30 BST on Tuesday complaining that the woman was not as attractive as she had claimed.

 

That reminds me of the COPS episode where a woman called the cops after getting ripped off in a crack deal.

The cop couldn't restrain himself from laughing.

 

I actually remember that episode.

Speaking of whacky 911 calls:

 

Anti - gay congressman accidentally attends an LGBT event.

 

I'd post a relevant pic from an episode of this past season's Archer, but you know, cartoon female nudity and all...

 

Just in time for Father's Day:

An 11-year-old boy fathered a child after having sex with being raped by a school friend's 36-year-old mother.

 

New Zealand represent.

 

Middle-earth truly is a magical place.

 

Pakistan is world leader in homophobia. They are also the world leader in internet searches for gay porn

 

"...where he became increasingly agitated, screaming that it was a constitutional right to have sex with a goat".

 

Terminator 2

Terminator 3

 

Add to that Linda Hamilton's past mental health problems and I think we can pretty much safely say these films are cursed.

 

Ahnuld's not going bonkers though!


....yet

 

KKK Klansman sells 'death ray' to rabbis.

No, seriously. This guy actually tried to do that.

 

A-hem.

 

I forgot that deleted scene. So bizarre and hilariously terrible.

 

Woman kills husband and herself while learning to park.

Qianjiang Evening News reported 41-year-old driver surnamed Lin, who was issued a driver’s license in May, was practicing backing up her Lexus RX270 SUV into a parking space as her husband directed from behind, when she backed up too far and pinned him against the wall.

According to the report, Lin stuck her head out the window upon hearing her husband’s scream, and accelerated in an attempt to move forward. She however forgot to change gears from reverse to drive, which not only killed him instantly but caused her head to get stuck between the car and a wall along the parking space.

 

Woman forced off flight, charged for not turning her cell phone off.