Before On Broken Wings- OC's Complete! Author replies 6/12!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by obi_ew, Nov 19, 2004.

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  1. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Title: On Broken Wings

    Author: obi_ew

    Timeframe: JA

    Characters: Original Characters Eitan Delano and Master Majid Ratan. Xanatos deCrion

    Keywords: angst

    Summary: A closer look at the events that helped shape a young Jedi.

    Notes: This story gives the background for my Original character Eitan Delano who appeared in the Learning Series. Links in my bio.

    Will try to update once a week until Learning To See is complete.

    Dedication: To my readers who have been so wonderful and accepted Eitan and company with open arms. I hope you enjoy exploring the events that made him who he is.

    Special dedication: To Birdy. She?s been Eitan?s greatest champion. :)

    Disclaimer: Eitan, Master Majid and Kiran belong to me. Xanatos belongs to Watson. :mad: Qui, Obi ( Don't get all excited he appears only briefly :p) and the rest belong to Lucas.



    On Broken Wings


    The room was uncomfortably warm with so many bodies squeezed in the small medical ward. Wiping sweat off his forehead with the back of an arm, the healer offered his patient an encouraging smile.

    "One more My Lady and you?ll be done."

    Barely out of her teen years, the young woman gritted her teeth and nodded with determination. The youngest daughter of one of Corellia's most wealthy and prominent political families, she had made the mistake of falling in love with a young man who was considered to be unsuitable for someone of her station. Giving into her feelings for the pilot, she?d soon found herself with child. Her parents had been quick to offer her an ultimatum.

    Give the child up and remain in the family, or refuse and be cast out. Born and raised to a life of privilege, her choice had come as no surprise to any of them. The child about to enter the world faced one of two possible futures. The three figures who stood watching from the shadows all had a vested interest in the child.

    "Good, here he comes!" the healer exclaimed as she bore down with all of her remaining strength.

    Her relieved gasp was drown out by the loud wail of the newborn as the healer rushed the child over to the cradle nearby. He waited as his assistant gave the baby a thorough look over and cleaning before pressing a tiny hand into the small device he held. A pained cry broke from the newborns lips as the device extracted a small blood sample. Offering the baby soothing words of reassurance, the young assistant watched as the healer read the results before turning toward the watching figures.

    "His count is well above the required level," he announced.

    "I?ll leave him to you then," the orphanage worker stated as he strode from the room.

    The taller of the two robed figures approached the side of the bed and pushed his hood back. "I ask you one last time My Lady, are you certain this is what you want?"

    Tears glimmered in her dark eyes as she watched the healer near with the now silent bundle. "Yes."

    The distinguished looking Jedi nodded as he turned to study the child. "Do you wish to name him?"

    Pushing herself to a sitting position, the young woman reached out with trembling fingers and pushed the blanket back in order to view her child. A small sad smile curved her lips as she took in the healthy brown skinned boy. Thick ebony hair capped the babies head, dark eyes staring unseeingly ahead.

    "His name is Eitan."

    The healer exchanged a surprised look with the Jedi at her words. Eitan was the family's last name and recognizable on both Corellia and Coruscant. She was courting disaster by naming the child thusly.

    "My Lady," the Jedi Master began as gently as possible. "Is that wise in light of the circumstances?"

    Dark eyes that matched the babies flashed with ire as she glared up at them. "My parents have stolen enough from him. He will at least have the family name."

    A soft sigh of resignation greeted her fierce words. "And his last name?"

    Tears that until then had been held firmly in check began to stream
  2. Phoenix_Reborn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 23, 2003
    star 4
    Awe [face_blush] You're too kind...


    Oh the poor poor girl. I love the way you painted her anguish at giving up her child, and the foreshadowing of Jinn's future. I think she made the right decision. If his midiclorian count is that high she'd have probably had to give him up later and that would have made it harder for her.

    Needless to say I've been looking forward to this fic for a long time - Xan and Ei'n. The dark prince, and my man...ok so he's still a baby here, but hey, I know what he's going to grow up into...

    *sigh*

    Amazing OE, and I'll be here again next week for the next post.


    Very happy Diane, very happy indeed.
  3. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Nicely done. I always wonder at what motivates someone to give up their child to the Jedi. At least she knows that the child will be well-cared for...

    Good job. Looking forward to more.

    Happy now, Birdy???? :D
  4. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    Yay, more Eitan.

    I love that it is Dooku and Qui-Gon that are taking him back to the temple. :D

    I think I can see where Eitan gets his determination. ;)
  5. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Awwwwwww. I've never read your OC stuff before, OE and I just love the way you handled that. I can see where it would be hard for Qui-gon to take a baby from his mother with his Living Force connection. Awww you wrote that so well! I will be eagerly waiting for more :)


  6. Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 9, 2000
    star 4
    Very thought provoking, o_e! I wonder if it will spur Qui-Gon to think of his own parents?
  7. tangled_sphere Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 28, 2003
    star 4
    Baby Eitan! [face_love] So sad that her family gave her such an awful ultimatum. :_| But his destiny has been set and on the way.

    And loved Dooku's comments to Qui that he may face this in the future. Off and away to adventure! :D
  8. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    A curt nod was the only response she was capable of making as they turned and started from the room. Reaching the door, the apprentice paused when a broken sob was heard from behind them.

    "Keep going Padawan."


    That part got me the most. Even at birth, Eitan suffered. :_| Will Eitan know what his mother did? Maybe that's why he's so attached to Majid? :(

    edit: "You?ll be knighted soon Padawan and will one day face this type of situation again. Keep this experience in mind when that happens."

    XAN! :D
  9. Knight_Dilettante Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 2002
    star 4
    Interesting, very interesting. I think I have just ended up with a whole bunch more must reads. Now normally, I like to read stories in character age chronological order. But I don't think I'm gonna wait for this story to finish before I read others. I'm not that disciplined.

    KD
  10. SarkaVrae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2004
    star 5
    cool....now I guess I need to go read your other stories to figure out who this guy is. maybe I'll wait until you finish this one, and that way I get the full story...hhhmm...we'll see!

    i liked it, very poignant scene there. and the background of why the child was given to the Jedi was most interesting. I'll be sure to stick around for the rest! :)
  11. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I love that you are fleshing out Eitan's backround
  12. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    I always have high expectations when I click on something with your name. And, like everything else I've read, this doesn't disappoint! It was beautiful! Baby Eitan! HOORAY!

    It was sad and touching and hopeful all at the same time. Wonderful, amazing piece of work!
  13. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    I love that you are fleshing out Eitan's backround

    And what a nice round back it is, no? [face_mischief]
  14. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    *sigh* LIke K_D, I think I'm going to have to read up on this character too.

    Such a sad story for his mom, though going to the Jedi is a wonderful stroke of luck for him... or is it, I wonder what becomes of him. Then again I get to go read it don't I. Ha! Sometimes it's nice to be behind in people fics.

    Ah lovely, you've got all the links in your profile!
  15. CodeName_Targeter Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 7, 2003
    star 5
    I agree with K_D and Leona... I definitely need to do some more reading on this character. Lovely start though!

    :Targeter:
  16. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Ohhh excellent job o_e!!! And of course there are multiple reasons for me liking this! [face_mischief] Several of them obvious! *coughEitancoughDookucough* *Snrk*

    This was so sad and sweet at the same time! Lil Eitan being taken away...but at least his mum got to see him. Though it is still sad... :( But well written. She will now know that he will be well taken care of and that he will become a Justicier of the Peace :) To keep Order throughout the Republic (well once he sees the 'Light' later on of course hehehe)

    Well done!!! Loved Dooku's comment as well :D Informing Qui that he, himself will have this type of moment. [face_love] Dooku! hehehe I loved how you had Qui hesitate on the way out when he heard her sob. He is so feeling even at a young age ;)

    I'm glad I happen upon this one! Gives a lil introspect on what a parent goes thru giving up their young'un to the Jedi.
  17. Bekah_K Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2002
    star 4
    That was great! :) I liked the look into Eitan's past.

    You will continue this right?
  18. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Bet you thought I was ignoring you, hm? :p Sorry - but you know I'm not usually around on weekends... :)

    Lovely beginning OE. :D It seems as if Eitan's entire family has suffered. That's so sad. Loved the glimpse of Dooku and Qui-Gon, since I know how much you love writing Jin. ;)

    Can't wait for more...

    Shaindl
  19. AnakinsHeir Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 2, 2004
    star 3
    That was just wonderful. How cool to see baby Eitan. I felt so sorry for her, I can't imagine how hard that would have been. Great story!
  20. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Birdy I hope I don't disappoint you. This version of Xan will be a bit closer to the JA version than any I've ever written. It will be new for both of us. ;)

    Diane I've always wondered that myself. I suppose many of them see it as an honor to have a child grow to be a Jedi. :)

    Noi Eitan has that Corellian determination. Just something about those Corellians. [face_love]

    Layren Hi! Nice to see you here. :) I pretty much only write OC's right now with the exception of PMA. Just something so exciting about bringing these characters to life.

    Renata Another new face. :) Not sure about Qui. He plays a very small role in this.

    tangled_sphere Poor Eitan's destiny is a somber one. :(

    Jadewan Xan will be around for awhile. ;)

    KD If you read the other two you'll know what happens in this one. ;)

    SarkaVrae I hope you do stick around. I'm eager to see how people who haven't read the series view Eitan. :)

    PK I was a bit worried that no one would be interested in this so the response has blown me away. [face_love]

    VL [face_blush] I should pay you for lifting my ego so. :D

    Jadewan I agree! :*

    Healer_Leona Hello! If you do read the series please let me know what you think. :D

    Targeter Yeah! So glad to see you branching over to the other boards. ;) Eitan has been a joy to create.

    Kynstar Don't get attached to Dooku. That's probably the only time you'll see him. :p

    Bekah This will take us to right before Live What You Learn begins. Thanks for reading. [face_batting]

    Shaindl I knew you'd pop up eventually. Young Jinn isn't as bad as the older version. :D

    AnakinsHeir Baby Eitan is fun to write. Nice to see you. :)

    Overwhelmed by the response to this. Hope to keep you all entertained.



    Chapter Two


    Ali-Alann?s gaze slowly traveled over the bright shining faces of the children. He was new to the job as sole care giver for a group of crechlings, haven only recently passed his Trials. In the past he?d always had a senior knight or master to fall back on when he had a problem. Now it was up to him alone to solve the mysterious series of pranks that were befalling the Council members. All signs pointed toward one of his young charges and he had a pretty good idea of which individual was responsible.

    He paused in front of one of the children and studied the boy through narrowed eyes. Nine standard years of age, Xanatos deCrion had only been at the Temple for a hand full of months. There had been much dissention amongst the Council members when the decision was brought before them to allow a child join at such an advanced age. Qui-Gon Jinn had been the one to find the boy and had been fierce in his demand that young deCrion be given the opportunity. It had been with great reluctance that the Council had finally consented.

    The boy was a beautiful creature. Tall and lanky for his age, pale flawless skin was offset by ebony hair and the largest pair of cerulean eyes Ali-Alann had ever seen. Those eyes seemed to hold an intelligence far too advanced for one his age. They had a piercing intensity as they gazed out at the world from under a pair of ridiculously long sooty lashes. Born to a life of privilege, deCrion was a natural leader and had already asserted himself as the one in charge of his agemates. As with most powerful personalities, the boy held himself aloof from the others, maintaining only one close friendship.

    Ali-Alann shifted his gaze to the figure standing next to Xanatos. Head bent, the boy stared down at his booted feet with apparent fascination. The same age as his friend, Eitan Delano was a quiet and often too somber child. One could count on one hand the number of times they?d seen the boy laughing and smiling. Before deCrion?s arrival, Eitan had been a loner, often remaining on the fringes as the other children interacted. He was most happy when he had his nose buried in a holobook. It had surpr
  21. CodeName_Targeter Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 7, 2003
    star 5
    Aww, a younger Eitan's actually kinda cute. :)

    Ali-Alann pinned a now smiling Xanatos down with a pointed look. "Xanatos, is there anything you?d like to say about Eitan?s admission?"

    He hoped young deCrion would take the opportunity offered and admit to his part in the prank. The quick glance the boy sent his friends direction before turning his sapphire gaze toward their care taker gave him hope.

    "I?m shocked and disappointed at Eitan?s behavior," Xanatos declared.


    :eek: That's not very nice of Xanatos! He let his best friend take all the blame...

    Oh, and I'm almost caught up, just need to finish reading two posts on the current Eitan fic over in The Saga. ;)

    :Targeter:
  22. BrokenNoseOfQui-Gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2004
    star 2
    Really wonderful story! Superb use of OCs and I liked the background story on this youngling. Nice work! :D
  23. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    Hmm typical of Xan. ;) hehehe

    Oh well I figured you'd prob not have Dooku in this really ;) but it was nice to see him in it if even for a few seconds! [face_love]

    I like how you have described their friendship :) Poor Eitan...Xan isn't a good example to go by! hehehehe

    Great chapter! Can't wait for more :D
  24. Master_Noi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 2004
    star 4
    Well, you are painting such a sweet young Eitan. [face_love]

    Now, I know you don't like bad things said about Xan. But, he is such a coniving little brat. I also have concerns about the influence Xan is going to have on Eitan.
  25. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I loved the interplay between Eitan and Xanatos. The fact that Xan was letting Eitan take the fall for his own actions speaks very loudly about what kind of jedi he'd be. Loved that the creche master wasn't really fooled.

    Great job. Keep going!
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