Saga - OT On the Many Uses of Space Wrap (RotJ / OCs / read at your own risk)

Title: On the Many Uses of Space Wrap
Author: Lazy K
Timeframe: RotJ
Characters: OCs
Genre: disturbing humor
Keywords:
Summary: Jabba's minions are puzzled by the delivery of a dozen rolls of GFFA plastic wrap.
Notes:



On the Many Uses of Space Wrap


It was thin, transparent, very stretchy, and retained most of its durability when heat-shrunk and exposed to the vacuum of space. It was called space wrap, if only because transpariplast film was such a mouthful and quite a few mouths - mostly nonhuman ones - simply weren't up to the task.

It was also a puzzle why Jabba the Hutt would order twelve rolls of the stuff.

The present chief of security at Jabba's Tatooine palace was a Human named Kaeb Lazynth. He had been given an unexpected promotion when his predecessor was accused of taking bribes from a rival Huttese clan. He had seen what passed for justice and had no intention of becoming someone else's object lesson, hence his reluctance to let anything even remotely suspicious take place on his watch.

His subordinate, on the other hand, was a Falleen forensics expert who preferred to be called Datura, who had defected from Black Sun for unspecified reasons. Since her very presence here was an insult to the galactic criminal syndicate, Jabba made sure she was kept safe. This, along with the confidence from knowing she had a highly sought-after skill, made her one of the most self-assured people in Jabba's court.

"It's not toxic," she declared as she peeled the dermiplast off her hands and face.

"Are you sure?" he asked. Unnecessarily. Again.

"Of course I'm sure," she replied. During her time in Black Sun she had come across more exotic poisons than most people had hot dinners. Some of them she'd synthesized herself. And even if there was a way of disrupting Huttese biology that she was unaware of, she had an entire cellar full of cloned tissue and organs that could be used to test for adverse reactions.

Of course she was sure.

Lazynth looked at the roll of space wrap in his hand and frowned. "So he really did order these?"

Datura shrugged. "You'll have to ask Master Fortuna about that."

There was a pause as he actually considered it as a possible course of action. But there was no guarantee that Jabba's majordomo would be forthcoming with the truth.

"But what does Jabba need a dozen rolls of space wrap for?" he asked.

"How should I know? Maybe he's going to roast a couple of banthas and wants to make sure the leftovers will keep."

"You know, that could be -" He stopped in mid-sentence. Though Hutts were proverbial for their appetites, there was a limit to how much biomass one could devour in one setting, hence leftovers. But while the walk-in food locker was large enough to hold a netball game, there was very little space left. Also, it was very difficult to picture Jabba worrying about the aftermath of his gluttony. "- no. No way."

"Maybe he wants to lose weight," she said.

A stunned silence fell as the idea of a Hutt on a diet forced all other thoughts from Lazynth's mind. But one persistent question eventually pierced through his fog of bewilderment. "How? Just how do you lose weight with space wrap?"

Datura raised an amused eyebrow. "Don't you know? You wrap up the bit with the excess fat, then sweat it away."

"Does it actually work?"

"No." She smirked at his disappointment. "All you lose is water, not fat."

"So what else is there?"

"Gardening, maybe? I hear you can make a greenhouse with it."

He snorted his disbelief. "If Jabba wanted a greenhouse, he'd just order one made."

"Or, if you cover seedlings with it, it would keep the moisture levels constant, I suppose."

Lazynth gave her a long, hard look. "Seriously?"

"Of course not. You shouldn't try to make sense out of this place. You could wind up crazy that way, you know."

He threw up his hands in despair. "I could wind up dead if I let something slip by. I realize my life means nothing to you, but could you at least try to take an interest?"

"All right, but look, anything space wrap can be used for, it can be done better with something made for the job. Sealing leaks, spot painting, waterproofing . . . About the only thing it was specifically made for is wrapping up food to keep it fresh and wrapping up bulky shipments with lots of small parts that could come loose in transit. And even those are things Jabba wouldn't concern himself with. Unless -"

"Unless?" he prompted, but quietly, in case his question derailed her train of thought.

"Unless," she continued hesitantly, "he wants to have a special dish prepared. Because there's a way of cooking where you wrap the food with space wrap before putting it in the oven."

"It would have to be something big, though" he said. There were a dozen rolls of the stuff, after all.

"Yes," she said, her voice oddly distant. "It would. Something the size of a Human body, I suspect."

Without saying another word, both of them found their eyes being drawn to the direction of Jabba's throne room, where the Hutt had his latest acquisition chained to his dais. And without another word they decided the conversation was over.

 

Wow.

A nicely written and thought out, evocative piece.

I quite liked that. Also liked the way Jabba thought about his Black Sun defector, and they way both their gazes were drawn to the throne room at the end.