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Saga One Breath (Angsty Vig - For Shanobi)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Jade_Max, Dec 14, 2006.

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  1. Jade_Max

    Jade_Max Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2002
    Angst Bunny

    Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to George.

    Title: One Breath
    Author: Jade_Max
    Genre: Angst Vignette
    Timeframe: TPMish
    Characters: Jedi/Padawan team :Þ
    Summary: How does one make the decision to die?
    Notes: Another of shanobi's rabid plot bunnies. Big thanks to the plot bunny master! [:D]


    One Breath

    How does one make the decision to die?

    I find myself asking this question as time seems to stop, and the Force reveals to me the dreaded future before me. The battle field has been endless, the casualties high, but none higher than those of the mind. Broken men litter the field behind us, destroyed by their own nightmares, by their fears.

    Only the Jedi, we warriors of light and peace, understand the cost; we understand the sacrifice. We have given up the right to fear, trusting in the Force, the shield that is our strength, to protect and guide us. We trust in it the way we trust in little else including each other. The Force is mother, brother, sister, lover; the Force is all and nothing.

    She is capricious, giving her favors and withdrawing them just as quickly. But the cost is worth it. Now, with the Force having granted me the vision, I see what is to come. My Master, the one who nurtured me, who guided me, led me towards the path of justice and righteousness, stands at a precipice. One that demands a sacrifice; any sacrifice.

    My Master would tell me to trust in the Force, to trust that it would save us, give us a way to save one another. This is not so. The Force has instead given me a vision of things to come. A vision that tells me without my Master, the galaxy will fall, the coming darkness with reign and there will be little hope for escape. My life, should I choose to live and let my Master die, will make no difference; the Force has shown me that the path I walk is unimportant; it is one of failure.

    Between one breath and the next, I must choose. I must choose and my choice is a terrible one. One for life, or one for death.

    Yet, as I move, inhaling the sweet scents of the hydraulic lubricants mingling with the smell of scorched durasteel, I know my decision with certainty. For my decision was made for me; I was born for this moment. I was born so that my Master might live, might yet fight the coming darkness. I was born so that my Master might prevent that darkness.

    My Master will not understand my action and they will bring sadness. My actions are not the rash, impulsive ones I am often accused of, they are not a whim, or a passing fancy; I do not often choose to die. I prefer to live, but I have seen the cost and it is a cost the galaxy cannot afford to pay. I close my eyes as I careen over the precipice, feeling the rush of wind, the Force's embrace as it envelops me, calling me home.

    Between on breath and the next:

    A choice.
    A laugh.
    A life.
    A death.

    To fight the darkness; and I am at peace

    ****

    The lightsaber stabbed through Obi-Wan Kenobi's chest as Qui-Gon went sprawling, propelled out of the way bodily as Obi-Wan took the fatal blow meant for his Master. The red blade extended out his back, the clawed had of the Sith wielding it almost flush against his chest. Obi-Wan looked into the face of his nemesis and smiled, his eyes holding an expression of utter peace as he fell to his knees.

    Qui-Gon rolled with the blow, twisting and spinning, his lightsaber coming up to cleave through the shocked expression on Darth Maul's face for the Sith apprentice had not been expecting his target change. The blow was powerful and sent the Sith warrior down into the depths of the pit below; no scream marked his passage, no explosion. It was as if the Sith simply disappeared.

    Qui-Gon fell to his knees beside his Padawan, pulling his head and shoulders into his lap and holding him tightly. The wound in Obi-Wan's chest was surrounded by seared fabric, the smell of burnt flesh and death heavy in the room. "Why, Obi-Wan?"

    Obi-Wan's eye
     
  2. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    That was so sad but lovely at the same time. It was beautiful that Obi-Wan thought that he was born so that he might die, instead of Qui-Gon. And Qui-Gon was just right, I thought. He didn't cry, but the weight he bears now is far worse than tears. =D= Great job!
     
  3. EGKenobi

    EGKenobi Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 27, 2005
    awesome story. Quite a twist on TPM! I love it.

    EG
     
  4. shanobi

    shanobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 11, 2001
    This was beautiful!

    And you managed to surprise me :) As I was reading I was imagining Anakin as the apprentice and Obi as the master.

    To my shock - you killed my Obi! :eek: But you did it so well that I can't be too upset with you.

    You did Qui quite well and I'm ever so thankful that you included him for this little piece.

    You managed to write beautiful angst...as opposed to painful angst. I enjoy both - but this really fit the bill for what I was in the mood for - so thank you @};-

    --shan
     
  5. Jade_Max

    Jade_Max Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2002


    Thanks for reading everyone - this was a challenge to write in a way I hadn't expected - and fun in some ways. I appreciate all of your comments :)
     
  6. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    :_| You killed my OBI! :_|

    But you did it so beautifully that I suppose I shall have to forgive you. I think I'm going to have to pout first, though! :p

    "Don't talk, Obi-Wan. Concentrate, use the Force. It can sustain you until we're able to get you help."

    Obi-Wan gripped his Master's arm tightly. "I have fulfilled my purpose, Master."

    "Not yet you haven't."

    Obi-Wan managed a slight smile, though he was fading fast. "I have. May the Force be wi- with-" Qui-Gon bowed his head as Obi-Wan's grip went slack and his eyes closing for a final time.

    Qui-Gon's shoulders slumped forward in silent grief. He didn't cry, for Jedi do not mourn their dead as others do. Instead he whispered softly for his Padawan to have a safe journey, asking the Force to guide him in death as it had in life. "May the Force be with you, Obi-Wan. May it guide your steps as you take this next journey where I cannot yet follow. Be at peace."

    Slowly, as if the weight of the years were bearing down on him, Qui-Gon rose to his feet and lifted Obi-Wan's body in his arms. The heavy tread of the silently grieving Jedi Master echoed through the corridor, a silent testament, a silent honor guard, to the life and death of a brave Padawan.

    Between one breath and the next, a future of darkness became that much brighter.


    =D=
     
  7. SkalenFehl

    SkalenFehl Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 17, 2003
    Wow. Nice little viggie. So now it will be Obi-Wan who communes with Yoda from the afterlife! :p
     
  8. Jade_Max

    Jade_Max Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2002
     
  9. leia_naberrie

    leia_naberrie Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2002
    Between one breath and the next, a future of darkness became that much brighter.

    I could kiss you for this! [face_dancing] You killed Obi-Wan and made it a Good Thing! :D
     
  10. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Angsty viggie is right and you in no way butchered Qui-Gon.

    "Don't talk, Obi-Wan. Concentrate, use the Force. It can sustain you until we're able to get you help."

    Obi-Wan gripped his Master's arm tightly. "I have fulfilled my purpose, Master."

    "Not yet you haven't."


    This started the tearing. :(

    Beautiful viggie Jade_Max. [face_love]
     
  11. Jade_Max

    Jade_Max Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2002
     
  12. Stella_Ripple

    Stella_Ripple Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jul 29, 2005
    :_|:_|:_|
    That was one of the most beautiful, emotive pieces I've ever read! and definately the best obi dies instead of qui fics i've read! it's too beautiful for me to fumble around for words, so i'll just say i adored it, even if it did make me cry!
     
  13. Jade_Max

    Jade_Max Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2002

    *hands out tissues to all readers*
     
  14. Jturtle

    Jturtle Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 9, 2006
    So sad and you killed him. :_|

    It was very good.

    =D=
     
  15. Jade_Max

    Jade_Max Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2002
     
  16. ardavenport

    ardavenport Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Oh, very, very ansty indeed! :_| :_| It was such a sad death, but so very like Obi-Wan to sacrifice himself. Perhaps you should follow it up with the funeral? (more angst)
     
  17. slow_dawn

    slow_dawn Jedi Knight star 2

    Registered:
    Apr 18, 2006
    Qui-Gon's shoulders slumped forward in silent grief. He didn't cry, for Jedi do not mourn their dead as others do. Instead he whispered softly for his Padawan to have a safe journey...

    Loved that--quite a powerful moment. Interesting that Obi-Wan rather than Qui-Gon. Nice work on this vig.
     
  18. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    :_| :_| :_| :_| :_|

    That was exquisitely written.

    I loved Obi-Wan's relfections as he made his decision.

    Wonderful job on this

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  19. Jade_Max

    Jade_Max Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2002



    Thanks for reading everyone !
     
  20. General_Kenobi_66

    General_Kenobi_66 Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 18, 2006
    My poor Obi:_| This was beautifully written=D= =D=
    Like Vadey said, I forgive you for killing my Obi due to the fact that this story was so well done, but I will also have to pout a bit :p ;)
    And no, you certainly didn't butcher Qui. A very nice job all around=D=
     
  21. Jade_Max

    Jade_Max Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2002
     
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