Saga One Duty Remains - Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon vignette

Title: One Duty Remains
Author: VaderLVR64
Characters: Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon
Genre: Angst, vignette
Time: TPM
Summary: Obi-Wan faces the loss of his Master and realizes that he has one last duty he must fulfill.






One Duty Remains

He is quiet now.

It seems wrong to see such a large man so very still and silent. His grace, his fluid movement, his sense of ease as he moved through this galaxy; all of those things were familiar to me. But this utter stillness is not right.

His face is tranquil, perhaps because he accomplished what he set out to do and gained what he sought. I gave my promise as he requested.

Against my better judgment, I gave my word because I have never been able to deny him anything. He is?was my Master.

There are others who would attend to this duty and take the burden from my shoulders. The handmaidens of the queen had gently offered to do so, telling me that they would be honored to attend to the heroic Jedi who helped save their planet. But this task is mine alone. I can do no more than this for him now.

Qui-Gon?s bag, somewhat scuffed and worn, is by the table upon which he rests. I open it, guilt making my hands shake. I feel like an intruder, for these are my Master?s belongings and I have no right to trespass here. But his need is more important than my feelings and so I search for what is required.

The touch of the rough cloth is all I need to know that I have found his other tunic. Even among the Jedi, Qui-Gon was known for his ability to pack light and fast. He had no time to worry about appearance, he was too busy living.

I turn once more to look at him. The noble features are relaxed in death, his hands crossed over his chest. Just below those familiar, capable hands is a great, gaping hole. The edges are singed and ugly. It hurts to look at that wound, the one which ended his life.

Carefully I remove his utility belt, trying very hard to ignore the ravaged flesh just above it. I will not look above the brown leather of that belt. My whole universe is contained in that simple clasp. It is all I am capable of at the moment.

I hear the quiet click as it gives way and breathe a sigh of relief. I think that any difficulty right now will make me start to scream and I?m not sure that I would be able to stop.

Gently, I separate the sides of his tunic and I feel the sob catch in my throat as the true devastation wrought by the Sith?s blade becomes apparent. I take a deep, gulping breath and force down the nausea which almost overcomes me.

It is hard to undress him, he is a large man and his body is too limp, its weight too heavy for living flesh. I had never realized how much Qui-Gon inhabited his body, made that frail human flesh come to life. He is truly gone now; that is very plain to me I prepare his body for the pyre.

I know that I will not remember every task that I put my shaking hands to in these moments. The only thought that seems to make any sense to me right now is that I have one last, terrible duty to fulfill for my Master.

It is almost beyond me.

My Master has always delighted in pushing me beyond my self-appointed limits. He had never accepted the words, ?I can?t.? He knew better and so he challenged me to be better, do more, and go farther.

But this is much too dreadful.

I cannot disappoint him, though. Not in this, his last hour of need.

And so I wash the dead body of the man who has been a father to me. He has been my mentor, my teacher, my friend, and I love him. I have no other way to express my feelings other than with these simple tasks.

As I prepare him for his final journey, I am torn between two conflicting desires.

A part of me longs to become a child again so that I can throw myself against him and wail about the injustice of it all. I want to find solace in unrestrained tears and give myself up to my grief.

And there is another part of me that longs to be an old man, one who has weathered grief?s storm and who knows he will survive the agony. That m

 

All right. Here I am leaving feedback like a good little girl. Can I be let out of the closet now?

This was really good Mom, I got to read it early!

 

Kimberley I had to make myself finish reading that one -- not because it was bad but just so sad! This is why I don't read post TPM fics Please pass the tissues? I think I'm going to go have a good cry now


Edit -- I do believe this is the saddest vig I have ever read *steals tissue box from padawan*

 

My Master has always delighted in pushing me beyond my self-appointed limits. He never had he accepted the words, "I can't." He knew better and so he challenged me to be better, do more, and go farther.

But this was much too dreadful.

That was lovely.

. . . I'll be in that corner crying if anyone needs me.

EDIT: (note to self: do not copy&paste quotation marks or apostrophes)

 

Oh my... you ain't kidding...pass the tissues my way next!!!

A part of me longs to become a child again so that I can throw myself against him and wail about the injustice of it all. I want to find solace in unrestrained tears and give myself up to my grief.

And there is another part of me that longs to be an old man, one who has weathered grief?s storm who knows he will survive the agony. That man would not be torn to pieces by this loss, he would be able to acknowledge his grief and still go about the daily business of living.

But I can do neither of those things. I am here in this moment and I must accept the unacceptable.

These words hit me the hardest... man how sad

Awesome job!!! (of course look who the author is hehehehe) Totally splendid work! Poor Obi could almost picture yourself in his shoes. Excellent descriptions and angst there!

 

See Mom, aren't you glad I finally broke you into posting this?

She wasn't going to post this but I was so annoying that she finally did!

 

*Grabs the tissue box from Kynstar*

It seems so odd that Qui-Gon has been defeated by something as common as death. He has always seemed larger than life, as big as the immeasurable Force he wielded with such confidence and humility.

Another masterpiece, K! You paid such wonderful attention to details - focusing on the clasp, his slow, deliberate pace. I could visualize every movement in my mind. You captured so eloquently how Obi-Wan must have felt in those final moments with his master.

 

How did this get to page two so quickly? Giving it a boost even if it is sad

 

Qui-Gon is not one of my most favorite characters, but how can you not like someone brought to life by the incredible Liam Neeson?

He had no time to worry about appearance, he was too busy living.

This is exactly the way Qui-Gon came across to me. I always thought he was a bit hasty in his treatment of both Anakin and Obi-Wan, but it was not because of some innate malice. I just thought it was because he felt that he needed to get on with it -- almost like he knew that he didn't have time enough for what he needed to accomplish. The line above succintly says how I feel about him. Terrific!

Beautiful as usual. Thanks for sharing.

 

VadersMistress Yes, you may come out and play now. But you really did twist my arm with this, I wasn't ready!

Layren Thank you! I'm glad you liked it so much that you barely finished it. I was feeling angsty... Oh, and thanks for that boost!

lazykbys Do you want to come out of the corner now? Thank you for reading!

Kynstar Here are your virtual tissues. Thank you for reading and for your very kind words!

Gina You're so sweet! I'm glad you liked it, you always make my day.

lvk1978 I agree, Mr. Neeson is awesome! Thank you for reading!

Healer_Leona Thank you! I've always thought that Obi-Wan must have gotten very emotional at some point and then gotten himself together like a proper little Jedi!

Thanks to all who read this one!

 

*sniffles* Oh, Kimberley, you've done it again! *bursts into full-out sobs* Tissues? Anybody?

 

What are you trying to do to us, VL?? *sobs*
this just isn't fair!! there should be a warning (something like: warning: this will rip out your heart and make you cry for days so be ready)! unsuspecting readers could just meander in here otherwise and really get hurt.

I love the flow, the continuity, how you just kept bringing Obi back to how alive Qui always was, but now isn't:
He had no time to worry about appearance, he was too busy living.
I had never realized how much Qui-Gon inhabited his body, made that frail human flesh come to life. He is truly gone now; that is plain to see as I prepare his body for the pyre.
It seems so odd that Qui-Gon has been defeated by something as common as death. He has always seemed larger than life, as big as the immeasurable Force he wielded with such confidence and humility.
When what is left of Qui-Gon is placed on that pyre I flinch at the finality of it.

And Obi's agony is just so real and deep and cutting....I'd post all those quotes, but then I'd just be posting the whole thing over, so I'll spare us all, for now.

You truly have the gift of words, Kimberly. Don't hide it! And please don't hoard it! Listen to your daughter you should!

edit: "miserably wonderful" could sum this up well

 

*Grabs tissues*

 

It seems so odd that Qui-Gon has been defeated by something as common as death. He has always seemed larger than life, as big as the immeasurable Force he wielded with such confidence and humility.

You're killing me here! I think that was the saddest thing I've read in a long, long time.

 

That was lovely. The descriptions and details were wonderful. I feel, um, odd that I'm not near tears, but that's not because it wasn't good! You really did a good job showing how he would act, I totally agree that at some point he must have been emotional. Great job showing the effects of Qui-Gon's life after it was over. Really nice work.

 

*sniff* *sniff* That was great.

 

Very well done. You portrayed Obi-Wan quite well as he might have felt immediately after Qui-Gon's death.

 

nadenaberrie Thank you! You know how much I value your opinion (a whole bunch) so that means a lot to me. Tissues are at the ready...

SarkaVrae My daughter is persistent, to say the least. Thanks for reading.

PadawanKitara Thank you...

AnakinsHeir Sorry, I didn't mean to kill you. Now go write something for the songfic challenge! And thanks!

AthenaLeigh Tears are not required! Thank you so much for reading.

Opal Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

BrokenNoseOfQui-Gon Thanks!

 

VL - Very touching vignette.

An interesting take on the Jedi funerary customs. You captured Obi-Wan in a real, intimate and human moment. It reminds us that despite the order's teachings on death (Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter), it was still a difficult task to say goodbye to the physical manifestation of a mentor.

Very Nice!

 

This was so sad! I never thought about what happened between Qui-Gon dying and his actual funeral. Now I'll always have this scene in my mind when I watch TPM.

 

"For just a moment, I let myself pretend that he was sleeping.

Just sleeping."

It takes a lot for something to make me cry - you just managed it! *sniffle* But that was totally wonderful! Permission to archive? Just perfect for Obi-Wan...I just heard his voice in your words!

 

Wow, I'm so glad this was upped. I hadn't read it before and I always love your vigs. This one, especially. You truly got me choked up. The whole piece was very true, not overwrought, not overly simplistic, but just enough to give the sense of the burden. This little ritual reminded me a similar ending in a Japanese book I read. It's such a gentle, personal, and respectful act. So sad

My favourite bit was this whole section:

As I prepare him for his final journey, I am torn between two conflicting desires.

A part of me longs to become a child again so that I can throw myself against him and wail about the injustice of it all. I want to find solace in unrestrained tears and give myself up to my grief.

And there is another part of me that longs to be an old man, one who has weathered grief?s storm and who knows he will survive the agony. That man would not be torn to pieces by this loss, he would be able to acknowledge his grief and still go about the daily business of living.

But I can do neither of those things. I am here in this moment and I must accept the unacceptable.

That whole process of thinking just hit me really hard. Because Obi-Wan is at such a milestone age and kind of feeling stuck in between childhood and adulthood because Jedi padawans are not on their own until later. The thing is, I could see those ages both as little Obi-Wan and old Ben, and see this Obi-Wan stuck in the hard times of experience in between. Very well-written emotions and thoughts, there.

-sj loves kevin spacey

 

Usually I don't read PT stuff, but this was most certainly worth it.
Very well written, so touching. *sniff*

 

As I prepare him for his final journey, I am torn between two conflicting desires.

A part of me longs to become a child again so that I can throw myself against him and wail about the injustice of it all. I want to find solace in unrestrained tears and give myself up to my grief.

And there is another part of me that longs to be an old man, one who has weathered grief?s storm and who knows he will survive the agony. That man would not be torn to pieces by this loss, he would be able to acknowledge his grief and still go about the daily business of living.

But I can do neither of those things. I am here in this moment and I must accept the unacceptable.

"I must accept the unacceptable."

But, why do I always feel like screaming, "Noooooooo!" along with Obi-Wan?

What a poingant, touching vignette!