Saga One Prick to Bleed - an AU beginning in AotC (Obi, Ani, Sabe, Yoda) - Mar. 1

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Amidolee, Jun 24, 2005.

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  1. Miana Kenobi Costuming & Props Mod - Retired Admin

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 8
  2. MasterSareBabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2004
    star 3
    Hmm, I am intrigued by Anakin now. :confused: And, of course, I am very anxious to see where this goes!
  3. bobilll Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    star 4
    DIE, DRL, DIE!!!

    </maniac>

    If the post is really long and good, then we're patient. :)
  4. Calamity Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2000
    star 4
    Please can we have more???? Pretty please???

  5. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
    Hey, people. Um, I know it's been way too long since I posted, and I really wish the next post was ready to go, but it's not. It's been busy, what with finals and work, and now May interim, work, and studying for the GRE. I am working on the next post (it's currently at 5 pages and we haven't got to the juicy bits yet, so there may be some major cutting), but it'll be slow in coming unless this week goes really well. So, just letting you know I haven't abandoned this yet, but it may be awhile.
  6. Obischick Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 25, 2001
    star 4
    She lives! :) ;) Just teasing. Take your time! At least we know you're working on it, and when it's done, it'll be worth the wait!

    ~Obischick~[face_peace]
  7. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
    OMG! A POST! Holy space cows, Jediman! :eek: I'm sorry about long wait, people. End of the term was followed by extra job hours, exhaustion, a second job, and writing issues. The post was getting really long, and I still hadn't got to the actual Sabe and Padme square-off, so I could've posted a bit sooner, but I did promise the next one would be them, so I didn't post all the preliminary stuff. Which, there's tons. This is 16 pages in word, so I'm splitting it and making it two posts. Hope this doesn't let you all down!







    Chapter Seventeen

    The last vestiges of twilight lingered in the faint pink mists from the waterfalls spilling from the cliffs of Theed. Starflies buzzed and blinked through the cooling air, clusters of them hovering over the hedges and under the arching branches of trees rich in green splendor. Sabé deeply breathed in the evening?s perfume, letting the moisture from the nearest waterfall soothe her lungs. The stone beneath her bare feet emanated summery warmth, but she didn?t mind as a gentle breeze lifted from the Valley Solleau.

    Someone approached from behind, and Sabé smiled a little as she heard Amidala tease, ?Thought I might find you out here.?

    ?It?s a good evening, Your Highness,? the handmaiden shrugged. She let her elbows rest on the balcony?s sculpted railing.

    ?Hmm.? The Queen, long hair freed of official stateliness, joined Sabé at the rail, mimicking her leaning position.

    Together they gazed out over the glowing domes of Theed?s skyline, the mountains only dark, rising shadows. Sabé?s gaze traveled beyond the reaching peaks, becoming lost in the purple-blue infinity broken only by twinkling pinpricks of other lives being lived. If she stretched out a finger, she could almost touch those stars, those lives. She smiled a little at the foolish notion. Not even Saché and Amidala would probably understand how wonderfully soothing and humbling it was to gaze up at the galactic heaven and realize just how small she could be, how even Naboo could be. On the whole she was even tinier than these pinlights, her hidden life behind the Queen?s shoulder just that much smaller, that much more intricate, in the grand scheme stretching from the Theed plateau to the black-ridge horizon. Everywhere else, Naboo and all its people were just lost as another speck in the night sky. She could easily convince herself time had not passed since the Naboo believed themselves to be the only beings in the galaxy. But then there were refugee matters from troubles systems, the somewhat resolved trade recalibration to strengthen, and the aftereffect of the Trade Federation?s invasion . . .

    The skygazing?s magic seemed to drift away with the night breeze. Sabé ticked off the constellations and their systems, her eyes crossing the sky toward the so extremely far Core worlds. So many worlds with so many things happening. So many beings in need of help?

    Amidala?s laugh startled Sabé.

    ?What?? she asked.

    ?You just sighed,? said the Queen, grinning. ?It was horrible, like you have the vapors.?

    ?Sorry.? Sabé smiled sheepishly. A starfly floated lazily over the balcony?s surrounding bushes.

    Amidala turned around, leaning back against the rail and studying Sabé. ?Anything on your mind??

    ?Not really.? Sabé watched the starfly briefly touch upon a white petal.

    ?I could always order you to tell me,? Amidala said impishly. Sabé cocked an eyebrow at her. ?All right, you know I would never do that. Still, is something wrong? You?ve been so quiet lately. You haven?t even argued with Eirtaé all week.?

    Sabé laughed at that. ?I rather thought that would be considered an improvement.? When Sabé returned her eyes to the sky, Amidala sighed, and then reached over to fiddle with the long, draping sleeve of Sabé?s yellow handmaiden gown.

    ?Are you bored?? the Queen asked quietly.

    ?What?? Sabé forgot the stars, focused everything on her friend?s pensive face. ?Ami?Your Highness,? she said in a low voice. ?I assure you, I am unwa
  8. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
    ~*~*~

    As he rode the lift to the midlevel receiving bay, Obi-Wan thought of all the dangerous, horrific places he could be right now. Tortured within an inch of his life, chained to a post for some grotesque creature to feast upon, blasted to tiny little bits?all of this sounded quite good. Anything and anywhere was quite preferable to the Temple right now. The Jedi Knight pinched the bridge of his nose and inhaled deeply. If only the Force would grant him a grisly lift malfunction, like a tragic plummet to the very deep bottoms of the Temple?

    Of course, Obi-Wan reasoned as he exhaled into artificial serenity, his death would be a bit inconvenient. No, his selfish relief would only aggrandize the burden on others.

    The lift slowed to a smooth halt. Obi-Wan straightened up as the doors whispered open. A brief wash of turbulence stirred his cloak as he strode out of the lift into the receiving bay, to all appearances a calm, businesslike Jedi. His eyes swept up the wide interior, noting the vacancies of the fleet, now dispensed to war. A sleek planetary ship with a reflecting hull was settling in the temporary lane of the bay. A Jedi is never late nor early, Obi-Wan thought wryly as he headed for the Nubian interior-class ship, he arrives precisely when he means to.

    Anakin had always used that excuse. Obi-Wan frowned, tried to ignore the cold pressing along his spine. He?d not seen Anakin since the Council had separated them upon arrival. After yesterday?s meeting with Yoda and Mace Windu, he assumed the Padawan had been with the Senator. Obi-Wan wished he could put faith in Anakin?s ability to sever ties with Padmé Amidala, but he knew the young man too well for that. The Council had been right a decade ago: the boy was too old, too attached to let go. When he awoke this morning to a still absent Anakin, his fears felt confirmed. Anakin would not be returning to the Order. Even if he intended to return, spending one last night with the Senator would not appease the Council.

    But the Senator?s appearance here was not about Anakin. Obi-Wan gently placed his mind in the now as the ship?s ramp lowered. He?d shamefacedly informed Yoda he wished to be as detached from the Mabriee situation as possible. The green little blighter promptly put him in charge of this early evening visit.

    Senator Padmé Amidala walked briskly down the small ramp, closely shadowed by her singular handmaiden Dormé. Several things struck the Jedi at once. Amidala?s expression matched her wardrobe: dark and structurally stern. Her navy bodice was tight and firm around her figure, but the sleeves and skirt lent presence and power in her stride, and even her hair, though simpler than on voting days, gave her height. What really struck Obi-Wan, however, was how the handmaiden was hardly comparable to those who once served under the Queen. She was not so much a decoy and bodyguard as a companion, albeit a skilled and protective one. Inches taller than the Senator, Dormé projected a motherly yet groveling presence as she followed in Amidala?s wake. Although he knew her to be a gentle, well-schooled woman, Obi-Wan felt . . . uneasy seeing her here.

    ?Senator,? said Obi-Wan, bowing politely to Amidala.

    ?Jedi Kenobi.? Her face and voice were terse, palpable anger broiling in her eyes. How curious she and Sabé should share such alike eyes, yet their effects were so different . . .

    ?If you?ll follow me, please,? he said, pushing the thought aside. As he turned for the lifts, he glanced at Dormé. The handmaiden was clearly uncomfortable as her eyes scanned the bay, briefly meeting Obi-Wan?s before flitting by. She was not so skilled in hiding her concerns, the Jedi thought. Then he pushed the comparison away and the lift doors opened for what Obi-Wan was certain to be the most uncomfortable ride of his life.

    As the lift descended, Obi-Wan studied Senator Amidala from the corner of his eye. She?d always been an interesting figure to him, becoming more and more someone to be cautious of. Yes,
  9. Miana Kenobi Costuming & Props Mod - Retired Admin

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 8
    *Kills Padmé*

    Great job, hon! NEEDS SABEWAN MUSH. NOW.
  10. FitJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 14, 2006
    star 4
    Wow,, I'm so glad this back! Such intensity in both of those chapters there.. great update. Please keep me on the pm list for this one. Can't wait for more.
  11. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
    Welcome, FitJedi! :) The ego wandering around somewhere in me is always happy to see more readers. ;) I'll put you on the list!
  12. AngelQueen Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2001
    star 4
    *flings a potted plant after Padmé* Evil, selfish woman! :mad: :mad:

    Great update, Amidolee! Well worth the wait! Awesome! I rather like Sabé's interpretation of Anakin and Padmé's marriage. She did force him to choose between the Order and her, no matter how willing he was to make that choice. Creepy.

    Now, where has the little Padawan brat gone? If he's not in the Temple, or with his vicious wife, then I can only think of one other place that he'd go. *shudders* Definitely not a good thing... [face_worried] [face_worried]

    Again, excellent job! :)

    AQ
  13. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I'd like to fling much more than a potted plant at her!
  14. MasterSareBabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2004
    star 3
    Amazing update! Well worth the wait. I have a suspicion about the healer, though. I don't trust him at all. [face_mischief]
  15. bobilll Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    star 4
    :eek: :eek:

    Wow, what a post! So very, very, very glad not to see this abandoned! Must say, vision was as poignant as ever. Obi-wan's last minute question was an interesting touch... his everlasting devotion toward the one he must convict is heartwarming, albeit not quite enough.

    I didn't quite expect Amidala's reaction to be so terse, but it suits her, it fits both women quite well. I guess Amidala, like Anakin and Obi-wan, just need some time to get used to the idea, re-warm up to Sabe a bit. Sigh, I guess if I were in Amidala's situation, I wouldn't know what to do either... Sabe would seem so archaic, always mumbling about oaths and honors, and not thinking realistically.

    Ok, Yoda, now's a good time to show your hand in this...

    And I just had to notice:

    A Jedi is never late nor early, Obi-Wan thought wryly as he headed for the Nubian interior-class ship, he arrives precisely when he means to

    A wee bit of LOTR, I see... :)

    Awesome posts; keep them coming!
  16. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    First, so glad to see this story up and running again! ;) Second, WOW! What a post! :eek: =D=

    As he rode the lift to the midlevel receiving bay, Obi-Wan thought of all the dangerous, horrific places he could be right now. Tortured within an inch of his life, chained to a post for some grotesque creature to feast upon, blasted to tiny little bits?all of this sounded quite good. Anything and anywhere was quite preferable to the Temple right now. The Jedi Knight pinched the bridge of his nose and inhaled deeply. If only the Force would grant him a grisly lift malfunction, like a tragic plummet to the very deep bottoms of the Temple?

    Of course, Obi-Wan reasoned as he exhaled into artificial serenity, his death would be a bit inconvenient. No, his selfish relief would only aggrandize the burden on others.


    For some reason, this passage just really appealed to me! I loved it! Bravo on a job well done! =D=
  17. Senator_Lorena Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 21, 2003
    star 2
    Welcome back! So glad to see the update!

    I know it probably would not be in the best interest of the story, but some Sabe and Obi mush would be such instant gratification. [face_thinking]

    This fic is very heavy in dealing with the psychological elements of the characters. I like how you deal with Sabe's struggles. Your handling of Obi-Wan's thoughts is compelling. Your writing of Amidala's conflict with Sabe is dead on.

    I know your life is busy, but I hope there is not a long stretch between this and the next post! If I do have to wait, I know it will be worth it.

    ~SL~
  18. Obischick Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 25, 2001
    star 4
    Wow! Fantastic update! I love the flashback/dream sequence in the beginning. Very interesting idea to show something so realistic and sort of fade it into a dream. I really liked that part... very good beginning.

    I'm not sure how I feel about the healer guy, he seems nice enough, and as much as I want him to just be nice, I can't help but think that he has some kind of alterior motives for his kindness. But then, I can't quite believe Jedi to use that kind of manipulation. But then I didn't think Yoda could have a secret assasin, and look how you've got me believin that! So essentially: I'm confused about motives. Good work! ;)

    Liked the interation between Obi and Sabé, very good dialoge. I respect her devotion to duty, but part of me, especially after learning she's going to the wastelands!, wants me to say, eff that. And tell Obi everything. But she's right... it would hurt him to much. God, I love the dynamics of this crazy situation you've created!

    I thought the descript of Dormé was really interesting. I love how you're able to describe her sort of as a meek person, without saying that outright or making her sound incompetent. Loved Sabé's jolt when she sees her.

    OH! That confrontation was worth the wait! Loved how crazy Padmé was acting. I think Sabé is right, that Padmé is blaming her own problems on Sabé and calling them Sabé's problems. Also love how Amidala is concieted enough to think that Sabé's still bitter over what happened between them. That tells me that Amidala is still thinking about it. Veeeery interesting. I love how you take a completely different side of Padme, and what Obi-Wan thinks of the marriage. Also Sabé's last question about Anakin. Very interesting.

    And where is that crazy Anakin?? Something tells me he's up to no good with Palpatine.

    [face_thinking]

    ~Obischick~ [face_peace]
  19. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
    Hey, everyone! I've been meaning to respond for the past week or so, but life's been busy and I've been sick. Geh to DRL. Just letting you know that the next post might not come until after June 30th, because that's when I take the GRE, and I really need to study up for this. :oops:




    Obischick - Glad you liked the memory-to-dream sequence, that nearly got cut! I think you're the second one to be suspicious of Dolin. There's nothing nefarious about him; he's a remnant of a bunny I had and is primarily a sort-of friend for Sabe at the Temple. Ha, good to hear the craziness is working for you! ;) And, yes, Anakin's chumming with Palps.

    Senator Lorena ? lol at the need for Obi/Sabe mush. Um, I?ll get back to you on that. ;-)

    VaderLVR64 ? Hee, isn?t Obi wonderful? Glad you enjoyed the post, and hopefully I?ll have the next one up in better time.

    bobilll ? Hee, I couldn?t help the LotR quote. I?m shameless, I know. I like how you put the whole Sabe and Amidala issue with Sabe seeming so archaic to the other. Lol, I think it?d take Ami a looooong time to warm up to her again, however. ;)

    MasterSareBabe ? Poor Dolin, no one trusts him! :_(

    PadawanKitara ? I love it when readers get violent!

    AngelQueen ? Yeah, it?s always bugged me that Amidala would even open the door for Anakin to go back on the Jedi. Of course, by the end of AotC, I wasn?t exactly pleased with her behavior. *sigh*
  20. MasterSareBabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2004
    star 3
    Keep updating, or I will die! Haha...not, it's not that dramatic, but this is one of my favorite fanfics of all time--and that is saying something. Please keep going with this![face_praying]
  21. cutemara Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 7, 2005
    *nods*

    This is one of my favourite fics too. I really hope you continue it!
  22. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
    Sorry, guys. I haven't given up or anything, I've actually got 3 different Chapter 18 starts on the computer, it's just that when I do get settled to write, everything is coming out fatally bad or boring. Maybe the start of term will rejuvenate my brain or something without bogging me down with too much work (ha!). I don't want to go on official hiatus, because then it would be too easy for me to just let it slide away, and I definitely hate the idea of an unfinished fic (it always pained me the few I couldn't finish). But I really do not have an estimate for anyone. :(
  23. Calamity Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2000
    star 4
    Hi. Thought I'd bring this back up in the hope of getting another post. I love this story and am desperately looking for the next bit.

    Anything I can do to help your muse respond, let me know! :)
  24. bobilll Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 8, 2002
    star 4
    Wah, fic no die! It'd be sad if fic dies cuz then we'd all be left wondering way too much... I hope your DRL gets better!
  25. noahsark418 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Nov 5, 2006
    Please don't let this fiction die! I just started reading it this month and have fallen in love with the story line. I can't wait to see what happens next.
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