So NV One Sentence Story

"You'll need new, cooler clothes, but first open up the bottom of the Disco Holocron and take out the gold medallion necklace."

 

Opening the holocron, Onsal took the medallion and placed it on his neck, instantly feeling a strong influx of the Funk (the funky side of the Force);he felt himself one step closer to being a Disci Master.

 

"Now Onsal, go get a white outfit, with a black tunic for underneath which you will keep unbuttoned to mid-chest level to expose your medallion of power and your chest hair."

 

With that, Onsal pocketed the holocron and headed to the infamous "city in the clouds" otherwise known as "Cloud City" or "Lando's Crib" to meet with Lando (Onsal suspected that Lando, being the only black man in the universe, would be able to help him find some righteous duds).

 

Onsal quickly returned to his small frieghter, and took it up through the turbulent atmoshphere until at last, Lando's Crib became visible.

 

As he approached Lando's Crib, Onsal heard on his comm-link, "Welcome to Cloud city, the Funk-ay-ist place in the known galaxy. If yoyu know the extension of the person you want to reach, please, dial it now!"

 

Meanwhile, somewhere on Cloud City a.k.a. Lando's Crib: "No, YOU listen! I'm Lando Calrissian, and you KNOW I got to have the funkiest landspeeder in the galaxy when I visit planets! Now lower it further, and put those purple neon effects underneath and YES I want the bazooka bass in each seat and... wait a minute, hold up.... I sense someone coming... someone with an incredible amount of funk potential augmented by... THE FUNK MEDALLION! Keep working on my speeder, I'll be back later!"

 

Lando got on his communicator and hailed to Onsal: "greetings, it is I Lando, The funkiest man on this planet! What brings someone choosen of Tra'Volta to my humbled abode?"

 

"Er.. umm what is up on the down side my home boy," Onsal struggled,"uh.. yo yo I am on my way to avenge the Disco Lords of the Funk, but I need to become.. umm.. the expl-er.. I mean bomb, in my outfit..."

 

Lando appeared using his coolest walk and said, "Welcome...have a Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull, it gives you Dope Wings, and we will go to the funkiest store on the planet and get you looking phat, boyeee" as he tugged at Onsal's sleeve.

 

Onsal looked obviously confused as Lando led him to a place he called S'vin Y'levynn, "Before I begin to lace you in the dopest threads, and give you further training in the Disco ways of the Funk, you must learn....The Strut."(insert emotional theme music here)

Onsal felt completely out of place as Lando began walking with a limp...

 

"I feel powerful emmanations of the force funk from you Lando," said Onsal, "You must be the chosen one foretold of in prophecy who will bring the funky balance back to the force." At this Lando was enveloped in funky force blacklight effects, and a fro appeared upon his head; he turned to Onsal raised his right fist beside his head and cooly exclaimed, "solid."

 

Lando continued, "I have become great in the Funk, but with this power comes some great responsiblity, so listen up punk, cuz I'm only sayin this once; there are two sides to the funk:The Dope side, and the Whack side."

 

Suddenly, before Lando could continue, there appeared behind the counter (in a flash red smoke) a Devaronian who said "Plaaaaay for me the best sooong in the galaxy... or I'll eat your soul!"

 

Onsal acting qickly and not thinking clearly put his dime in the jukebox and start up a song: Its raining men.

 

Lando, recognizing that their souls were in imminent danger of being eaten, unleashed Funk Lighting from his fingertips- and moments later, the jukebox started playing Jungle Jazz by Kool & the Gang.

 

in a flash the Devaronian started to get down to the funk; he encouraged our heros to join in!

 

The Devaronian said to them, "Are ye angels?"

 

At this point the music stopped, and Onsal and Tra'Volta stared confusedly at the Devaronian . . . after about 30 seconds of awkward silence Onsal asked, "What?"

 

Then Lando sagely replied,"Nay, we are but men- ROCK!"

 

Onsal, being not as smart as Tra'Volta Replied "Scissors! CRAP! I LOST!" at that Tra'Volta slapped him.

 

The Devaronian dissolved in flash of light, and our two heroes were left alone safe and unharmed.

 

Tra'volta asked "What was THAT all about?" to which Onsal just shrugged.

 

But then the Deveronian reappeared in the same flash of red smoke just to add, "Haven't you ever heard of Tenacious D?" He rolled his eyes at these supposed heros and dissapeared again.

 

"Ok," Onsal added, "If we ever fibnd that creatures home planet, we should blow it up;" Tra'Volta nodded.