One Word. TPM, anguish

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by TheSwedishJedi, May 12, 2002.

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  1. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
    It's not what you think people. I'm not posting another story. This was just something I wrote for another one and it doesn't fit very well now. So, what do you do? Make it a one poster. And yes it's true, it is not an AU and Qui-Gon is dead. I ususally don't write fics where he dies, or stays dead, but this came to me and I just had too.

    Summary: Obi-Wan grieves after Naboo.
    Spoilers: TPM
    Disclaimers: My name is not George Lucas so no one has to worry about that whole money thing.

    __________________________________
    You?re gone. I can?t believe it. You?re really gone. I can?t believe I?m here, watching the flames die down, the ashes settle. There is a crowd. Or course there is. You were a Jedi Master. It?s only fitting. You were powerful, wise, and respected. So yes of course you would have a large audience at? your?

    You were a great warrior too. A fighter, swordsman. The best in the whole Order they said. Much good it did you. All your training and skill failed you.

    I failed you.

    I wish they would just leave me alone. That?s all I want. To be alone. With what?s left of you.

    Oh, Master why did you have to leave? Why did you have to go? Why couldn?t it have been me? I?d gladly go if it meant you would be here instead.

    He?s standing by me you know. Waiting. I?m supposed to train him now. Me. Not you. It should be you. But no, you left me with him. Made me promise. Oh, Master, how? How could you do that? I?m not ready. No where near ready. To be a Knight perhaps but not a Master. Did you care for him so quickly? What took me years to get through your shields and guards and it took him only a day, a few hours.

    You were proud of me, weren?t you Master? You told me before but not at the end. When it mattered. All you could talk about was the boy. The Chosen One.

    One word. That?s all I wanted. Just one word. Please, Master, just one word. I can?t do this Master. Please, just one word. Can you hear me Master? Please. Are you proud of me? Do you care? One word.

    Please?

    My heart is breaking, Master. Shattering within me. There?s an empty void now. A void that is screaming at me to find you. To find you and have you make the hurt go away. How can I care for the boy if all I think about is you? Please Master, forgive me for failing you.

    I?m on my knees now. They?re too weak to hold me up any longer. The boy is calling for help, I think. We are the only ones left now. How much time has passed? Is everyone gone? His voice is faint, far off. I wonder why it?s like that. He?s besides me isn?t he? I look up. No, he?s by the opening, yelling. He shouldn?t yell. It?s not polite. We?re at a palace for Force?s sake. At a? a?

    Funeral.

    I stare at the now cooling pyre. For a moment I had forgotten. How did I do that? How could I do that? I?m sorry, Master. I didn?t mean to forget. I could never forget. Not you.

    The pyre blurs, becomes out of focus. What? Why can?t I see it? What?s wrong with me now?

    I close my eyes. I?m so tired. Tears, that?s what it was, why I couldn?t see, tears. Tears run down my face. Hot and fast. They soak my cheeks. I taste them on my lips. Salty and warm. Such an odd thing, tears. I understand that they are there to protect your eyes. Clean them, keep them moist. Even when you?re as upset as I am, to cry with. But salt? Why that? What good is that for?

    I?m actually proud of the fact that I?m not making any noise. I might have given in to my weakness to cry, but I?ll do it in silence thank you very much. No need to tell everyone else of my failings too.

    There is a sound near by but I?m too tired, too drained to care. Maybe it?s the Sith here to finish his job. No, wait. I killed him. For? for killing Master. Good riddance.

    My anger flares for a moment, hot and bright. I want to strike out at anything and everything. Why did he have to leave?! He wasn?t supposed to! He wasn?t supposed to push me aside. To chose the ?Chosen One?. He had me! Wasn?t I enough?!

    I bow my head and shoulders, my anger gone as fast as it appeared. Wasn?t I
  2. sheleigh Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 31, 2002
    star 4
    Oh... that's depressing... fantastic, Swede! :) I loved Obi-Wan's thoughts. Again, bravo!
  3. PadawanKitara Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Oh Swede, That is heart wrenching. I know this isn't your ususal, but it's to good not to continue it.
  4. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
    Thanks, sheleigh. :D

    Well, Kitara, this is, or at least was, part of a longer story I'm slowly working on, but as I writing it out, this first part just wasn't fitting. But I liked it too much to get rid of it. Hopefully I'll get that other one done soon so I can start posting it. But it might be awhile. It's pretty long. Glad you liked it though.
  5. Mar17swgirl Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Dec 26, 2000
    star 7
    Swede, it's great! :) I loved it. Very nice insight into Obi-Wan's psyche after Qui-Gon's death. The emotions were very well written, and the first person style fits well in here. I think you made a good decision by making this a vignette (a one-scene story). :) Good job!
  6. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
    Thanks Mar. [face_blush] :)

    Anyone else care to read?
  7. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
    Let's try this one more time.
  8. TheFallen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2001
    star 4
    Oh, Swede! You know that regardless of what you write I'm sitting there gobbling it up and then staring up at you with big eyes saying, "Please, sir, I'd like some more."

    :D

    Good enough analogy? Correct, too - I loved this one, also. So sad, yet so exquisitely heart breaking.
  9. Cheveyo Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2001
    star 5
    Yep, I must say this really rather depressing... but an incredible insight into Obi's thoughts! How he blames himself, then becomes angry with Qui Gon, and (it seemed) almost jealous of Qui Gon's interest in Anakin!

    Very good.
  10. shanobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2001
    star 4
    This WAS really sad, but I didn't get too depressed. How could I when I can just go to Bonds or Eyes and see Qui and Obi together? :) Like they are meant to be.

    As always your writing is inspiring, and so heartfelt. This was a VERY realistic portrayal of what Obi may have felt after Qui's death. Oh, you so did Obi justice in this piece :D

    So sad, but so good.
  11. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
  12. JediClare Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 8, 2001
    star 4
    :mad: Permission to murder Anakin, ma'am!

    Poor Obi-Wan. :_| (And Qui-Gon is dead :_|)


    Good job (no sarcasm ;))
  13. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Swede - I may be late - but I finally made it, in time to read this lovely little example of stream of consciousness.

    How poignant and sweet - and heartrending, to be able to watch his thoughts and almost taste the salt of his tears, while waiting for him to work his way through his confusion.

    Very, very well written, Swede. Maybe you should explore doing a series of vignettes of his thoughts at critical moments in his life - a sort of mental progression as an analogy of the course of his journey. I think you would do it justice.

    CYN
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