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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Ordinary Girl(Rebel Alliance Fighter Pilot Drama Action)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Coota, Nov 3, 2002.

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  1. Coota

    Coota Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2002
    Ordinary Girl: A Heli Certense Story
    By Nathan Savio/Coota

    The office was like a thousand others that had existed throughout military history. Generally austere, with a few trinkets from various campaigns scattered about the walls. The only furniture in the room was a desk that had been constructed out of various materials found around the base, and the poor excuse for a chair that had been placed behind it. It was not the most memorable of rooms, but anyone entering it would have had a strange feeling of déjà vu. Functionality over form had always been the watchword in military circles, and would most likely always be, as long as militaries existed in this universe, or others.

    The scene playing out in the room was not especially singular either, at least to the casual observer. A young lady, somewhere in her mid twenties, stood in front of the desk with her dark brown eyes caged forward, trying her best to concentrate on some invisible point on the stark metal walls. She wasn?t especially beautiful, or even striking in any way. She was the kind of person that made up the mass portion of the population; someone noone ever noticed as they passed her on the streets. Not that she would have cared to be noticed, regardless of her physical condition. It wasn?t in her character to want to draw attention to herself, which made her position in front of this desk even more uncomfortable.

    Her long brown hair was worn in a sloppily constructed bun, while her too-thin body was concealed in the bright orange flightsuit of the Alliance Starfighter Command, the one feature of her personage that attracted any attention at all. Her eyes were set too far apart, or her nose was too far down, to bring any real attention to that area of her body. The uniform was her identifying mark, her only claim to distinction, though she would not have been the one to point out that fact. It was likely that a thought like that would never have even entered into any of her calculations of the world. Flight Officer Heli Certense was most likely one of the most singularly un-ambitious and unmemorable personages in the universe. This made it even more surprising to those who actually noticed her that trillions of other beings just like her existed all over the universe, going about their daily tasks and living their lives out without a single attempt to change their positions in the world.

    The only difference was that none of those trillions had joined the Rebel Alliance, and none of those trillions were starfighter pilots. The difference was that Heli had wanted to change her position in the universe, and had done so. The fact that she had managed to assume an equally unnoticeable career as a pilot was either impressive or frightening to those who knew her. She did have friends, of course, the kind that most singularly unnoticeable people have. Those friends had wondered what could have brought her to decide that the Rebellion was her place in the world, but that question quickly gave way to more important ones, the kind that always obsess young pilots, or young people in general. They would have all wondered how someone as unnoticeable as Heli could ever end up standing in front of the desk of an Alliance Starfighter Wing Commander, for any reason whatever, if they had still been alive. However, their status as mortals had been changed rather abruptly about four days earlier, in some of the most intense fighting the wing had ever seen.

    That was not why Heli was standing there, however, waiting for her wing commander to lift his head from her files and speak. She was there because, for once in her life, she had done something rather noticeable.

    Heli?s squadron had disintegrated around her minutes into the battle. They had been flying old Z-95 Headhunters, snubfighters that had become obsolete before Heli had even been born, escorting a flight of Y-Wing Assault Bombers against an Imperial ship construction facility. What had been meant to be a quick strike had turned into a fight for survival when multiple Imperial capital ships had jum
     
  2. Coota

    Coota Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2002
    ((Next Part))

    Heli had been shipped out the following day on a Rebel transport carrying supplies to her destination, Ysala Base, where her new squadron was waiting for her. She?d been told that most of the pilots were new to the Rebellion, but weren?t new to flying: former smugglers, former system defense personnel and even an ex-TIE pilot. They were all as different as could be, and for the first time in her life, Heli was worried. Her entire life, she had always done what she knew she had the capabilities and skills for. She had never once operated out of her league, never once taken a long shot. Therefore, she had never had to really worry about whether she could do a job: she always knew that she could before taking it.

    Because of that one moment of impulsiveness during the last battle, she had been thrust into the position of having to do something she wasn?t sure she could do for the first time in her life. Her entire life she had believed what others told her: that she was ordinary, unimaginative: she couldn?t argue with their logic. She had never understood the lure of space travel, had never understood why other people her age enjoyed holodramas: she could never really imagine anything beyond what was in front of her. That was why her decision to join the Rebellion had been so strange. That first impulsive decision had lead to a series of events that lead to this new, impulsive decision, which had then lead to this whole new world of responsibility.

    Since then, she had been sitting in the troop transport hold of the Wynssa Starflare, probably the only transport in the fleet named after an actress, an actress in Imperial holodramas no less. One of the other soldiers in the hold had told her that the captain who named it had been going for some kind of irony. Heli hadn?t quite gotten it.

    ?What are you up to, Lieutenant? You?ve been staring at those datapads this whole damn trip,? a voice came from behind her.

    Heli looked up and saw a handsome young man with staff sergeant marks on his uniform smiling down at her. He had dark black, slightly slanted eyes and darkish skin, with military cut black hair under a Rebel Transport Corps cap. She wasn?t quite sure why he had decided to talk to her: small talk had always been a chore for her. It wasn?t that she lacked emotion: it was just that it seemed like everyone else was more interesting than her. Heli never felt that she had anything really valuable to add to a conversation, even if responses kept coming to her.

    Finally, she decided he was just being polite and replied matter of factly, ?I?m looking at the reports for my new command.?

    ?Must be exciting. Hell, I remember when I got assigned my first transport once I got promoted to Crew Chief; granted, I wasn?t in command of the whole ship, but I couldn?t wait to get a chance at a position with some actual responsibility.?

    Heli wasn?t certain why the Sergeant was still talking to her. Normally people would go away after the first polite response. ?It?s a job. I was assigned, so I?ll fulfill my duties.?

    The sergeant raised his eyebrows and smiled slightly, ?That?s the first time I?ve heard that response from a fighter pilot, and I?ve transported quite a few of them. What?s your name, LT??

    ?Heli? Heli Certense? sergeant, why are you asking me all these questions?? she asked, straightforward as always.

    The staff sergeant look embarrassed and chuckled nervously, ?Well, I?ll be operating out of Ysala Base with you; I figure I should know the person who?s going to be escorting my transport around, keeping my crew alive. You don?t think I?m hitting on you, do you??

    Heli was too surprised almost to respond, but exclaimed, ?Of course not! I just want to get back to my work, Sergeant.?

    The sergeant smiled slightly, ?You need to lighten up, LT. We might be in serious fight for our lives, but we can?t just focus on the work. If you just shut yourself up in that datapad, without getting to know anyone, you?ll have some problems commanding: I know, I?ve seen officers do it before.?

    Heli
     
  3. Coota

    Coota Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2002
    ((Next part of the story))

    Heli had been met in the Ysala base hangar by her squadron exec, a tough looking Quarren with a limp. An exchange with the Deck Sergeant in charge of the hangar revealed that the Quarren, if nothing else, had a wide variety of vulgarities at his command. Heli didn?t even know what half of them meant in basic, except that it wasn?t something complimentary. Heli wasn?t quite sure what to make of him: she?d never had someone like this under her command before. In fact, she hadn?t had anyone under her command before.

    Regardless of his attitude with the sergeant, he did seem to respect rank; his tone was more subdued when he spoke to Heli, ?Well, ma?am, we have a busy schedule ahead of us: our squadron is the most collection of vlarkots? pardon my language? most useless collection of space trash this side of Wild Space. And this side of space is pretty damn big. Will you be introducin? y?self to them, ma?am??

    Heli pondered for a second as they made their way to the base turbolifts. ?I? guess I?m supposed to talk to them? what do you think??

    ?If I was in command, I would space the lot of ?em,? the Quarren chortled, then continued, ?But since I?m not, I don?t rightly know, ma?am. I was a tech sergeant until a week ago: they found out I had space combat experience, so they promoted me and sent me here. Supposed to be a grand battle in this sector, ma?am.?

    ?Well? then I suppose I better speak with them right away, if we might be going into combat soon? by the way, what was your name, Flight Officer?? Heli asked, quietly, as they stepped into the turbolift.

    The Quarren punched in the floor number of the squadron briefing room, and the turbolift zoomed off, before he replied, ?It?s Rakin, Lieutenant Certense, and it be a pleasure to meet ya. I heard about that maneuver during the Bisant Raid: the scum you?ll be commanding aren?t easily impressed, but I must say that did it.?

    Heli was confused; she wasn?t sure how the news of her last battle had traveled as quickly as it did. She didn?t quite know how to take this: she had never been exposed to any kind of fame before. Her fellow Alliance soldiers, for that matter, had barely even noticed Heli. All this attention was unnerving at best, and scary at worst.

    ?Impressed? them?? she managed to get out.

    ?Yes ma?am, but that can only count for so much. Ya can?t be so soft spoken, or else the bloodthirsty cutthroats?ll take advantage of ya,? Rakin advised, grinning from tentacle to tentacle.

    Heli smiled slightly, ?You don?t seem to have a very high opinion of the squadron.?

    ?Ma?am, I don?t have what you would call a high opinion of anyone, including me own birth mother. But if you lead us like you lead that squadron out of hells fires? then I think I could survive with a wee lass like you in command.?

    Heli didn?t have time to ponder what that meant, as the turbolift had come to a stop near the briefing room. ?Don?t you need to contact the squadron and get them assembled, Rakin?? Heli asked.

    ?No, ma?am. I took the liberty of assembling them there when you arrived. Even if you didn?t speak to them, I could use the time to instruct them in not being complete wastes of their mothers wombs, or whatever else it was that they came out of.?

    Heli coughed slightly in discomfort. The Quarren?s crass language would take some getting used to, but she knew she couldn?t order him to stop. It was hard enough for him to tone his language down as much as he did when he spoke to a superior officer. His language when he had speaking to the Deck Sergeant had not been so unrestrained, and Heli had a feeling that she would be suppressing a very good officer if she tried to curb this idiosyncrasy.

    Flight Officer Ravin preceded her into the squadron briefing room, his sergeant?s voice bellowing the customary call to attention. As Heli entered, she noticed that some of the inhabitants were slower in their rise to attention than others, but at least none of the pilots ignored the order entirely. It was better than nothing, and from the way Rav
     
  4. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jan 12, 2000
    I can definitely sympathize with Heli! Good situation here, and I'm interested to see how she can cope with her new command. Sounds like she's got some attitude problems to take care of. I'm glad that Ravin is giving her some pointers and some support. He's a good character; I like the way he talks! Is his name Rakin or Ravin, by the way? You've written both. In any case, I'm looking forward to more, so please keep posting. :)
     
  5. Amidala22

    Amidala22 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 1999
    Wow!! I like the way you portrayed Heli and her situation. I'm definitely going to watch this thread! :)

    I've been hooked :_| !!!

    8-}

    ~*~
    Amidala22
    ~*~

    @^_^@ & ~#^_^#~ Leia & Luke

    [[[#]]](( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
     
  6. Coota

    Coota Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2002
    ((Thanks for the replies! Here's more, as Heli leads her squadron out on her first mission as commanding officer! And his name is Ravin: thanks for catching that for me.))


    It quickly became apparent that not only would the war not end before the squadron?s first mission, the pilots wouldn?t even be able to finish their drinks at the base?s lounge. The time sensitive nature of the mission was evident, as Heli didn?t even assemble her pilots in the briefing room: she made sure they arrived fully equipped in the base hangar.

    Heli looked nervous, but she kept her emotions as contained as possible. ?Alright, I guess this is it: we haven?t had much time to get to know each other, but if we all make it through this, we?ll have some time to get used to being a squadron. For right now, I?ll be happy if we can act as a squadron in combat,? she explained, trying to remain calm.

    Berac replied loudly, before anyone else could say anything, ?Alright, you?re still working on the charisma thing. If you don?t freeze up in combat, I?m fine with that. I just got one question.?

    Ravin growled lowly, ?This better be good, Flight Officer Berac, or you?ll be fish food when I?m through with ya.?

    Berac put up his claws in a posture of calming, ?Calm down, sir, I just want to know something that?s kind of important: What?s our name??

    Heli smiled slightly and replied, ?Thanks, Berac, I did forget about that: we?re Trigger Squadron. Your numerical designations are on your X-Wing flight computers. Most of us have never flown X-Wings before, but if you know how to fly any snubfighter, you?ll be fine.?

    ?Yes ma?am!? came a chorus of replies from the pilots.

    ?Glad to hear you?re all comfortable with that, because we don?t exactly have time to train,? Heli sympathized cheerily, ?This is the op: we?re jumping into the Chiara System, where a Fleet Detachment will join us. From there we?re jumping into the midst of an Imperial convoy in the Pierton System. We?ll be flying cover while a few Y-Wing squadrons disable transports. Then the Marines will take as many ships as they can. We?ll be attacking as they begin to pass through a planetary gravity well: if they want to continue on their mission, they?ll have to go all the way through. That gives us seven minutes to work with. If this works, the Alliance in this sector won?t have to worry about supplies for a while.?

    ?What?s the retreat plan?? the Consorran named Lia asked, all four of her arms crossed in determination.

    Berac choked back a laugh, ?You would be the one to ask that, Lia.?

    ?Cut the chatter, Flight Officer Berac,? Heli ordered, ?It?s a legitimate question: we have three retreat vectors planned out, so that we won?t have all our eggs in one basket. When the order to scramble is received, we stay together until we get out of the gravity well. Then we jump on different trajectories, and then meet back at the Fleet rendezvous point.?

    ?Any way for us to put this off till tomorrow?? asked a short, middle aged human pilot.

    ?I?m pretty sure that would be treasonous, Flight Officer Yarik,? Heli replied.

    The entire squadron laughed, though Heli wasn?t sure why. She?d been serious: not going on the mission would be betraying the Rebel Alliance! She shook off that worry, and decided to speak to the pilot later. They had a mission to go on.

    ?Well, if there?s nothing else, off to your ships, and may the Force be with you,? Heli ordered.

    She wasn?t quite sure why she said ?may the Force be with you.? She?d never really thought about it, one way or the other: the concept just hadn?t made sense to her whenever someone tried to explain it. Whenever people told her that Force was like an energy field, binding and penetrating everyone, she always asked what generated it. Noone could answer her with any kind of concrete thought, so she hadn?t given it a lot of thought. When it came down to it, Heli just wasn?t imaginative enough to really wrap her mind around abstract concepts like the Force. But Heli knew that believing in this ?Force? made people feel better. Her o
     
  7. Jedi_Jaina_Durron

    Jedi_Jaina_Durron Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 1, 2001
    Hey!

    I haven't read all of this yet, because i don't have time right now, but what i've read, i like! You've really got a way with words!

    I'll catch up soon!
     
  8. Coota

    Coota Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2002
    ((Heli's group arrives at the Fleet rendezvous, and after a few minutes of tense conversation, heads off into battle))

    The fleet at the rendezvous had been much more impressive than Ysala?s contribution to the assault. Two Nebulon-B Frigates, one heavy troop transport and a Bulk Cruiser drifted in space, surrounded by their complements of fighters. In addition to these Fleet ships, two other bases in the system had donated small forces much like Ysala?s. Each base had sent out a Corellian gunship, along with two squadrons of fighters. In all, the Alliance force had managed to amass fourteen squadrons for the attack, consisting of X-Wings, Y-Wings, Z-95s and one squadron of fighters Heli had never seen before. It was obvious even to Heli that the Alliance was very interested in capturing the supplies the Imperials were carrying in their convoy.

    Heli activated her com. ?This is Trigger Leader to Stardust Leader, requesting your estimate on when we?ll make our jump into the operations area.?

    ?Trigger Leader, wait on that: Commander Tammith is communicating with the Fleet at the moment. They?re? uh, evening out? um? jurisdictional issues. At most we?ll be waiting ten to fifteen minutes,? Canson replied slowly.

    ?Thank you, Stardust Leader. Trigger out,? she said, then switched to her squadron com system, ?Trigger Leader to Trigger Squadron, we might be waiting here a few minutes. I?m lifting the ban on com chatter until the Fleet?s ready. Just don?t say anything you don?t want everyone to hear.?

    Tandem, designated Trigger 4, chuckled at that, ?That probably excludes our XO from partaking in any conversation.?

    ?Trigger Four, you best belay that, for I would not want to have to beat ya once we get back to base,? Ravin?s voice threatened, though Heli couldn?t tell if there was any real malice there.

    ?No offense intended, Trigger Two,? Tandem soothed.

    Lia?s voice entered into the com channel, ?I hate to interrupt, but I did have a question that might actually have bearing on our mission. What are those fighters out there? I?ve never sent them before, and their markings are even strange. They?ve got the standard Rebel Alliance designators, but I?ve never quite seen? a human woman in quite that position on a fighter in such a state of undress.?

    A new voice, Trigger Five, a dark skinned Lurrian male named Tir, ?Marines, Trigger Eight. SpecForce Marines: they?re a new idea of Madine?s. He thinks that if his SpecForce is going to be involved in space based missions, they need coverage from people who understand SpecForce Marine tactics. Rumor has it that Mon Mothma approved, but the rest of the council voiced their disapproval by appropriating the oldest fighters we could find for them. I hear if they prove themselves, they?ll get upgraded, but who knows when that?ll happen??

    ?Aye, I haven?t seen fighters of that make for many a year,? Ravin commented, ?Except in old Republic holodramas: they be SF-19 Peacekeepers, a design that?s thousands of years old, and that be a truth. They look to have been built in the last century, though. Donated by some planetary militia, I would suppose.?

    ?What are those huge hard points on them, Trigger Two?? Heli asked, curious about these fighters.

    ?Mass driver pods, ma?am. They be using good old fashioned mass technology. Goes right through ray shielding, but doesn?t do much against modern particle shielding. Fine for breaking up TIEs though, for they not be sufferin? the burden of shields.?

    ?Hell, and I thought I was crazy back when I was pilotin? a TIE. At least they gave us lasers,? Tandem commented.

    ?Just goes to show that there?s as much backstabbing and politics in the Alliance as there is in the Empire,? Berac commented, a twitter of disgust in his avian voice.

    Lia replied angrily, ?No organization can be completely pure, Trigger Ten. All that?s certain is that they?re better than the Empire, where they don?t even give you a chance to prove yourself.?

    ?Hey, if I didn?t think that, I wouldn?t be here, Trigger Eight. I just don?t like to think that
     
  9. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jan 12, 2000
    *has mental picture of SpecForce Marines piloting a fleet of B-52's with pictures of scantily clad women painted on the noses* :D

    This is getting tense; first combat with some pilots who might not have flown X-wings before, an inexperienced leader, and not exactly a lot of team spirit! Heli seems to be doing all right, though. Good that she told them off! I liked her reflections on the Force, too.

    Keep up the great writing!
     
  10. Coota

    Coota Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2002
    ((The Battle))

    The firefight began moments after they emerged from hyperspace, less than a few kilometers away from the Imperial convoy. For once, Rebel intelligence had been right on in its report, and that meant that they would have the advantage of surprise, at least for a few moments. Only a Strike Cruiser and an Escort Carrier defended the convoy, a mix of small-scale container transports and bulk transports. Only a half squadron of TIEs was deployed, spread out among the transports in flight pairs. If everything went as planned, this would be the perfect assault.

    Heli immediately began barking out orders, directing her fighters to follow Modrol Squadron?s Y-Wings into the convoy. Their designated target was the group of transports nearest to them, while the Frigates took care of the enemy capital ships. The corvettes kept close to the Frigates to provide fire support while the Bulk Cruiser held off, outside of the planetary gravity well, as a backup. The troop transport assumed a position near the Bulk Cruiser, resting behind her protective screen. The Marine fighters stayed near her, waiting for the order to escort the assault transports into the convoy.

    The escort carrier didn?t even get a chance to raise its shields: the captain of the Alliance Frigate Threshold was an old hand at the game. He had immediately shifted all power into engines and gotten close enough to land a few precision shots into the carrier?s shield projectors before the Imperials even knew what was happening. Another dozen shots reduced the carrier to a wreck, breaking apart in the center, spilling personnel and equipment across space.

    ?Two TIEs coming in fast, Trigger Leader, on our six,? came Ravin?s voice.

    ?I?ve got them; Scissors maneuver, whoever they follows the blade,? Heli ordered, sending her fighter on a tight curve ?downward,? giving the TIEs a difficult, but tempting target, while Ravin pulled a hard split-s.

    The TIEs kept after Heli closely, refusing to break up their flight pair; having a wingman was the only thing that would keep them alive very long in a situation where the odds were against them. Unfortunately, the ?scissors? accounted for this. As the TIE leader zeroed in on Heli?s fighter, Ravin appeared behind the Imperial flight pair, his quad link lasers shredding into them. The leader of the pair managed to avoid the shots, but his wingman wasn?t so lucky. That TIE exploded violently, sending up a curtain of debris that convinced Ravin to pull off, instead of going through the debris.

    The leader stayed tight on Heli, continuing to fire, occasionally scoring shots on her rear shields. It was obvious to the casual observer that he knew he wasn?t long for this galaxy, but he preferred to take a Rebel down with him. ?This is Trigger Leader, requesting support!?

    As if in answer, a curtain of laser bolts streamed into the TIE behind her: two of her squadrons X-Wings in a tight formation.

    ?Trigger Leader, if you died on us right away, we?d be the laughing stock of the fleet,? came Lia?s voice.

    ?Yeah, we can?t lose our LT until at least the second mission,? piped in the Wroonian, Lon Borders.

    ?Thanks, Trigger Seven, Trigger Eight. All squadron members, resume positions and continue to provide cover for the Y-Wings,? Heli ordered, gratitude evident in her voice.

    ?Not much to cover, Trigger Lead,? Berac commented, ?The entire convoy is ionized, and the escorts are space dust.?

    Heli checked her sensors, and saw that Berac was correct: the Marine transports were already on their way, moving to dock with each Imperial convoy ship. The Marine fighters kept to them closely, flying with evident precision and care: it only took one look to see that they were veterans at this, even more battle hardened than the average Alliance pilot.

    ?Trigger Ten, I can see that, but that doesn?t change our duty. Keep close to the Y-Wings.?

    ?She be right, Trigger Squad. This smells of a trap, if a trap poorly executed. There is stupid in the Imperials if they sacrifice their cruisers for to trap our sh
     
  11. Coota

    Coota Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2002
    ((Conclusion/Wrapup; I'll stick around for discussion afterwards))

    ?So, Chief Canson, when can I expect those replacements to arrive?? Heli asked, her hands on her hips.

    ?In another standard week, Captain Certense. I swear, for a woman who gets promoted as rapidly as you do, you sure aren?t easy going.?

    ?Was that fraggin? crack about the Captain, Canson?? Ravin asked, his mouth tentacles waving threateningly.

    ?Actually, yes, Lieutenant Ravin. We lost most of our force last week: I?m lucky if High Command sends us trained neks.?

    The three of them were seated at a table in the common area of Ysala Base, drinking heavily after a busy week of recovering from the battle at Pierton. Repairs, requisitions orders, debriefings, awards ceremonies, it had all kept them going constantly, until Commander Tammith had finally decided everyone needed some time off. Now that they were finally enjoying that time, all Heli could think about was their work.
    It was Heli?s way of dealing with the losses: she hadn?t known the pilots very long, but she had already started to like them, started to want to protect them. She knew that it was unrealistic to believe she could keep them all alive, but the deaths hurt anyway. Heli knew that another truth hurt even more: that there would be more deaths, as long as the Rebellion continued. But she couldn?t let that drive her nuts, or else she would never be able to continue as a squadron leader.

    ?Canson, I?m doing it again, aren?t I?? Heli asked.

    ?Yes, Captain, but you?re at least you?re not running into the whole meekness thing anymore. How?s Berac??

    ?Alive, barely. I?m glad we were able to get him, though I?m guessing Rivan?s ride back to base was a little crowded.?

    ?It was at that, little Captain,? Rivan admitted, ?But it was worth it. Hate to lose a pilot to save my own neck.?

    ?Speaking of that, did you get the tallies on what exactly happened afterwards, Canson??

    ?As promised, Cap?n. But after this, you need to promise me that we won?t discuss any kind of business for the rest of the night. I just want to get wasted and talk about shockball, or whatever it is normal people talk about.?

    ?Alright, I promise, Canson: what?s the final outcome??

    ?We lost the Contessa and the Threshold?s sister ship, Steadfast. The Threshold got to safety at Lison Base, restocked some fuel and then jumped back to Mon Cal, where it?ll be overhauled. The troop transport managed to survive thanks to some pretty impressive point defense by the squadrons guarding it, and made it back to the Fleet. It got sent back to Mon Cal as well. One gunship got away, and parts of nine squadrons. Not bad, considering we were outnumbered.?

    ?You didn?t mention the one thing I really care about, Chief,? Heli stared him down, her eyes narrowed.

    Canson grinned broadly, ?The transports got out. Despite the fact that Imperials sent half their fighter complement after them, they got out. Their escorts weren?t so lucky; only Major Veradun and one other pilot survived. I hear Veraduns up for multiple awards, and they?re moving him up to Lt. Colonel.?

    ?Ok?,? Heli started, but before she could continue, Canson interrupted her.

    ?Excuse me Captain, but you made a promise: nothing more on business. And both Rivan and me know exactly what your next question is going to be. Right, Rivan??

    ?I?m afraid he is correct, Captain. Would either of you care to join me for a stroll on the beach? I was told there aren?t any exceptionally predatory animals out there.?

    Heli grinned, ?I?d be delighted, Rivan. You coming, Chief??

    ?I think this looks remarkably like fraternization, but since we?re the Rebellion, I don?t think it really matters. Let?s go.?

    The three soldiers got up from their table and walked out, towards the sea. They were a strange trio: A cheerful, easy going man, an angry, yet strangely caring Quarren and an unimaginative girl who wasn?t quite as ordinary as she had thought she was. They walked towards times more peaceful than this. They walked towards a time when this would be but a dim
     
  12. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jan 12, 2000
    This was good as far as it went, but I guess I was expecting something more. You set up the situation that Trigger Squadron was made up of pilots new to the Alliance, who apparently hadn't flown together before, and who weren't even used to flying X-wings, but then that situation didn't go anywhere. They went out and did their job without any problems, or so it seemed. I would have expected some tension between the pilots, some mistakes that could have been avoided if they'd had more experience together or more chance to become familiar with the X-wings. Also, you wrote that it was out of character for Heli to suddenly start barking orders, but you didn't really expand on it. One minute she's a reluctant, tongue-tied squadron leader, and the next, she's acting like any other experienced leader, but you don't show us how or why the change takes place. I would have appreciated a few of Heli's thoughts on the subject; wondering why she suddenly has no trouble turning into a female Wedge Antilles in the cockpit when she can't do it on the ground, or the way that a hidden part of her persona comes to the fore when she realizes that she's the one in charge and this is serious. Maybe even a moment where she accepts the fact and decides "Hey, I can do this after all." But that's just me and my expectations.

    I did like Rivan's character, though, especially the part about sergeants always knowing what the officer needed even before the officer knew it. And I liked the last paragraph. After all the action sequences, the mention of peace was good, even if it was only the peace that came between battles.
     
  13. Coota

    Coota Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2002
    And this is, of course, my problem: when I hit the homestretch of a story, I just pretty much rush to finish it. I'm going back to the editing board now; there are some areas where I want to add more dialogue, and more inner conflict. I think I will trace Heli's own thoughts more in the course of the battle: I was trying to express the change that kind of just happens in the midst of combat, without having to go into her thoughts, but I see that it fell kind of short.

    The battle scene needs some heavy editing, and thank goodness, someone finally read this baby, so now I've got an idea of what needs changing, what needs looking at. I really appreciate this: it's hard for me to look at my own work. Though when I was rereading it the other day, I wasn't too happy with the battle: it did feel too smooth.

    Anyhow, thanks very much, and I'm glad you enjoyed everything up to this point :)
     
  14. Coota

    Coota Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2002
    And as for the brief picture of the SpecForce Marines(a lead in to another story I'm working on: "The Long Road Home"), they're more like F/A-18s in space :) I based them *very* loosely off the Veritechs from Robotech, as far as the gunpods go, but of course they don't turn into robots :)

     
  15. Coota

    Coota Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2002
    C'mon, anyone at all interested in this?
     
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