1. Welcome to the new boards! Details here!

  2. Hey Fanficers! In fixing the prefixes something happened and now you can't edit titles. Don't panic! We're looking into what happened and trying to fix it.

Ordinary World/A.U. J.A. ( posts June 25,28 NEW POST JULY 12 )

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by jodiwent, Jan 14, 2001.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    Hmm, I'm reminded of a movie where the stepfather is supposedly saving every cent that the son earns from his paper route, but is actually spending it as soon as it comes in, and the boy is left with nothing. Hmm. I don't think I like that Oren. The way he nags Obi-Wan to clean up and do something with his hair, and then when he does, Oren shouts "There's a stranger in the house!" He might have thought it was amusing, but it was actually cruel. Poor Trina, she must feel caught in the middle. I liked the way Owen said that Obi-Wan looked like it was somebody's birthday. How cute!
  2. Kaylla Norn

    Kaylla Norn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Mar 2, 2000
    i'm waiting with baited breath....i think that means i'm holding my breath waiting to find out what happens next.

    I can see were obi's afraid to invest time or affection in anything. after all he through every thing he had and was into trying to be a jedi... but he wasn't good enough... no one wanted him... he's living with a step dad who doesn't want him... why should he care about enything, he lost that which he would have given anything to have.... the dream he fought for and sweated for since earliest childhood was deniyed him...he wasn't good enought or something... his skills were good enough... just something about him... for somereason no one but yoda and his mom wanted him.

    No wonder there's an angry young man hanging around... and the money... is it still there or has it disapeared... I wonder?

    Please post soon!
  3. jodiwent

    jodiwent Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 11, 2000
    I was soo busy and soo tierd yesterday...

    Jane I don't know the movie, but you are right on target.

    Here's a short one for now.
    The way Oren had responded to his question sent all of Obi-Wan's warning signals off. He could not tell exactly what was going on but he had a fairly good idea. Long before Obi-Wan had been sent to them Oren Lars had learned how to put up strong mental shields, because he did not want Trina, who was also force sensitive to read his every thought. As a matter of fact Oren had quite a negative opinion of the force, and he made sure that 'his' son never used it. That was something he could not stop Kenobi from doing... he could stop Obi-Wan from picking his brain.

    Obi-Wan acted like he suspected nothing. He had a few months before he had to act. Sometime before the harvest, he would find a way to break into that safe and get his credits. He knew he could get it open, it was a matter of having the time, Oren hardly ever was away for any length of time. It would have to be close to the time Obi-Wan planned to run. He was not going to run until he had won another race. The prize money would be his, and may be he could sell his swoop to one of the other racers...

    Obi-Wan's was not the only suspicions mind in the house. Trina Lars wondered if he husband was hiding something. She would be more direct, but would wait till she could ask him out of the boys' ear range.

    "Before I forget," Oren directed to Obi-Wan. "I need you to go and pick up that droid at the repair center."

    Obi-Wan did not mind going to do that task. It meant he would be taking the speeder into the center of the farming colony, where all the businesses were, where he could talk to some of the other kids involved in the swoop races. He showed not sign that he was happy about it.

    "Can I go into the center too?" Owen piped up.

    Oren sighed, he really did not like a chance of work to be skipped, but Owen had been working hard lately. "Sure you can go."

    This surprised Obi-Wan, the slave driver was going to let Owen have some fun. Was there a convergence of planets today?

    "Thanks Dad!" Owen hopped up form his breakfast and hugged his father, something that was a rare site. Oren was not a touchy feelly kind of Dad.

    "You've earned a break." The crusty farmer even reached into his belt and handed the kid his allowance. "In case you want to get your self something in the center."

    Obi-Wan glanced longingly at the exchange. He could care less about the hug, he wouldn't touch Oren Lars with a ten light year pole. It was the allowance he yearned for.

    "Don't think your getting yours. You owe me for that fence."

    Obi-Wan just stood. "Let's go Owen, the sooner we get there the better."

    "Don't get side tracked and don't dawdle. I expect to get some work out of you two in the afternoon." Oren told them. "And put in an order for that wire, tell Hove I'll pick it up when it comes in."

    "You'd think he'd keep something like that on stock." Obi-Wan said dryly. "Everyone uses it so much."

    In fact Oren was the only farmer who still used razor wire. He was too cheep to get a sonic deterrent for animals stomping his crops. He let the jab at him go by. Neither he or Obi-Wan noticed the change in Owen's demeanor. It was not until they were well on their way to the colony center that the older brother wondered why the younger one was being so quiet.

    "Obi-Wan..." Owen said as they drove along, he held out the credits Oren gave him. "Here."

    Obi-Wan looked at the young boy why was he trying to give away his allowance. The teen driver stopped the speeder. "What are you doing?"

    "I..." Owen was nervous, sometimes Obi-Wan yelled at him. "I didn't think it was right that you have to pay for the fence, I broke it."

    Obi-Wan took a long look at his brother. He was really a good kid, it was too bad he was being raised by a jerk. "Don't be stupid, don't just hand your money over because you feel guilty." Obi-Wan started driving to the center again.


    "But noth
  4. imzadi

    imzadi Jedi Master star 4

    Sep 19, 2000
    "the temple was not quite out of the boy, yet." Powerful sentence, and so true! Obi-Wan does seem rather 'contrary' as Owen put it. I wonder if Obi-Wan will find out more about what happened to Qui-Gon. :)
  5. Kit'

    Kit' Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Oct 30, 1999
    I agree about that statement. We have a saying at school along the same lines.
    "YOu can take the girl out of Grammar, but you can't take the Grammar out of the girl." (Pity really! Oops I didn't say that).

    I like Owen as a kid and it's nice of him to try to hand over his money to OBi-wan, I just wish Oren wasn't such a jerk!

  6. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    Yes, I'm wondering too if you're going to have Obi-Wan find out more about what happened to Qui-Gon. I liked the way you have Obi-Wan presenting a "bad boy" image to everybody on the outside, but resolving never to go to the dark side. And the way Owen hugged Oren, who was not really a touchy-feely kind of Dad. Owen sounds like a good kid, but I see he won't have much of a chance to develop his goodness if he stays with Oren. Great post, fascinating story.
  7. nitid

    nitid Jedi Youngling star 1

    Nov 19, 2000
    Cool, an AU Obi, a shadow of the shining young Jedi he should be. I really like how you're handling the characterizations.

    "Was there a convergence of planets today?"
    *chortle* Crusty old farmers!

    I wonder if Obi-Wan will meet up with Shmi or Anakin if he ever goes to Tatooine? Hmmm.

  8. Kaylla Norn

    Kaylla Norn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Mar 2, 2000
    Owan's a sweety... I kind of wish Obi would be a little nicer to him, a litle gentler... maybe but.. just a day after quigons death and sooo, bad a one too.. hm, he didn't have obi to help him not fall. I like the part about the temple and the boy too. And only now starting to where his reptation as bad boy as a badge... lot's fo charicter and story here, I can't wait for more.... soooooooooo more please!
  9. jodiwent

    jodiwent Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 11, 2000
    Hove's fix it shop would not be open for another hour or so, and Obi-Wan figured they did not have to be the first ones in the door, now did they. He knew where Owen would want to go while they waited for the repair man to open his doors, there was on this back water farming colony a indoor sport/entertainment center for the younger residents. All the kids that were free of farm work today would be there. The other illegal swoop racers would be there... at least a few of them, the ones that mattered, the ones who would say yes or no, when and where, to the next race. Obi-Wan found a space to leave the speeder in front of the geodesic dome that held the sport center.

    Owen had a smile on his face, he could see all his friends from school that he did not get to see during the growing season. He hoped that some of his friends were there and not working. He hopped out of the speeder raring to go, he noticed Obi-Wan looking around for something or someone.

    "Come on Obi, let's go inside."

    Obi-Wan slowly got out of the speeder deliberately trying to look 'cool'. As cool as one could look in farming clothes. Not that there was anyone he knew out there. He nodded to Owen to go on in, he was right behind his little brother.

    "Hello there Owen." One of the young women that helped run the business said enthusiastically on seeing young Lars. He sighed when he saw the other boy who had entered. "Kenobi." She said with a sour tone.

    "I think you're great too Serra." Obi-Wan grinned.

    "Don't cause any trouble in here Kenobi."

    "Who Me?" Obi-Wan herded Owen off to the boy's favorite activity.

    Owen had just reached the age when he was allowed into the practice blaster range. The range for younger ages only required that the shooter hit a static target. A credit for twenty shots. In some places one had to learn how to defend one's self early in life, so it was not strange to see kids practicing to shoot. On Coruscant or Alderaan itself it would have been odd.

    "Show me again, how do you aim?"

    Oren had tried to show Owen how to shoot once but did not have the patience to finish the lesson. That was the day Obi-Wan had brought him here the first time, to show him how to shoot with a practice blaster. It didn't scare the younger boy as much as the real one, and Oren was not about to let Obi-Wan use his real one, even to teach Owen.

    Ever since that day two months ago, the day that the farmers discovered the swoop drag racing, the day Oren had belted Obi-Wan, Oren had been sleeping with one eye open waiting for his step son's revenge. The only revenge Obi-Wan wanted was to get as far away from Oren Lars as possible, and maybe win another race under his very nose.

    "Don't be nervous if your not steady your aim won't be either." Obi-Wan advised as Owen lifted the fake blaster to shoot. Owen tried to do as his brother said but he did not even hit the target.

    "Nerf nuggets!"

    "Owen!" Obi-Wan snickered. "If Mother hears you say that she'll wash your mouth out."

    "You say bad things all the time."

    "Try again." Obi-Wan ignored his brother's comment and encouraged him to shoot again. Again the shot was wide.

    "Heay Lars." The kid next to Owen called out. "Maybe you can hit my target over here if you miss by more."

    Other kids in the shooting range giggled. Owen's face sank, he was just the opposite of his brother, instead of getting mad and aggressive when angry, Owen went inside himself and sulked.

    "Ignore him." Obi-Wan told him. "Relax, close your eyes imagine you are hitting the target, see yourself do it, focus, reach out feel the target, your eyes can deceive you..."

    "That's that force stuff." Owen commented. "You know Dad doesn't want me to use that stuff."

    "That stuff?" Obi-Wan sighed how could he teach someone who thought of the force as 'that stuff'. He held himself from going on about what a uneducated twit Owen's father was in his fear of the force. Owen had been convinced that he did not have any force abilities anyway. Owen was wrong, but he would never know that.

    "Owen let me show
  10. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    Nerf nuggets! Hah! Good post. I had to laugh at the idea of Obi-Wan trying to act cool, and the way he traded insults with the girls. But poor Owen, now he thinks that Obi-Wan doesn't want to help him, either. Keep going, I want to see if Obi-Wan gets to win the next race right under Oren's nose, or not.
  11. Kit'

    Kit' Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Oct 30, 1999
    excellant post Jodiwent. I loved the interaction between Obi and Owen and then between the girls.

  12. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Jul 7, 2000
    Couldn't help but giggle like a kid as I read as Obi-Wan thought about the death of Qui-Gon.

    Boy does that read odd.

    Anyway like the others I thought Owen was sweet for offering his allowance and picturing Obi acting cool was great!
  13. imzadi

    imzadi Jedi Master star 4

    Sep 19, 2000
    Obi-Wan's attempt to act cool was so funny! That whole post was great! I'm looking forward to more.
  14. Kaylla Norn

    Kaylla Norn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Mar 2, 2000
    LOL obi and the girls were funny.. they call him jedi and then are suprized when he knows what they are thinking?... silly girls. guess they weren't thinking about him as jedi only using it as a title. Is obi just waiting for Owen to get anoyed enough with missing that he will let obi teach him his way? Please post again soon!
  15. jodiwent

    jodiwent Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 11, 2000
    Obi-Wan continued to look around, the place was packed with young people that day, he was looking for anyone who whould have the real word on when the next race was due. He looked over towards the target range to make sure Owen had not gone wondered too far, or those other kids were not hassling his brother.

    To his surprise Owen looked happy... Serra had gathered a group of the yonger shooter and was showing them some pointers. Obi-Wan could see that she was doing a good job. She had more patients than he had at that point in time. He stood back and watched the nineteen year old handle the kids. She reminded Obi-Wan of some of the masters and knights that used to teach the initiates at the temple.

    'Why do I keep thinking of that plalce!' Kenobi silently repremanded himself. 'No matter what your racing name is, you are not a jedi anymore, so stop thingking about them.' He closed his eyes tight, tring to remain calm, and not show his feelings outwardly. That seemed to be where a lot of his energy went lately, not letting others see that he had feelings. Not good ones, or ones that might make him look vunerable that is. No he had to look tough, tough and cool... He could not let any of these hicks know he was really a nice guy.

    The fact that Serra was three years older than he was did not stop the hormone crazed teen from noticing that the young woman helping the kids learn to shoot made his heart beat a little faster. Looking at her was doing something to him he knew that much. Then she happened to bend over to talk to one of the kids.

    "Keep your eye on the target..." Something made her turn around and she saw Kenobi checking her out. A angry look crossed her face. She stood and turned to stair back at him as she contiued to tell the shooter. "As I was saying keep your eye on the target and squeeze the triger."

    The young shooter did just that and shot. "Look Serra, I got it in the middle!" The little girl shouted.

    Serra pretended that she saw it but she had not taken her eyes off of Obi-Wan. "Good job, excuse me for a moment kids, keep practiceing." With a very annoyed look on her face she walked towards the barrier of the shooting range towards the unwanted admirer.

    "What do you think your doing?"

    "Just what you said... keeping my eye on the target."

    "In your dreams kid. Don't be so rude."

    "Well,you were handling those kid so well, I thought maybe you could give me a few lessons." He did not know why he felt compelled to add. "Do you think you could handle me?"

    "It's too bad a nice kid like Owen has a creep for a brother."

    "I'll take that as a no."

    "Grow up." Serra went back to the children, 'The nerve of that kid. What would give him the idea I'd ever be interested in someone like him.'

    Obi-Wan stood there for a few minutes more wondering why his 'clever' banter had not endeared him to Serra. That was how all the guys who got the girls in the Holo-films talked. He would have been better off telling the young woman what was in his heart not somewhere else. He could not tell her that he thought it was great that she was helping his brother and the other kids. He could not tell her that he thought she was sweet and kind. No he had to be like the other tough guys around there and put on a front.

    He couldn't tell her he'd really just like to be friends. Friends like he and Bant had been. Friends who could talk to each other without fronts. No he could not do a thing like that.
  16. imzadi

    imzadi Jedi Master star 4

    Sep 19, 2000
    "you are not a jedi anymore... trying to remain calm, and not show his feelings outwardly."

    Again, he's still acting like a jedi, sorta. And him trying to cover up his vulnerability was quite sad.
  17. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    Poor Obi-Wan. He feels like he has to cover up his "nice guy" inside, but his so-called tough and cool exterior has suddenly become a barrier between him and a potential friend. I liked the way he stood there and wondered why speaking like the guys on the holo-vid did not endear him to Serra. I had to laugh, though, when he told her he was keeping his "eyes on the target." Still, Obi-Wan must really feel lonely.
  18. Kit'

    Kit' Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Oct 30, 1999
    Yes I'm wondering if Obi-wan recognises the certain irony in his life. He refuses to think about the temple and yet he uses the Jedi teachings all the time.

  19. Kaylla Norn

    Kaylla Norn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Mar 2, 2000
    Agree with you kit. Infact I think iorny describes most of his life righ now. trying to be tough but not being, despretly wanting a real friend to talk to but chasing them away... and a varity of other things. Please post more jodiwent! please!!!!
  20. jedi_mafu

    jedi_mafu Jedi Youngling

    Aug 12, 2000
    I´m sorry for being such an irresponsible reader and not posted before. Anyway, great story (as always) jodiwent. I usually don´t read many AU, but this one is so cool that deserves to be read by everyone!!
    Please, DO post soon!
  21. jedi_master_gimpy

    jedi_master_gimpy Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 12, 2000
    Wow, I just started reading this jodiwent but I have to say that it's REALLY good!! You write very well and I'm looking forward to reading more!
  22. Knight Obi Wan

    Knight Obi Wan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Dec 17, 1999
    Whoa, that's what I get for being away for so long! I love the new story Jodi!!! This new Obi-Wan is just amazing...trying to be the tough guy on the outside...still the same old Obi on the inside. Very authentic. I could very easily see Obi-Wan like this on this path in life.
  23. Kaylla Norn

    Kaylla Norn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Mar 2, 2000
    No new post...<sigh>
  24. JediKnightZarc

    JediKnightZarc Jedi Youngling star 3

    Oct 6, 2000
    AAAAAWWWWWWWW! Poor Obi-Wan! Oh, I want more! Please, please, please, please more soon!
  25. jodiwent

    jodiwent Jedi Master star 4

    Feb 11, 2000
    Obi-Wan knew his brother was safe there in the sport center with Serra. 'Owen is probably safe anywhere on this backwater moon.' He thought. He also thought it would be all right if he went outside to see if any of the other racers were hanging out around the back of the dome. That was a favorite place for those who had been thrown out of or not allowed back into the sport center. The enforces did not like all of the colony's trouble makers all in one place, but they could not stop the kids from gathering out there. Kenobi had one more cigarette stashed in his boot, when he went outside he lit it.

    "I think that is a disgusting habit." A girl who Obi-Wan did not know, but she looked like a goodie goodie to Kenobi, said as she passed him.

    "What makes you think I care what you think?" Obi-Wan huffed back at her. He wasn't sure he didn't think the same thing.

    "If you're trying to impress girls, your not going to get far." The girl surprised him by saying. "Kissing a boy who smokes is like licking an ash tray."

    Obi-Wan ditched the smoke as soon as the girl had gone. 'She has a point.' He thought. 'But then there are girls who wouldn't mind...' Not the ones that he'd be interested in.

    Obi-Wan continued on to the back side of the dome, there he saw exactly the people he wanted to see. The two racers besides Nat who were his only real competition. One was his age called 'Fly Guy' and the other was a few years older called 'the Smasher'. Obi-Wan could hear them disgusting when the next race should be, as others looked on.

    "A week is too far away, I'll take you on tomorrow." The Smasher boasted.

    "You know we all agreed, no one on one races." Fly Guy reminded. "The others would have a fit if they did not get in on it."

    "You're right." Obi-Wan interrupted. "I for one would be very angry if you had a race without telling me or the others."

    The kids who held the illegal races had a sort of ladies and gentlemen's agreement that they would not race without letting anyone who wanted to challenge them be told. They all wanted a chance to see their entry fee returned to them in as many fold as there were racers in the race. The more racers, the higher the jackpot. If everyone went around having their own single races, there would never be any big races.

    "Of course we would tell you 'Jedi'." Smasher grinned. He was a big young man three times the size of Obi-Wan but with a baby face. "Of course you have the entry fee just sitting around, waiting, don't you."

    Everyone knew Obi-Wan had trouble getting his hands on his own money, but he had always managed to get the fee before the races. "Just tell me when."

    "A week." Fly insisted.

    "No sooner!" Smasher insisted.

    "A week?" Obi-Wan would have liked two.

    "A week.' Fly said.

    "I see no one is going to listen to me." Smasher proclaimed.

    "There is no way were going to get everyone organized in less than a week."

    "I don't suppose you'd want to hold off until two weeks?"

    "Two weeks!" Both of the racers bellowed.

    "That's too long." Matis one of the wager makers who had been an on looker put in his two cents. "You usually want to race as soon as possible Jedi, what gives."

    Obi-Wan wasn't sure he wanted to show them why, but then again maybe it would raise his odds in the race. If he made a bet on himself as well as try for the jackpot, he would have enough to go anywhere he wanted to. Obi-Wan lifted his hand that had been cut, and showed the cut across his palm. Despite the little healing that he had managed to do on it, it still looked massive.

    "Whoa!" They all gasped.

    "How'd you do that?" Matis inquired.

    "On a razor fence."

    "Old Lars still uses that stuff."


    "What a twit."


    "A week." Fly said again. "Let's get back to the business at 'hand'. Tough break jedi, I guess you won't be in this time."

    "Don't bet on it, I'll be there."

    There was a buzz in the group of mechanics and wager makers. Some thought Obi-Wan would be at a disadvantage. Others had learned not to underestimate Jedi... they were
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.