Beyond ORIGINAL Fan-Fiction -The Dark Planet- NEW chapters up!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Tessine-Sabe, Mar 20, 2003.

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  1. Tessine-Sabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2003
    star 1
    Author: Eileen R
    Chapter 12 - Confrontation

    "Look, Miri," said Murien casually. "There's been something I've been wanting to have out with you for a while."

    Miri O'Grell remained silent.

    "Why this planet? Wouldn't it have been better to have locked me up on Coruscant in a maximum-security cell? What if someone searching for the Mikinna treasure came here? Do you really think you, and poor Coren, and our captain who's going off his head, could stop me from escaping with them?"

    Miri didn't answer. They walked on through the ruins for a little while.

    Miri O'Grell was startling beautiful, better looking, Murien had to admit, than herself, which was obviously unfair, since she considered herself the good guy in this contest of wills. Mean women jailers were supposed to be ugly and old.

    "Well," said Miri suddenly. "This will be coming to an end, soon."

    "Really?" asked Murien with feigned boredom, the fruit of many years of study in Coruscant's best schools.

    "My husband is coming to take us off this planet."

    "Well, I think he could have gotten around to it, sooner."

    "No. He couldn't have. We're going to take the Mikinna treasure with us."

    "Wishful thinking. Look, I've searched every place in this ruin. No curse, but no treasure either."

    "Wrong. There is a curse and there is a treasure."

    "Miri, I'm sorry but I think this isolation is getting to your head. Kilprenn is already paranoid, we don't need you developing delusions of grandeur."

    "If your being delivered safe and sound to the Empire was not part of our plans, I could kill you. But haven't you ever felt cold, let's say, in these ruins?"

    "It is cold in these ruins."

    "No. Not physically. Mentally. Spiritually."

    "I don't know why I'm telling you this, but sometimes I feel like the very stones are crying out in pain and agony. I have felt cold here." Murien's face was thoughtful. "And that was even before I knew that the Mikinna clan had perished here. Luke Skywalker would say the dark side of the force is strong in these ruins."

    "And you?"

    "I have a bad feeling about it, that's all."

    "You wanted to know why Palpatine sent you to this planet?"

    "Yes. I believe I asked that."

    "You were the spare in his plans. That may come to a shock to someone who thinks herself the center of the galaxy, but that is how it was. In case of disaster on the Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader front, you could be added into the mix."

    "But I'm not a Jedi, dear. I'm not force sensitive, even. You can trace the Kelsik family line back a few thousand years. No Jedi."

    "No. You can only completely trace your family line back two generations,. Your grandfather married a rather mysterious woman. No-one knew who she was or where she came from."

    "My grandmother was a Mikinna?"

    "Yes. The only survivor of the clan."

    "How do you know this?" Murien clasped the book tighter.

    "I don't really. I'm just putting together two and two. One "two" was observing you and your reaction to this place. The other was what my husband knew of what Palpatine suspected. Your grandmother never wanted her children to become Jedi after seeing what happened to her family, and of course, she was right. Her two children survived the Jedi purge and one of them did well under the new Empire."

    "My father."

    "Yes. Gordian. Your uncle Therien did have to cut short his life by marrying Lycia Organa and supporting Alderaan in the Clone Wars. But he probably passed on his force capabilities to his two children: Therien Kelsik Jr. and Ethilne Kelsik Merrith. I'm sure Palpatine was thrilled to find that out, and he would have probably acted harshly against them, had he lived to do so.

    You are a Coruscantian, through and through. But anyone could see that Therien and Ethilne were more Organa than Kelsik. And, because of all the political circumstances, Palpatine had to tolerate the nephew and niece of his bitterest enemy, being brought up in his own backyard, so to say. But if he had known they were strong in the force...."

    "What
  2. Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    Hehehe! I honestly can't tell you how much I love seeing this fic alive again, Tessine. :)

    Oh, and by the way, it's true that "Sooner or Later, Everybody Comes to Morgyst." My current fic has two enemy teams on it now. ;) :p
  3. Tessine-Sabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2003
    star 1
    *sigh* Bump!

    Next chapters up this afternoon.

    Tess
  4. Tessine-Sabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2003
    star 1
    Author: Courtney D
    Chapter 14 - Kitmer Confused (As Usual)

    Zimjier and the Y-Team made their way to the YT-1300 corellian freighter beginning to be covered with snow from the blizzard.

    The landing ramp came down to greet them. 'These people are fools.' Zimjier thought.

    He marched his Y-Team up there. The group was met by a short twi'lek male.

    "What may I do for you?" The twi'lek asked.

    Zimjier pulled a blaster out of its holster at his hip. "Put your hands on top of your head."

    The twi'lek male, not known for their heroics, quickly placed his hands above his head tales.

    "Hey, Bob," a blonde headed man called as he emerged from the cockpit with a woman. "What's going.... on?" His voice came to a halt as he saw Zimjier.

    "You two!" Zimjier bellowed. "Get over here!"

    The blonde exchanged looks with the woman, and they joined Bob with their hands on their heads. Zimjier had a member of the Y-Team frisk each of the prisoners.

    "They're clean." he said, and stepped back.

    Zimjier lowered his blaster. "Now." He said. "Exactly who ARE you?"

    The blonde cleared his throat and brushed himself off. "My name is Kaaly Kitmer. I am the Captain of this freighter. This is Adair, my co-pilot. And this is Bob, our twi'lek engineer."

    "A pleasure, I'm sure." Zimjier rolled his eyes. "I'm afraid we're going to have to take you back to our base for questioning."

    "Oh, that's okay." Kitmer explained. "We had planned on staying a while anyway."

    "Simply wonderful." Zimjier growled. "Hands on top of your heads! Let's move!"


    Author: Matthew W
    Chapter 15: Vux Revenge

    It was strange enough having the freighters disappear, but now Kaaly? Das was shocked that this was happening. He decided to contact Zimjier anyway.

    "What do you want?" an unpleasant voice came through the communicator.

    "My name is Das. I was referred to you by Z-team. I need you to help me."

    "Ahh. Hold on."

    Das heard some shouting in the background, and than a new person on the communicator; "Hello Das. This is Xiphod Zimjier. What kind of help?" Just then, Das's other coworker came in.

    "You seen Kitmer?" he asked.

    The communicator blocked out his voice with static, and Das did not hear him.

    He tried again,"DAS! HAVE YOU SEEN KITMER?!?!"

    This, of course, was heard throughout the building, and even Zimjier heard it. "Kaaly Kitmer is right here, if that's who you're looking for." Zimjier said.

    Das was quite startled about all this, and shouted back, "WHERE IS HE?"

    "At our base on Hoth. Are you a pirate organization?"

    "Of course not. I work for GalactiCo Shipping."

    "This Kaaly said he was trying to go to some thug named O'Grell when we interrogated him."

    "Hoh boy?"

    Zimjier heard a click, and some static, and shut the link off.

    * * * * *

    Meanwhile, light-years away in the star system Piffgin, a dark fleet loomed in hyperspace position. In the fleet, there were: two super star destroyers, 3 eclipse destroyers, and 27 black Vux Cruisers. They jumped into hyperspace...

    * * * * *

    At Zimjier's base, another transport was being tracked as it landed. This was a small 1-person shuttlecraft, and Zimjier scoffed at its attempt to land in the blizzard. The shuttle began to head toward the base.

    "This is Das. May I dock?." a transmission said.

    "In hanger 14." Zimjier replied

    The shuttle docked in a hanger with about 15 turbolasers in it. Zimjier was taking no chances, that much was clear to Das.

    A squadron of armed escorts took Das to Kaaly and Zimjier. After throwing an ugly face at the chained Kitmer, Das turned to Zimjier, "I.....I....I uh..." Das was distracted by Kitmer sticking his tongue out at him.

    Zimjier took the stage."I understand you need our help?"

    * * * * *

    The Vux fleet had nearly arrived at Hoth. The purple squid-like Vux had long held a grudge against Zimjier because he had destroyed one of their battlestations, and called them slime-ridden squirmy space trash. ( Vux are very appearance sensitive ) Now they would atta
  5. Soulwalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 18, 2003
    star 4
    Mon Mothma shut the curtains in her chamber. She locked the door, then sat down in a chair opposite the gray-haired man in her quarters. "Will you help me?" he asked.
    "I can, but are you sure about this?"
    "There's no doubt in my mind."
    "This will be an uneasy alliance..."
    "I know, but you have just got to help me."
    "Given our history, it might be rather awkward..."
    "I know, and I'm sorry. I should never have told you how I really felt about you. It will be awkward for us now. But please give me your assistance."
    Mon Mothma finally gave in. "Very well, I'll do it. I will help you, Gordian."


    And the plot thickens...

    Hehehe, awesome job so far Tessine-Sabe! :) Keep going with this!
  6. ZaraValinor Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 31, 2002
    star 4
    Keep it up Tessine this is wonderful. Love the interaction.
  7. Ty-gon Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
  8. Sara_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 21, 2000
    star 7
    Your story is memorizing, Tess.


    Keep those posts coming. ;)
  9. Tessine-Sabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2003
    star 1
    Oh Good! You guys are still here! ;)

    Thank you to all of you for posting feedback!!

    Zara_Valinor~ Nice to see you here :) I'm glad you're liking it so far!

    Ty: LOL, Kilprenn rocks my world, man <g>

    Soulwalker: Glad to see that it's more interesting to you! Thanks for the compliments!

    Sarah~ Thank you so much for keepin track on these little scribblings, I appreciate it.

    Next chapters up this afternoon!!

    Tess
  10. Tessine-Sabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2003
    star 1
    Author: Eileen R
    Chapter 19 - Two Leaders

    "I never understood you, Gordian" said Mon Mothma as she wrote out the necessary orders. "You didn't seem the sort of person to betray your friends for your own interest."

    Gordian Kelsik winced with pain. "I couldn't stand the thought of being a fugitive, never being able to settle down, my wife and children doomed to the whole thing."

    "Don't you remember the good old days? You, and me, and Anakin, and Therien, of course. How we used to heckle at the rallies of our political opponents?"

    "How could I forget?"

    "And then you married a very nice lady and settled down, while I never did, and then you became an Imp, good heavens!"

    "Let's not talk about it."

    "Probably a good idea. Well my hair is still red, and yours is whitish. That's one comfort at least. You look more and more like your father."

    "I'm afraid I don't measure up to him."

    "No-one will. He was the Republic's greatest chancellor."


    Author: Matthew W
    Chapter 20 - Zimjier's Dark Past

    Back on Hoth, Zimjier's base was rapidly melting as the Vux ships hovered overhead, firing everything from torpedoes to Ion beamers. Two cloaked battleships launched out of a hanger, sneaking through the attack. Another roof caved in, leaving Das, Kaaly, and Zimjier trapped under a two-foot heap of ice and snow. Zimjier took out his Ion pistol and began blasting his way through the heap. When they got out, they were surrounded by Vux soldiers.

    "Hands up!" Zimjier said as he pointed his pistol at them.

    "We do not obey you. We capture you. You will make a fine addition to our jail ship. Hands up!" a Vux said.

    "DAS! RUN!" Zimjier shouted. Das leapt away, grabbing a laser rifle from a Vux guard. Four of the nine guards followed Das, as Zimjier shot three more down and ran. another detachment of Vux guards landed, leaving Zimjier and Kitmer trapped. Zimjier dropped his pistol and put his hands up. He secretly pushed a button on his wrist.

    The leader of the guards demanded that Zimjier surrender. Kitmer was taken away, leaving Zimjier alone with 20 Vux. Just then, ten huge VictoDroids blasted through an ice wall, turned on their deflector shields, and began shooting Vux guards. The Vux made a brave attempt to destroy the droids, but their shields were too strong. One droid transported Zimjier to his cruiser, and the rest shot down the remaining Vux. Another cloaked cruiser blasted away, then six battleships launched and fired wildly at the Vux ships. The Vux had stopped firing at the base because they did not want to hurt any other Vux. The battleships destroyed a super star destroyer, and a few cruisers, but they themselves were destroyed, leaving Zimjier with his cruiser, and nine battleships. They uncloaked and shot a barrage of lasers, missiles, and torpedoes at the Vux ships, successfully destroying two eclipses and the remaining super star destroyer. The Vux shot back, destroying eight battleships. The Victorie was quickly surrounded by Vux cruisers. Apparently, the Vux really wanted to capture Zimjier.


    Author: Courtney D
    Chapter 21 - A Loving Reunion

    "Sacrifice?" Murien asked. "You're going to sacrifice us to the Force?"

    "It is our only protection against the night-beast." the Callardan said, almost sympathetic.

    "But," Murien tried to argue, and keep the Callardan busy. Miri was working on the ropes that tied the women's' hands together. "The Force does not need your sacrifice. The Force will guide you no matter?"

    "We do not change our customs." The Callardan said, and turned to go.

    "Wait!" said Miri, working furiously to untie the ropes behind her back. "If we are going to die, could you at least let us know how?"

    The Callardan nodded. "You be sent to the dwelling of the night-beast. And we leave you there, our sacrifice debt be fulfilled."

    Miri nodded, an idea coming to her. "Very well. We shall accept death bravely."

    Murien jerked her head, and tried to look at Miri, but it didn't work since they were back to back. "What?!" She asked.

    "
  11. Tessine-Sabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2003
    star 1
    I think that I'm going to post longer sections, because we're only like an eighth done with this two-volume novel. So I'm going to have to make this go a little faster for y'all. It shouldn't be too "dense" of reading for you have trouble reading more than five screens of text, I don't think. Anyhow. I'll post more soon, probably tonight. Cheerio~

    Tess
  12. Soulwalker Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 18, 2003
    star 4
    And yet again we see another one of Vader's possible atrocities. :(

    Nice job, Tessine-Sabe! Keep going! :)
  13. Tessine-Sabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2003
    star 1
    Author: Courtney D
    Chapter 23: A Change of Sides

    "Murien! Wait!" She heard Miri call.

    Murien wondered how she'd survived the kick. Murien had been staggering along, content with the fact that her two captors were dead. Or so she'd thought.

    Murien wiped the tears away and turned around. About 50 feet away, Miri O'Grell stood, face covered with mud and dirt... and blood.

    "Murien, I was trying to help you!" Miri coughed. "I didn't want my husband to kill you."

    Murien walked closer, not sensing any danger. She felt sorry for Miri, but not extremely guilty.

    "But I?ve shot your husband." Murien said. "Surely you have to hate me now."

    Miri shook her head. "I can hardly think, Murien. We need to get back to the base."

    Murien nodded, letting some of her anger burn up. She walked over to Miri, put her arm around her, and together they helped each other back across to the base.


    Author: Tyler W
    Chapter 24- The Death of the Pirate

    O'Grell poured all his energy into one single act- pulling himself off the ground. His hand held tight to his side, trying to stop the blood that was gushing out. Searing, burning pain tore through his stomach. His hand was hot with the warmth of his blood spilling over his fingers. He struggled through the ferns. He could see the trail of bright red he was leaving across the foliage. The rancors would be all over that in an instant- he had to get back to base.
    He heard grass being trampled, something was coming toward him. He ducked under a limb, the groaned when his hand crunched under a branch, breaking it and forcing it in to the wound.

    "Did you hear that?" Kilprenn asked.
    Loenik had heard the groan. He looked under the limb, only to find O'Grell.

    "Captain!"

    "Loenik?" O'Grell's voice was still wavering. "Help me. Get me back to base. Find the women."

    "I knew it," Kilprenn said. "He's a vampire, after Miri and Murien." He picked up a sharp chunk of wood, threw Loenik out of the way, and hammered it in to O'Grell's chest, giving him two matching wounds- one from Miri's blaster, one from a stake through his heart.
    ?Captain!? Loenik yelled as Kilprenn held him back and chuckled maliciously at O?Grell?s agonized scream. Loenik broke free and dropped down at the Pirate's side.
    ?I'm sorry," Loenik said in a whisper.
    "Take him down," O'Grell whimpered. "Kill Kilprenn, catch my wife and Murien, and find the treasure." O'Grell's eyes rolled back in to his head, and he gave a last labored breath.
    "Move along," said Kilprenn.
    Zeter and Loman obeyed.

    *****

    Miri and Murien stopped and leaned against a pillar of the ruins.
    "I'm sorry I was so hard on you," Miri panted.
    "It's...ok," Murien said. "It was your husband who was speaking then." She leaned against the pillar. "Miri? Do you ever wonder what the curse really was?"

    Miri stared at her. "Were you not there when the rancors were breathing down our necks?"

    "Of course. But I counted five, plus a night-beast. Two Jedi could easily take that on- do you know how Mikinna there were?"

    "The Mikinna were killed by the curse? I thought the Mikinna curse was placed on the treasure by the Mikinna."

    "You learn a lot reading Jedi history books. "

    "Didn't the Callardans say the Mikinna left?"

    "Mikinna could also be a singular noun- My grandmother left, remember? Of course, unless they start brushing up on their grammar, we?ll never know."

    "Come on, we have to keep moving," Miri said. The two moved off. They could hear a rancor snarling as it ate something in a distance. A pirate captain's uniform, stained bloody, was wedged under a limb next to several rancor tracks.

    *****

    The NR representatives, the GalactiCo employees, Zimjier's men, The Z team, and Pellus and At'ien watched helplessly as Zimjier's ship was forced to land, and he and his team were hoisted aboard the Vux spaceship.
    Kitmer, Adair, Bob, and the droid began creeping away when the only exit was blocked by five men in black. The icy rooms filled with laser blasts as the X-Team began firing on its rivals. The
  14. Tessine-Sabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2003
    star 1
    heh. fourth page. Maybe I should just work on my own story and let you guys worry about the background later. I don't think you'll have too hard a time.

    Tess
  15. Tessine-Sabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2003
    star 1
    Author: Tyler W
    Chapter 30: Revelation of the Dark Side Rebel

    Kif left the room, and started walking through the hall of the shuttle. He stepped in to his own room and activated the view screen. A picture appeared on it- Mon Mothma.

    "Kif? Is something wrong?"

    "Unfortunately, yes, Miss Mothma. Did Master Skywalker tell you of the probe droid he sent to find the treasure?"

    "Treasure?" Mothma asked.

    Kif took a deep breath and began explaining. "There was an ancient Jedi clan called the Mikinna. They had special gold-handled lightsabers and many insights about the Force, and a valuable library, and they contained it in 'treasure rooms'. Luke dispatched a probe droid to try and find the treasure- he found something else and wants to go to that planet. Please accept my most sincere apologies."

    "Thank you for the message," Mothma said, and the video feed fizzled and died.

    Kif stepped out and entered the cockpit. Rhys, the pilot, looked up. "Hey, Kif. What's going on?"

    "Change course," Kif said. "Master Luke wants to follow the trace on the Mikinna probe."

    "Coruscant air traffic won't like this," Rhys said, and he pulled out of the descent.

    *****

    Luke sat, staring at the frozen frame of the girl. She had good intentions, he could see. She was sweet and innocent. But the Dark Side was strong in her. Her strawberry blonde hair was curled, and falling around her face. It accentuated her good looks, and also the fire in her eyes.

    *****

    Murien stumbled along, her curly strawberry blonde hair framing her face again. Loenik held her elbow, helping her along.

    "Where's Miri?" Kilprenn asked.

    "I have no clue," Murien answered, "And I almost hope it stays that way."

    Kilprenn muttered under his breath, "I'll bet she's with the vampires."

    *****

    The Callardans held spears, and were tracking the women. They had found a torn piece of fabric, and had managed to follow their footprints. One of them tripped and stumbled. He held up what he had tripped over. It was one of Miri O'Grell's shoes.

    *****

    Zimjier sat in a ship that was off the Mikinna planet. He was about to turn his people over to the aliens that had enslaved them decades ago. The Callardans were primitive, and they probably wouldn't understand what was happening. That was the only comfort he could find in the situation. He descended on the planet.

    *****

    Miri O'Grell staggered through the woods. Her foot sunk into something. It was warm, gooey, brown, stinky, and now ankle-deep. "I HATE RANCORS!" she bellowed. She leaned over to find a stick to scrape the goop off of her bare foot when
    someone approached.

    Scared, she didn't dare look up. "Jaren?" She called out her husband's name out of the fear that he had somehow returned.

    "Having rancor troubles?" That was Riffin's voice.

    "Oh, thank the Force it's you," said Miri. She looked up at the rugged pirate.

    "Here, let me help," he said. He took her by the hand, and led her through a stream. They reached a log, and were about to step over when the heard footsteps on the other side. They ducked down behind it.

    Murien, Loenik, Kilprenn, Loman, and Zeter walked by the log. "We have to find Miri," Kilprenn said.

    "Oh, it's just Kilprenn," Riffin said. He helped Miri up.

    Kilprenn was the first to see them. "You had her by yourself! And the laser blast didn't kill you! I knew it! You are a vampire!"
    With a crazed look in his eyes, he began examining Miri's neck for a bite wound.

    Riffin decided not to mention that the laser blast had been ?stun?
    "Would you stop that?" He yelled. "I am not a vampire!"

    Kilprenn couldn't find a bite mark. "Okay, but I'll just let you know that I'm still watching." He pulled out a cross and some garlic that he had on a necklace chain.

    *****

    The GalactiCo/NR/Zimjier's men team sat in a room talking. The Vux had released them, seeing no threat. Dezzia had left the kids with another baby-sitter, and was in the room with them. She was good in a fight, she had been talking about all the actio
  16. Tessine-Sabe Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 13, 2003
    star 1
    Ok. Well. I'm going to have to bow out of the whole fanfiction scene. Sorry if any of you were enjoying this. :) But I've set really high goals for myself this year and I can't let myself slack. That means cutting out the extra internet time. I didn't think it would be fair if I just came on when I happened to get a moment, so I've decided to skip it altogether. If any of you readers would like to read the rest of the story just drop me a line to my email account. Sorry about this, guys, but I've got to be fair with my time. Thanks so much for your support and compliments! *waves*

    Tess
  17. Tygon_Jinnus Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 3, 2002
    star 1
    Well, Tess, if you need the time, you could send me a PM or e-mail with the rest of your cleaned-up form of the story and I could continue posting it for you... ;)

    I've just enjoyed seeing this again so much...
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