Before Orla's Story (AU/OC /Qui & Obi) - anuthor's note 01/30/07

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Kestrel_Kenobi, Nov 23, 2005.

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  1. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    A huge [:D] to all who had a hand in helping to create this. Thank you Jennifer_Lyn, Healer Leona and Stella_Ripple for your ideas, suggestions and most of all encouragement! :D


    Title: Orla's Story
    Author: Kestrel_Kenobi
    Characters: Lots of OCs, Qui-Gon and eventually Obi-Wan (of course!).Oh & Yoda has just informed me that he will be making a brief appearance!
    Summary: AU about the Jedi, the unchosen and their paths. Spawned from an Obi challenge (link in bio) if you want an idea of where this came from and where it's going. But not essential to enjoy the story!

    Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan :_|


    Chapter One ? The Beginning

    The Jedi Temple stood proud and tall casting its huge shadow onto the small figures below. The sight filled the women with relief and awe as they walked beneath it; they had finally reached their destination. The older woman of the two was hunched over, wrapped in old yet clean clothes with a shabby, but warm shawl thrown about her shoulders. She stopped to catch her breath and raised her eyes to the Temple. The sight brought a lump to her throat which she swallowed down quickly, tears she no longer knew she had welled in her eyes. How long had it been since her first visit here? She could not recall exactly, time had passed so fast and she had born many others, but he was the only special one, the only one they would take.

    The younger woman although impressed by the grandeur of the temple tried not to show it. Dressed like her mother, she had a weary face that had grown old before its time. She turned impatiently to look at her mother gazing at the Temple. Him, she thought, she?s always thinking of him. The woman?s cold blue eyes were filled with hatred for the brother she had never known, but whom her Mother could not let go of. Her brother had been taken to be trained by the Jedi at a few weeks of age. She had been brought also and although she had no memory of it she knew the outcome - she had not been chosen.

    Turning away from her Mother, who still stood gazing at the building, Pai-Gan continued on, determined to reach the Temple before day turned to night. She turned away from her mother, relentless in her quest to reach the Temple before the day turned to night. She did not stop to wait and on reaching the huge doors to the building she could hear her mother?s heavy breath just behind her.

    The two women stood now side by side and looked at each other.

    ?You?re sure you want to do this Pai-Gan,? the older woman began. ?If I could have my time over I wouldn?t of?? her voice trailed off.

    ?I know, I know,? Pai-Gan hissed at her. ?You would have kept my precious brother.?

    The bitterness in her voice was obvious and the old woman shut her eyes at the sound of it.
    ?And where do you think he would have ended up? On the streets with us that?s where?It should be me you?re concerned with ? not some phantom son you gave up long ago. He?s Jedi now; he?s not one of us.?

    As Pai-Gan finished speaking the door opened before them and they were ushered into the building. Both women were left speechless at the site before them, the contrast to where they were and where they came from was hard to believe.

    It wasn?t until the man before them spoke that their quest was remembered.

    ?Can I help?is it to do with the child?? the robed man asked gesturing to the bundle in Pai-Gan?s arms.

    The woman nodded??Yes, how did you know?? she asked and then the color rose in her cheeks as she realized he was Jedi, of course he would know.

    ?Forgive me,? the man replied ?I?m Master Fo Deni, I deal in matters such as these?may I?? He held out his arms for the child. Pai-Gan glanced at her mother who looked at her reproachfully. Ignoring this Pai-Gan placed the baby girl into the Jedi?s outstretched arms.

    ?If you?ll both come this way,? he took them through a side door and into a small room with simple furnishings and gestured for them to sit down. He sat
  2. Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 4
    I just saw you post this and I had to read it!

    Very interesting! I like your characters, and I feel so sorry for poor little baby Orla. :( And for the two women also. They are trapped in poverty, and much so that they are forced to give up Orla. It breaks my heart!

    ?It?s Orla? replied Pai-Gan. ?Orla Jinn.?

    :eek: Jinn??? So Hetta's son, the Jedi, is Qui-Gon?? Wow! Now I'm really intrigued!

    I can't wait to read more! Do you know when you will update again?
  3. obi_webb Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    wow, that was an amazing start kestrel! great choice making the first part just pai gan and hetta, taking little orla around, trying to find her a home. it sets things up extremely well and on the right tone. (judging by what i know of orla from your challenge piece)
    i very much look forward to the next part!=D=
  4. LilQui-Gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2004
    star 2
    ?It?s Orla? replied Pai-Gan. ?Orla Jinn.?
    :eek: :eek: :eek: WWWHHHAAATTT?!?!?! And you're not gonna update till next Wednesday? What am I gonna do? I need to learn MORE! Please update soon! [face_praying]
  5. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Very sad that Pai-Gan and her mother would live like this.

    ?Mother, we can?t keep her,? Pai-Gan?s usually harsh voice turned gentle. ?We have the others to think of and the orphanages aren?t such bad places.? She wasn?t sure whether this lie was for her Mother or for herself.


    Terribly sad in fact.

    Nice start Kestral, loved the twist at the end! :)
  6. Stella_Ripple Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2005
    star 3
    Yay, you posted!
    Wuh-underful job Sis!
    Eeek! Qui GOn's niece- I still can't get over that- a great twist, makes me so much more involved suddenly! As for your other OCs- I'm speechless! I love the way you brought out the different aspects of Pai Gan- makes her so much more 3 dimensional- and Hetta's inquiry about her son and her reaction was sooo touching!
    Brava =D= and I'm so glad to hear we'll get more soon!
  7. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Nienna - Thanks :) - I'm glad you like it! I'll be updating weekly.

    obi-webb - [face_blush] Thank you.

    LilQui-Gon - :D Really glad I've got you hooked! Don't worry there's lots more to come! Thanks for reading.

    Leona - My lovely beta! I'm so happy you like this! I'm afraid it's going to get worse before it get's better - but there's a happy ending! ;)

    Stella - Sis! My most loyal reader! As long as you like it then I'm happy. [:D]

    Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing...I'll have more next week.
  8. KylieKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 25, 2005
    star 1
    great start! Wowsies! I want more!! Can u pm me when you update???
  9. Jennifer_Lyn Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2005
    star 4
    [:D]

    surprise! i just had to come in and reply to this!

    lovely, lovely job! such a great background story for one of my fav ocs.
  10. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    kyliekenobi - Thanks for reading - I'll let you know when I update.

    Jennifer_Lyn - Do you know how happy you've made me!!!! Such a lovely surprise to 'see' you here. [:D] Thanks for dropping by to read this! :D
  11. jodiwent Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2000
    star 4
    I read this wonderful begining the other day, but forgot to tell you.

    Loved the twist of the son that was a Jedi being Qui-GOn.

    Wondering what will happen to Orla as she grows up.
  12. Zonoma Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 28, 2005
    star 5
    Such a beautiful beginning!
  13. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Thanks for reading jodiwent and Zonoma ? I hope you enjoy part 2 just as much!

    I?m posting this a day early as 1)I had it ready [face_dancing] and 2)I?m not very well :( and have a feeling I won?t be around for a couple of days.

    Thanks again to Leona for checking it over for me![:D]


    Chapter Two ? Silver-Eyed Orphan

    Master Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn was glad to be home after his recent mission which had proved to last for longer than anyone had predicted. Opening his eyes, he sat up and stretched after a peaceful morning of meditation in his own apartment. Now however he had other things on his mind and as he had managed to brief the Council the previous evening he had been granted the whole day as his own.

    Once changed and fed he left the Temple and began to take in the sights and sounds around him. He was a Jedi who appreciated all the small things in life, the things most took for granted; a beautiful view, a warm smile, a soft breeze...He traveled on, following his instincts, making his way to the lower levels, what was known to those who lived there as downtown - a very different place to where the Jedi Temple stood. He was often drawn to this part of Corsucant even as a young Padawan although he didn?t really know why. He felt at ease coming here although he should have felt the opposite ? it was almost as if a missing part of himself resided here in these busy streets. He could walk and think and observe while remaining almost invisible ? no one stood out in this crowded place.

    * * *

    A small, golden haired girl kneeled on her bed by the grubby window. Breathing on it hard with her warm breath she wiped some of the grime away with the corner of her tatty dress. The view outside was not at all inspiring, sunlight was unable to reach the lower levels where Orla resided and so she gazed instead at the never ending rows of buildings and lights dreaming of a different life, a better life.

    ?Orla! Orla!? Madam Ki'lian?s voice called harshly breaking into Orla?s thoughts.

    What was that girl up to now, she thought, always alone, daydreaming, always somewhere else anywhere but here. Not that Madam Ki?lian could blame her for that - who?d be an orphan in this city, with no hope of any decent kind of future. The woman watched as Orla appeared at the top of the stairs, she was a small girl for five, but with an inner strength that Madam Ki'lian hadn?t witnessed before in a child so young. She recalled that even as a baby Orla was unlike any other child, indeed her unrelenting stare could penetrate to the very core of ones being and Madam Ki'lian was sure that was why she was never taken; no one wanted to adopt such a knowing, strange little creature with those huge silver eyes.

    ?Yes Madam??

    Orla appeared at Madam Ki'lian?s side. The orphanage owner wore a long black dress and her black hair was scraped into a tight bun distorting her features and making her look a formidable figure to Orla who had not once seen the woman smile in her five short years of living here.

    ?Orla, I need you for an errand.? Madam Ki'lian sounded a little harsher than she meant to, but somehow she always felt on edge around this child. ?You can?t just disappear in to your daydreams when you feel like it, there?s work to be done.?

    Orla nodded, head bent and eyes to the floor. Madam Ki'lian sighed and passed Orla a thin package.

    ?You know what to do child,? she said as Orla took the package and placed it in the deep pocket of her overall. ?Well, don?t just stand there off you go now.?

    Orla nodded, and silently slipped past her to the back door of the orphanage and out into the alley.

    Orla?s senses were assaulted as she left the orphanage, the smell of rotten food, dirt and worse clung to the streets. The neon signs shone above her head advertising bars and diners, vendors yelled from their stalls shaking different kinds of meat and exotic fruits at her and everywhere she looked there were people and creatures of all kind eating, chatting, drinking and
  14. LilQui-Gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2004
    star 2
    [face_love] Excellent early chapter! I hope you'll fell better soon. @};- [:D] @};- [:D] [face_love]
  15. obi_webb Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    great job kestrel! =D=
    fantastic update! i loved the small little meeting orla had with qui-gon! i so wanted more to be said between them, but it was a good move keeping their encounter brief at the start of things..
    also nice job explaining why no family would pick orla to adopt. that little detail really helped me get a feel to what little orla was like.
    and then the slavers... things are taking a turn for the worse for poor orla...
    i look forward to the next part and i hope you feel better soon!
  16. Zonoma Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 28, 2005
    star 5
    The meeting with Orla and Qui was just right!

    And that was a mean, mean cliffie! What a horrible name for a slave trader, too! "hush"

    *shivers*
  17. Stella_Ripple Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2005
    star 3
    Don't tell me I forgot to leave a reply...:oops:
    Loverly, just so loverly! :)
    You've really brought little Orla to life here. Her own perceptions of things- especially qui and the Force- make her a truly unique girl, and she seems to have inherited the Jinn affinity to the force with a healthy (yet what could be provoking) dose of undecipherableness (hey, I can make up my own words!) Plus the matron's idea of her was also very enlightening.
    I adored the little details that lend colour to the fic and the pace is perfect- though we could have done with that evil cliffie :p

    ?Now,? Madam Ki?lian began. ?This gentleman is looking to adopt some children?
    I don't know why, that's the line, followed by the horrible slave trader *joins in with the shivering* is what made me think of a mellowed Dickensy time!

  18. Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 4
    Oooh! Very nice! Suspense! :D

    I liked the connection Orla and Qui-Gon made. It was a very sweet moment, but also sad because Orla has never known love or family. Qui-Gon is her family...
    That slave trader was so creepy! Is Orla going to be all right? *bites nails*

    Hurlo?s Place

    A first class establishment, I'm sure. Makes me want to hurl... ;)

    I can't wait for next week, and I hope you feel better soon! :)
  19. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I remember feeling so very bad and worried for the children at the end. Ofcourse I wnated Qui-Gon to come rushing in right then and there! :D :D
  20. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    I'm feeling much better now thanks :)

    LilQui-Gon - Thank you! I'm happy you liked it!

    obi_webb - Thanks, I'm afraid Orla's in for a bit of a bumpy ride! Glad you're enjoying it.

    Zonoma - I do like horrible cliffies [face_devil] ...thanks for reading!

    stella - Thank you sis [face_blush] ...ah Dickens yes, I do love his writing. Oliver Twist is one of my fav books and has inspired this piece somewhat!

    Nienna - [:D] I'm so happy you're reading and enjoying this! Yes, Hurlo's place I thought an excellent name!

    Leona- You know I hadn't even thought of that happening! Now you've got me thinking. Mmm, bunnies, bunnies, bunnies...

    Next post up wednesday!
  21. BrightFeather Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2005
    star 3
    Wow. Please add me to your PM list!

    BrightFeather
  22. KylieKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 25, 2005
    star 1
    ya know what i just watched?? Oliver!, and that really reminded me of it, for some unfathomable reason....

    have you ever seen Oliver! or even read Oliver Twist???

    This and that are similar ( in a good way!)

    Great Job cant wait for updates!
  23. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    BrightFeather - Thanks, hope you enjoy part 3!

    KylieKenobi - Being compared to Dickens can only be a good thing! :)

    Happy Wednesday everyone - or at least it's Wednesday here. 3.44 am to be precise and yes I should be in bed! Thanks Leona for all your help...[:D]


    Chapter Three ? Darkness Falls

    Qui-Gon writhed in his sleep, moaning a little as the girl appeared before him once more. Turning over for the umpteenth time that night, he awoke from his light sleep to find himself caught in his sheets. Trembling slightly, he untangled himself and made the decision to rise. Agitated that he had suffered yet another restless night, Qui-Gon made a quick decision that he could ignore his dreams no longer. He dressed and ate quickly, and left the Temple at first light once more making his way downtown to where he had seen the child. A week had passed since their meeting, and meditation and time had not made his desire to see her any less so. In fact he wanted to see her more than ever and believing that it was not chance but fate that had brought them together he meant to make that desire a reality.


    The Force lead him to the exact spot where he had lifted the girl from the ground. Though still early, this part of town was always busy and he slid into the shadows to avoid being disturbed.


    The Jedi cast his mind back to the child and felt her eyes, those huge silver eyes that some part of him had known, boring into him once more. He had felt the Force within her that was certain, but it wasn?t only the Force at work here. There was a connection between them. Qui-Gon had no idea how or why but he had felt it and so, he thought, had she.


    Ignoring the hustle about him, he was able to visualize her. Focusing on her appearance he could see her overall with the emblem in the top left hand corner, a circle with a v shape within which meant she was an orphan. There were many orphanages in this area, Qui-Gon sighed as he realized he had a busy day ahead. He stood and using the Force he hesitatingly called to her, would she be alarmed or even recognize what was happening? The Jedi could not say, but he felt nothing and received nothing in return.

    * * * * * * * * *

    Sorro glanced about the room all but empty except for the little ?uns, in the last week they had been brought three children, three! She held her head in her hands and then ran them thorough her grey hair, she had always worked here and loved it but now?she sat on a nearby chair and fought hard to keep the tears back. If only she?d been here that day, if only she?d been well.

    Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door, hesitating she called out,

    ?Who?s there??

    ?My name is Qui-Gon Jinn,? came the reply. ?I wish to speak to you regarding an orphan.?

    Sorro felt a wave of calmness wash over her and unbolted the door, which only a week ago had been kept open. A tall man with a kind face stood before her, Sorro was no fool and a glance to the lightsaber by his side confirmed her thoughts, he was Jedi. She bowed to him and he at once returned the gesture.

    ?Please come in.?

    Qui-Gon entered the orphanage and looked round at the three children playing quietly on the floor.

    ?I?m sorry to disturb you,? Qui-Gon began; he could feel the woman?s distress and hoped that he wasn?t the cause. ?I?m hoping you may be able to assist me in my search?I?m seeking a child, a little girl of about 5 or so , with blonde hair and unusual eyes, silver in color.?

    Sorro nodded as tears filled her eyes, she sat once more and gestured for Qui-Gon to sit as well.

    ?Yes, yes, poor little thing.? She whispered. ?Orla, her name was Orla.?

    Qui-Gon placed a hand on the woman?s shoulder in comfort. She relaxed slightly and with a deep breath looked up at him.

    ?What happened here?? he asked in a quiet voice.

    ?Well, I, it?s hard?? she faltered. ?I?m not sure where to begin, it happened a week ago, exactly a week today.?

    Qui-Gon stiffened slightly, a week ago? It was a week since he had met
  24. BrightFeather Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2005
    star 3
    Ack! Kestrel, you get back here and give us more! That's a terrible place to leave such a little 'un! Oooooh, Just noticed. *happy dance* I got first reply on this part! ;)
  25. LilQui-Gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2004
    star 2
    I hope Qui-Gon will find her soon. I feel so sad about the babies being taken! :( ... :_|
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