Outbreak (a very, very first fanfic)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Rinin, Oct 1, 2000.

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  1. Rinin Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2000
    star 1
    Okay. So this is my first fanfic...please be gentle with it....:) Kit gave me the idea (an part of the written story) when she got writers' block over it. Anyway...so yeah, please be gentle..

    ****

    Part one: Creating a void.

    //Transmission: Ember Senfi ~ Jedi Knight. 23/87/67540. 3:48 PM
    Begin Transmission to Jedi Temple, Coroscant.

    My Masters. I have discovered a virus, one that is important to the Jedi Order. It is a virus, which is spread by the force, from one victim to the next. All that is needed to spread the disease is for one to reach, either unconsciously or consciously towards the victim with the force. The disease transfers itself along that slight bond. Once infected the victim is assured of a slow and painful death. Although insufficient data has been gained on the matter, it seems that the virus feeds off its victim?s memories. It also seems to induce hallucinations and makes the victim wary and aggressive to those close to it.

    So far, I have watched both Knight Tomshe and Master Panya die from these disease. I cannot describe to you my feelings, only to warn you of this terrible epidemic, which is spreading on the world of Layshay. I also regret to inform you that due to seriousness of the disease, my esteemed colleagues death and my wish to learn more about this disease I will return home at a later date.

    End Transmission to Jedi Temple, Coroscant//

    *************
    //Transmission: Lord governor Cha-les of Layshay. 25/87/67540. 9:30 AM
    Begin Transmission to Jedi Temple, Coroscant.

    With sincerest apologies, I regret to inform you of the death of Jedi Knight Ember Senfi. Cause of death is the epidemic, sweeping Layshay which also took the life of her fellow Jedi.

    Most sincere apologies

    //End Transmission to Jedi Temple, Coroscant.//


    *
  2. Rinin Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2000
    star 1
    "Good morning Padawan." Qui-gon greeted his apprentice. Obi-wan sighed and rubbed at his eyes tiredly.

    "Morning and good in the same sentence? Master are you sure that you are feeling alright? You probably slept as well as I did last night, that is no sleep would have left me feeling more wide awake." Obi-wan grumbled sleepily. He reached for the mug of juice and grumbled some more as Qui-gon moved it away from him with the force.

    "That juice is mine padawan." Qui-gon scolded half-heartedly. "You can pour your own."

    "Master." Obi-wan whined grabbing the toast from the toaster before his master had a chance to take it. He stuffed it in his mouth for good measure.

    "Padawan." Qui-gon said disapproval strongly in his voice. He glared at his apprentice until Obi-wan cut two more slices of bread and stuck them into the toaster.

    "Jam master?" Obi-wan asked a smile creeping over his face,

    "Coffee too I suppose. What do you want to do padawan?" Qui-gon asked.

    "I thought we could go for a walk Master." Obi-wan said slowly, the smile still strongly in place.

    "Oh really!" Qui-gon said refilling his juice glass, "I've never thought of you being an advocate for voluntary exercise."

    "Well, Master you see."

    "Don't tell me padawan a new all-you-can-eat buffet has started down the street." Qui-gon said sarcastically, "But seeing that we are on a much needed holiday, I don't know."

    "It's not that master. I thought we might get something from the markets to bring back for Garen and?"

    "and Bant." Qui-gon finished wry amusement showing on his face, "I think that would be a good idea."

    "Cool," Obi-wan said using the Terran slang.

    "Get moving padawan." Qui-gon said. Obi-wan sculled the rest of his juice and grabbed another slice of toast before bolting down the hall.
  3. Kit' Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Oct 30, 1999
    star 5
    Yay Rinin! Wooohoooo!!!!!!

    I'll shut-up now.......

    Kithera
  4. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Hooray, you've started it! I can't wait! The tidbit that I got from Kithera was so enticing that I can hardly wait for more! I loved the way that Qui-Gon moved the juice away from Obi-Wan's grasping hand with the Force, and the way that Obi-Wan snagged his toast instead. And the way Qui-Gon could only imagine one reason for his apprentice's sudden urge for exercise--a new all-you-can-eat buffet down the street! Good interaction!
  5. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
  6. Calamity Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2000
    star 4


    Great begining Rinin! I'll keep my eyes open for this thread!
  7. KADI-WAN_KENOBI Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 9, 2000
    star 4
    Good start! Keep it up!!!!
  8. Sara_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 21, 2000
    star 7
    Keep it going! Its really good! : )
  9. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Yay! Excellant start! More?
  10. padmemicheline Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 28, 2000
    star 3
    Great start Rinin! I'm looking forward to more!
  11. Ziran Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000

    Sounds good to me.
  12. Rinin Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2000
    star 1
    Thanks guys..... *grins happily*

    Next bit
    *****

    "See Master!" Obi-wan said in delight, 'I'm sure that Bant would love this necklace."
    The boy held up a string of brightly coloured beads, each one changed colour as they swung in the light.

    "Very pretty, although not very Jedi like." Qui-gon said

    "Well, what am I suppose to get her?" Obi-wan asked, "A book on 101 lightsabre tricks?"

    "It would be a start." Qui-gon mused.

    "How about this?" Obi-wan asked moving on, Qui-gon went to say something but a loud scream cut him off. A tug of war was ensuing near-by a young girl had hold of a woman?s' purse and was tugging it to get it free. The older woman was screaming and crying, desperately trying to regain her purse. The girl suddenly produced a knife and stabbed the lady viscously about the arms. The woman let go of the handbag and the girl shot away into the stunned crowd. The two Jedi were already into action, Qui-gon and Obi-wan had reached the lady seconds to late to stop the knife. The woman was panting an obviously seriously hurt. Qui-gon dug through the pouches on his belt to find the one that he wanted. Obi-wan glanced up through the crowds and then back down at his master. Qui-gon nodded,

    "You go after her." He said lending a vocal answer to an unsaid request, "I'll stay here until the medics arrive."

    Obi-wan nodded in return and bolted through the crowds. Despite a minute head start the girl was easy to find, she had slowed from a run to a fast pace. She was looking about suspicious for any followers and when she caught sight of the Jedi, she bolted again. Obi-wan followed at a distance, catching up slowly. The girl's run slowed into a drunken lurch and she was suddenly dragging her feet along the pavement, surprised Obi-wan observed her for a second. Without warning she collapsed, her head hitting the side of a shop. Obi-wan ran forward, wary of any hidden tricks, the knife had been dropped back at markets but Obi-wan knew that she might have another.

    "Help me." She whispered dragging herself upright against a shop-front.

    "I?how can I trust you?" Obi-wan asked

    "Help me." The girl repeated a note of panic in her voice, "Before it comes back before it hurts me again?"
    "Before what comes back?" Obi-wan said. Trusting his instincts, he crawled up besides her.

    "Before it?.Before?HELP!" The girl screamed and panicked. She began to kick and scream. Obi-wan reached out with the force to calm her and found that her life force didn't even register, it was as if she was a void. Obi-wan reached again and this time there was a flicker in the force, a muted warning. Obi-wan couldn't concentrate on it as the girl collapsed again, Obi-wan touched her neck, searching for a pulse but there was nothing. He reached with the force, only to encounter the void again. Then something blocked the light and Obi-wan turned to see his master looking concerned and three healers standing behind him.

    "She asked me to help her and then she died." Obi-wan offered weakly, still confused by what had happened to him. Qui-gon bent down and felt the girls pulse, she was dead. He stood slowly and nodded towards the healers. Then bent again to help his padawan from the ground, Obi-wan came up rather bonelessly as if in shock. Qui-gon frowned at his padawan's lack of composure, the boy looked disturbed as if something else had happened. Qui-gon realized that one of the ambulance men had been calling to him.

    "Do you want the boy checked out?" he asked. Obi-wan shook his head,

    "She didn't hurt me, only disturbed me." The teenager said reluctantly, "Is the woman who was attacked going to be alright?" he asked after a moment.

    "She is stable." The medic confirmed.

    "Thank you or your assistance, but I think that I should get my padawan home." Qui-gon said after a moment. He glanced at his padawan, Obi-wan was shaking slightly and his face was still pale.

    "Are you going to be alright Obi-wan?" Qui-gon asked softly.

    "Yes Master, I'm sure that everything will be fine." Obi-wan answered sounding vague,
  13. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Obi's got it, Obi's got it! He's got the virus! A slow and painful death is coming! Stay away from him, Qui-Gon, stay away! Don't reach out to him with the Force, noooo!

    Excellent action. I thought the girl was pretending to stumble and then she'd stab Obi-Wan or pull his arm and flip him over her head, or something. What a surprise to have her literally drop dead at his feet! I also liked the part about "a book on 101 light saber tricks."

    I'm looking forward to more!
  14. mouse2 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    Wonderful Rinin!
    I hope you have more posts for us soon!
  15. Calamity Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2000
    star 4


    Ooooh, the tension builds! It must have been a bit of a shock for Obi, the girl just dying like that.

    Has he got it then Rinin? I can't wait for the next bit!
  16. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
    Rinin your very, very first fanfic is very very excellent!!!!!

    Nothin better than a sick sad Obi!
  17. Jee-dai Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2000
    star 3
    Oooh, I like a sick Obi more than a tortured Obi. This story is going to be enjoyable. :)
  18. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Personally, I like a sick AND tortured Obi. He he!

    This has got me well and truly gripped. Keep going Rinin!
  19. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Ooooooh! I like! Must have more soon! :)
  20. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Finally found this. A very, very first, huh??

    Well you obviously have a great talent Rinin.

    Post often, post soon.

  21. Obi the Kid Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 13, 2000
    star 4
    sooooooooooooooooooo good.....post soooooooooon
  22. Healer Apprentice Lina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2000
    star 4
    Just found this! Wonderful Rinin!
    Love the plot and love aaaaallllll the Obi-Torture that could be involved!!!
    Okay, that sounded bad. Anyway, post more soon!!
  23. Sara_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 21, 2000
    star 7
    Up!...Up!...Up! I love this fic. Keep it up! :>
  24. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
  25. Darth McClain Arena Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2000
    star 6
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