Outer Rim: The Storm and the Lightning

Okay, I seem to do better at working on stories if I have people reading them as I go, so here goes nothing. I have precisely one scene (over)written.

The first story, "Outer Rim," can be found on the forum at Forum9/HTML/001358.html Forum9/HTML/001358.html

or at Vader's Mask, http://fan.starwars.com/vadersmask/files/outertxt.htmlOuter Rim cover page -- those who were following for awhile will note that there is yet another actor on the cover.

Question, btw: I just had a friend from college read OR, and he says that I skimmed and need badly to expand it, because there was too much scope crammed into too small a space. What do you all think?

Without further ado...

http://members.aol.com/fernwithy/vadersmask/storm.jpg

[This message has been edited by JediGaladriel (edited 02-18-2000).]

[This message has been edited by JediGaladriel (edited 02-18-2000).]

[This message has been edited by JediGaladriel (edited 05-16-2000).]

 

OUTER RIM: THE STORM AND THE LIGHTNING
By FernWithy/JediGaladriel

A long time ago, in a galaxy that never was?

It is an uncertain time for the Republic. The Empire is no more, but the victory was slim, and the political morass that brought it into being remains.

Having borne the heaviest part of the Battle of the Outer Rim, the Skywalker family has shouldered the burdens of the shaky Republic in the ten years since. Anakin Skywalker has recreated the Jedi Order, bringing balance to its decimated ranks, while his wife, Amidala, works tirelessly as Chancellor of the Senate to bring peace to the shattered galaxy. Young Luke Skywalker has become a powerful Jedi in his own right, and prepares to take his own students, while his twin, Leia, travels the galaxy as head of Republic security.

As the family struggles to cope with its responsibilities, the unraveling political situation in the far off worlds of the Outer Rim has flared into a rebellion, as mysterious warriors, claiming to speak for Amidala, spread fire and desolation across the galaxy?

PROLOGUE: MISETA

Motibi. Outer Rim.

The sky was red with blood and fire, but the two figures who stood silhouetted against it, high on a rise above the storm, no longer noticed such things. They had seen it on a dozen worlds. Their attention was on one another.

"So it comes to this, does it, my Miseta?"

"As you have always known it would, Master." The smaller figure stepped forward, cloaks and veils blowing wildly about her in the wind of the firestorm. "You named me for order. I will not destroy the order I've bought at such a high price."

A sneering laugh. "Order? You walk and breathe at the whim of a weak woman who cannot control even her own household, let alone the galaxy. Think, my Miseta! You have the power to mold this chaos to your own desires! To make of it whatever you like! You need only take that one step? a simple step. It is certainly not a new one for you."

"No, it is not." Her voice was strangely calm, even in her own mind. The time really had come to break the chain of command. "And I do plan to free myself of unnecessary controls today." She pushed her mind outward. "Walk into the fire, Master."

Her Master only laughed. "Try it with the feeble locals, my Miseta. They seemed to respond better when you told them to burn their precious hovels. I am stronger than they are."

"Perhaps. But you are not stronger than I am." She focused, concentrated? she knew that her Master was not to be toyed with? but she also knew that she spoke the simple truth. She had been strong enough to do this for years.

Her Master's face grew suddenly taut, and a pale hand grasped futilely toward the failing heart. Then, a strange, hateful smile. "This? " A gasp. "? is worthy of you? my Miseta." One more push, and the heart burst inside the ruined chest.

The larger of the two figures crumpled to the ground, becoming one more meaningless shape in the smoke. Miseta contemplated the shape for less than a minute, then pushed it over the rise into the raging fire below.

She hadn't wanted it to come to this, not after ten years of study and a strange variety of cold friendship. But her Master should never have told her to kill the Chancellor.

After all, what kind of monster would kill her own mother?

 

Damn, JG, I guess I have great timing, huh? Ask and I shall receive?

I'm glad you're continuing this story. I've been wondering what the heck happened!

Keep going!!

 

I'm so glad you're going to continue your story, JG! I loved Outer Rim and have no doubts this one will be just as good. (In fact, I already have it bookmarked )

So where are Ani, Luke and especially Leia? She hasn't become a Sith yet, has she? redface.gif

Keep it up, and post soon!

[This message has been edited by Jedi Master Mara Jade (edited 02-19-2000).]

 

Well, JMMJ, glad it wasn't too blatant... maybe Amidala can miss it more plausibly, but...

But her Master should never have told her to kill the Chancellor.

After all, what kind of monster would kill her own mother?

I'm working on a new scene now.

 

Glad to see you're continuing the story. Looks promising.

 

Dang, and just as I'm emailing you, JG! I should have looked for this sooner.

Well, Leia certainly does appear to be Daddy's little girl! The parallels, what with the physical scarring and subsequent turn... it's so like Vader. 'Darth Leia,' lol.

Brilliant start, I know I'm going to love this!

 

"Get down, Amidala!"

Amidala had learned long ago that the tone was not to be dismissed, and she dropped immediately under the cover of the balcony's parapet. Ani's lightsaber ignited in a flash of bluish-white as the high whistle of a blaster shot broke the air. He deflected it easily, and the one after it.

Amidala reached for her blaster, always set for stun, and followed the direction of the shots to their source: an old man, with crazed eyes and wild hair. She thought he was crying as he fired.

She turned the power level as low as it could go and still immobilize him, then aimed carefully and fired. The assassin dropped his gun and crumpled to the ground.

Ani glanced back at her. "Good shot."

She smiled. "Good cover. Please bring him to me, Ani. I need to talk to him."

"I think it a poor idea? "

"You'll be right here with us."

He nodded, and she watched him make his way down off the balcony, to the courtyard below where people were gathering around the semi-conscious shooter.

"Mother?"

She turned. Ben was standing ten yards behind her, a pallie in one hand, his eyes deep and troubled. A ten year old child, Amidala thought, should never have that expression. "Everything is all right, Ben," she said. "Go back inside. Please."

He started to protest, but in the end, Ben was a compliant child - much like Luke had been many years ago - and he nodded and went inside. She would explain to him later.

"?can walk on my own, don't touch me false Jedi?"

Amidala turned back toward the city, and saw that Ani was guiding the shooter up the stairs. The man was raving, barely allowing himself to be led. Amidala went to him. "Peace, old father," she said. "What troubles you?"

Ani rolled his eyes. His patience ran out quickly when he perceived someone as her enemy. But Amidala could not look at this old man and see an assassin. She saw only the pain in his eyes, the pain that was driving him to madness.

He spat on the ground in front of her. "I'm not your father, witch," he said. "I am Jaet Bishapi, of Anoat. Or what used to be Anoat until your demons burned it away."

"Mr. Bishapi, I - "

"Doctor. Doctor Bishapi."

"Very well, Dr. Bishapi, I am investigating what happened on Anoat. I did not order that siege, and my heart goes to the people who suffered it - "

"Do you think I can't smell your lies? They stink like the smoke and the fire and the melted steel. I saw the demon, walking through the flames like they were its very own doom. I heard it order men to their deaths, and women too. And I heard it do all those things in your name, witch." Bishapi looked at her disdainfully, then laughed. "So either you know, in which case, you ought to be in the same hell you put us in. Or you don't know, and you can't control it, in which case, you ought to go back to the desert and breed, since it's the only thing you seem to do right."

Amidala saw Ani's hand pulling tighter on the back of Bishapi's shirt, his eyes narrowing. She shook her head. She didn't want this man injured any more than he already had been. If she couldn't take an insult from a madman with grace and dignity, she really wasn't worthy of her position.

"Yes, yes. Call off your attack dog," Bishapi said. Amidala was surprised - insane, the man might be, but he missed very little. "False Jedi, servant of -"

"That is enough, Dr. Bishapi," Amidala said quietly. She thumbed a key on her comm-pad (a wrist device that she almost always wore), and the guards arrived. She instructed them to take Bishapi to a nearby hospital where his wounds - both physical and mental - could be tended, and watched them lead him off. His anger seemed not to have abated but --

"He's confused," Ani said. "You weren't what he expected."

"He expected a demon."

"Yes."

She sighed. "Because he saw one."

"He saw something, Amidala. Not necessarily what he believes he saw."

Amidala could think of nothing to say. The afternoon wind was beginning to pick up, as the rush hour traffic stirred the atmosphere stories above them. It always seeme

 

Sorry, JediGala. I just skimmed and posted b/c people were yelling at me to get off the computer :blushes:

Great job with that scene...If Shmi is Luke's padawan, Ben is who's...? And yeah, it's a bit more evident now...

But why Miseta? (probably something else I missed redface.gif )

 

Because my fingers kind of hit M-I-S-E-T-A when I was scrounging around for a Sith name for Leia. icons/icon5.gif

I haven't really gotten into it. Essentially, it means "order," and her Master gave it to her because that's her goal. Sooner or later, that name will break the surface with the Jedi, and they'll do some research into its meaning.

 

Yay! Another story from Jedi Galadriel! I love theses stories. Can't wait to see what happens.

 

Well, I don't know how long the whole chapter is going to take me -- I have to do some planning, 'cause I'm meandering like crazy here -- but I figure I can post a scene, just to get the thread back in action. Feedback is desperately needed!

CHAPTER ONE: SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU

Corellia.

Han hadn't given much thought to the scars in years. He'd given her the damned veils, but he'd convinced her not to wear them when they were alone together, here in his house. The bottom part of Leia's face, a warped crescent that stretched from below her right ear to the left side of her chin, looked like melted plastic. But he'd rather see it than not see it. He'd rather see Leia Skywalker than the mask she always wore.

He thought she was beautiful. The scars just reminded him of it by marring it.

Her mouth twitched in something that resembled a smile. It was an expression she couldn't hold for long without pain. "What are you staring at, flyboy?"

He grinned. "Just wondering what kind of trouble I'm in, to drag Republic security all the way out here."

"Don't flatter yourself," she said, turning her nose up in mock arrogance. "As it happens I was just in the neighborhood? "

Han leaned over and kissed the upturned nose. "And you just had to drop by and say hello."

"Something like that." She pulled him to her for a more serious kiss, her strong fingers massaging the back of his neck. He'd kissed her the first time four years ago, the day he'd first pulled away the veils she wore. It was good then; it had gotten better. The only problem was that she always seemed scared of being found out - despite the fact that her family knew, and Solo couldn't think of anyone else who'd mind. She broke away, and linked her arm through his, leading them further into his house. "Things are going to get better now," she said. "I promise."

"You can still read minds, can't you?"

She gave him a hard sideways look. He caught a glint of something in her eyes, something he didn't like at all, but he let it go. She'd always had a temper. She'd always had this? he shook it off. He knew enough to be careful with her. He liked her enough not to let it bother him. "No," she said. "That part of my life is a long time ago. Leave it to my brother."

"Speaking of whom? "

"He's fine, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I said hello for him, though he didn't know I was coming here."

There was a distance in her voice, and that bothered Han more than the hardness in her eyes. When he'd first met the Skywalker twins, they were the closest sibs he'd ever imagined. He'd sort of wished to be part of that. But now? something was wrong.

"Nothing's wrong," Leia said.

"Thought you weren't reading minds anymore."

"I don't need to read your mind. I can read your face." She pulled away from him, and went to the window. "I just haven't seen my family for awhile. Things have been? a little intense." She turned, and gave him the smile she'd practiced longest. She was getting better at it. "And I didn't come to you to talk about my brother."

"What did you come to talk about?" He sat down on the tattered sofa, putting his feet up on an end table.

"Who says I came to talk?"

Experience, Han thought. Just plain old ordinary experience. He said, "Well, I know you just can't stay away from a good-looking guy like me for long and all? "

She rolled her eyes, and looked back out the window. The afternoon sun split around her in a hazy halo, and Han sat back to appreciate it. He tried not to think too clearly - whatever she said, he didn't think she'd lost the ability to read his thoughts, and didn't imagine she ever hesitated to do so. It wasn't a problem for him, though it had driven poor Chewie half mad. She'd never gotten an ear for the Wookiee language, but she was always and forever cutting him off in the middle of a sentence by predicting what he was going to say. He'd taken to finding errands to run any time she said she was coming. Too bad. He'd liked her once, too. And his snub hadn't gone unnoticed where it counted. A bitterne

 

Something has gone terribly wrong with this story -- I've written and erased, like, 25 pages since I wrote this. Anyone have any ideas?

 

Did you change your mind about the direction? Get a nasty case of writing block? Problems with the characters? Plot? I hate feeling stuck and/or lost in a story.

What you have so far seems like a good set-up and works well from where you left off with the first part of the story.

I admire your writing so much that it would be interesting for me to give you any advice... Email me if you want any help!

 

Well, bit by painful bit, I guess... I have a feeling I'll be doing a lot of re-writing, once I actually get an end-to-end draft done.
------

Luke sat in the meditation room of the Jedi Temple, not meditating. Across from him, Father wasn't even pretending to meditate - he just stood at the window, and watched the traffic weave its way across the sky. He didn't talk. That didn't bother Luke; he was one of the few people Father was comfortable being silent with, and that pleased him. Besides, it wasn't Father he needed to talk to.

Leia? he whispered into the empty spaces in the Force, the lifeless vacuum of space. It echoed through the energy, resonating against the thin lines that bound the galaxy. Hear me, Leia?

He reached deep into his own heart, feeling for the tattered remnants of the twins' bond they had once shared. Was there a response? A whisper? A plea? Was the loneliness hers, or merely his own, amplified and reflected back to him?

"Luke."

He looked up. "Yes, Father?"

"You need to let go of this."

"Of Leia?"

"No. Simply of the hope we had - all of us - that the Council would someday relent and allow her to be trained. She will never be lost to us as daughter and sister. But we must accept that she's lost as a Jedi."

"Have you?"

Father looked at him for a moment, then gave him a wry grin. "No. But I'm a bit more accomplished at hiding it."

"Do you miss her? As a Jedi, I mean?"

"I miss her in every way possible. Then, I miss you, too. I miss the two of you playing in the dust and making sandmen on the back porch. I miss having to go into your room to collect her at night because she just couldn't go to bed without telling you just one more thing. I miss our life as it was."

"So do I."

"But it is no longer there. And Leia, as I recall, was never quite as fond of it as we were. This new life has its charms as well. Human beings are strange creatures, Luke - we'll always miss what we don't have, even if we've missed what we do have at another time."

"Do you think she's in trouble?"

Father's eyes immediately became sharp and focused - the father was gone, the Jedi Master present. "No. Leia has always blocked me, almost subconsciously, and I have no standard to judge by. Have you sensed something?"

"No," Luke answered quickly, but he wasn't sure. Why was he so obsessed with reaching her? What danger was reaching through the broken bond? But could he honestly say that he sensed something? Or was it just his own bleeding heart, wishing for company?

"Luke?"

"I think I just miss her," he said at last.

Father put a hand on his shoulder. "I am glad of it, Luke. I am glad you love as deeply as you do."

"Master Yoda says it's a liability. That it can be used against me."

"He's right. But he doesn't understand that it is also your greatest strength. Do not let it go."

"Are you speaking as my father or my Master?"

"Yes." The hand on Luke's shoulder squeezed lightly, then Father stood. "Come. There are matters to be discussed in Council."

"Oh. I'll take Shmi home and - "

"No. Your presence is requested as well."

Luke stood. A strange, buzzing feeling in his mind accompanied him as he walked with Father through the partially rebuilt halls of the Temple. They entered the elevator without speaking, side by side. As the doors slid open, Luke was almost physically pushed back by a strange, nonsensical vision - he stood beside Father, in an elevator not unlike this one, but it opened into a dark, cavernous room, where a great spider perched at the center of a dark web. They stepped forward together?

? and the Council room came back into view, the circle of Masters looking at them with somber eyes.

Father glanced over, and Luke knew, somehow, that he'd had the same strange vision. Perhaps they could discuss it later.

Master Yoda motioned for them to come forward. "Come, come. Much have we to discuss, and plans have you to make."

Father squeezed Luke's shoulder, then took his seat beside Yoda. Luke went to the center of the room, as was the custom for the

 

From the end of the hall, Shmi watched her father and her brother disappear into the elevator. They always looked so mismatched together - both blonde and blue-eyed, of course, but Father was large and solid, while Luke was small and lithe, like Mother and Shmi herself. None of the children had really taken after Father, though Leia did have his? solidity, Shmi guessed was the right word for it. She sometimes imagined her family as three wind sprites dancing around two trees.

Not that much had been seen of Tree Number Two just lately. And flying off to all corners of the galaxy was hardly tree-like behavior, so the mental image fell apart, as it always did. Shmi supposed it didn't matter all that much that she could turn a metaphor the way old Bant sometimes liked to, but she sensed something in her search for an image that felt important to her, though she couldn't say why.

"Are you done for the day?"

She turned. Her younger brother was standing in the doorway, a lesson disk held loosely in one hand. People always thought him a somber child, but Shmi knew it was just his looks. Ben had deep, thoughtful blue eyes, and a fine delicate mouth that resembled Leia's (or what had been Leia's in what Shmi thought of as The Time Before). He didn't smile often, but Shmi knew that was because some of the other boys were cruel, and teased him about being "pretty."

He was pretty, Shmi thought, but it was a childhood prettiness that would turn him into a striking man someday. And he was happy. Not giddy, but genuinely content. Shmi sometimes thought she was the only person who knew it. "It looks like it," she said. "Do you want to go somewhere for a ruby bliel or something?"

He nodded, and gave her one of his rare smiles. It was Mother's smile, the beatific, angel-smile that she saved for special occasions. "We can go to? "

Then the world went gray.

Shmi felt herself pulled out into the Force, into the nameless, placeless spaces between the worlds, where she had no self and time had no meaning. Somewhere in the distance, she could sense another presence, and knew that once she had known it, but now?

The gray darkened, and became black, and she was in a great cave, where a giant spider sat at the center of its web. From two of its forelegs dangled long strings, and at the end of them, human faces - one was Father's, the other Leia's? unscarred and beautiful. Shmi found it compelling; she barely remembered her sister's face in the real world.

The spider spun them around, playing with fate like a child playing with whirler-bobs, and laughed a throaty old man's laugh. Then, to her horror, it became aware of her presence, and looked at her.

"Live," it said, twirling Leia's face up into the pincer-end of its limb. He squeezed, and Shmi felt a terrible rush of pain. Then it let go, and hooked Father up. "Or don't live."

Instead of squeezing, the spider pushed the gruesome toy out at her, and she felt the energy hit her, and scatter her mind into nothingness?

"?Shmi, Shmi, what is it? What's wrong?"

Shmi blinked her eyes. Somehow, she was lying on her back in the hall of the Temple, staring up at the ceiling. Ben, no longer smiling, was kneeling above her, his hand stroking her hair. "What happened?"

"Your eyes bugged out and you fell down. Did you see something?"

He was so sincere that Shmi considered telling him - really, she did - but in the end, she found that the words wouldn't come. She pinched his nose. "Yeah," she said. "I got a really good view of the ceiling. It needs cleaning."

"Shmi - "

"Look, don't tell, okay?"

"I hate it when people tell me not to tell."

"I just don't want to get sent to the med lab to poked and prodded like they did last time. They didn't find anything then, and it just worried Father and Mother."

Ben sighed. "All right. But you flop again, I'm really going to tell."

"I won't." She stood and dusted herself off.

"If I'm not telling anyway," Ben said, "couldn't you at least tell me what you saw? For real?"

Feeling better already - Shmi was never bothere

 

In your previous post, I really liked the vision Luke had of him and his father riding an elevator and then seeing a spider in its web. Despite the countless times I've seen ROTJ, I've never consciously thought of the window behind the Emperor's chair as a spider's web. Now I'm left to wonder how the heck I missed it.

And why are you deleting 25 pages of your story? I for one wouldn't mind hearing what direction you had for the story before you changed your mind. Let us know what your original plans were at least so we can compare those ideas with the direction your revised story takes.

 

Well, the 25 pages weren't exactly a question of direction, just... well, Stephen King summed it up in Misery, when Paul Sheldon realizes that the first draft of his new novel is terrible:


Hadn't he known it all along? It wasn't like him to labor so painfully, nor to half-fill a wastebasket with random jottings or half-pages that ended with lines like "Misery turned to him, eyes shining, lips murmuring the magic words Oh you numb ****head THIS ISN'T WORKING AT ALL!!!!"


Anyway, you're not missing anything much.

I actually got the spider stuff out of some of the "Random Symbols" discussions -- the images of insects, as I recall. It just kind of hit me, and I think that may stick around in this one.

 

I always love to read your stories. I'm looking foward to seeing what the visions are telling them and what's going to happen. Keep up the good work.

 

YAAAY!! Outer Rim II is here!!

Like the spider image, JG. Makes sense. Luke and Ani come out of the elevator, Palpy does his infamous "I've been waiting for you, young Skywalker" line, sitting right in front of that spider web-like window.

Chills!

Stuck? Oh God. You know how THAT happens to me all the time. I can symphatize. There's this famous writer over at my country, by name of Jessica Zafra (BTW, she's a Star Wars fan too), who was supposed to have said or written this about writer's block:

"Writer's block is constipation of the mind."

Hmm. I like that quote. I think I'll check whether I got the source correct and which article it popped up in.

<grin> Good luck!

 

Well, now all we need is a laxative of the mind and our problems are solved.

 

I thought those last two posts were great (I'll have to check for the spider web the next time I watch ROTJ).

How's the writing going, JG?

 

It will be a few months before my own project progresses beyond writing and conceptualizing with my team, but I wanted to break in and say hello to you all.

This forum is a great idea. I believe that our friend George really wants people to keep creating. It's important to our race (human) as a whole. As somebody on this forum said, why not do a Star Wars homage?

As filmmakers it's important that we find support, and this forum (among others) could be a good place to do that. I, for one, am willing to help out a strugging filmmaker any way I can. I hope that, when I need it, someone else will be able to do the same for me.

For those interested in knowing what everyone's working on, here's the basic background info on my project:

*** MY PROJECT ***

My project actually involves a character I wrote several years ago, my Senior year, for our "Senior Film". His name was Olive Head, and he was a last-minute, miserable excuse for a thought-out theme. Or so I thought at first. He's actually a pretty neat superhero-style kind of character.

Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to produce a short film for my class reunion in 2004, and of course Olive Head will have to be a part of it. Since I'm currently working part time as an aide in the filmmaking class at my alma mater, I figured now would be a good time to start bringing Olive Head to life.

WHAT THIS HAS TO DO WITH STAR WARS

In the 1994 Senior Film, Olive Head is a hero who saves the Senior Class from the clutches of an "evil" teacher. He has a large black olive-shaped helmet that gives his head a "Mars Attacks" kind of shape. And at one point in the film, he rips off the evil teacher's right hand.

In the new film, Olive Head falls to the Dark Side. Or he already had. Not really sure yet. Like I said, there's a lot of writing left to be done. There are also many, many possibilities.

* * *

So, if you actually read this whole post, just file this little bit of info away in your brain somewhere. When I have more, I'll come back and share.

Have fun, everybody! I'll try to keep up with this forum, so say hello if you care to.

Draw

 

Sounds good! Will it be a kind of "spoof" or take off of Star Wars in general?

 

Here are my thoughts on the Star Wars element in "Return of the Olive" (tentative title ):

The story, like many, is a conflict between good and evil, both within Olive Head and between OH and the student body. The visual element (lightsabres, etc) will probably not work in until the finale.

Sorry, I'll write more but I'm at work. Thanks for being interested, Epic.