Before Padawan of Qui-Gon (AU - Qui-Gon, various Jedi, lots of OCs) / Author's note 12/08

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Kestrel_Kenobi, Jan 14, 2006.

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  1. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Title: Padawan of Qui-Gon
    Author: Kestrel_Kenobi
    Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Yoda, lots of OCs.
    Timeframe: Pre-TPM.
    Genre: Horror, mystery, angst, drama and maybe a smidge of mush!
    Summary: In brief, an AU about a young(ish) Qui-Gon and his first apprentice.

    With thanks to the Qui-Gon discussion thread! [:D]


    Prologue

    ?Help me,? Li?annaka Lys screamed as she thrashed wildly in the dank water.

    Frantic desperation had taken hold of the young girl and it was growing harder and harder for her to keep her head above the water, to breathe in the clear air.

    Instead she found herself taking in huge mouthfuls of the cold lake.

    She choked and heaved as the water filled her lungs.

    Tired, so tired

    Her eyes began to close as she started to give in.

    Unexpectedly, a voice trickled into her head.

    Concentrate Li?annaka, focus

    Her eyes sprung open.

    In one last effort she summoned all her concentration and called upon the Force for help. Using it to push herself to the surface she gave a last futile call.

    ?Help,? her voice came out strangely quiet and was lost among the reeds.

    Hold on young one, hold on

    But she couldn?t: tired, cold and weighted down by the water all she could feel was despair.

    I can?t? I?m sorry

    The hope she had felt quickly slipped away as she vanished beneath the surface.

    ****

    Not far away Qui-Gon Jinn was running. Running as he had never done before.

    In the dim light worry shone though his pale face; his usual calm eyes heavy with pain.

    Unconsciously, the Jedi spoke out loud as he ran.

    I?m coming...I?m coming

    The words fell from his lips over and over as if a sacred mantra.

    But words alone couldn?t save her.
  2. emporergerner Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 6, 2005
    star 4
    I always enjoy a Qui-Gonn fanfic can't wait to see more.




    Emporer Gerner Dark Lord of the Sith
  3. obi_webb Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    a great opening! short but VERY powerful... i really look forward to seeing where you going with this!
    =D=
  4. Aya-Na_Bashu Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 14, 2005
    star 2
    =D= Yippee!

    It's another Qui-Gon story from Kes. [face_dancing]

    You know you gotta PM me when you update. [face_praying]
  5. Stella_Ripple Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2005
    star 3
    Wow! Gripping start! Really wonderful how you've put across the frantic emtions of both Master and Padawan in just a little bit. I can't wait to see more!
  6. Mind_Tricked Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 1, 2005
    star 1
    Oh, Kestrel I'm captivated! Very interesting beginning!
    Can't wait to read more!
  7. Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 4
    But words alone couldn?t save her.

    *shivers* Run, Qui-Gon, run! You've packed quite a powerful punch in this opening, Kes. =D= I felt like I was in the story, and I'll wait with baited breath until the next post. :)
  8. Fluff-Slayer Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 12, 2005
    star 2
    Eep, trouble! :eek:

    I'm terribly curious. What's going to happen next?

    Please update soon, Ketrel! You've begun this one marvelously!
  9. padawan_learner86 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 2005
    star 1
    :eek: Very captivating!

    Concentrate Li?annaka, focus

    Hold on young one, hold on
    But she couldn?t: tired, cold and weighted down by the water all she could feel was despair.
    I can?t? I?m sorry


    The emotion, the suspence...How can you leave us hanging like this?[face_not_talking] Well done,=D= great cliffie!

    Will you please PM me when you update?
  10. Jedi_Tigris Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2005
    star 4
    Ooh, quite an intense beginning! I hope Qui gets there in time, and she holds on a little longer.

    If you have a pm list, please add me. Great beginning! I look forward to more! :)
  11. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Thanks to all of you who read and enjoyed the prologue [:D] . I hope you?ll like the following chapter just as much. In honor of my birthday I thought I?d post something light and fluffy. Then I changed my mind and thought I?d post this instead [face_skull] ! Thanks to my lovely beta Nienna :)
    Enjoy?


    Take a step outside yourself
    And turn around
    Take a look at who you are
    It?s pretty scary ~ Nirvana.


    Six months earlier?

    The young Padawan and her Master Freja Roske sat together on their spacecraft.
    Li?annaka was glad she had taken her Master?s advice to dress warmly; it was indeed cold up here.

    ?Well Li how does it feel? A real mission at last.?

    Li?annaka flashed her Master a warm smile. It felt as if she had been waiting a lifetime to be somewhere other than the Jedi Temple. Now, her wish finally granted, she was allowed to go with her Master. They were heading for Tshkii, a small planet made up of swamps with small colonies scattered throughout.

    ?I?m afraid it won?t be quite as exciting as you?re hoping though, Padawan.? Master Roske turned her three eyes onto the youngling. ?These disputes are quite common.?

    Li?annaka repressed a sigh.

    Why did every Master have to constantly repeat themselves?

    Master Roske regarded her young padawan with a mixture of amusement and frustration. So eager were these younglings to know it all.

    Running before you can walk I see, Master Yoda would often tell the young and not so young Jedi.

    ?Well, then Li?annaka. Why don?t you tell me about this mission?? She glanced at the child. ?Then you won?t have to listen to me repeating myself.

    Li, she noted, had the decency to blush.

    Li?annaka started to speak in the monotone voice of someone who has committed something to memory without really knowing what she was saying. Master Roske sighed inwardly; the child still had much to learn. Too often did she rush in heedlessly without really thinking, but Li was young and Freja was certain it would not be long before patience could be added to the list of her Padawan?s virtues.

    Freja turned her attention to Li?s speech.

    ?The Hakiana are a primitive race, divided into many tribes throughout the planet of Tshkii. They are able to grow and trade many staple foods, such as rice, haki beans, ini shoots and so forth in the watery swamps surrounding their homes?? She stopped abruptly.

    ?What is it, Li?annaka??

    ?Water, I didn?t think before?I can?t swim.? Li looked down, blushing for the second time that day.

    Master Roske looked surprised.

    ?Didn?t you have lessons when you were in the crèche?? she asked patiently.

    ?Yes, but I was terrible?I used to keep one leg on the bottom and shift along.?

    Master Roske suppressed a smile.

    ?Well, Li, although the waters here are not deep, that is a problem and something we?ll have to work on when we return home.?

    ?Yes, Master.? Li?annaka stared at the floor miserably.

    The Gran leant towards Li, her eyes unblinking.

    ?To be honest, I?m not much of a swimmer myself,? she whispered placing a hand on the young girl?s shoulder. ?We?ll practice together.?

    ?Yes, Master.? Li lifted her eyes and smiled. She had always felt grateful that she had been apprenticed to such a gentle Master.

    ?That?s better Li?annaka. Now you should get some rest before we arrive.?

    Li?annaka nodded and closed her eyes as she leant back comfortably into her chair.

    ****

    Present day?

    Li?annaka?this is what you deserve?this is your ending.

    As Li sank beneath the water, the voice rang in her ears. A harsh, inhuman voice burning with rage and hatred. She had thought it would leave her now, but even in her last seconds of life the darkness was there?inside her. Taunting her.

    At the same second Li let go of life, Qui-Gon jumped fully clothed into the Temple Lake.

    The darkness laughed at him.

    Fool.

    ?Li?annaka!? the Jedi called as he swam. Reaching into the Force, he felt her prese
  12. micky-nikki Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 1
    Unravel this mystery we will.
    hmm, I wonder what's going on? [face_thinking] Great post please continue!!
  13. Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 4
    I'm so glad to see this up! :D You have a very intriguing story here, Kes. I wonder what that voice is and why it calls Li a murderer... [face_thinking]

    Wonderful! Wonderful! As always. =D=
  14. obi_webb Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    great work kes! i love what you're doing with this! it's very different in style and quite intriguing!
    =D=
  15. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Hmmmm, now I'm interested. I see guilt in this OC. I wonder where this is going?
  16. Aya-Na_Bashu Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 14, 2005
    star 2
    As sleep took over, the voice inside her head, the darkness, whispered to her once more?

    Murderer.


    [face_worried]That's not good. Take a head count, who's missing?

    Now my curiosity has the better of me, can't wait for the next update.
  17. padawan_learner86 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 2005
    star 1
    [face_dancing] She's safe!

    This is very interesting. [face_thinking] Mystery, indeed. So, Li first had another master...

    Master Roske regarded her young padawan with a mixture of amusement and frustration.

    So here's my theory:
    ... whom I'm assuming die-[face_shhh] (oh, ok, lets do it properly) - whom I'm assuming 'became one with the Force'.:( Ok, so it could be that I'm completely wrong and way off here - but it would explain some (unjust) feelings of guilt, especially if Li was there when it happened, and it would explain Qui-Gon being her master now.
    I won't even try to get into the mystrious voice thing going on - that's beyond my meager padawan comprehension.[face_mischief]

    Can't wait to be proven wrong!;) So, awaiting the next great update.
  18. Mind_Tricked Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 1, 2005
    star 1
    breathing life back into her

    Well done, Qui-Gon! I love when he's being superhero :D

    padawan_learner86's theory is very interesting..

    And I think if Yoda says this mystery is going to be solved you have no choice, but to..
    write more! Soon! :)
  19. Jennifer_Lyn Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2005
    star 4
    oh great work!

    this has got spark and tension! a real nail biter!

    evil bunnies shall take over the boards! [face_devil]

    pm me with updates lady!
  20. Stella_Ripple Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2005
    star 3
    You had to leave it there, didn't you?! [face_not_talking] :p
    But wow! the tension is definately still there!
    Come back to this soon, its really not safe to leave it alone with me and my twisted ponderings! :D
  21. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    micky-nikki - Thank you! I wonder what's going on? Stay tuned!

    Nienna - Thank you m'dear. :D

    obi - it's very different in style and quite intriguing - Thanks, that's what I'm aiming for!

    ardavenport - Thanks for reading. :)

    Aya-Na_Bashu - Take a head count, who's missing? Ah, you'll have to wait and see!

    padawan_learner86 - Good theory - I'm giving nothing away however! :D

    Mind_Tricked - More coming soon!

    JL- [:D] evil bunnies shall take over the boards! Indeed! Thanks for reading.

    stella - thanks sis - I rather look forward to hearing about your twisted ponderings! ;)

    Thanks for reading everyone - I should have an update for you soon.

  22. Black_Scout Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 10, 2003
    star 4
    I'm intrigued. Can't wait for the next post :D
  23. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Black_Scout - Thank you! :) It's all written, just awaiting betaing and should be up soon.

    Thanks for reading!
  24. Jedi_Tigris Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2005
    star 4
    Ooh, I wonder what, or who, this dark voice is. [face_thinking] Poor Li wants to die?? I'm guessing she has quite some guilt from something, maybe her previous Master's passing. Love Qui's devotion to her, single-mindedly going after Li. [face_love] Hmm, so something is going on it seems, as Yoda and Qui hinted. Wonder what's happening, and if it is closely connected to Li. o_O

    Thanks for the pm! Looking forward to more!
  25. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Note: Sorry guys - I had hoped to update by now [face_blush] . Although I have a couple of posts written I need to re-think the order in which I'm going to post...Sorry to keep you all hanging on, but there should be an update soon.

    I've also been very busy getting the new obi thread up and running which you should all come and check out! ;)


    Jedi_Tigris - Loved hearing your thoughts! :) & thanks for reading...glad you're enjoying it.

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