Before Padawan (re-write) Updated 13th March 2012 :-)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by EGKenobi, Sep 18, 2008.

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  1. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    HI There How is it going.:D
  2. Raphire Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2008
    star 4
    Sweet! I can't wait to read it! And I wouldn't exactly say I'm patient. Lol
  3. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    Ok, I've now joined the ranks of those awaiting an update. Would love to see where this story goes, how Obi-Wan is progressing under his new master(s), what Qui-Gon is doing if that plays into it at all, and is there going to be more Siriwan??[face_batting]

    (You know, I've about come to the conclusion that just about no Obi story is complete without some Siriwan..:D

  4. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    Hi guys,

    I'm so sorry for the delay.

    Darth RL is still chewing my butt at the moment, I have notes on where it goes from here, but I can't get the next chapter started the way I want. Because I want the next chapter to focus on Qui-Gon, so I'm having a bit of a hard time getting it the way I want to at the moment.

    But it is coming. I may post another Obi-Wan chapter up while I'm still working out the Qui-Gon one....

    Thanks for your continued interest and patience.

    EG
  5. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    Hi folks.

    So sorry for the continual delay. I promise that there's an update coming. The last two years i've been working at a new job, and haven't had as much time as I'd like to devote to this. So if anyone is out there who'd still like to be on the PM list, then please let me know.

    I should have an update in the next week or so.

    Thanks

    EG
  6. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
  7. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    Yes, please, PM me when you have an update. :)
  8. Shira_Adola Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2011
    star 4
    Wonderful story so far! PM please:D
  9. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Next week or so - hmm, is 6 or 7 weeks "next" week? [face_thinking] ;)

    Hope life will soon allow you to rejoin us.
  10. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    Hi guys,

    My most sincere apologies for the delay in an update. Mainly real life, and struggling to get the next few chapters drafted and written. But I hope it's worth the wait. I will sned PM's tomorrow when I get the chance, it's pretty late here in the UK.

    I'm still not completely happy with it, but I had to do something to move the story along, and I know I've not done as much as I'd like with the counsellor, but this chapter takes place about six months after the events of chapter 7.

    Chapter 8

    Obi-Wan was badly out of shape. That much he knew now, as he placed his hands on his knees, gulping in the air. He'd neglected his physical training for far too long, such was the battle to overcome his mental trauma. He called on the Force to help his body deliver the oxygen quicker to his muscles. He'd managed to beat his previous best by a good four cycles, however there was still much work to be done.

    He stalked off towards the side of the excercise hall when he heard a set of familiar if unwelcome voices.

    Bruck Chunn sauntered in to the hall with his usual entourage. He was the same age as Obi-Wan, but had pure white hair, and cold calculating eyes. At first, he didn't seem to notice Obi-Wan. The second he did however, the opportunity was too good to pass up, and so he made a bee-line for the young Jedi.

    "Ah" he started smugly, "the flying mynock!" he looked to his friends for confirmation that what he'd just said was funny, they followed his lead. As usual. "Didn't try to crater yourself today Kenobi?" he added, venomously.

    Obi-Wan shook his head, and made towards one of the doors, hoping to avoid a confrontation. However, it would appear Bruck and his cronies had other ideas. Obi-Wan sighed, "Bruck, I have no interest in engaging in a battle of wits with you. Just let me leave ok? The hall is yours." He made to go around the gang only for them to block his path again.

    Bruck's face twisted into pure anger and hatred. "He should have let you die! You don't deserve to live!" he ranted. "If Yoda hadn't been there, you'd be a red splatter on the temple grounds. And we'd all be better for it."

    They were too busy to notice the presence of two others enterring the hall. Mace Windu winced in horror at the words Bruck fired towards Obi-Wan. He could hear each one, dripping with venom and hatred. He made to move out to stop this, but a clawed hand held him back. Yoda silently shook his head. Mace relcutantly stepped back in to the shadows. For now.

    The barrage of verbal and emotional abuse continued on Obi-Wan. If one looked in the Force, the dark side crashed around the young Jedi, trying to find a way in to him, but the purity of Obi-Wan's light kept it at bay. It was truly a wonder to behold.

    "I suppose it's up to me to clean your mess again then Kenobi" sniped Bruck as he unclipped his lightsaber. The snap hiss of the blade echoed around the hall. The others did the same.

    Obi-Wan stood there impassively. His pulse rate didn't increase, neither did he start to pespire. He knew by the sound of the blade that they were at full power. So if they made contact with him, he'd lose something. He also knew he didn't have his own lightsaber, he'd left that in the locker near the door. Yet strangely, he felt at peace.

    Calling the force to himself, he planted his feet ready for the assault. Somehow he knew that one of Bruck's cronies would make a move first, in an attempt to maim him from the back. The cronie moved, but Obi-Wan was already in motion, leaping over his head, and dodged the blow that would have lost him his left arm. As he landed, he pushed out with the force, sending the cronie crashing in to the wall, which he hit with a sickening thump. He fell to the floor dazed. One down, two to go.

    The other cronied made a stab at Obi-Wan, who deflty stepped inside the stab, using his elbow he cracked the cronie's jaw, and sent him flying with a kick to join his companion. Two down. Now one more.

    Bruck dived at Obi-Wan, his eyes only had one intent, and it w
  11. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    You're back and with a (only slightly late) Christmas present!! Thank you. ;)

    Strong master, huh? Like - Yoda? Mace?

    It's good to see Obi-Wan so much better, although still picked on.

    Hope you can hang around some.
  12. Shira_Adola Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2011
    star 4
    Let me read the whole thing first, and then I'll comment, lol.
  13. Shira_Adola Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2011
    star 4
    Bruck dived at Obi-Wan, his eyes only had one intent, and it wasn't a friendly handshake.

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    I love how Yoda was so laid back about the whole thing. I can just imagine the two Masters rolling their eyes at what Bruck tried to tell them.
  14. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    Yeah, Bruck will need a very heavy hand training him if he isn't expelled for assault with intent to kill or maim another initiate...pretty vicious.

    Nice seeing Obi-Wan coming into his own.

    And glad to finally see an update! :)
  15. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    Hi guys,

    Thank you so much for the great feedback. You'll be pleased (and stunned) to learn that I've written another update, so please do feel free to tell me how terrible it is.

    Sorry I've not had a chance to send PM's, mainly due to being insanely busy and active at the moment, also I'm not sure who still wants to be on them, so if you want to stay on the PM list, let me know, as I'm going to start creating a new one.

    Thanks

    EG

    Chapter 9

    Outside the Council Chamber

    Bruck and Obi-Wan sat outside the council chambers nervously. It had been thirty minutes since Bruck's "gang" mooched out of the council chamber, their cheeks flushing all shades of red. Their shame in the recent events evident to all to see. Bruck tried to make eye contact with them, but the escorts ushered them on. It would seem that the council would save the best until last.

    Bruck stole a glance at his fiercest rival, and immediately felt the heat of anger threaten to consume him. He hated how Kenobi was apprenticed to Master Jinn, and how his stupid suicidal attempt not only robbed the Jedi of a great master, but also robbed Bruck's chance of becoming a padawan. He looked in disgust as Kenobi tried to exude a calm demeanour knowing full well that he was trembling on the insde.

    = = =

    Obi-Wan sat quietly awaiting the council to call them in. He closed his eyes and centred himself in the Force, marvelling at how quickly it came to comfort him and assure him. Once he was at peace, he extended his thoughts towards Bruck. He didn't know what provoked Bruck to pick on him for all these years, or why Bruck hated him. He sought the Force for answers. He followed the stream of thought and was almost at the solution when the Council Chamber doors opened and they were called inside. The Force whispered two words to Kenobi, he stood up straight, and walked in to the Council Chamber, fully aware that the Force had got his back. For it had told him "fear not."

    = = =

    The two initiates stood side by side, about a foot apart. The entire council was convened such was the seriousness of what had gone on between them. The Force seemed somewhat agitated as they initiates stood side by side. Mace Windu kicked off proceedings.

    "Initiates Kenobi, and Chun. I trust you know why you're here?" Both nodded, Mace pressed a button on his chair, "may the record state that the initiates nodded." He carried on, "Now, would either of you like to explain to me what happened back in the training room?"

    Obi-Wan moved to speak, but the Force called him to be silent, as Bruck launched in to what had happened, but this version was very different to the one he told Master Windu and Yoda in the training room. Mace Windu raised an eye brow at this.

    "You are to be commended for telling the truth initiate Chun. However I cannot condone an attack on an unarmed student. You are Jedi! You're brothers! And yet you attacked initiate Kenobi!"

    Bruck hung his head in shame, of course he knew all this, and for years he rationalised it as some family you get on with better than others. But he knew that wouldn't wash with the Jedi Council.

    But Master Windu wasn't done yet. "Further more, your actions have brought disrepute to the Jedi Order. The temple is buzzing with news of what's happened. And it's got out that a Jedi attacked another Jedi! Do you realise what you've done?" Master Windu almost thundered the last part.

    Bruck could only nod.

    Plo Kloon spoke up, his deep voice echoing in the chamber. "I sense much anger in you young one. It seems you're walking very close to the dark side. Yet I'm curious as to why?"

    Bruck tried to think of something to say, but he couldn't. He knew that his rivallary with Kenobi didn't look good, and he could hardly tell a Jedi Master that it was over some toys in creche as younglings. He silently prayed that the Force would open up the council chamber and swallow him up. He'd rather be anywhere but here right now.

    Ki-Adi Mundi chimed in, "your thoughts betray you young one. This hatred i
  16. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    I figured Yoda or Mace for Obi-Wan, but Dooku for Bruck - you surprised me! A good surprise, too - this is a different development than in most stories and hence very original.

    So glad to see you back...Happy New Year to us readers! And to you, as well.
  17. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    I didn't expect that resolution, but it makes sense and I like it.[face_dancing]
    I am so happy that Yoda will be training Obi-Wan.=D=

    Im still reading and I would love a PM please when you update. [:D]

    It is fantastic to have you back writing.=D=
  18. littleobiwankenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2009
    star 1
    =D=

    thanks for the next chapter, so far very good story.

    please PM! thanks
  19. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    Hi guys,

    Thanks for the feedback. To be honest with you I wasn't too happy with those chapters. However I'd long planned something to do with Bruck, and make it different to the cannon, but I couldn't quite get that part right, so rather than wait another year, I just decided to blast those two chapters out. Hopefully I can do some proper character development etc now as the scene is mainly set. However the next chapter will mainly focus on Qui-Gon and a certain Master finding out about what happened.

    The funny thing is, I know how this particular fic will end, and how it'll lead in to the sequel. However I'll see how this goes first. It looks like I only have three readers lol, however I've read your fics too, and I greatly enjoy them, and more than once they've given me an idea for something I can incorporate in this, so it's your story as much as mine :)

    The next chapter is in the process of being written as we speak. It should be up in a week or two, if I can get it right this time.

    Thanks for your continued patience, and I'm glad the muse has returned a bit, for now. So I'm making the most of it ;-)

    EG
  20. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    Hi guys,

    A new chapter for you, and this one focuses on the start of Dooku and Bruck's relationship. And Dooku is slightly different in my fic, so I thought I'd warn you now.

    EG

    Chapter 10
    Master Dooku strode towards his quarters, his long strides swallowing the distance. He walked with his back durasteel straight, each stride marked with purpose. Rather than the traditional light brown robes of the Jedi, Dooku favoured darker tones, which stood out against his neatly combed hair. He walked with an air of authority. On his left hip sat his curved lightsaber, which was very different to any other in the Temple. Dooku was a master of Makashi, according to some, the final true lightsaber form.

    Bruck had to walk very rapidly just to keep up. Dooku had not said much since leaving the Council chambers, Bruck supposed they would talk when they got to their destination. Whispers followed them as they strode with purpose. Bruck knew he was going to have to face all this at some point. And if he was honest with himself, he didn?t think he?d be able to handle it.

    They rounded a corner, and a door swished open. Dooku motioned Bruck to step inside. He immediately realised that this was going to be home until he was knighted.

    Their quarters were relatively well furnished compared to the initiate dorms. The main room was a large square room, with a kitchenette in the corner, which had a rehydrater, a small oven and some cupboards for the storage of food. There was also a small water boiler for the making of hot drinks.

    There were two couches facing each other, covered with expensive looking fabrics, while the Jedi didn?t hold on to possessions, they didn?t begrudge them either. There was a small table between the couches, upon which were a few data cards, as well as a bowl of fruit. There were two doors, one on the left, two on the right, one of which led to a communal fresher, the other two doors led to the Jedi?s bedrooms.

    Bruck took in the view, it was evident that Dooku had travelled extensively. He was snapped out of reverie when Dooku spoke, ?Take a seat young one.? He motioned towards a couch, as he headed to the water boiler for a hot drink. ?Can I interest you in some tea?? he asked, his tone seemed quite civil.

    Bruck had never tried tea, however it was important to make a good first impression, so he answered positively.

    ?How do you take it?? Dooku?s baritone voice asked, he allowed himself a small smile knowing full well the initiate had never drank tea before.

    Bruck looked somewhat confused as he seated himself on the couch, ?I must confess Master, I?ve never had tea before.? He said quietly.

    After a few moments, Dooku sat on the couch opposite the young padawan, and handed him a mug. ?Tea is an excellent and refreshing drink young one, far more refreshing than those ghastly energy drinks you younglings seem to prefer.? Dooku informed him gently.

    Bruck simply nodded, not sure what the correct response was. For years he?d dreamed of being chosen to be trained as a Jedi, and now his chance had finally arrived, he was terrified. He wondered what sort of Master Dooku was. Bruck knew he had a fearsome reputation, which filled him with trepidation. Maybe he was better off being carted to the Agri-Corps.

    Dooku sat back and relaxed on the couch, his body language relaxed. He looked at the young lad in front of him. He could sense the fear within him, it permeated his every being. He knew the Force had spoken to him through Yoda about this young man, initially he thought he was to train young Obi-Wan, however he had been claimed by Yoda. He pushed those thoughts aside, however he knew he would have some strong words for Qui-Gon when he returned. He shifted his focus back on to Bruck, he took note of the way he sipped his tea, the slight tremor in his right hand betraying how nervous he felt.

    ?My young padawan, you are nervous? Dooku said, it was a statement, not a question. Bruck merely nodded in answer. ?I can assure you, that you have no need to be nervous you
  21. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    That's a smackdown with a smile. Ok, it wasn't so much a smackdown as laying down the rules, but it was done in such a way not to antagonize Bruck, so well done.

    Hmm, does Dooku kind of wonder if Yoda thwarted the Force by claiming Obi-Wan for himself. There's a hint of that, along with the Force having "spoken through Yoda."
  22. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    Thanks for your feedback. Yeah, I like Dooku, and he's going to be somewhat different in this fic.

    I thought I'd give you some sort of trailer as to what's to come.

    - We will see Xanatos in this fic....
    - Darth Maul will make an appearance...
    - Obi-Wan will train Anakin
    - Qui-Gon will need rescuing at some point
    - We'll see Yoda fight in a way you've not seen him fight yet.
    - Somebody turns to the Dark Side, and it's not who you'll think...
    - A lot will change for the Jedi Council...
    - There will be a massive space battle or three ;-)

    That's yer lot for now. Got to write a few more chapters ;-)
  23. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Darkside-turner? Not Obi-Wan! Yoda? ;)
  24. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    It's neither of them, but it will make you scream when it happens...
  25. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    There is a new post on it's way, so sorry for not posting more recently. Lots been going on, but I reckon you'll like where it's gonna go next.....
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