Beyond - Legends Pain and Hindsight (Post-Backlash AU, Oneshot) Tahiri, mention of Jacen *slight spoilers FotJ

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Galactic Alliance Security: Mid-Level Prison

This is what it feels like to be Tahiri Veila right now, trapped in your cell, knowing you're pathetic, waiting to die, but wanting to do one last bit of good before you do: you sit there, knowing it is a tease. Why else would they put a trained Jedi in an under secured prison? You know it is your wonderful Chief of State's way of saying, "Escape. Show me your guilt. Stay? I'll tear you apart." You're pissed, but you're determined to follow the law. You've hurt the Jedi enough; you know you're Natasi Dalla's weapon to strike the Jedi. You want to help the Jedi; you want to show that Jedi do follow the law. You want your death to help them. You want to repent. Maybe then, he can forgive you.

You finger your sleeve, running your finger across the 280407 that marks your guilt. You feel the number absently under your finger, a frown upon your face. It passes. You felt something, but you fail to trust your instincts. Your emotions are in a swirl.

You came clean today. At trial. You told of your dirty past, your relationship to Darth Caedus. You told of your secret fear, back then, your fear of dying. Your fear that one mistake, one bad mood, one disagreement would end with a lightsaber to your heart, or tendrils of electricity reducing you to ashes. You were a fool, you realize. He would not have done so, you know, now. It was an irrational fear born of a true fear: you really obeyed him for those small glimpses of your love.

You never once questioned a command, until you found out the truth: you will never bring him back.

You never questioned his requests, his desires, his commands: learn this skill, this move, bring your ship here, that fleet there. Negotiate, threaten. Kill.

Come to me. Follow me to my quarters. "Join me", he said, there. And you did.

You didn't resist. You felt with each bit of pleasure you could offer your master, he was surely going to teach you his skills. You felt you were crawling closer to your goal. But, you weren't. You know that now. You thought he cared about your goal. You thought he cared about you: "You're the only one who hasn't betrayed me," he had whispered one night. He may have, in his own way, cared for you: as a pet.

You were a pet; something to play with. His toy. At least, that is what your defense is arguing. Well, without any hint of what little affection there may have been.

But, in your heart, you know it is a lie. You're guilty. You're pathetic. You let yourself be used. You can't hate Caedus. You can't blame your master. You may have started with good intentions, he may have twisted you, but you chose.

You can only hate yourself. You betrayed him, your love. You betrayed him by sleeping with his brother, fighting his family, and turning against the Jedi Order he died for.

You hate yourself. You're pathetic. You don't deserve to live. And, when your danger sense flares, you smile through the bitter taste of tears on your lips.

---

A/N: This takes place after Backlash. It mentions about what happens in Allies (in the Tahiri sections), but Allies has not happened. I'm considering making this a full length fic, but it would build itself as a replacement to Allies in the area of Luke/Ben/Sith and Coruscant, while ignoring the slavery issues.

 

This is great!

The emotions going through Tahiri here - oh, what the door thing has suffered!

I love the simplicity. You use short, sharp sentences to your advantage to really pump out the utter desperation, the acceptance that Tahiri has of her life and of death. It's great!

This is my favourite line:

You thought he cared about you: "You're the only one who hasn't betrayed me," he had whispered one night. He may have, in his own way, cared for you: as a pet.

She really was just Jacen's pet. I still can't believe what he did to Tahiri.

I'm glad you posted this!

Ant.

 

The structure you used to show Tahiri's swirling emotions works perfectly. Very powerful, especially this part:

But, in your heart, you know it is a lie. You're guilty. You're pathetic. You let yourself be used. You can't hate Caedus. You can't blame your master. You may have started with good intentions, he may have twisted you, but you chose.

 

But, in your heart, you know it is a lie. You're guilty. You're pathetic. You let yourself be used. You can't hate Caedus. You can't blame your master. You may have started with good intentions, he may have twisted you, but you chose.
You can only hate yourself. You betrayed him, your love. You betrayed him by sleeping with his brother, fighting his family, and turning against the Jedi Order he died for.
You hate yourself. You're pathetic. You don't deserve to live. And, when your danger sense flares, you smile through the bitter taste of tears on your lips.

Poor Tahiri

Fantastic job here, G__Anakin I love the RotS-Stoveresque writing here. You were able to get into Tahiri's head and put the reader there that way, and it worked wonderfully. I liked the part where you said she never questioned an order because she believed this would all somehow be a road to bringing Anakin back. That's really what it was all about in the end wasn't it?

That said, I really wish this was longer. Mostly cause I'd like to see a happy ending to this This was a great snapshot into Tahiri's head though. Very nicely done

 

Faboulous post. I thoroughly enjoyed the read!!!

 

It is always enjoyable to get into our characters heads

Well written

 

Wow. Tahiri.

I still find it hard to blame her. I always feel she's the victim. Great oneshot master

I just every time I hear about Jacen and Tahiri's dirty secret..

 

Jedi-Ant:

This is great!

Thanks!

The emotions going through Tahiri here - oh, what the door thing has suffered!

Poor Tahiri

I love the simplicity. You use short, sharp sentences to your advantage to really pump out the utter desperation, the acceptance that Tahiri has of her life and of death. It's great!

Thanks!

This is my favourite line:
You thought he cared about you: "You're the only one who hasn't betrayed me," he had whispered one night. He may have, in his own way, cared for you: as a pet.

She really was just Jacen's pet. I still can't believe what he did to Tahiri.

I feel that Jacen cared for her, but not in any great way. I feel she follows after Allana and Tenel Ka on the love scale.

I'm glad you posted this!

Thanks! Me too!

---

[b]FelsGoddess:[/b]

[i]The structure you used to show Tahiri's swirling emotions works perfectly. [/i]

[color=indigo]Thanks![/color]

[i]Very powerful, especially this part:[/i]

[b][i]But, in your heart, you know it is a lie. You're guilty. You're pathetic. You let yourself be used. You can't hate Caedus. You can't blame your master. You may have started with good intentions, he may have twisted you, but you chose. [/i] [/b]

[face_applause]

[color=indigo]Thanks! I feel that Tahiri is a good person. She will take responsibility for what she did, while acknoledging influences.[/color]

[hr]

[b]YodaKenobi:[/b]

[i]Poor Tahiri :([/i]

[color=indigo]Yes, poor Tahiri [face_sad] [/color]


[i]Fantastic job here, [b]G__Anakin[/b] [face_applause] I love the RotS-Stoveresque writing here. You were able to get into Tahiri's head and put the reader there that way, and it worked wonderfully. I liked the part where you said she never questioned an order because she believed this would all somehow be a road to bringing Anakin back. That's really what it was all about in the end wasn't it?[/i]

[color=indigo]Thanks! Yes, I feel everything Tahiri did with Jacen was to get to Anakin. She went 15 years without any hope, because she had no reason to, but Jacen dangled his powers, and she flew to him. I'm glad you like the style![/color]


[i]That said, I really wish this was longer. Mostly cause I'd like to see a happy ending to this :p This was a great snapshot into Tahiri's head though. Very nicely done :D[/i]

[color=indigo]Thanks! As I said, this may be a full length fic. Keep on the lookout![/color]

[hr]

[b]Zadann_MaRanna:[/b]

[i]Faboulous post. I thoroughly enjoyed the read!!![/i]

[color=indigo]Thanks, glad you liked it![/color]

[hr]

[b]zonzo:[/b]

[i]It is always enjoyable to get into our characters heads [face_happy]

Well written [face_applause] [/i]

[color=indigo]It is! Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it![/color]

[hr]

[b]tahiriveilax:[/b]

[i]Wow. Tahiri.

I still find it hard to blame her. I always feel she's the victim. Great oneshot master :)[/i]

[color=indigo]She's is a victim of sorts, but I feel she is the type to take responsibility for her actions! I'm glad you enjoy![/color]

[i]I just [face_sick] every time I hear about Jacen and Tahiri's dirty secret..[/i]

[color=indigo]Actually, I hope EU expands on this idea. It can add depth to both of their charaters if done right.[/color]

 

It would be awesome if made this into a fic G__Anakin

Hope you do.

 

Thanks to whomever nominated this story for the awards! My first nom for my proudest story!

Thank you!

By the way, I am working on that sequel; it will be a post-Allies AU that starts out similar, but not the same to this. I want to post it in October or November, so that it has time to get readers before Vortex comes out.

 

Inspired by Matthew Stover's style, I see. But that inspiration blossomed into a true beauty indeed. Nice short story; let's hope Aaron Allston sees THIS and uses it in Conviction