Passage of Fear - Obi/Qui Drama - COMPLETE-8/16/02

This is another one of my older stories. Thanks to all of you that have replied to the other threads! It makes writing and posting more enjoyable to know someone is reading.


TITLE: PASSAGE OF FEAR
AUTHOR: Cascadia
TIME: 7 years pre-TPM, Obi-Wan is 18
RATING: PG-13
CATEGORY: Drama/Angst
SUMMARY: Someone has infected Obi-Wan with a memory-loss virus. What are their plans for him now?
ARCHIVE: Please ask first.
DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters are the property of Lucasfilm Limited. All the rest belong to me. I receive absolutely no profit from this.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is a sequel to Trembling in the Balance and Hiding Master Sariel, but it is not necessary that you read them first to understand this story. Anything in italics are personal thoughts. Anything between / / are Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon talking through their bond.

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PASSAGE OF FEAR



~CHAPTER 1 - LABYRINTH~



Countless visible stars shimmered from the blackening sky - creating a sparkling backdrop for the enormous skyscrapers on Coruscant's upper level. Nighttime had fallen hours before, but the city lived on as though it were day. There never seemed to be a time when the city slept. It was a constant consciousness never seeking rest - never wanting respite.

This was how the planet lived. Although its inhabitants lived, died, and did a lifetime of things in between, the steady stream of activity never slowed - heavy air traffic was a constant. It all served as a rude reminder that life continued on - for the ones destiny or fate deemed worthy.

The young Jedi shuddered involuntarily from a short blast of cool air that came from below, travelling upward from some unseen source. The chill brought to the forefront of his thoughts the displacement of his warm robe safely hidden away inside. He was alone on the balcony - and alone in his thoughts.

A sense of isolation had settled in after he and his master moved to separate living quarters. It was not uncommon for masters with senior padawans to live separately - and the young Jedi had insisted on the arrangements himself - but now it seemed a hollow victory. Now that he had it, it didn't seem to matter anymore. In fact, he dearly wished that things were like they were... before.

He felt that something was terribly wrong. There was no clue, no proof as to what WAS wrong. But he could not shed the heavy presage that had draped itself over him, ominating. His master's close proximity would make him feel less insecure. Although he was eighteen now, in the past he had always relied on his master for comfort or support, and even a thin wall was more than he felt comfortable with right now.

His master was the great Qui-Gon Jinn, revered by so many - including himself - despite a difference in philosophy from most other Jedi. But how did he feel about his apprentice's weakness? Was he disappointed? Was he embarrassed? Would he rethink keeping Obi-Wan as his padawan learner?

Obi-Wan refused to believe that his failure would have no effect on his status with Qui-Gon. The master was caring, yet Obi-Wan sometimes felt that the elder man was so far above him, that the young Jedi was more of a liability than an appreciated addition. True, Qui-Gon had said that Obi-Wan was like a son to him. But what would any of them know what having a son was like? They had never experienced a real family. It was another part of life the Jedi Code kept locked away from them - a part that could never be truly understood.

How long had it been since he had been free of his drug addiction? About one month. In that time he had worked hard to keep his link to the Force strong and anchored. Still, he felt insecure and grappled at any Force-sensations he detected - afraid of falling away from the ivory tower that kept him from drowning into a sea of nothingness, helplessness.

But what most concerned him was that he allowed himself to sink into that bondage. True, the drug had a strong addictive nature, but it was not so much that others became hooked on it the way he had - at least not any others that he knew of - and especially not Jedi.

And he was a Jedi.... So why did he let himself be led by a drug... and not the Force?

It was all his fault, he reasoned. If he had kept a closer walk with the Force, then his addiction would not have taken over. The Force is greater than anything... enormously greater than an addiction to a drug. So why did he fail? Why did he give up and resign in defeat? Why? A Jedi gets all his strength from the Force. But sometimes it's so difficult to just let go of everything and rely solely on the Force, and not on yourself. When will he learn to be the Jedi he should be? Perhaps never.

Turning, he stepped back into his quarters, stopping just as the doors slid shut behind him. The droning sounds of the night traffic faded, leaving him in a vacuum of silence - a silence to compliment every

 

Hey, long chaps are always welcome...especially in a story that looks this good...MORE SOON!

 

Oh, evil Cas - you KNOW I don't have time to get hooked on anything else - and this is one that I haven't read before.

Bad, bad Cas.

And then you have to leave us dangling - already. Sithly!!!!

CYN

 

Another great start Cascadia

Poor Obi-Wan - one step forward and three steps back .

And what's up with the headaches? Is it because of all the other problems he had?

More when you can.

Rogue

 

That was a good place to stop Cas

I did read this not too long ago, so I know what to expect

Just wanted to pop in and say glad to see you posting this here.

Uppers too

 

Thanks sabercrazy !

I love to torture you when I can, CYN . Thanks for letting me! hehehe

Thank you Rogue_JediKnight ! The headaches will be explained in the next post, I think. So stick around for that.

Thanks shan !

 

"Confused".I'll show Qui.Our Obi might be confused but AH....... Give the boy a chance.

I'll be waiting for another post.

PEACE ewen

 

Don't be too hard on Qui. He might actually be right.

And thanks for reading!

 

Qui-Gon right? Give me a break Cascadia !

 

Hey! You expect me to come over here and refute that statement while I'm trying to read your latest post, obi_ew ? Notice I said might . Thanks for reading! I'll just go finish your post now.

 

Cas! Don't you know it isn't nice to leave your readers right there? Ack!

Qui-Gon be right...? And Obi-Wan acting weird? Eep! What's going on here?

More soon, eh?

 

You'll get another post tomorrow, sheleigh . Until then... you will be patient. *waves hand mysteriously through the air*

 

He slouched up to his living quarters, keeping his head bowed most of the way. Passing a few friends on the way there, he only nodded at them if they spoke.

The water from the shower felt refreshing, but it did not alleviate the miserable feeling inside of him.

I've let Master Qui-Gon down again. I'll never be the Jedi I should be. I feel so unworthy. Here I am having trained all my life, and still so unprepared....

A tiny headache formed again - growing in intensity - then left as quickly as it had begun.

Obi-Wan left the shower, toweling off. In his bedroom he started to open a drawer, but then couldn't remember what it was that was in the drawer that he wanted. He waited for several seconds, desperately trying to recall what had so easily slipped his mind.

Giving up, he opened the drawer to see what was in it - since he couldn't remember, at the moment, what would be there. There inside, was a clean collection of socks. He picked out a pair and then dressed quickly. He gave the drawer no more thought as he flew from his quarters into the hall.

Qui-Gon answered the door before the young Jedi rang the door chime. "Come in, padawan," Qui-Gon warmly intoned.

His mask is on again, Obi-Wan thought. He wondered if Qui-Gon would even mention why they had so quickly aborted sabre sparring earlier, or if the master would torture his charge by leaving the matter so conspicuously untouched.

Obi-Wan followed his master in the kitchen. As soon as they entered, the young man could smell the delectable scents originating from a sophisticated pre-planned lunch.

"Sit down, padawan," Qui-Gon gestured to a chair at the table.

After seating himself, Obi-Wan watched as his master brought the steaming dishes to the table - placing them carefully in an arrangement so that the young man would not have to stretch far to reach any of them. Lastly, an empty plate was placed on the table before him, alongside stemware and a napkin.

Qui-Gon then sat at the table directly facing him - without saying a word.

Obi-Wan looked at the table, then at his master before speaking. "Master," he said quietly, "why did you go to so much trouble... to fix all this food?" he asked, glancing over the dishes.

"Because, padawan," Qui-Gon smiled, "I enjoy doing things for you."

Obi-Wan stared at his master, unsure of what to say. "Thank you, Master... for doing all this... for me." He dropped his eyes back to the table.

"Go on," Qui-Gon chuckled. "Eat."

Slowly, the young Jedi filled his plate. After he started eating, Qui-Gon filled his own plate. They ate in an uncomfortable silence - anyway, it was uncomfortable for Obi-Wan, for he knew not what lurked behind his master's visage.

After his last bite, Obi-Wan raised his eyes back to Qui-Gon, who was nearly finished with his plate.

"Obi-Wan," the master began as he laid his fork down. "How have you been today?"

"Fine, Master."

Qui-Gon stared at the padawan. "This morning, when we were sparring," he hesitated when he noticed a flash of shame in Obi-Wan's eyes. "How were you feeling then, padawan?" he added gently.

Obi-Wan would not look at Qui-Gon, but only stared at the empty plate before the Jedi master. "I suppose I was... confused, Master," he quietly finished.

"Do you know why you were confused?" Qui-Gon prodded, trying to be more encouraging than anything else.

The young Jedi thought about the question, realizing that he had not wondered about it earlier. "No... I suppose I don't know, Master? Does it really matter?" He finally met the older man's gaze.

"I think that we should examine why, padawan. I sensed your confusion. It was not just a momentary distraction.... Is there anything else about this morning that was out of the ordinary? Anything at all... different?" Qui-Gon felt something was wrong. There was definitely more going on than what showed on the surface.

Obi-Wan looked at his master. "I'm not sure, Master.... I think I had a little headache while we were sparring, but it didn't last long."

Qui-Gon's eyes

 

Wow, that was a serious revelation

Poor Obi-Wan - so someone purposely increased the potency to force his addiction?? And not only that - it was tainted - this is terrible

What's going to happen now? More when you can Cascadia.

Rogue

 

You'll just have to wait to see what's next, Rogue_JediKnight .

Thank you so much for reading!

 

Ahh... [face_shocked]

Poor Obi-Wan! Losing his memory! well, that explains his odd behavior.

Cas that was excellent!

Can't wait for more!

 

Obi's got Alzhiemer's!!!

 

Thanks for reading sheleigh and sabercrazy ! Although... I don't quite think Obi has Alzheimers.

 

I'll have the next part up tomorrow... maybe.

 

I think I have read this at the "other site".
I don't want to lavish to much praise on you.

You might get the "big head" if I tell you how much I enjoy your story too much so I will just: "UP"


PEACE ewen

 

Oh, my gosh...to his face, they tell obi-wan that he's going to lose his memory. How would you take something like that?

Obi-Wan knows that he is going to slowly lose everything he holds as memories.

Wow...and yet, so horrible! What a great beginning!

 

I remember this one

 

Thanks for upping, ewen ! A big head , huh? You really think I might?

Welcome, Larkonna ! Yes, it is horrible, isn't it? And thank you for reading!

A great memory have you, PadawanKitara ! Thanks for remembering!

 

double post!