Before Passing Time (Qui-Gon, Xanatos, Obi-Wan, Granta, AU, Humor, crackfic, collab) Updated 9/19!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Jinngerbread, Feb 25, 2009.

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  1. Jinngerbread Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2007
    star 4
    Title: Passing Time
    Author(s): Jinngerbread and Neon Star
    Characters: Xanatos, Qui-Gon, and later Granta, Obi-Wan and others.
    Summary: Xanatos has a little too much free time on his hands.
    Author's Notes: We've been doing a little too much angst recently and we got bitten by the urge to write something silly. We have several posts already written and hopefully will post a couple times a week. Here's hoping! We have enjoyed working on this. As always, feedback is much appreciated, and badly craved!


    To: qgj0965985@JediTemple.org
    From: Address Hidden

    Dear Master,

    How is the weather on Coruscant? Hopefully hot and burning. Things are wonderful where I am, warm, wet. A real paradise. The money I inherited more than paid for it, among other things.

    The burn has healed, it?s a perfect scar now, perfect, an uncompleted circle, much like my hatred of you. It will never be finished, and you will never be rid of me. My father will be revenged,! Even though I wanted him dead in the first place.

    Oops, you didn?t hear that.

    Regardless, Telos is supposedly starting to settle again, I may go back, I have unfinished business there. I wouldn?t suggest waiting for me there, you wouldn?t find me for all your bumbling antics. How you?ve remained a Jedi, how you?ve remained alive at that, is beyond me.

    On that note, How are you? Heartbroken, stricken, dead to the world and grieving the most perfect man to ever sweep in and out of your life? Likely, I know you too well.

    Tell the troll hi while you?re at it. He knew this would happen, that little Sith incarnate. He?s condemned me from day one, and I would so sue him for damaging me mentally as a child, but I can?t at the moment being a wanted criminal.

    Later then, I may decide to burn the temple to show my utter angst for wasting part of my life there. Thankfully my son was not born with the Force and thus hounded by you dogs.

    Oh, you didn?t know I had a son, imagine that.

    It wasn?t as if you were blind as a mynock. Oh, wait, you were, Really, seriously, did you think I was a virgin? Let?s be honest, I am the most perfect being born this side and the other side of the galaxy. I couldn?t if I had tried. Which I hadn?t, not for a second.

    I could make a list, but it would take too long, and I?d likely run out of time and data to do it. Just believe me, it?s more than your pathetic amount, Mr. Chaste. How is Tahl?

    Yet, I have one child, not twenty, and one day he will be a scourge upon the Jedi. He is worth ten thousand of you.

    That?s all of you, isn?t it? Pathetic, one Force barren child is worth more than all of you put together. I hold the future, and you past clinging ancients will collapse into fire and dust.

    Cling as you will however, I am free of you, even when I am bound by hatred. It will not consume me as that troll has said. I will prove you all wrong!

    *insert insane laughter*

    As is, I must go, baby crying in the background. Likely time to change him.

    Love as always,

    Xanatos your former son
  2. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Hilarious. Really quite funny. Loved all the little quips. Well done!
  3. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    [face_laugh] Ego? What ego?

    Very funny, ladies! But eh... son? Really? That's an interesting twist!


  4. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    [face_laugh] Loved it! Please put me on the PM list! =D=
  5. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    He?s condemned me from day one, and I would so sue him for damaging me mentally as a child, but I can?t at the moment being a wanted criminal.

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    That was priceless!!

    I can so picture Xanatos sending such an email and I look forward to reading what else he has to say.

    Please add me to the PM list

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  6. TheMacUnleashed Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 2, 2009
    star 4
  7. XANl Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 1, 2006
    star 1
    "Force barren child"
    did not know that the child existed....oh how sad

    Xanatos is truely sad his child lacks the force[face_thinking]

    The sad thought in all this ...is that the Jedi do not care about a
    child that lacks the gift of the force.

    Love Xzni in all his imperfections!
  8. Alexis_Wingstar Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2006
    star 4
    Love as always,

    Xanatos your former son


    though the whole thing made me laugh, this part made me laugh out loud... don't know why.
  9. Neon Star Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2000
    star 5
    dianethx: Glad you loved those. And thank you, we hope to keep the humor going. :)

    Seremela Xan doesn't have an ego. ;) And yep, you might know him as Granta Omega from Jedi Quest if you've had the misfortune to read it. Though I promise he won't be that bad. ;)

    VaderLVR64: Glad you did. And will do. :)

    KELIA: Was very fond of that line myself. ;) Well, Xan certainly won't run out of things as long as Qui can keep up to him.;) And will do. :)

    TheMacUnleashed: Thank you. :)

    XANl: Glad you love him, though he insists he's perfect. ;) And he really isn't sad, he's very happy about that fact, which is a total twist from how I normally handle that relationship between him and Granta Omega.

    Alexis_Wingstar: It is pretty funny that even after all that bitter commentary Xan has enough nerve to say that at the end. ;) And thanks, we're glad it made you laugh. :)

    *******************

    To: Address Hidden
    From: qgj0965985@JediTemple.org

    Dear Xani,

    I was tempted not to reply to your letter, but the image of you changing a diaper on a screaming baby was too amusing to pass up. It must have been rather like the time that you went to the crèche and you didn't have the supplies handy in time for the child you were holding. Perhaps you've learned better since then?

    Then again, the tone of your letter says otherwise.

    The weather on Coruscant is the same as always. Perfectly warm and and not too hot, all you need is a light Jedi robe to keep you comfortable.

    As far as myself, I'm surprised you even bothered to ask. But no, I am not sulking. My friends do not allow for such and nor will the Council. I am being given other assignments to keep me busy. In fact, my first assignment without you is teaching initiate lightsaber training.

    You never were very swift in that class.

    If I recall rightly, you had injuries on the very first day and sent two other boys to the healers along with you.

    I should have known then.

    And I hope that none of my future students will prove half as inept with the lightsaber, but if you ever wish to improve, I suggest you practice, in your spare time, if you should happen to have any being so busy with your new son.

    In the meantime, I will deliver your message to Master Yoda, but I wouldn't expect a reply back if I were you from him.

    I promised Tahl I would meditate with her this afternoon, so much as I would love to keep writing this letter and telling you how all your friends and acquaintances are, I have other things to do with my time.

    Your former Master,

    Qui-Gon Jinn
  10. Alexis_Wingstar Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2006
    star 4
    I promised Tahl I would meditate with her this afternoon

    Is that what they call it? [face_mischief] :p
  11. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    i wonder if they will ever be reconciled ...?

    parenthood does strange things to a person ...
  12. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    I will deliver your message to Master Yoda, but I wouldn't expect a reply back if I were you from him.

    You know, a reply from Yoda would be [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    And it's nice to see Qui-Gon moving on with his life :p

    Great update

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  13. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Meditating, huh? o_O Okay.... ;)
  14. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Yeah, meditating?!? [face_laugh]

    Great job - especially loved Xan's sweet little how-are-you-I'm-fne email.
  15. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Meditation? So that's what they are calling it? LOL. Very cute.
  16. Jinngerbread Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2007
    star 4
    Alexis_Wingstar Qui-Gon is annoyed that nobody believes him. :p Thanks for reading!

    ratna One never knows with those two, that's for sure. Thanks for reading!

    Kelia He's certainly not brooding, he doesn't have time for that! Thanks for reading!

    VaderLVR Qui-Gon says, yes meditation, he is a Jedi not a pervert. ;) Thanks for reading!

    Valairy_Scot Glad you liked it! We're having way too much fun. :D Thanks for reading!

    Dianethx Qui-Gon says you of all people should know he's actually meditating! He thought you were on his side. :p Thanks for reading!




    To: qgj0965985@JediTemple.org
    From: Address Hidden

    Dear Master:


    I assure you, I?ve more than learned my lesson. It?s amazing what having your own flesh and blood child to take care of can do to you. Not that you?ll ever know, being the strict Jedi you are. I may not have to do anything, at the rate you Jedi are going, you?ll die out by yourselves due to lack of reproduction. Or else be conquered by Sith, who knows.

    And I am a great father, you son of a bantha! A thousand times better than you ever were!

    By the way, I always hated those robes. Seriously, can we say fashion crisis? Brown, black or tan, it didn?t matter, they were a wreck. I?m fully certain Yoda designed them in his sleep and thought them brilliant enough to force all us unlucky beings to wear them. No longer for me, thank you. Nothing but silks and soft cloth, not that sack material. Not that you know fashion, or comfort for that. You make me pity you.

    Oh, you are sulking. They don?t know, but I know, no matter how much you bury it and they ignore it. This is making you bleed, and I?ll look forward to seeing it in person when ensure your outside matches your insides. You are the king of brooding, and I?d bow down if I had any respect left for you.

    We are not discussing that. I refuse to even think of that traumatic moment in my life. Thanks to you, I will have to see my mind healer three times this week instead of two. I will send you the bill.

    And I so nearly put you in the grave on Telos. If you want to finish it, Mr. So Called Best Swordsman, I?ll send you the location of a place where we can. Then you?ll see who needs training!

    Btw, if that troll has anything to say, I?ll be glad to hear it. I?ve been wanting to give him a good shove off a cliff for a long time, so just prompting it would be great. Not that he?s man enough to ever confront anyone directly, with all that backwards stuff he hides behind. Do you really believe he talks like that for real? No, he does because he wants to be confusing, and is a coward.

    Also, is that what they?re calling it now a days? Just say it, you?re doing her. I don?t know why she?s allowing it, guess you?re the only one giving her time of day, which is sad. If I remember, she was a very beautiful woman under those robes.

    On the note of my former friends and those I?d likely wouldn?t hesitate to kill if I see?. Let them know I?m happy and well, they?ll likely weep. Especially Mace. And tell him I?m enjoying his toy very much.

    Record it for me when he bursts into tears?

    Love as always,

    Xan

    />
  17. Alexis_Wingstar Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2006
    star 4
    Gee, it seems Xan has some issues. :p
  18. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5

    Btw, if that troll has anything to say, I?ll be glad to hear it. I?ve been wanting to give him a good shove off a cliff for a long time, so just prompting it would be great. Not that he?s man enough to ever confront anyone directly, with all that backwards stuff he hides behind. Do you really believe he talks like that for real? No, he does because he wants to be confusing, and is a coward.


    A veeeeeerry interesting take on Yoda. o_O



    Also, is that what they?re calling it now a days? Just say it, you?re doing her. I don?t know why she?s allowing it, guess you?re the only one giving her time of day, which is sad. If I remember, she was a very beautiful woman under those robes.


    :eek: Below the belt, below the belt - I can't WAIT to see how Qui responds to that! [face_laugh]
  19. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    On the note of my former friends and those I?d likely wouldn?t hesitate to kill if I see?. Let them know I?m happy and well, they?ll likely weep. Especially Mace. And tell him I?m enjoying his toy very much.

    Record it for me when he bursts into tears?


    Geeze, didn't Xanatos like anybody? :p

    Loved his belief Yoda only talks the way he does to be confusing.

    Great update

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  20. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    On the note of my former friends and those I?d likely wouldn?t hesitate to kill if I see?. Let them know I?m happy and well, they?ll likely weep. Especially Mace. And tell him I?m enjoying his toy very much.

    Record it for me when he bursts into tears?


    [face_laugh] =D=
  21. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    :D Loved Qui-Gon's answer, although he might have been better off to not have answered at all.

    :eek: But he seems to have pushed some of Xanatos' buttons with it! That second message was a lot more viscious and wow, does he have issues with everyone now?

    [face_thinking] I'm thinking a good spanking might be in order


  22. Neon Star Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2000
    star 5
    Alexis_Wingstar: He always has issues. ;)

    Valairy_Scot: Xan has a lot of intresting things to say about Yoda. And those are his favorite shots to take. At least you don't have to wait long for Qui's strike back. ;)

    KELIA: I'm fairly sure he doesn't. ;) Thank you, and glad you loved that. :)

    VaderLVR64: Thanks.:)

    Seremela: Qui only realizes that now. And he's likely the only one that knows how to get Xan that worked up. ;) As for that spanking, Xan needs more a good shot to the head to fix his problems now. ;)

    **************

    To: Address Hidden
    From: qgj0965985@JediTemple.org

    Dear Xani,

    I am glad you learned your lesson about taking care of small children. I knew you were no virgin, but at the very least I expected one responsible enough to be a Jedi apprentice would use protection when having intimate relations with women, if one does not wish a pregnancy.

    I'm sure it is amazing what flesh and blood can do to you. I have seen it firsthand when I killed your father. But I digress. The Sith are extinct, so I doubt we will be conquered by such things in my lifetime, as far as lack of reproduction, as you fully well know, the Jedi are not required to be celibate. Someone has to populate the Temple, after all. However, I'm not having such relations with Tahl this afternoon, but truly meditating, I know you never enjoyed such things, but some of us actually find comfort in the Force, I know that's hard to believe.

    I was not a bad father, technically I was not even a father at all, so the discussion is moot.

    That traumatic moment of your life, I'm sure must cost a fortune to repair in mind healers. If you did still choose to send me the bill, likely it will be forwarded to a collection agency as the Jedi Temple will refuse to pay such and then your credit score will plummet which will make it likely difficult that the mind healer will want to work with you in the future if you do not pay him. I certainly do not wish to any further, with or without payment and I am sure he would feel the same, after listening to your tirades.

    As far as the robes, they are not made of sackcloth, but are in fact part bantha wool and shimmersilk, formed into a material known as bamsere, if you recall, not that you would appreciate such even then. If you ever paid attention to the fashions on many planets you would know that the outfits we wear blend in to most cultures in the galaxy, which is why we wear them, and one always has a color choice besides brown. I merely have chosen to be comfortable and I like the color brown. It goes well with my hair.

    Fashion crisis indeed.

    I would truly enjoy watching you trying to shove Master Yoda anywhere he doesn't want to go. That would prove highly entertaining. Perhaps we should schedule it as a Temple fund raiser.

    Much as I would like to tell your friends you are doing well, I do not have the time to check on them. Besides I sincerely doubt Mace Windu would burst into tears, he doesn't seem the type. In fact with his stoicism, you'd be lucky to get lip twitching. No doubt he will be on the Jedi Council one day.

    And now I must close this letter.

    My meditation company is here.

    Your Former Master,

    Qui-Gon Jinn


  23. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    xan shoving yoda any place he doesn't want to go as a jedi fundraiser was hysterical.
  24. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    As far as the robes, they are not made of sackcloth, but are in fact part bantha wool and shimmersilk, formed into a material known as bamsere, if you recall, not that you would appreciate such even then. If you ever paid attention to the fashions on many planets you would know that the outfits we wear blend in to most cultures in the galaxy, which is why we wear them, and one always has a color choice besides brown. I merely have chosen to be comfortable and I like the color brown. It goes well with my hair.

    Fashion crisis indeed.


    [face_laugh] =D=
  25. Alexis_Wingstar Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2006
    star 4
    I would truly enjoy watching you trying to shove Master Yoda anywhere he doesn't want to go. That would prove highly entertaining. Perhaps we should schedule it as a Temple fund raiser.

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    This is almost as good as [face_coffee] to wake me up in the morning.
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