Before - Legends Passing Time (Qui-Gon, Xanatos, Obi-Wan, Granta, AU, Humor, crackfic, collab) Updated 9/19!

Sorry for the long time without posting, and the no replies. Am on a bit of a tight schedule, but will reply to everyone tonight. So keep watching this space. On the general, thanks for all the comments.

***********

To: Address Hidden
From: qgj0965985@JediTemple.org

Dear Xani,

The Crown Prince of Telos taking out the trash? What is the galaxy coming to? I remember when I had to argue with you for thirty minutes just to get you to make a bed up, let alone doing anything so beneath you as to handle a bag of trash. Too bad there's not a two-way holo-cam set up here through these things that you installed in my bedroom, so I could watch the expression on your face as you pick it up.

Why don't you just get one of your servants to do it? I'm sure you have those, right?

Or perhaps slaves? I don't know if you pay yours or not, though you certainly can afford to. It's amazing how much time changes one, isn't it?

Ah listen to me getting wistful again.

I sincerely doubt the Jedi Council would be pleased if I were to rebel more than I already do. The Handbook, as you know well is for our benefit and learning and we ought to strive to be as close to it as we can. Or so the Jedi Council would tell you, and the only reason I made you learn the handbook rules was because you hated them and they were one of the only effective methods of discipling you. I myself, see them as more of guidelines, than hard and fast rules, but The Jedi Code of Conduct Guidelines and Suggestions For Living doesn't sound as good on the cover as Jedi Mandates Handbook.

Speaking of being dead, you left a few things behind, when you gave up the Order. Since you are also dead to us, that means they are rightfully mine and I can do what I wish with them, as your personal possessions fall into the hands of your guardian (except for standard issue items, of course). Some of these personal items include quite embarrassing holovids that Mace Windu showed me he took at your eighth birthday.

I was tempted to burn them, but I think I'll save them now for blackmail evidence in case I ever need any against the High Crown Prince of Telos. You never know when you'd need such. You also left a sketch pad with a bunch of drawings of nude women in lucrative poses, some recordings of me snoring with you giggling in the background like an idiot, and one of you drunk when you were of legal age.

You remember those, don't you?

I think I'll go make some popcorn and watch the most embarrassing ones for old times sake. Maybe I'll invite my friends over to laugh at you with me.

One could consider it justice since you are spying on me and stealing my things as well.

Perhaps you will invite your wife to watch the old vids with you through the spy cams?

Oh and if you have any bright ideas about bringing your infant son with you so you can take everything back, just know that I have backups on my datapad and Mace Windu has copies, as does Kyran Josel (and he is at an undisclosed location and will remain so for sometime).

You're coming to me for advice? Well I suppose I did do something right, if even after all this, you're still doing that. Let's see, now about your problem, I am rather afraid that you are going to be stuck with the name Damon. It's a bit impossible, see, to get a woman to change their minds after they've already made it up, as you've no doubt discovered by the time this letter gets there. Besides, would you really punish the child with the name Granta Omega? That's a horrible name, I thought you had taste. I like your wife's pick much better.

Think of the shame and ridicule he'd get in his schooling, if you foisted that upon him? I suppose it's not much worse than using him to further your own ends, for which you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself, as any father of merit would be in exploiting their own child.

No doubt he will be just as grouchy as I am in his old age. And before you say a word, yes I said grouchy, and I am not bitter. I'm just gro

 

I sincerely doubt the Jedi Council would be pleased if I were to rebel more than I already do. The Handbook, as you know well is for our benefit and learning and we ought to strive to be as close to it as we can. Or so the Jedi Council would tell you, and the only reason I made you learn the handbook rules was because you hated them and they were one of the only effective methods of discipling you. I myself, see them as more of guidelines, than hard and fast rules, but The Jedi Code of Conduct Guidelines and Suggestions For Living doesn't sound as good on the cover as Jedi Mandates Handbook.

Hmm... sounds like the philosohy of a certain group of pirates we all know and love. Speaking of which, I'd love to see a story where Jack Sparrow outwits Xan and drives him crazy. Come to think of it, Jack Sparrow would probably drive Yoda crazy. Even better! Jack Sparrow and Mace Windu. I can see the smoke coming out of Mace's ears now!

I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying this story. It's so nice to have some comic relief to brighten my day.

 

And thirdly, the code is more what you call "guidelines" than actual rules. Welcome aboard the Black Pearl, Miss Turner!

 

Leave it to Qui to tease over Xanatos being nagged



It's a bit impossible, see, to get a woman to change their minds after they've already made it up

Especially when it comes to choosing Damon over Granta Omega

Great update

 

You're coming to me for advice? Well I suppose I did do something right, if even after all this, you're still doing that. Let's see, now about your problem, I am rather afraid that you are going to be stuck with the name Damon. It's a bit impossible, see, to get a woman to change their minds after they've already made it up, as you've no doubt discovered by the time this letter gets there. Besides, would you really punish the child with the name Granta Omega? That's a horrible name, I thought you had taste. I like your wife's pick much better.

Think of the shame and ridicule he'd get in his schooling, if you foisted that upon him? I suppose it's not much worse than using him to further your own ends, for which you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself, as any father of merit would be in exploiting their own child.

No doubt he will be just as grouchy as I am in his old age. And before you say a word, yes I said grouchy, and I am not bitter. I'm just grouchy and old, there's a difference. I think my sleep couch needs replacing.

Must go to acquisitions and get a new one.

My back can't take this one anymore.

Love these two!

 

p_stotts It could possible. Jack would drive everyone nuts, except Qui-Gon who would have an ace up his sleeve. I'm glad you're enjoying it! We are too!

ratna Yep! Heeee.

Kelia Absolutely, he wouldn't be nagged to take out the trash in the Order, not like that. And seriously the woman has better taste.

VaderLVR Aren't they silly? We're having fun!

Thanks for reading!

Sorry this post took so long we'll try and be better about updating. Been a rough couple months for me, but things are stablizing.



To: qgj0965985@JediTemple.org
From: Address Hidden


Dear Qui,

If you were married to that woman, you would be doing everything you can to keep her happy too. Maliaka is scary. Yes, I married her, yes, it?s the mechanic?s daughter that could and did hit me in the jaw a few times with her hydrospanner. Yes, I do sport numerous bruises at various times of the week, most regularly in the face.

Have I mentioned she?s the sweetest girl alive? Really, and perfectly royalty material, Damon couldn?t have a better mother to come from. She?ll be able to break the back of any rebellion just with a glare and a word.

And if not, she always has her hydrospanner.

As is, seemingly you were right. The woman will not see reason, at all. The boy will be named Damon, and that?s that, she wouldn?t let me get even a word in edge wise. However, I will continue to call him Granta when it?s just him and me, it?s going to be his ?villain? name. I think it?s so fitting, since he?s going to destroy you all and rule the economics of the galaxy. Ruling the galaxy is just too boring anyways, it?s just better to rule the money in it. That?s where the true power lies.

And I have taste! More than you, old man, with your lack of fashion sense and ragged gray hair. That hairstyle is so three hundred years ago.

And I do have servants, not slaves. Give me a bit of credit, I may be evil and fallen off the ?light? path, but I don?t agree to owning human beings. Slaves are harder to please and more likely to stab you in your sleep, or so my father muttered in his endless muttering dialogue as he died. Seriously, couldn?t you have done it quickly? It took him forever to finally snuff out.

Btw, how dare you even state you may blackmail me! What did I do to you?!

?
?
?

Actually, don?t answer that, really.

Keep the pad. Maliaka makes a better model. If I didn?t think she would kill me, I?d send you one of my drawings of her. Though to make up for it, have included a sketch of my baby. Isn?t he the sweetest, adorable, future ruler of the galaxy ever?!

And I?m not going to waste my time retrieving those things. Instead, I hope you enjoyed that virus I sent to the main system. I?m sure the tech will be able to fix it eventually. For now, however, I hope you enjoyed the looped film of Mace?s coming of age. I admit to being a bit smashed myself then, but I didn?t make near the spectacle he did with the whole near falling out the balcony with ?I?m king of the world!? and all that, as well as kissing Yoda. Thankfully the old one moved, and he ended up kissing his foot than his intended target. And of course, the whole bit with me, and singing that duet. Personally, I think I have a better voice, even when drunk. Mace always did sound like a dying bantha.

Don?t think I don?t have things on you too, but I?m saving those. And really, on the code, you?re as bad as I am, really, you just haven?t abandoned the Jedi yet.

Do us all a favor, get out while you still can. I?d almost happily accept you on the other side.

Though, might not be the living other side.

Love with all my heart,
Xan

 

As is, seemingly you were right. The woman will not see reason, at all. The boy will be named Damon, and that?s that, she wouldn?t let me get even a word in edge wise. However, I will continue to call him Granta when it?s just him and me, it?s going to be his ?villain? name. I think it?s so fitting, since he?s going to destroy you all and rule the economics of the galaxy. Ruling the galaxy is just too boring anyways, it?s just better to rule the money in it. That?s where the true power lies.

The doting evil-doer - it's just so - so - Xan.

 

Have I mentioned she?s the sweetest girl alive? Really, and perfectly royalty material, Damon couldn?t have a better mother to come from. She?ll be able to break the back of any rebellion just with a glare and a word.

And if not, she always has her hydrospanner.

 

I don?t agree to owning human beings. Slaves are harder to please and more likely to stab you in your sleep

Nice to see the moral side of Xan

As for him and Maliaka, they sound like a match made in Heaven....or the Sith underworld, either way they definitely deserve each other.

Great update

 

Quite the long epistle, there Xan. Might it be that you are missing someone ....?

 

Valairy_Scot: Glad you think it is Xan. He is rather overly fatherly even while evil.

VaderLVR64:

KELIA: That was a moral side? And they do, they really do. Thanks!

ratna: Naw, Xan misses no one, he just can't break habits.

******************


To: Address Hidden
From: qgj0965985@JediTemple.org


Dear Xan,

Well luckily the Order forbids marriage, and even if it did not the woman I would choose would not abuse me in such a fashion. How can she be the sweetest girl alive and yet abuse you so much? Isn't that rather contradictory?

I told you never to argue with a woman. You should have just listened to my advice in the first place, but you never did even when you were at home so I was hoping for a miracle, I suppose. And I still say having a special 'villain' name is really rather idiotic.

Ruling the galaxy is boring? How would you know you haven't even managed to rule Telos successfully.

And there is nothing wrong with my hairstyle! Chicks dig it, I've been complimented by many women on several planets I have visited recently. You're only jealous because you can't pull off the look nearly as well.

As far as owning slaves at least you don't own human beings, maybe there is something good in you after all.

Nah.

I would have loved to have ended things quickly with your father's death as then maybe I could have disposed of the body before you found us, but unfortunately it didn't work out that way.

What did you do to me to deserve blackmail?

...

I think you're right, I will leave that one untouched, because I think the list of grevances would be too much for this datapad or any datapad to handle. Thank you for the virus on the other one by the way, it ensured the Temple purchased brand new state of the art equipment for all of us. It was expensive, but taxypayer donations are very helpful in funding our cause.

And yes your child is very cute, but all babies are. Didn't we have this discussion already?

The scene with Mace is amusing but after the millionth time or so it gets rather old. You know, kind of like you listening to anything I say, you eventually learn to tune it out and it's no longer an issue.

Of course it wouldn't be the living other side, since you did say you would stab me in the back if we met. Really though, good luck to you on that.

Since I'm going to be sleeping on my back, after all.

I got a new couch and new bed recently and they are most excellent.

Ah, Kyran's here, I think I'm going to go have some tea with him.


Your Former Master,

Qui-Gon Jinn

 

Ruling the galaxy is boring? How would you know you haven't even managed to rule Telos successfully.

Sarcasm becomes Qui.

Really though, good luck to you on that.

Since I'm going to be sleeping on my back, after all.

Wise man.

 

And there is nothing wrong with my hairstyle! Chicks dig it



Ah, so that's why he chose that style!

Loved Qui's biting sarcasm...and every bit of it true!

Great update

 

Very cute. I really liked the banter between the two. Well done.

 

Ruling the galaxy is boring? How would you know you haven't even managed to rule Telos successfully.

Oh. Snap.

 

Valairy_scot Doesn't it though? He's so fun when he's snarky. He is indeed wise to sleep on his back with Xani nearby. Thanks for reading and replying!

Kelia Absolutely, you know he's a ladies' man. Yep, Qui-Gon has nothing but sarcastic stuff for Xani. Thanks for reading and replying!

Dianethx Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! We're having fun with the banter between them. Thanks for reading and commenting!

VaderLVR Yep. Xan shouldn't have opened his mouth on that one! Thanks for reading and replying!

---

[b] To: [/b] [color=blue] [u] qgj0965985@JediTemple.org [/u][/color]
[b]From: [/b] [color=red] [u]Address Hidden [/u] [/color]

Dear Master,

Of course not! She?s just trying to keep me in line. I thought you of all people would be happy that someone was supposedly keeping me ?in line?. Though, on the other hand, perhaps her methods are a bit strong?.

Not that I?m going to ask for otherwise. She?s generously left more important parts alone. That?s all I can ask. And I heal within less than a day. You know me and my miraculous skin, especially my face. Heals in an hour, because I?m amazing, and too good looking to scar.

Except that one little one. Remind me why I so studiedly decided to put that ring against my cheek? I didn?t even like my father. Certainly not enough to hurt my looks.

And on Telos. Shut up.

How old are these ?chicks?? Seventy? A hundred? Bet Master Yaddle really ?digs it? then. And please, stop using such out dated slang. You?re showing your age more than your hair does.

And me? Jealous? Get your head out of the ground. No one can best me in looks.

Thank you for realizing you raised pure evil. I?m sure you?re proud. And I really wish you had. Do you know how disgusting it was having to take care of the old man?s corpse afterwards? Especially after a week?

I still can?t get the stench out of that room? Got any good remedies?

So that?s where my money is going. You Jedi are parasites, you know that? All the hard earned money we other people make supports you pathetic do gooders. All the more reason to destroy you as soon as possible.

And my son is better than any other baby! Stop saying that like he?s not. He?s the bestest, prettiest, sweetest, smartest and loudest child in the world. I love him sooooooooo much.

Glad you thought it was amusing at least. I try hard to provide minute entertainment before I descend upon you all and wipe you out. Also glad you remembered that little threat. If I can?t get your back, I can always strike from the front. Don?t forget that, Qui.

Say hello to the loud mouth for me.

Love as always,

Xan

 

She?s generously left more important parts alone



At least for now. I can't help but wonder if that has the potential to change should Xani step too far out of line.

Great update

 

She?s generously left more important parts alone. That?s all I can ask.

Lucky Xan!

 

Xan is turning into mush for that baby. Very cute.

 

KELIA: There is always a chance it could, but we dearly hope not. Thanks

VaderLVR64: Very lucky.

dianethx: Of course he is, Damon is impossible to resist. Thank you.

Double feature this time, though the second is short.
********************************


To: Address Hidden
From: qgj0965985@JediTemple.org

Dear Xani,

Trying to keep you in line? A difficult job to be sure, I do pity her but if her methods work, maybe I should advise her to keep doing it well, if she wants the job, I recommend you allowing her to see your therapist, free of charge.

She's likely needing it desperately and taking her frustrations out on you.

I would have, had I not been more restrained.

But I digress.

I'm not sure why you put the ring on your cheek, I couldn't figure it out at the time, because it certainly did you no favors there. Cheek fat plus scars don't go together well, but I guess you thought they did since you seared your face. Don't ask me why though, I never understood that bit of your psyche.

And on Telos -- no. If you can't rule a planet, no way can you rule a galaxy. It's simple logistics. Telos would be but a small planet's problems that one should be able to handle without much difficulty, imagine having many planets to deal with and they all want different things, it would drive anyone mad in the job, thus why many senators are insane, but I'm digressing again, aren't I?

And these chicks are not old, I'll have you know! And gross on Master Yaddle, that's disgusting, at least I keep to my own species. There is nothing wrong with my slang, you young whippersnapper, now get off my lawn.

My illustrious good looks and charm have helped many a mission, I bet you can't say that can you?

Didn't think so.

That sounds unpleasant, cleaning up after a corpse like that. Remedies...the only thing I can think of that would get rid of a stench like that would be try a concentrated dose of Febreeze available at your local supermarket, assuming they have such things on Telos.

Your money isn't going anywhere, you're no taxpayer last I checked.

The hard money you embezzeled from the Telosian government I'm sure is perfectly safe, somewhere.

And I know I know you've told me about your son a million times already, I'm frankly tired and cranky and if I have to hear about how cuuuute he is one more time, then I think I'm going to go adopt a baby of my own so that I can show yours up.

Entertainment isn't really necessary from you even if it was amusing. I can provide my own entertainment. I'm old, but I know how to have a good time.

And Kyran says if you call him a loud mouth again, he'll page you.

From here.


Your former master,

Qui-Gon Jinn

***********************************
To: qgj0965985@JediTemple.org
From: Address Hidden


Dear Old Man,

She does not need to see my therapist. My wife is perfectly sane.

Don?t say it.

I?d love to get into a debate about things like governing and your age, but can?t at the moment. Damon unfortunately has caught a little cold.

So will try to write later,
Xan


P.S. Thanks for the suggestion; it did actually work on getting the rotting flesh smell out. But I?m starting to think the floral scent is worse.

 

Personally, I think Xan's wife should continue to take her frustration out on him.

Seems to keep him in line

Great update

 

Gosh, those two are entertaining to read.

 

There is nothing wrong with my slang, you young whippersnapper, now get off my lawn.

 

I love how when Xan can't think of anything witty to respond with he turns to bashing Qui-gon's hair.

As for Tahl I think Xan's just jealous because she wouldn't give him the light of day.

I loved the reference to Yaddles death.

Bravo!

 

That was cute. I liked that the Febreeze worked.