Beyond - Legends Perfect - AU, vignette, Dark Jaina

Title: Perfect
Author(s): Alkibiades
Timeframe: ~40 ABY
Characters: Jaina, Valin, Jysella, Tenel Ka, Allana.
Genre: AU, Dark
Keywords: Dark AU, Sith, vignette
Summary: Executioners and those executed, really. It?s short (400 words); just read it.
Notes: This takes place in the same continuum as my earlier vignette, Too Late. It reflects my thinking on what a truly scary Sith Lord would be like, I guess, and I aim to counteract the point made on the lit board that bad guys aren?t scary if the story is told from their point of view.

~~~

Perfect

She looks around her. Perfect. A light rain has refreshed, cleared the air this morning. Now the weather is just clear. No sun shining through the clouds; a cold, clear, emotionless day. Perfect.

She looks at the machine. Perfect. Poison, they might drive from their systems. Energy weapons, they can absorb. Stabs, they can twist. Falls, they can break. But this, they cannot avoid. Sure, efficient, clean. Perfect.

She looks at her council. Perfect. Brilliant, sharp, strong. Ruthless, emotionless, soulless. Effective, swift, efficient. Loyal, devoted, hers. Perfect.

She looks at her eldest apprentice. Perfect. Away with the foolishness of Bane, away with the older Sith orders. One master, two apprentices. Every apprentice two apprentices, ad infinitum. Promotion through killing one?s master. A hierarchy, simple, efficient, clear. Perfect.

She looks at today?s victims. Perfect. The irony of executing a Sith and a Jedi together; satisfying. Of executing the Queen Mother and the Sith Pretender together; very satisfying. Of executing the one through her daughter, the other through his sister; extremely satisfying. Perfect.

She hears the drums rattling. Perfect. Fast, not too fast. Hard, not too hard. Long, not too long. Perfect.

She hears the Queen Mother, slammed down on the table. Perfect. Force, timing, elegance. Impact, reaction, suppression. Perfect.

She hears the blade lift. Perfect. Sharp as a razor. Heavy as a rancor. Deadly as both. Perfect.

She hears the audience gasp. Perfect. The reaction of the crowd, predictably fitting in with her plans. Elegantly falling in with her timing. The only uncontrollable aspect, so beautifully controlled. Perfect.

She hears the blade fall. Perfect. The cut is clean, neat, efficient. The heat is cauterizing, cleaning, sterilizing. The death is swift, sure, certain. Perfect.

She watches her older apprentice leading her brother to the block. Perfect. The cutting of ties for both apprentices. The transformation into true Sith. Controlled, ruthless, efficient. Rulers of the galaxy. Perfect.

She watches him plead with her. Perfect. The paltry Pretender imploring to be spared. Begging for his life. And no pardon granted. Perfect.

She watches the sister reject the brother. Perfect. The killer of his mother, rejecting the murderer of her father. One Horn, denying the other Horn life itself. Perfect.

She motions, and both apprentices return to their master. The bodies, collected, are burnt. The guillotines packed away. Swift, controlled, efficient. Perfect. Perfect, like the day was perfect. Perfect, like the Empress is perfect. Perfect, as the execution was perfect.

Perfect.

~~~

Like it? I liked writing it. Comments and criticism greatly appreciated.

Alkibiades

 

I liked it a lot! Are you planning on doing viggies?

 

Exactly whom did Jaina kill?

 

star_writer24: Thanks! These just pop up from overall frustratedness with Jacen as a Sith. There might be more, there might be none. That's why these are lose viggies. Wait and see.

DARTH_MU: I tried to hint at that clearly, although I did not mention it directly, in four places:

So, Jaina is Empress, Allana, junior apprentice, executes her mother, Tenel Ka, and Jysella, senior apprentice, executes Valin, a competing Dark Lord, so to say. I'm sorry I was not clear enough; I will try being a bit less cryptic in the future; I guess I just like obscurity.

Alkibiades

 

This was really good! I did have to read it twice but I think you got your point across regarding your notes.

 

I am a fan of your work and really love the Thrawn story with Leia!

I also really enjoyed this story, however I do think you overuse the word perfect. By the end of the story, I was lost seeing the word too much. I think it would have been better to use it at key moments so the story flows better. Just my opinion

I did get confused as well - I thought it was Jacen at first and lost the 'Horn' translation. Great job though. I love your use of imagery!

Keep up the good work!

 

TheOnlyJediPrincess Thank you!

Sologirl: I am a fan of your work and really love the Thrawn story with Leia!

A fan?

I also really enjoyed this story, however I do think you overuse the word perfect. By the end of the story, I was lost seeing the word too much. I think it would have been better to use it at key moments so the story flows better. Just my opinion

I did that on purpose; remember, this is Jaina's point of view. I tried to constrict the format rigidly; using the word perfect exactly twice per paragraph and always in the same places for all paragraphs except the last; the way the paragraphs start: She looks (5x), She hears (5x), She watches (3x) and She motions. Also, excessive use of three-word long sentences, and there are more.

Jaina is crazy with perfection? And some other things? Did you get that? From the top of my head, I used the word 'perfect' 37 times, or something, to get you fed up with it. Seems that it worked.

I did get confused as well - I thought it was Jacen at first and lost the 'Horn' translation. Great job though. I love your use of imagery!

Hmmm. I really must try to be clearer. And thank you!

Keep up the good work!

Will do!

Alkibiades

 

This was fantastic! It was really fascinating to see Jaina as a cool and calculating Sith Lady. And I liked how you were obscure about it. It made me read it very carefully to make sure I understood. I've read quite a few of your stories and loved them all, although I'm shamed to admit that I didn't comment on them

 

Thank you! Yes, careful reading is necessary; I like obscurity. Glad to see it got across, though.

If you've read quite a few, you've probably read all of them - I've only written a few, yet. Comments are always appreciated - but knowing you read and enjoyed them is, too. Thanks!

Why, thanks! And yeah, the short sentences were great to do. I like that kind of simplification.

Yep! She is quite... detached. The style was meant to show how her 'new' psyche works - she no longer is the warmblooded Jaina we know - pure ice flows through her veins, so to speak.

Guillotines are great for executions, aren't they? I mean, there is no pain, and it is very sudden and definitive. Survival is quite impossible. Also, it is extremely dramatical, and makes for a much greater show than a hanging or a firing squad. Ideal for your average Sith_ruling_the_Galaxy. And that was meant to be chilly - I had chills when writing it myself, too.

To future readers: , and leave a comment on your way out, please!

Yours, Alkibiades

 

Absolutely brilliant, with the word perfect tying it all together. Dark Jaina is one of my favorite could-(should? she'd probably have been better than her brother)-have-beens, because most of her temperament is suited for being a Sith. Thank you for this excellent work!

~Jaina

 

Thank you for reading and leaving a review! The words were an experiment in combining economy and stylization; good to see you liked the outcome. Dark Jaina is pretty believable, hmm? She fits emotionally, and methinks she is a tad more intelligent than her younger twin.

And to future readers: feedback is always appreciated!

Yours, Alkibiades

 

Alkibiades

She looks around her. Perfect. A light rain has refreshed, cleared the air this morning. Now the weather is just clear. No sun shining through the clouds; a cold, clear, emotionless day. Perfect.

others would call it depressing

She looks at today?s victims. Perfect. The irony of executing a Sith and a Jedi together; satisfying. Of executing the Queen Mother and the Sith Pretender together; very satisfying. Of executing the one through her daughter, the other through his sister; extremely satisfying. Perfect.

okay .. that was just ? funny .. well it is not ? but the way you present it ? it is


Well it was a bloody vig, no? perfect?
A good dark Jaina
Well done

~ Mags ~

 

Maggy:

Others would call it depressing

True, true. Like she is? Is she perfect? Or just depressing?

okay .. that was just ? funny .. well it is not ? but the way you present it ? it is

Precisely my intention. In fact, this is extremely sad. Executing some innocent former friends - but all she can see, through her twisted view of reality, is the irony of the situation. Which is what is truly depressing, isn't it?

Well it was a bloody vig, no? perfect?

I hope so. It is the only one of my 'fics (I've written, what, six? ) I'm really proud of.

A good dark Jaina
Well done

Thank you. Yeah, I think it is.

Yours, Alkibiades