Story [Phantom of the Opera] The Parody of the Opera - E/C - Humor, romance, randomness - update 10/21

Parody of the Opera

By Serena

Summary: A humorous version of POTO. Erik is a rapper, Carlotta screeches, Christine's annoyed, Raoul's a pansy, Meg's clueless, and Madame Giry uses a Nextel walkie talkie. 2004 moviebased.

Hello! This is one of my favorite fics I've written, and I'm SO excited to be posting it on here. I hope you enjoy it. Expect some randomness. Just warning you!

Disclaimer: I own the DVD, soundtrack, and a poster of Gerard Butler. Wait, that doesn't count... (sobs)

- - -

It was a normal day in the Opera Populaire? Carlotta was screeching, Reyer was whining, Piangi was cowering, Madame Giry was rolling her eyes, and Christine was covering her ears.

?This really isn?t fair,? she complained to Meg. ?Why can?t my guardian angel just get rid of that old cow??

Meg gave her a strange look. ?Guardian angel??

?Well DUH!? Christine retorted, slapping her forehead, ?My angel of music! If he?s an angel of music then he?ll realize that it?s a SIN to keep this wailing crocodile the prima donna!?

Meg shrugged and went to go stretch.

Raoul De Chagny was a happy man. He had a huge house, coddling parents, money to boot, and good looks! ?If I do say so myself,? he said slyly, walking into the Opera house.

?Ah, we?re so glad you could join us, Le Vicompte!? Firmin said, clapping his hands.

?You will be joining us for the gala tonight, won?t you?? Andre gushed.

Raoul nodded. ?Indeed! I want everyone to see my good looks!? He tossed his head, golden locks waving in the air.

They found Monsieur LeFevre, who showed them around the Opera. The cast and smyphony were rehearsing Hannibal when they entered onto the stage.

?What?s the meaning of this!? Reyer stormed, ?We are rehearsing!? he stomped his foot and pouted.

?Monsieur Reyer, Madame Giry,? LeFevre said in an apologetic tone, ?I know there have been rumors of my retirement, and I can now tell you these were all true, and I would like to show you the two gentlemen who now own the Opera Populaire. Monsieurs Firmin and Andre. ?

There was a polite clapping. Most weren?t really interested.

?Eh, managers come and go,? Christine muttered.

?I?d like to see how long these two stay before the Phantom drives them to madness!? Meg chuckled, rubbing her hands together.

Christine raised an eyebrow. ?Dude, you are obsessed with the Phantom, aren?t you??

?It comes and goes,? her friend replied nonchalantly.

Meanwhile, Firmin was speaking. ?And we?d like to introduce you to the Patron of the Populaire, the Vicompte de Chagny!?

There was more clapping for Raoul as he came, strutting onto the stage. ?My parents and I are honored to support all the arts, especially the world renown Opera Populaire,? he said in a dignified tone.

?This is Carlotta and Piangi,? LeFevre introduced them in a bored voice. ?They?ve been our leading lady and? man? for several seasons now.?

Raoul nodded. ?Very well,? he answered, ?But I think I?m keeping you from your rehearsal, so I?ll just be leaving now.?

?Please do,? Mme. Giry muttered.

Raoul cast her an annoyed look before brushing right past Christine. She barely gave him a sideways glance.

?Christine, he?s so handsome,? Meg cooed.

Christine, however, shrugged. ?Eh, he could be better,? she retorted, ?But he?s too boyish. He was a boy when he fetched my scarf, and he still looks like one now.?

?You know him?? Meg gasped, eager to hear the details.

Christine nodded. ?Yep. A long time ago, before Dad croaked. He was a complete self absorbed conceited boy, and it doesn?t look like he?s changed. No big deal.? She abruptly walked away.

?Is he available then?? Meg called after her hopefully.

The managers had made Carlotta mad by staring at the dancing girls, so she was screaming at the top her lungs. ?And I ?ate a my ?at!? she yelled, pointing to her headdress.

?You ate your hat?? Firmin asked, confused. She glared at him before bursting into crocodile tears.

?Please senora, sing for us!? Andre begged, getting on one knee. ?Pr

 

Oh this is hilarious!

Meg was staring at the backdrop, transfixed. ?It?s the Phantom of the Opera,? she trailed off. Mme. Giry walked over to a deserted part of the stage, glanced around her, and whisked out a Nextel walkie-talkie.

?This is Giry to OG, come in OG,? she said in a low voice.

There was a slight pause before there was an answer on the other line. ?OG to Giry, I read you,? The Phantom replied. ?Was the operation successful??

?Yes, Operation Screeching Toad was successful,? Mme Giry replied. ?I repeat, Operation Screeching Toad was successful. Do you roger that??

Love the walkie talkie, great story so far!

 

I love it!

I love phantom, and this is a great take on the story. I can't wait for more!

 

Raoul's a pansy,

Just last night my little sister called me downstairs to ask me to tell her best friend that Raoul wasn't a pansy. Needless to say, that wasn't a request I could comply with.

?This really isn?t fair,? she complained to Meg. ?Why can?t my guardian angel just get rid of that old cow??

Meg gave her a strange look. ?Guardian angel??

?Well DUH!? Christine retorted, slapping her forehead, ?My angel of music! If he?s an angel of music then he?ll realize that it?s a SIN to keep this wailing crocodile the prima donna!?

I look forward to more!

 

This is hysterical! I love the randomness and how ridiculous out of character everyone is!

Go parodies!

PM list, please?

 

OMG! That was crazy hilarious randomness, loved it, LOL.

 

LilyHobbitJedi: Thanks so much!! Glad you like it.

Quigonjecca: Thank you! Glad to find another Phantom phan.

MarasFire: You go girl! My mom also happens to be a Raoul fan, and I'm like UGH! WHY? The words "Manly" and "Raoul" do NOT go together in the same sentence. Or world. Universe. Thanks so much for reading!

Idri: Thanks a bunch, Idri, I'm so glad you stopped by. Parodies are DA BOMB!

Lisbev: Glad you enjoyed it!!

Next chapter coming up shortly.

- Serena

 

Chapter 2: Project: Singing Angel

Mme Giry whisked out the note and continued, ?He commands that you leave box five empty for his use, and reminds you that his salary of 20,000 francs a month. Courtesy of your friendly neighborhood Opera Ghost.?

?You mean there are MORE opera ghosts other than this one?? Reyer whimpered.

Giry raised an eyebrow. ?I would not doubt it,? she finally replied.

Reyer promptly fainted dead away on the floor.

?Twenty thousand francs is outrageous!? Firmin boomed, ?I will not be paying this trickster anything whatsoever!? He ripped up the note.

Giry shrugged. ?Fine, but don?t come whining to me when the Opera Ghost pays YOU a visit,? she answered, sniffing. ?He will not be lenient with you.?

Andre paled. ?Well, well, what are we going to do about tonight?s gala?? he abruptly changed the subject. ?There is no un? un?? he couldn?t remember the word.

?Underneath?? Firmin suggested. Andre shook his head.

?Unn?.? Andre stammered.

?Underwear?? Christine piped up. They gave her horrified looks. She blinked innocently.

?Under the table? Under the weather?? Giry guessed. Andre shook his head furiously.

?Understudy?? a voice from Giry?s Nextel spoke up. Andre nodded and beamed.

?THAT?S THE ONE!? he shouted. ?We have no understudy for La Carlotta, so who is going to be our lead singer??

Giry slowly hid the Nextel behind her back and turned it off. She would have to give the Phantom? or Erik, a piece of her mind later. Surely he knew better than speaking in front of everyone!

Fortunately, no one noticed.

?We will have to cancel the performance tonight,? Firmin fumed, ?There is no other option!?

Reyer, who had been standing up, heard these words and fainted dead away again, falling to the floor. No one even gave him a sideways glance.

Meg was horrified at Firmin?s words. ?Surely you jest!? she cried, gasping in shock.

Firmin turned to glare at her. ?I?m not, and don?t call me Shirley,? he snapped angrily. Meg looked down, embarrassed. Giry slapped Firmin upside his head, angry at him for shaming her daughter.

?You behave,? she scolded. ?Keep you hand to the level of your EYES!?

Firmin stared at her, frightened. ?Bu.. bu?? he stammered.

?NO buts, Monsieur!? she hissed furiously, and suddenly shoved Christine in front of her. ?Christine will be singing for you.?

Christine let out a ?HAAAALELUJAH!? and punched the air with her fist. But she wasn?t looking where she was punching and ended up punching Reyer right in the face, sending him unconscious to the ground once again.

?Down once more to the dungeons of his black despair, down he plunges to the prison of his miiiiind!? Meg began to sing sadly, staring down at the knocked out Monsieur Reyer.

Everyone else simply ignored the entire charade and turned to Christine, who was beginning to sing.

?Andre, this is doing nothing for my nerves,? Firmin muttered, fidgeting.

?Well then go take a vacation,? Giry hissed, and slapped him upside his head again. Firmin winced and glared at her.

?Think of me, think of me fondly, when we?ve said good-bye!? Christine sang, ?Remember me, once in a while, please promise me you?ll try!?

Everyone stared at her in complete shock, and she stopped, confused.

?Am I that bad?? she sniffed, tears coming to her eyes.

?Just keep singing!? Mme Giry encouraged, patting her on the back. ?They?re shocked because you?re doing so well.?

Meg took this opportunity to start her own little ditty. ?Just keep singing, just keep singing, singing, singing, what do we do, we sing, sing, sing!?

?Meg?? Christine warned.

But her friend was on a roll. ?HO ho ho ho ho ho, I love to sssiiing, when you WAAAAANT to sing??

?MEG!? Christine shrieked wildly. Meg stopped in mid sentence and looked at her.

?What?? she asked innocently. Her mother glared at her pointedly. ?Oh. Right,? Meg said, looking down and reddening. ?Carry on.?

Christine let out an annoyed sigh. ?Now I?m gonna have that stupid song stuck in my head!? she growled.

?Well, I think

 

This humor is very well written. And one of my all time favorite stories to boot! I'll have more later. Great job!