Pirates of the Caribbean

GUARD: What's your purpose here, Mr. Smith?

GUARD 2: Yeah, and no lies.

JACK: Alright then, I confess. It is my intention to commandeer a ship, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weasley black guts out.


*SB*

 

GUARD 2: I said no lies!

GUARD: I think he's telling the truth.

GUARD 2: If he was telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us!

JACK: Unless he knew that you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you.


*SB*

 

PINTEL: Damn to the depths whoever thought o' 'parley'.

JACK: That would be the French.


*SB*

 

BARBOSSA: First, your return to shore was not part of our negotiations nor our agreement, so I must do nothin'. And secondly, you must be a pirate for the Pirate's Code to apply, and you're not. And thirdly, the Code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules. Welcome aboard the Black Pearl, Miss Turner.


*SB*

 

JACK: [to Governor Swann] Well, I'm actually feeling quite good about all this. I think we've all reached a special place... Spiritually... ecumenically... grammatically.


*SB*

 

JACK: The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you'll have to square with that some day. And me, for example, I can let you drown, but I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesies, savvy? So, can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?


*SB*

 

Sorry, not an exact quote on this one...

MR. GIBBS: Well, I'll tell ya. He waded out into the sea and waited, til all the animals got all acclaimated to his presence. Then, on the fourth morning, he roped himself a couple of sea turtles, lashed 'em together, and made a raft.

WILL: He roped a couple of sea turtles?

MR. GIBBS: Aye, sea turtles.

WILL: What did he use for rope?

JACK: Human hair... from my back.


*SB*

 

JACK: What's your name?
WILL: Will Turner.
JACK: That would be short for William, I imagine. Good strong name, no doubt named for your father ay?
WILL: Yes.
JACK: Well Mr. Turner, I've changed me mind. If you spring me from this cell, I swear on pain of death, I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonnie lass. Do we have an accord? [puts out his hand]
WILL: Agreed. [they shake hands]


*SB*

 

WILL: You've been planning this from the beginning, ever since you found out my name!

JACK: Yeah.


*SB*

 

JACK: Put it away, son. It's not worth you getting beat again.

WILL: You didn't beat me. You ignored the Rules of Engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you.

JACK: Then that's not much incentive for me to fight fair then, is it?


*SB*

 

WILL: Where's Elizabeth?

JACK: Oh she's fine; just like I promised. She's all set to marry Commodore Norrington; just like she promised. And you're going to die for her; just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... except for Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.


*SB*

 

GOVERNOR SWANN: So this is the path you've chosen to take? After all...he is a blacksmith.

ELIZABETH: No...he's a pirate.


*SB*

 

JACK: A wedding? I love weddings! Drinks all around!

{Looks at Norrington}

JACK: I know. Clap him in irons.


More tomorrow!
*SB*

 

JACK: If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it.


*SB*

 

JACK: Worry about your own fortunes gentlemen. The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers.
[pirate grabs Jack's throat to reveal a skeleton arm]
JACK: So, there is a curse? That's interesting.


*SB*

 

NORRINGTON: I intend to see to it that any man who sails under a pirate flag or wears a pirate brand gets what he deserves: a short drop and a sudden stop.


*SB*

 

GOVERNOR SWANN: I'm told it's the latest fashion in London.

ELIZABETH: Well, women in London must have learned not to breathe!


*SB*

 

BARBOSSA: How in the blazes did you get off that island?

JACK: When you marooned me on that god forsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing, mate: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!


*SB*

 

JACK: [looking at all the swords] Who makes all these?

WILL: I do! And I practice with them three hours a day!

JACK: You need to find yourself a girl mate.


*SB*

 

JACK: Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch are you?

WILL: I practice three hours a day, so when I meet a pirate, I can kill him!


*SB*

 

ELIZABETH: You're despicable!

JACK: Sticks and stones, love. I saved your life, you saved mine. We're square.


*SB*

 

MR. GIBBS: It's bad luck to wake a man when he's sleeping!

JACK: Fortunately, I know how to counter it; the man who does the waking buys a drink for the man who was sleeping, then the man who was sleeping drinks the drink while listening to a proposition from a man who did the waking.

Mr. Gibbs: Aye, that'll about do it!

[Will throws more water on Mr. Gibbs]

MR. GIBBS: Blast I'm already awake!

WILL: That was for the smell.


*SB*

 

NORRINGTON: No additional shot nor powder, a compass that doesn't point north,
[looks at Jack's sword]
and I half expected it to be made of wood. You are without a doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of.

JACK: But you have heard of me.


*SB*

 

[to Elizabeth]
JACK: Where's the medallion?!

ELIZABETH: Fetch!
[grabs her wrist]

JACK: Ah, where's dear William?

ELIZABETH: Will!

WILL: Elizabeth!

JACK: Monkey!



*SB*

 

BARBOSSA: Thank you, Jack.

JACK: You're welcome.

BARBOSSA: Oh, not you. We named the monkey Jack.


*SB*