Planning thread for new NJO AU

Probably Wednesday or so, Charles. I think the responses have been posted to our readers.

 

All right, I guess you all are right, Eelysa's probably dead and her body's a shell.

I still find that a bit bleak (I can't believe me of all people is saying that) but if Thoria has to die I'll go along with it and support it however I can.

I still don't know whether Aster would see anything in Mathew. I think she would probably fall for Jagged or Zekk first (even if she knew it would be a losing battle) because she knows them a lot better. Especially if there's some hurt/comfort going on after Aster realizes she's killed her best friend.

You may want that to be rather clear that right after Thoria dies, Aster knows.

I've noticed the contradictions as well, but Alex has already pointed them out.

Otherwise, the post is good to go. I haven't found anything else that seems off or wrong, other than my personal disagreement with the "only a day or two to travel across the galaxy" philosophy you have. This is one of the strongest chapters you've written for this project and I hope the readers like it.

 

Well, Rebel_Cheese, Mathew Ordo is a bit of a blank slate at present. All we know is that he's ridiculously good at his job and has a daughter plus is a bit of an anyxhole (knocking out Jag Fel and basically just interrupting the Jedi's moral dilemna). I welcome anyone fleshing him out to a certain degree.

 

Looks like everything turned out well in the end.

Now, I can't wait to see what Jon does with Kashyyyk. I'd like to see some explanation of how the NR won the battle, since seeing Han on the surface during Charles' post makes that inevitable. I know you wanted to do something with Chewie, so maybe he and Waroo could go after Mara and her downed ship. There could still be plenty of Charon hiding at the surface. Anakin 's there too, so you can use him. We also haven't seen Tahiri for a little while.

I'm also interested to see the Jacen/Tenel Ka plotline advance, and we haven't done anything with Borleias in a while either. Are Borleias and Corellia going to go off at the same time?

I think Jaina should have another visit from grandpa soon, reminding her that her power is not what she thinks it is, like Charles said, and that it will cost her everything she loves to continue in darkness. Ultimately when Arcane tries to destroy Kashyyyk, she will stop him. Maybe she should end up turning herself over to the NR at the end of the book- Jag will offer to let her escape, but she will refuse and be thrown in jail.

Just venting my thoughts, wondering just where this is going next. Sometimes it feels like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel- in a good way.

later, alex

 

I actually think that Han and company have probably just established a beach head on the planet and the fighting has just begun.

 

I didn't read it that way, but even better. Its time to see Anakin and Sakana in action again. Maybe Han won't feel bad about the marriage once he sees her in action

xoxo, alex

 

Okay, looks like you're good to go, Charles. Unless someone objects?

Here's the first two parts. *Hands out chainsaws*

Here we go!

*****
Kashyyyk
Charon dropships screamed through Kashyyyk?s atmosphere, several hundred of the vessels being destroyed by the ground-based turbolaser batteries and proton torpedo launchers. The blood-red plasma bolts crisscrossed in the sky, battering down shields and blowing away the ships in midair, raining down bits of debris and leaving oily clouds in the air.

Even more came through, though. The arachnid-shaped starfighters dove under the turbolaser?s firing arcs, taking out as many as possible and clearing the way for the dropships to land and disgorge their soldiers onto the jungle planet?s surface for the conquest of the planet.

The only obstacles in their path were the ?layered deathtrap? of the ecology and the near three-meter tall hairy bipeds who would make the Charon pay for every centimeter of their Mother Jungle and choke them to death on their own limbs.
*****
Waroo knelt at the edge of the jungle, looking out at the vast plain of razor grass and observing one of the Charon vessels as it despoiled Kashyyyk. He held his bowcaster up and made sure an explosive quarrel was loaded and he had enough ammunition. Several other Wookiees moved about in the undergrowth, betraying their nervousness with yelps and fidgeting.

They have not undergone hrrtayyk, he thought. They have not looked combat in the eye. He growled an order to the rest of those under his command. [Stay firm!] he said. [Our bowcasters can?t penetrate the ship?s armor and our own vehicles haven?t arrived yet.]

A younger recruit shifted behind the grass, but remained still. The dropship?s main hatches slid open and boarding ramps slid down. Charon ambled down, their mandibles dripping saliva and multi-faceted eyes searching out things to kill.

Waroo sighted the lead Charon, aimed his bowcaster and held his breath before squeezing off a round. It hit the Charon square in the chest, blowing through his chest armor and blowing a charred hole in his chest and pitching the humanoid upper half of him back. The Charon?s legs collapsed under him-also blocking the progress of the ones behind him.

The Charon raised their blaster rifles and fired into the undergrowth, lighting it on fire and killing several Wookiees in the process. Waroo loaded another quarrel and fired again, sighting the enemy and burning another down. [Move forward!] he shouted, raising his arm and waving the defenders on. [We can?t hold the line, so we must breach theirs!]

A singular roar came from the edge of the jungle as a brown wave of Wookiee soldiers surged forth, a solid wave of quarrels preceding them by meters. The Charon, meanwhile, broke ranks and charged the Wookiees, blasters firing with two arms while the other pair readying melee weapons.

Zombie constructs exited the hold while multi-limbed spider walkers ambled out of another, much larger hatch. Their onyx-colored armor glinted in the sunlight as they swiveled their heads around, tracking the Wookiees and spitting blood-red bolts from emitters shaped like fangs.

Waroo snarled as his vision took on a red haze; the famed Wookiee bloodlust that turned them into berserkers. He backpedaled while reloading, firing several more quarrels and taking down more Charon. Eventually, though, the horde came too close. He unsheathed his ryyk blade and stopped retreating, instead charging the nearest Charon Warrior and swinging the durasteel blade with all his might.

The Charon he targeted blocked the downward swing with the shaft of his spear, deflecting it away. Waroo let go of the blade with his right hand, letting his slide down and to the left. The Charon stumbled a bit, not expecting Waroo to let go. The Wookiee?s right arm snaked out and he grabbed onto the Charon?s lower left arm and pulled.

The limb tore away, trailing ichors. The Charon barely had time to focus on the wound before Waroo brought the limb down upon his head,

 

If anyone wants to use Mathew for the wakening of Jag, he's pretty much just going to be rather dismissive of the whole 'leaving Darth Artemis to die' thing. Though he'll be sad for Princess Leia and Han Solo (whom he admires) that their child died that way.

Here's a write up to help with him.

Name: Mathew Ordo
Ht: 5'10
Wt: About Matt Damon's build
Age: Mid Forties (appears Mid twenties due to Chiss lifespan)
Eyes: Red (wears sunglasses when not disguising them with contacts)
Hair: Platnium silver (when not disguised)

Description: Mathew Ordo is a master of disguise but his normal appearance is something of a pretty boy. He appears to be in his mid-twenties and thus takes most people off guard who expect a more experienced soldier. He tends to dress in a long red trenchcoat and tends to smile a lot when "off-duty." He's actually very good looking and only Jag is comparable in looks.

Personality: When Mathew is on patrol, we know he's obsessive and business like. However, when he relaxes he's actually something of a cocky jerk. He'll happily point out that he probably is the deadliest man alive outside of the Jedi Knights (whom he respects---and he's only slightly exaggerating thanks to his Matrix style "gun fu"), though he's also aware that unless he cheats a Sith will eat him for breakfast. We need a Han Solo type scoundrel and he can fit that role well. Especially in his flirting with Aster (whom I imagine she'll resist).

He hates the Charon for personal reasons but is mostly trying to build a better galaxy for his daughter.

History: Mathew Ordo or Trooper 12:15 was born on Csilla to a Chiss woman after one of the Nulls was hired by Grand Admiral Thrawn to help in the dealing with the Charon problem. Growing up on Mandalore for eighteen years, he eventually enlisted as a Stormtrooper and ended up getting assigned (likely due to his parentage) to the Empire of the Hand.

Despising the Empire but hating the Charon, he jumped ship after the death of Grand Admiral Thrawn and joined the Antarian Rangers with the rest of his squadron. Mathew Ordo is a widower with a daughter named Karina that lives on Antaeus Four with the rest of the Ranger's Families. His wife was a fellow Ranger that perished in a confrontation with the Sith some years ago.

Skills: Mathew's particular sticke is that he's ridiculously good with guns and able to fight John Woo style with them. He's also an extremely capable commando and pretty much has all of Kyle Katarn's skills from Dark Forces (but not the later game's Jedi skills). Mathew has racked up an ungodly amount of combat time and can tear through Charon like a Jedi Knight despite not being force sensitive. He's not exactly modest about these skills either.

 

Two more points.

1. I think Fondor should be retaken with a minimum amount of effort since the Flagship is destroyed and the Charon are utterly confused and demoralized without their Sith leadership. It's a glorious victory for the Fey'lya administration and it gives him the push to go ahead with his disastrous superweapon initiative.

But yes, it's a celebration throughout the galaxy ala "Victory- Italy" (close but not quite there) that Darth Artemis is 'dead' as far as everyone is concerned.

2. I think that Kashkyyk should be where the Charon deploy their new Super-Troopers that have been developed on Arkania for the first time and it turns out this whole thing is just to test their weapons against the best the galaxy has to offer before deploying them en masse.

 

The battle looks good so far, Jon. I really liked the Solo family interaction. Good action all around. I did spot one tiny typing error in the last sentence of Waroo's section. Can't wait for the next part.


Seeing the Super-Charon fighting Mara and Co. would be cool, and if the NR retakes Fondor it could make for an easier move on either Corellia or Borleias for the Charon.

Good thoughts on Mathew, too. Perhaps any time we introduce a new character that might stay around for a while we should post similar information? It could help the rest of us write them.


~alex

 

I have to read Jon's post yet but I wanted to ask a few questions and voice some of my own ideas as to where I'd like to see this going.

Borleias: I think that would be a great place to get Kyp/Alex and Cem Flare (Fel) into action.

Also maybe bring in some Jacen/Tk and Wyn drama...But I'm confused, I just reread Charles' post to get my mind wrapped around on what was actually posted in the story and was wondering when did Tenel Ka marry, last I remember she was only in a forced engagement?

Or would it be better to have Pelly and Co. which includes K/A, Cem and the Rogues to move to Corellia? That could be where Artemis pops up again alive and well with Iceblade as her new apprentice. While there she has a visit from Granpa, as Alex suggested....

Kyp/ Alex and the rest of their Imperial Force-using pilots which include Cem come to face to face with Iceblade. Not sure how--other than in fighter combat or possilby have Cem crash on the pilot while Jaina and Cherith are invading it. Possibly setting up a battle between the Fel twins...

~~~~~~~~~~

Now for the Otherspace gang...

Here's what I've planned so far for my chapter:
Keyan and Danni take Luke and the Charon that have agreed to fight with them to the asteroid belt where the new Gate has been hidden. Luke can feel Arthimine(?sp) among the fleet gathering there. However before they are able to devise a plan to take on the Sith, they enter the Gate into the known galaxy.

Arthimine is concerned that his minions aren't following his orders and now that he can enter the galaxy he wants to show them the error of their ways.

Luke and gang follow the fleet into the gate and into the galaxy. Once there Luke reaches immediately for Mara and his kids. Mara who is in the middle of the Kashyyyk battle is suddenly overwhelmed by the idea that Luke is alive. Not sure but I think I'll leave the chapter there with the cliff hanger.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Idea for the future:
Personally, I'd like to eventually see Jaina redeem herself as being the one along with Luke to be the ones who kill Arthimine. This of course could be an idea for the next book, but we have to set it up here.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Other suggestions/idea:
Also, Tahiri and Valin should show up sometime... not sure how to bring them in since they are on Coruscant... but maybe them and Masu could set out to rescue the students, including the Skywalker kids from Kashyyyk. I may bring them in during my chapter. Also what happened to Jysella? That was left hanging...

The other character kinda hanging with no resolved plot line is Corran...He's on Corella now so we could maybe bring him in during the battle at Corella.

Just my thoughts...



Sara

 

Good start so far, Jon. I do think Han is being a bit too accepting of Sakana, though. Remember, she and Anakin eloped.

Good description of Mathew, Charles, and I did try to touch upon what you have there when I wrote a scene from his POV in one of my earlier chapters. Perhaps I'll assemble one for Aster soon. I was too slow in despensing all of her details and I think that slowed her development a bit.

I'd like to request delaying Luke's arrival, although everything can be set in motion. I think that Luke's arrival should be saved until the Battle of Borleias if possible for better pacing and drama. Here, let me explain my ideas:

Kashyyyk, of course, will be a failure. Darth Arcane will be made a fool. After Kashyyyk and the retake of Fondor (I like Charles' idea with that), our tortured Sith Lady and our hot-shot will appear quite foolish. Darth Ahrimane will decide to move personally then, and Artemis and Arcane will find themselves in agreement for the first time in a while. Neither want Ahrimane here yet. Artemis doesn't feel she is completely ready to confront Ahrimane, and Arcane doesn't want to be marginalized, he likes conducting his wars without Ahrimane's interference. So both will rush campaigns at Corellia and Borleias. Problem is, at Borleias, Arcane goes and gets himself killed, while Jaina blows up Corellia (and Borsk and his superweapons) but is captured in the process. Ahrimane moves then to take Borleias himself with a ton of reinforcements and takes it, but Luke's in the tail end of the convoy. While Borleias falls Luke and co. are able to sneak away and blast off towards Coruscant and make contact. That way the fic doesn't end on such a dark note, we have hope with Luke coming back. And I agree with Sara, we should set up Jaina to be the one to help kill Ahrimane, it could very well be her destiny, just not in the way she fathoms it.

Also, I do plan on resolving Jysella, but it is dependent on Luke NOT arriving from Otherspace right now. As for Corran, I think I'll find a way to drag Corran into the thick of things. Tahiri/Valin will be a bit more difficult, but I wouldn't be surprised if Masu dragged the two of them to Kashyyyk to partcipate in the latter part of the fighting.

 

Thanks for that, Alex. I fixed it.

Sounds good for Borelias, Sara. Yeah, we need some more Kyp/Alex. It's only a forced engagement. You know how inaccurate the news can be. I like your ideas for your chapter. IIRC, Masu's with Corran and Kirana either heading to Corellia or there already. Centerpoint.

And here's my sorta finished chapter. *SIgh* COuld I get some help with the last part? Something... urgh. i can't seem to wrap my head around it.

Also, Charles requested some more Han/Sakana interaction. So I added a little bit.

Here we go!

*****
Kashyyyk
Charon dropships screamed through Kashyyyk?s atmosphere, several hundred of the vessels being destroyed by the ground-based turbolaser batteries and proton torpedo launchers. The blood-red plasma bolts crisscrossed in the sky, battering down shields and blowing away the ships in midair, raining down bits of debris and leaving oily clouds in the air.

Even more came through, though. The arachnid-shaped starfighters dove under the turbolaser?s firing arcs, taking out as many as possible and clearing the way for the dropships to land and disgorge their soldiers onto the jungle planet?s surface for the conquest of the planet.

The only obstacles in their path were the ?layered deathtrap? of the ecology and the near three-meter tall hairy bipeds who would make the Charon pay for every centimeter of their Mother Jungle and choke them to death on their own limbs.
*****
Waroo knelt at the edge of the jungle, looking out at the vast plain of razor grass and observing one of the Charon vessels as it despoiled Kashyyyk. He held his bowcaster up and made sure an explosive quarrel was loaded and he had enough ammunition. Several other Wookiees moved about in the undergrowth, betraying their nervousness with yelps and fidgeting.

They have not undergone hrrtayyk, he thought. They have not looked combat in the eye. He growled an order to the rest of those under his command. [Stay firm!] he said. [Our bowcasters can?t penetrate the ship?s armor and our own vehicles haven?t arrived yet.]

A younger recruit shifted behind the grass, but remained still. The dropship?s main hatches slid open and boarding ramps slid down. Charon ambled down, their mandibles dripping saliva and multi-faceted eyes searching out things to kill.

Waroo sighted the lead Charon, aimed his bowcaster and held his breath before squeezing off a round. It hit the Charon square in the chest, blowing through his chest armor and blowing a charred hole in his chest and pitching the humanoid upper half of him back. The Charon?s legs collapsed under him-also blocking the progress of the ones behind him.

The Charon raised their blaster rifles and fired into the undergrowth, lighting it on fire and killing several Wookiees in the process. Waroo loaded another quarrel and fired again, sighting the enemy and burning another down. [Move forward!] he shouted, raising his arm and waving the defenders on. [We can?t hold the line, so we must breach theirs!]

A singular roar came from the edge of the jungle as a brown wave of Wookiee soldiers surged forth, a solid wave of quarrels preceding them by meters. The Charon, meanwhile, broke ranks and charged the Wookiees, blasters firing with two arms while the other pair readying melee weapons.

Zombie constructs exited the hold while multi-limbed spider walkers ambled out of another, much larger hatch. Their onyx-colored armor glinted in the sunlight as they swiveled their heads around, tracking the Wookiees and spitting blood-red bolts from emitters shaped like fangs.

Waroo snarled as his vision took on a red haze; the famed Wookiee bloodlust that turned them into berserkers. He backpedaled while reloading, firing several more quarrels and taking down more Charon. Eventually, though, the horde came too close. He unsheathed his ryyk blade and stopped retreating, instead charging the nearest Charon Warrior and swinging the durasteel blade with all his might.

The Charon he targeted blocked the downward swing with

 

Its coming along nicely, Jon. Though I did notice that you referred to Wedge as a "general." At the point he took over Rogue Fleet, he was promoted to admiral (at least I referred to him with that rank several chapters ago). To that end, Wedge is at Kashyyyk, and Jacen is still on Borleias. Maybe it should just be Tycho and Gavin Darklighter messing with him.


Mac, I like the idea of shifting Arcane toward Borleias, and getting Artemis back with her fleet. I think Lumiya needs to return from Coruscant when she finds out about Artemis, and hope to see them together on Artemis' nest appearance. I like the idea that Ahrimane comes back and takes Borleias. It will give Kyp and the Imperials something big to do.

I think Jaina's move against Corellia should be targeted at drawing out Fey'lya's weapons. Arcane will send her on this mission hoping that she both succeeds and dies doing it.


Sara, I think that any conflict with between the Fel twins should be saved for the last book. By that point I envision that Iceblade will be an important commander in her own right (especially after Artemis is captured). Jaina will definitely be involved in killing Ahrimane.


Malinza will arrive on Kashyyyk just about the same time that the shuttle with Zekk and Co. arrives on Lusankya. Zekk will be trying to keep it quiet that Jaina was actually Darth Artemis, but Jag will go to Han and Mara and tell them. At this point they will figure out that Artemis lived when she gives one of her holonet broadcasts. Malinza will have a bad fight with Zekk, which might end up with them telling each other how they feel, before she runs off with Mara, Han & Leia, Jag, Anakin & Sakana, to find Jaina.

I think at the point Zekk realizes that Jaina lived through the attack, he will start to think he did the wrong thing, and set off to kill Darth Arcane hoping to make up for what he did to Jaina in some way.


Now, my thoughts on Jaina/Artemis.

She's beginning to question a lot since the ambush. Anakin will make another appearance trying to play up the feelings she had for Jag when she saw him again, reminding her destiny isn't always what you imagine it to be. Lumiya will urge her to move against Arcane, but Artemis considers the superweapons to be more dangerous, even though she knows Arcane is trying to dispose of her by giving her the assignment.

When the battle at Corellia starts it will be Wedge and his fleet that respond, with the Rangers. Anakin and Mara's mission to rescue Jaina will be kind of like an episode of "Intervention" with lots of lightsabers. She will fight them, but won't be able to hurt them. It will distract her from fighting the battle, even as Wedge's fleet begins to give way under the sheer number of Charon ships. At this point Fey'lya will show up with his toys.

I don't think that Corellia will be destroyed, but it could be a big disaster like what happened to the Noghri homeworld if Fey'lya's ship crashed into the planet. He'll blame the captured Artemis, but it will be revealed that she and the Jedi trying to capture her, stopped the ship from firing on Corellia like Fey'lya ordered. It will be the end of his presidency.

When Jaina does have her trial in the beginning of the third book, she'll end up being sentenced to death, even though she has been somewhat redeemed, and helped save Corellia. I think Luke should have a vision of her death, that shows him that it is her destiny to kill Darth Ahrimane and the galaxy will fall if she dies. He'll then take Jacen and Anakin and break her out of jail to go after Ahrimane.


later everyone, xoxo, alex

 

Overall, I think I'm confused.

* Didn't we agree Jaina is NOT destroying Corellia?
* That she KILLS Arcane at Corellia?
* That Darth Ahrimane takes over AFTER everyone assumes the war is over?

Jaina is redeemed by killing Arcane I thought.

Which means we have to start showing how much of a failure she is now.

 

A couple of things:

Jacen and Gavin (along with Wyn and Hobbie) are part of the same squadron: the Rogues. The Rogues are still based at Borleias at this time. I don't think Gavin would be inclined to let Jacen go, and I don't think Wedge would seriously consider letting Jacen leave Borleias when he is one of the few Jedi pilots in theater. They need every advantage they can get at Borleias and Jacen is one of them. It just makes better military sense for Jacen to stay . . . that doesn't stop him from leaving of his own accord, however he would have to pay the price via court-martial later on (because he, you know, deserted). Wedge and company might be able to pull enough strings for Jacen to escape it with only a figurative slap on the wrist, and that may be the better, more realistic path to take. Not to mention that Alex has mentioned the continuity error with Wedge heading towards Kashyyyk and Jacen is still at Borleias.

Alex, good plot bunny there with Malinza and Zekk. I think I could plant a seed or two of that in my chapter by Zekk expressing his frustration or such. That's a nice overall plan for Jaina's arc and for everyone figuring out that Artemis=Jaina. Who knew Jagged would be the one to talk? That would probably surprise the readers but I think that Jagged would sincerely do it, because Jagged would probably think it is the right thing to do.

As for your questions, Charles:

1. I think we are leaning in the direction of not destroying Corellia, yes.

2. This assumption caught me off guard. I wasn't aware there was already an agreement on this matter. It makes better strategic sense for Arcane and Artemis to separate, and besides, Arcane knows better than to stay in close proximity to Artemis anyway.

3. When Artemis is captured and Arcane is confirmed killed, everyone will assume the war is going to end shortly, and just when the Borleias defenders are about to win Ahrimane comes out of nowhere and tears them into pieces. That would have more impact and give a bigger blow to Republic morale than if Ahrimane arrived a few days later, because if Ahrimane arrived the Republic fleet would have time to recover and prepare for another Charon assault.

 

1. I think that would ruin any chance of Jaina's redemption. We should avoid that.

2. I think Artemis is effectively destroyed as a Leader. She exists only as a subordinate to Darth Arcane now.

3. I think we should totally eradicate Darth Arcane's forces and make it seem like a massive victory for the Republic. Then we should fake them out when Ahrimane arrives with a force x10 the size of Arcane's forces. Really, remember that Arcane is Saruman with the Uruk-Hai.

His destruction means zilch when they have Mordor (Otherspace)

 

1) I think we can agree Jaina won't be responsible for anything that happens to Corellia- should anything happen.

2) Artemis is only his subordinate because she has lost a bit of her confidence. It suites her following her "defeat" to play to his wishes. I think her subordination is also a condition of beginning to question just how her destiny is playing out.

3) I agree that Arcane at Borleias should be Arcane's end.. It looks like a costly victory, and suddenly, that victory turns into a rout. This is probably where Ackbar will die if we still want to have a fish fry of him. I think it was Sara's idea that this be where Luke returns, and I'm inclined to think that would be good.

With Fey'lya messing up at Corellia, and Ackbar gone, the New Republic will need heroes, and scapegoats.


~alex

 

I think Corellia should be hit and damaged, but not destroyed.

Also, remember. We've got three Jedi Masters there trying to jumpstart Centerpoint. And possibly a Force ghost, too. Maybe include Tionne or Kam showing up? I had an idea of one of them basically saying, "Screw it!" and just showing up and helping out as much as possible. *Shrugs* It'd be different, at least.

Okay, Mac? Thank you very much for the corrections. I junked the scene and rewrote it. Also, added a bit more Sakana/Han at CHarles' request.

Here we go!

*****
Kashyyyk
Charon dropships screamed through Kashyyyk?s atmosphere, several hundred of the vessels being destroyed by the ground-based turbolaser batteries and proton torpedo launchers. The blood-red plasma bolts crisscrossed in the sky, battering down shields and blowing away the ships in midair, raining down bits of debris and leaving oily clouds in the air.

Even more came through, though. The arachnid-shaped starfighters dove under the turbolaser?s firing arcs, taking out as many as possible and clearing the way for the dropships to land and disgorge their soldiers onto the jungle planet?s surface for the conquest of the planet.

The only obstacles in their path were the ?layered deathtrap? of the ecology and the near three-meter tall hairy bipeds who would make the Charon pay for every centimeter of their Mother Jungle and choke them to death on their own limbs.
*****
Waroo knelt at the edge of the jungle, looking out at the vast plain of razor grass and observing one of the Charon vessels as it despoiled Kashyyyk. He held his bowcaster up and made sure an explosive quarrel was loaded and he had enough ammunition. Several other Wookiees moved about in the undergrowth, betraying their nervousness with yelps and fidgeting.

They have not undergone hrrtayyk, he thought. They have not looked combat in the eye. He growled an order to the rest of those under his command. [Stay firm!] he said. [Our bowcasters can?t penetrate the ship?s armor and our own vehicles haven?t arrived yet.]

A younger recruit shifted behind the grass, but remained still. The dropship?s main hatches slid open and boarding ramps slid down. Charon ambled down, their mandibles dripping saliva and multi-faceted eyes searching out things to kill.

Waroo sighted the lead Charon, aimed his bowcaster and held his breath before squeezing off a round. It hit the Charon square in the chest, blowing through his chest armor and blowing a charred hole in his chest and pitching the humanoid upper half of him back. The Charon?s legs collapsed under him-also blocking the progress of the ones behind him.

The Charon raised their blaster rifles and fired into the undergrowth, lighting it on fire and killing several Wookiees in the process. Waroo loaded another quarrel and fired again, sighting the enemy and burning another down. [Move forward!] he shouted, raising his arm and waving the defenders on. [We can?t hold the line, so we must breach theirs!]

A singular roar came from the edge of the jungle as a brown wave of Wookiee soldiers surged forth, a solid wave of quarrels preceding them by meters. The Charon, meanwhile, broke ranks and charged the Wookiees, blasters firing with two arms while the other pair readying melee weapons.

Zombie constructs exited the hold while multi-limbed spider walkers ambled out of another, much larger hatch. Their onyx-colored armor glinted in the sunlight as they swiveled their heads around, tracking the Wookiees and spitting blood-red bolts from emitters shaped like fangs.

Waroo snarled as his vision took on a red haze; the famed Wookiee bloodlust that turned them into berserkers. He backpedaled while reloading, firing several more quarrels and taking down more Charon. Eventually, though, the horde came too close. He unsheathed his ryyk blade and stopped retreating, instead charging the nearest Charon Warrior and swinging the durasteel blade with all his might.

The Charon he targeted blocked the downward swing with the shaft of his

 

I like the changes, Jon. The moment between Jacen and Wyn was powerful. I didn't think he was going to change his mind, but it did make him consider what he's doing.

Perhaps you could add a scene of him at the end considering why he did go AWOL, and how he feels about it. We all know he loves TK, but this really clashes with the reason he joined the Rogues to begin with- Jaina. Maybe we could see him connecting the loss of his sister to how profound the loss (to marriage) of TK would be?


~alex

 

Thanks, Alex. And okay, here's a short scene at the end.

*Hands out chainsaws* here we go!

*****
Hyperspace, en route to the Hapes Consortium
A trembling hand reached behind Jacen?s shoulder as he twisted around in the X-wing?s cramped cockpit, allowing him to undo a hatch and pull out a small holo-projector. He held it gently in his gloved hand, almost afraid to break it as he thumbed it on.

An image from a simpler, happier time appeared. Nine beings-nine friends-appeared above the black disc he cradled in his hand. He and Jaina stood in the middle, with Tenel Ka and Zekk flanking them. Raynar, Anakin and Tahiri crouched below the quartet while Lowie and Lusa stood by, a part of the group, but not apart from the rest. And Em Teedee buzzed about on his tiny repulsorlifts, darting this way and that.

Tears sprang from Jacen?s eyes, falling down his cheek as he shuddered. ?I?m sorry, Jaina,? he choked out. ?I-I can?t be the Sword anymore. I?m not strong like you were.? He pulled his helmet somewhat off and wiped his eyes. ?Gods, I miss you so much? but I can help Tenel Ka. I can?t do anything more at Borleias, but I can help Tenel Ka.?

A shaky smile crossed his mouth. ?Forgive me?? he asked in a plaintive voice. ?Please??
*****

How is it?

 

I think that's just the kind of in we needed to what Jacen's thinking right now. Considering we haven't seen much from his perspective in several chapters. I like it a lot.

~alex

ps: It also sets up the fact that Jaina might have to take back her role as the Sword quite soon

 

Thanks, Alex. And good catch, too. If there are no other objections, then either USnday or Monday, I'll post.

 

I have no objections at all. Post when you're willing, Jon. I really like how your latest chapter has turned out.

One question:

Has Aster realized she killed Eelysa? I don't know if that was made clear.

 

Yes, she's in a state of shock at the moment.