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Ottawa Pocket Taser Stun Gun

Discussion in 'Canada Discussion Boards' started by Minder, Mar 6, 2006.

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  1. Minder

    Minder Jedi Youngling star 3

    May 28, 2002
    My Army buddy sent me this, and I thought you needed to see it.
    Yes I can see me doing this, and many of you would try it as well.

    Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.

    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety ... WAY TOO COOL!

    Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!

    Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries ... right?!!!

    There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

    All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best ...

    I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, #*^@$*!&$#@!@ *!!!

    I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

    Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.

    You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.

    SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what l
  2. GoddessJainaSoloFel

    GoddessJainaSoloFel Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 18, 2004
    I'm crying I'm laughing so hard!!! [face_laugh] I have so got to get one of these!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry for your friend but that was hysterical! So I know one side trip I want to take while in Ottawa now ;)
  3. Barefoot_XO

    Barefoot_XO Jedi Master star 3

    Oct 19, 2004
    [face_laugh] :_| [face_laugh]

    I can just see the poor man doing that...

    I bet he wishes he'd used it on the cat now...

    Simply shocking... [face_mischief]

    Jasper [face_good_luck]
  4. Rowan_Jade

    Rowan_Jade Jedi Master star 3

    Nov 14, 2003
    :eek: :eek: :eek:

    Oh my GAWD!!!! I know him!!!!!

    Okay, no I don't but I know people that would do this.

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
  5. VaderFanForever

    VaderFanForever Jedi Youngling star 3

    Feb 24, 2004

    I was laughing SO hard Elyse was wondering what I was doing!!

  6. Adalia-Durron

    Adalia-Durron Former RSA/EUC Empress. star 10 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jun 3, 2003
    OMG!! LMAO!! A lesson well learned I would think!! Hysterical!!!

  7. evil-incarnate

    evil-incarnate Jedi Youngling star 7

    Jun 30, 2004
    I have to get myself one of those.... [face_mischief]
  8. Uilmuteiz

    Uilmuteiz RSA Emeritus star 4

    Dec 4, 2000
    Trust me, get yourself a 9 volts square battery and one of those inverters for EL wires for Lightsaber crafting.

    DO TRUST ME, it is quite.. shocking...
  9. dashleebo

    dashleebo Jedi Knight star 6

    Oct 18, 2003
  10. AmberStarbright

    AmberStarbright Jedi Knight star 7

    Dec 20, 2002

    I want one of these! [face_mischief]
  11. starfire-phoenix

    starfire-phoenix Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 2, 2004
    Oh my! That's just... horrible..

    Why oh why am I still laughing? lol [face_laugh]
  12. Minder

    Minder Jedi Youngling star 3

    May 28, 2002
    For me, the worst part about this is, I probably know about 10 guys (Ex army buddies) who would seriously think about doing this! :)
  13. GoddessJainaSoloFel

    GoddessJainaSoloFel Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 18, 2004
    My husband is in the army and I can just imagine him and his buddies thinking it would be harmless and trying it themselves! [face_laugh] It still has me laughing!
  14. Jedi_Dajuan

    Jedi_Dajuan Administrator Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Dec 30, 2002
    Oh good gods. People at work are staring I'm laughing so hard.
  15. mirax80

    mirax80 Retired Midwest RSA star 4 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Aug 20, 2003
    OMG! [face_laugh]
    Best thing I've read in a long time!

    Now I know not to mug myself!
  16. Lord_Ogli

    Lord_Ogli Jedi Master star 4

    Oct 5, 2001
  17. mileniumhanandshrimp

    mileniumhanandshrimp Jedi Youngling star 3

    Feb 13, 2005

    i was, um, priveleged enough to attend a party about two years ago where the guys were tasering each other for sport, and videotaping it... (one of our friends is a cop, and had possession of one) loads of fun, watching a bunch of BIG drunk guys dropping to the ground, twitching.

    they offered to let me have a go, and i declined. i was feeling kinda wussy about it at the time, but i feel much better about doing so after reading that story.

  18. Yiddle_ja

    Yiddle_ja Jedi Youngling star 1

    Aug 17, 2005
    lol simply priceless...
  19. Master--Kenobi

    Master--Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Dec 8, 2003
    ROFLMJBO!!!! Actually, I can think of a couple of people that would do that in a heartbeat.

    Funniest thing I have read in a long time. Thanks for sharing.[face_laugh]
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