San A, TX Poetry, crappy, crappy poetry.

A boy born from the will of the force
shining bright with a heart pure at the source,
but troubled by attachments forbidden by his destined course
Shackled by a fate not of his choice.
Dominated by those who heard not his voice.

One master saw his chosen path to be on the side of light.
Another master his path twisted to serve the dark night.
While a woman would capture his heart true,
his fall to love would cause the galaxy to rue

All three fought for his body and soul.
Initially dark would prevail with grievous toll,
but the light would not be erased whole.
The love that blurred into insane need,
made the boy steel his heart for power and greed.
By his hand innocents suffered great,
all to save his love from her fate.

One moment in anger destroyed his heart's desire,
another moment disfigured by saber and fire
Rebuilt with malice to be an emperor's enforcing right hand.
A conglomerated frankenstein of a man.
Though one part of him the fire could not blight,
was the sliver of light,
still shining within the dark knight

For a time he would dominate the universe.
Until another Skywalker pursued a familiar course.
He decimated the star of death with a will
born from the force.

The frankenstein man could not believe
That he could be the child my lost love and he conceived?
Conflicted he was by his duty to the darkside
Evidenced by the painful lesson taught the Skywalker
with the revelation that he is the boy's father

A final meeting the skywalker sought
An ending battle the father and son fought
The emperor looked on as the skywalker wrecked his toy
Then rose to strike down the boy.
And a feeling thought to be blown apart
Raged through frankenstein's heart

The sliver would beat back the darkside
Frankenstein sacrificed and cast the dark master aside
Love shone for his son
For in his dying moments he finally became the Chosen One.


Sucks eh? The punctuation is off. You can grade me later. It started small, but then it just kept going and I couldn't stop.

 

You wrote this man ?

and it's Sunday Bloody Sunday by U2

 

Yeah, it came out of my head. I'm guilty of BAD POETRY!!!!!!

 

I likes - it doesn't talk about monkeys or how cows got bloody noses - this is good

 

Amazing, so very amazing. So great, you should go to a poetry reading at Barnes and Noble and read it at the poetry reading with the Sun Poets Society. Anyway, just an idea for future thought.

Nick

 

It is really good stuff man.

 

Really? Thanks. What does everyone else think?

 

Mars,
That's awesome man.......Don't be afraid of your talent. And if for some reason you do go to a Barnes and Noble poetry reading, make sure it is not the one that only does monkey and pudding poetry........

 

That would only be entertaining if they recited the poetry while monkeys hurl pudding at them.

Do you think you guys would want to read more stuff? I can write it up pretty quick.

 

Marcellus,
Dude that was enlightening and insightful shows flashes of brilliance, very well organized and I think you should write a book of poetry.

However you might want to stay out of Barnes & Nobel, Quarry Market; I heard they have some ?Lord of the Rings? reject NUT walking around with a light saber trying to lure unsuspecting people into its web of monkey pudding.

Speaking of monkeys, chinstrap wrote: ?Amazing, so very amazing. So great, you should go to a poetry reading at Barnes and Noble and read it at the poetry reading with the Sun Poets Society.?

Watch you backside, let me rephrase that, it looks like some is watching your backside. Nick like he likes you, I mean really likes you, he bought you a birthday gift, (Barnes & Nobel gift card, his favorite hangout) went to your home with TP, put back the roses, could not make up his pea sized mind. Next thing you know you get matching chinstraps, and hurling pudding at Barnes & Nobel patrons. Just kidding!

Anyway I think you should keep writing, you have talent my friend, you might want to make sure no one can copy your writings, you never know who is watching.

Later,
Robert

 

WOW! I absolutely loved it. Have you written any other poems? Even if they're not SW related. I'll read them. I love poetry. I read the greats, such as Tennyson, Frost, Dickinson, And my all time favorite: Edgar Allan Poe. You'll have to change the title of the topic. That poem is not crappy.

 

I'll work on some more this weekend. Hopefully I can come up with something. I'll bring them to the next meeting on the 13th. Thanks for the good words. Poetry has always been kind of an interest to me. Anyone recommend any good poetry books? I still have the gift card Nick gave me and I could put it to good use.

 

Your poetry is not crappy at all, Marselles. I think you have some really excellent ideas, and you should definitely continue to explore them in this form. As far as poetry recommendations, I agree with Darth Cynthia on all of her recommendations, and then of course, there are the classics like Shakespeare, Shelley, Keats, Rimbaud, etc. Shelley has always been one of my favorites. If you want to check out something not quite so ancient, I've always been a fan of Jim Morrison's poetry. I think I still have some somewhere. Another poet that I really, really love is Pablo Neruda.

You can also look into some books on writing and experiment with different formats and structures. It will train you to treat language differently and help you to expand your ideas. Once you can force yourself into that structure, your writing will grow and improve and allow you more freedom when you write something that is not structured. At least that's what I think.

Lisa

 

Well, I can't help it. I like to rhyme. Besides, what can you really expect from stuff I put together on the fly in like half an hour?

Just wanted to show my sensitive side and all that.

 

Marselles, please don't think that I was being negative. Writing in rhyme is one of the hardest things to do. That's why I have been working on my children's book for like a million and a half years. I think you've done a really great job with it in these poems, and have succeeded in expressing yourself and your ideas very well. I was just recommending some poets and trying to pass on some ideas that have helped my writing grow.

Lisa

 

I didn't think that for one second Lisa. My tone may have been misinterpreted. I'm just self deprecating.

 

Dylan Thomas poetry books, also, there's a whole Isle with books full of poetry so it shouldn't be hard. And there's also a group that helps you write your poetry. Its some kinda poetry workshop at B&N and I don't know when they meet. You'll have to pick up one of their scheduals.

Nick

 

Thanks, I'll look into everyone's suggestions.

 

Hey Marselles, I wanted to put in a suggested read too. Amy Lowell, she wrote during the early 1900's (like 1908 to 1924 I think). I don't suggest her as an influence, but more for entertainment. I like the way you write. Also, you should check out the National Poets Society. I think you have a great shot at being published. Stay true to what feels right for you. The great thing about poetry, art or music is that you reveal and share a part of yourself that dwells within. You have alot of talent!!! I would really like to see you succeed in doing something you love. I saw a slogan today that I really liked. It said "what good are your beliefs if they don't affect your actions." Anyway, Take care my friend.

Scott