Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by CYNICAL21, Jun 11, 2003.

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  1. CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4

    OK - as promised earlier, here it is, with a big thank you to Darth Tim for his suggestions. Consider this a personal, engraved invitation to submit your poetic efforts here. I'm hoping that we have lots of poets around here, who will be encouraged to post when they see that others are doing so.

    To begin, we do need to set up a few rules, or all will be chaos - but I promise they will be few and unintrusive.

    First - any form of verse is welcome - rhymed or not - metered or not - free verse, blank verse, sonnets, limericks, haiku - you name it. The only limit in the strictest sense is in length: one post entries only, please. While many of us might adore seeing a SW vision of Paradise Lost - it would be confusing on a multi-contribution board, so anyone wanting to write such an epic should open up a board just for that.

    In addition - since it is, in effect, MY board - :D - and we all have our built-in biases, I'm going to stipulate that the subject matter be limited to the era from JA through RotJ - meaning no EU, no Vong, no NJO, etc. If you wish to write paeans to Jaina/Jacen/Jag/Mara, etc., etc. - please feel free to open up your own boards to do so.If you need more clarification of acceptable time period, think the birth of Obi-Wan Kenobi through the death of Vader - and maybe just a wee bit beyond.

    Beyond that, the subject matter, style, etc., is entirely up to you.

    Posts should either be a poetic effort, or responses to same, and each poem should be headed by the title and author's name - except for tidbits like haiku, which might not have a title, but should reveal the identity of the writer.

    DISCLAIMER: George is the man - the creator - the divine inspiration. We gift him with our undying gratitude - and our exhortations to forgive our trespasses.

    And that's about it, I think. I hope this will inspire a lot of people to contribute. Given the levels of artistic talent around here, I think we should get some lovely results.

    And - as hostess - here's the opening post.


    From the Wastelands - by CYNICAL21

    The sands are calm tonight,
    With starlight's spectral shadows mute and still.
    My eyes await the rising of the moons,
    But hope is poor protection from the chill.

    The blaze of day is dead and gone,
    And loneliness walks tall and solid here.
    In silence such as few will ever know,
    The living burrow deep and crouch in fear.

    Above my head, a panoply,
    Abraded by a brutal surge of light,
    And nothing gentle lives to tell its tale
    Of ghostly presence rising in the night.

    In solitude, I linger,
    And wrap myself in tattered shreds of dreams,
    And try to conjure magic from the dust
    And try to know all is not as it seems.

    My life is like the sand,
    Drifted by the winds of infamy,
    Sculpted from the sterile wastes of time
    To hold a place for visions yet to be.

    Within my heart, I thirst
    For solace that will quench the hungry flame,
    For gentle hands to ease my fevered brow,
    A tender voice to gently speak my name,

    To touch my soul with love
    And lift me up on wings, above the pain,
    To sing to me of seas and flowered hills,
    To help me find I still remember rain.

    The sands are calm tonight,
    With starlight's spectral shadows mute and still.
    I reach for you, and wonder if you hear,
    And something smiles - and says you always will.


    Comments and suggestions welcome.

  2. Darth_Tim Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2002
    star 4
    Within my heart, I thirst
    For solace that will quench the hungry flame,
    For gentle hands to ease my fevered brow,
    A tender voice to gently speak my name,

    To touch my soul with love
    And lift me up on wings, above the pain,
    To sing to me of seas and flowered hills,
    To help me find I still remember rain.

    Wow...I love it! You captured his loneliness and isolation, and the accompanying sadness, PERFECTLY. The last two lines in the excerpt remind me, ironically, a bit of Anakin's love for Naboo in AOTC compared to Tatooine's desolation.

  3. Darth_Tim Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2002
    star 4 Cyn said not to leave her hanging, and considering I can't exactly whip something out in ten minutes, I'll go ahead and post a couple of mine here (besides, maybe I'll get a few people who haven't read them yet) The first one is along something of similar lines as Cyn's, and the second is about Vader.


    How Harsh the Light

    The twin suns now are setting, the desert lies in quiet peace
    And I, in silent stillness standing, wait for the day to cease
    And my star, too, is fading, my fire growing cold
    My soul is worn and tired, my body growing old
    Here memories do not haunt me, in stillness of the night
    I no longer curse the darkness, but instead, how harsh the light.

    How quickly I had risen, how slowly now I fade away
    How long and twisted was the road that fate, before me lay
    My thoughts now my companions, the wild beasts my friends
    The faded strands of shifting sands and whispers of the winds.
    The desert now my shelter from the burning suns, so bright
    Like burning faces in the mind - oh, how harsh the light.

    Nobility, cold comfort - and honor, at what price?
    This exile I have chosen, just the smallest sacrifice
    Forever I have served, and with sadness was repayed
    Cast aside and wounded, forgotten and betrayed
    And though still I serve the good, although I I serve the right,
    When all around is darkness, at times how harsh the light.

    So many I loved have fallen, yet now in peace they sleep
    While I, alone remember, alone, my silent vigil keep
    And the one most loved, now lost, and never to return
    A stolen, twisted mockery of a good man who has turned
    And still I curse the evil which has destined us to fight
    The darkness hides her secrets, but oh, how harsh the light.

    The Force I do not question, and Fate I do not blame
    It was I who failed him, I who suffer in my shame
    Yet now I watch another, a good man's legacy
    A new hope to arise, to tear the darkness free
    And soon the time is coming when I fade into the night
    I accept the path I've chosen, but still, how harsh the light.


    Foresaken (Vader's Poem)

    The darkened mask of coming dread
    Stares out with endless, blackened eyes.
    The phantom figure, living dead
    A fallen soul whom fate decries.
    Machines which draw another breath,
    Propel another graceful stride
    Hold back the waiting hand of death
    Hold back the sleeping man inside.
    The body, now a prison
    Resurrection, now his doom
    The armor, now a coffin
    The darkness, now his tomb.

    The body ravaged, spirit torn
    A stolen life, a haunted past
    Of fire and hatred, once reborn
    And in a mold of malice cast.
    A force of evil, turned to bring
    A choking death of unseen hand
    A demon lies in wait to spring
    With scarlet blade upon the land.
    Is freedom now beyond him?
    Does light within still burn?
    Or has the hatred claimed him?
    Can the fallen still be turned?

    Or does he now lie empty,
    Hollow, and enslaved?
    Bound to his sins so tightly,
    Foresaken by the saved.

  4. _Jedi_of_Destiny_ Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 17, 2003
    star 4
    First of all this is a great idea.

    And second, I loved your poem, Cyn. I thought of the same exact thing Darth Tim pointed out. About Anakin and his love for Naboo. What did it mean to you?

    Okay, I guess I'll go next.

    Evil Has Won by: _Jedi_of_Destiny_

    I stand; lightsaber in hand
    Staring at the young man I'd once taught
    Memories filter through my mind like sand
    Hoping the Force give's me the calm I've saught

    A narrowed gaze; a relentless sneer
    Make up his features at this time
    Only weakness one small tear
    Realizing what fate to me he's assigned

    Betrayal sings a sorrow-filled tune
    That makes my face look gaunt
    Not knowing the outcome will cause such ruin
    And every continuing day will haunt

    Where did I lead him wrong?
    What did I do to make him stray?
    I should of tempered his powers strong
    Now I have the highest price to pay

    I must take up my weapon against my friend
    My comrade; as close as a son
    Knowing the situation i cannot mend
    And that for now Evil Has Won

    What did ya think?
  5. CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Excellent beginnings.

    Tim - despite the fact that I had read them before, I'm still overwhelmed with the power of them. You really, REALLY have a gift - and a lovely ability to get into the thoughts of your subjects.

    JoD - a lovely image of the sense of bitterness Obi-WAn must have felt, in that moment of epiphany.

    And you guys need to remember that repeated - and frequent - posts are welcome.

    As for the meaning in MY poem - my visions of Obi-Wan (aside from being terminally luscious [face_love] ) always occur in a beautiful, natural setting, where I imagine him being adored by the Force - so, although I wasn't thinking specifically of Naboo, it DOES fit the profile, doesn't it?


  6. Darth_Tim Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2002
    star 4
    JoD: Great job in capturing Obi-Wan's sorrow and his feelings of guilt.

    Cyn: Thanks! And I didn't think you were picturing Naboo either, but that's the scene that came into mind (specifically something I remember writing for Anakin in Stolen Moments' kiss scene)...and with that last line a little snippet from Savatage: "And the soul cries out/for a handful of rain..."

    Here's to hoping this thread will take off!!

  7. putsomeBactaonit Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    May 2, 2003
    star 4
    Super nervous about this....


    He is there,
    always there.
    He lurks in the shadows
    peeking out when no one is around.

    He has no form yet,
    it?s just a whisper of a thought.
    Soon he will come,
    he will reveal himself.

    He comes when the other is weak,
    when he cries over loss and pain.
    Soon he will manifest,
    and take over

    Not much is needed,
    just a heart to feed off of,
    and a rage to keep him going.
    He knows no love.

    You can?t control him,
    no one can.
    Not even the one in which he lurks,
    no one can stop the sun from setting.

    The day is coming,
    the twin suns will set on the other,
    and reveal the darkness,
    the hatred of the new.

    Soon he will be here,
    all that can be done is wait.
    Wait and watch as he moves closer to the surface,
    everyday consuming more and more.

    That day will come,
    sooner than can be known,
    because the dark side clouds it all,
    everything, and he is always there.


    A lively child,
    enslaved by those who would hold him back.
    A brave soul,
    a heart that doth not lack.

    A friendly stranger to take him,
    the son of the Suns is torn from his home,
    Without the love he?s had,
    unto destiny not yet known.

    A frightened man then stands,
    bravery becomes pride.
    An apprentice becomes thy master,
    and awakened is thy stride.

    Another fate does await him,
    a woman he will see.
    No longer the girl le longed for,
    now a lover right before thee.

    Homeward does he return,
    and to a dangerous outcome.
    Murder and anger, and death,
    for all an uncertain fortune.

    Awakened in side thee,
    it is the heat that beckons from within.
    That figure in the blackness,
    Awaits behind a barrier thin.

    Every day he gets closer,
    closer to thy heart.
    Pain and suffering ache thee,
    and he waits for thee in the dark.

    A path to be chosen,
    a decision for the future.
    She is light within him,
    and he is dark without her.

    What will become of the Chosen One?
    of that yet, no one knows.
    All that is certain,
    is thy endless suffering and thy woes.

    A friendship shattered,
    a master tried to turn thee,
    A battle that would end,
    in a pit of fates, fiery.

    An evil rescuer,
    and a new journey begins.
    Darkness clouds from every angle,
    beneath that jet black brim.

    Fear and anger and death,
    now tools of the trade,
    A once great Jedi Knight,
    has become a demon filled with hate.

    Love can be a shield against all odds,
    protection from the elements,
    but can a heart that?s black and charred,
    really love the fundaments?

    He?s come into a new era,
    love lost, and nothing to live for.
    The light has passed,
    and nothing more than darkness lasts for the son of the Suns, a legend evermore.
  8. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Terminally luscious


    How true, CYN.

    I'll just echo what the others have said. What a wonderful idea, and opportunity, for the many poets I'm sure populate this site.

    But you guys have all made a horrible mistake here. Posting these beautiful works, who'll have the guts to offer up their own? :confused:... ;)

    Of course, CYN, yours seemed to spill directly from Obi-Wan's wounded heart, each word biting and honest.

    Tim's were lovely. The first's style was just beautiful. The second captured the dark mood of its subject flawlessly. [face_shocked]

    And _Jedi_of_Destiny's tribute to Obi-Wan was just as heartbreaking and grim...but marvelous! :)

    I wish you much success with this board. I'll try to spread the word! :)


    EDIT: Ahhh! Someone posted another while I was posting this!

    Elegant prose, putsomebactaonit!!! They were both fluid and haunting, reminding the reader of Anakin's past...and his dark destiny.
  9. Darth_Tim Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2002
    star 4
    Tim's were lovely. The first's style was just beautiful>>

    Thanks, LE! I had an idea of ending each stanza with a variation on the same line, which actually worked out pretty well although it took quite a few attempts to get right.

    And now I've gotta run...hope when I return tomorrow there will be more great stuff here!

  10. CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4

    Haiku - Obi-Wan to Anakin

    By CYNICAL21

    You gleamed so bright,
    The stars burned green with envy.
    Your absence brings the night.

    Son I never had;
    Brother of my battered heart,
    I am forsaken.

    Eyes of liquid sapphire,
    Smiles as bright as sunlight.
    You were transcendant.

    My hands could not mold you.
    My spirit could not hold you.
    All now is ashes.

    You soared like eagles striving,
    Your freedom complete.
    Where now are your wings?

    Your courage warmed my heart;
    Your spirit warmed my soul;
    Oh, God, I'm so cold.

    I confess that I adore haiku - but I don't really think I'm very good at it. But what the heck - nothing ventured, nothing gained. Right?


    Bacta - what's to be nervous? You did great - very thought-provoking and visual - and we're all amateurs here, ya know.

  11. _Jedi_of_Destiny_ Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 17, 2003
    star 4
    Yeah, Bacta, your two were great. I like the verse where you said Anakin was light with her but dark without her. Again awesome.

    Tim: Although I had read yours before it didn't lose any of its strength when I read it a second time. :)

    Cyn: Yeah, trying something your not sure about is always hard but always rewarding! I loved it. If I have time I'll post another tomorrow. :) This poetry thread was a great idea, Cyn!
  12. Moff_D Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2002
    star 5
    Well, I ain't no poet but since Destiny was bragging about her poetry I had to look. :p

    You're all pretty good. Not a way I'm used to looking at SW but very interesting. :)
  13. KrystalBlaze Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2002
    star 5
    CYN: Every poem you write has a wonderful delicious feeling to it that makes it impeccable. I loved the way you capture Obi-Wan's feelings. Brilliant Job!

    Tim: What to say? The title of the first one is awesome! I loved the way you ended every verse with it! It added to the overall of the poem.

    Destiny: I love it! It's brilliant! I can't say enough of it! I throughly enjoyed the way you portrayed Obi-Wan and the anguish he went through.

    putsomeBactaonit: They both took my breath away! Wonderful job! I loved the words you put on Anakin's feelings.

    CYN: Haikus just plain rock, and this set rocked all the more! I loved the way you gave face to Obi-Wan transition of emotions.

    And since I can't write poems to save my soul, I'll just sit around and gush over the talent on this board. :D

  14. astroanna Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2002
    star 4
    Cyn- As always, your poetry is amazing to read, and both From the Wastelands and your set of Haikus express Obi-Wan's feelings perfectly! Oh, I do hope that Lucas can convey even half the raw emotion in his script for Episode III....I'll be bawling if he does!


    Tim- I believe I've read both your poems before, but they are still wonderful! How Harsh the Light expresses exactly what I would imagine Obi-Wan is thinking and feeling after the purges and Anakin's turning...Foresaken is an intense look into the dichotomy of Vader...well done!! :)

    J-O-D- Your poem was a sorrowful, but what I think will ultimately prove accurate, portrait of the confrontation between Obi-Wan and Anakin...great job!

    Bacta- Haunting looks into Anakin's mind as he turns...very nice!! :)


    Well, I'm going to try my hand at this, and I'm going to have to thank Cyn for giving me the encouragement!

    Here goes, and I'm going to have to agree on the nervousness point!



    I watch the man, the master move
    Fluid, sure, a Jedi to the core
    Watch him through a stain of red
    While I am helpless to defend

    Though trials and hardships
    Lie within our past
    Bitter memories and harsh words
    He remains a master, my master

    I watch the monster, clad in black
    And the red before my eyes
    Deepens with my burning hate
    Despite my effort to suppress it

    The red curtain lifts
    But not before I hear
    A feral scream pierce the air
    A scream that is mine

    I see the man, the master lie
    Lifeless and nearly dead
    As I watch the monster in front of me
    And recognize the monster within

    A battle ensues, though I hardly recall
    For before long I must say goodbye
    To the master, to the man
    To the father I never had

    But as my tears begin to flow
    The only goodbye I receive
    Is my last mission, a call of duty
    And the gentle touch of a beloved hand

  15. CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Oh, astro - I feel like crowing, as in "I told you so." How perfectly you captured that moment - and all the maelstrom of emotions that tore through him!

    Ladies and Gentlemen - a poet is born.

    And keep in mind, as I've said before and as I firmly believe - prose is of the mind but poetry is of the heart.


    And thanks for the kudos KB - but you know, everything doesn't have to be serious here. You say you can't write poetry - but I have this theory that EVERYBODY can write poetry; they just have to find the right format. How about a little limerick? You know: There was a young queen from Naboo, Who . . . .. you get the drift. Just keep it clean enough not to upset the mods. :D
    Give it a try. What could it hurt?


  16. Moff_D Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2002
    star 5
    SW haiku baby! Let's see it! :D

    I was trying to think up some but its tough...
  17. CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Come on, Moff - you can do it! You're not going to let Tim walk away with all the (male) glory, are you? :D

  18. KrystalBlaze Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2002
    star 5
    Hehe... I'm a naturally serious person, CYN.

    *goes wild*


    I'm currenting writing a fic, but I had an urge to write a poem. :eek:

    However, the moment passed.

    I just can't write one! It doesn't seem right to give a half-assed effort and expect it to be good.
  19. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    This was such a fantastic idea. I had no idea there were so many wonderful poets out there!

    Great job, astro. Painfully beautiful. ;)
  20. Cascadia Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    Okay, CYN. I gave this a try since I saw you mention me on the other thread. I don't claim to be even remotely a poet, but well... it's your fault, CYN. I read all the others and they are all very lovely. I'm almost too ashamed to put this little thing up. [face_blush]

    My Vow
    by Cascadia

    Stars and moon gutter out,
    Light of hope has fled.
    Overshadowed by endless night,
    I feel I stand alone.

    My vow I keep, my word I hold,
    To falter, I cannot.
    One glimpse ahead, tomorrow's pain,
    In darkness he is cloaked.

    Along the plodding steps of time,
    I'll pass through tongues of painted flames,
    I'll bear the yoke of dreadful things,
    Never turn back, never give up,
    To train the boy, to do your will,
    I must never fail.

  21. CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    Oh, Cas - I knew I could count on you. You write prose like poetry, so how could your poetry be less than elegant?

    OK - time to lighten things up around here.

    I apologize in advance, because it's stupid and silly, etc., etc., but it won't go away until I write it down, so here we go.

    Jedi Limerick

    There once was a Jedi named Obi,
    Who would live in a hut of adobe,
    So sadly used by his pater
    To train he who'd be Vader
    That he should have developed a phobi ...... a.

    :eek: Just don't throw rotten fruit - OK?
  22. PadawanKitara Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I think I'll just sit here and enjoy all your wonderful efforts. I haven't written Haiku in over 15 years but I love reading it :)
  23. female_obi_wan Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2002
    star 3
    <<There once was a Jedi named Obi,
    Who would live in a hut of adobe,
    So sadly used by his pater
    To train he who would be Vader
    That he should have developed a phobi .... a. >>

    *cracks up*

    I'll only throw rotten fruit if you say you won't do more like that. [face_mischief]
  24. Darth_Tim Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 26, 2002
    star 4
    Astro and Cas: Cyn was ladies have some serious talent!

    Cyn: Love the haikus!

    PutSomeBactaOnIt: Nice portraits of Ani!

    Everybody who is nervous: I, for one, don't bite :eek: :D

    SW limericks could be pretty hilarious...

    -Tim (trying to write some more poems)
  25. female_obi_wan Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2002
    star 3
    This was thought up during school. =P

    QG's POV, from around TPM to around ANH..


    by female_obi_wan

    (((((destiny's a murderer)))))
    (((((and love is his best friend)))))

    like you and me before the end...

    X for hidden treasure
    that I would never see
    the X knifed in my heart by fire
    and bleeding you and me

    ((((beware the darkness you can't fight))))
    ((((beware the love that holds no light))))

    stolen nights beneath the moon
    when the world was mine and yours
    unwilling dark treads a lonely path
    trapped behind wide open doors

    (((evil light and loving darkness)))
    (((and the colour between was a dark grey)))

    love is a power and it's one I don't want
    the price of it is too much to pay
    i look up at your eyes and see what's inside
    and muse on what deadened saviors can't say

    some things in this world will always be one
    like cold and the winter and fire and sun
    the hell in my heart is the voice in my head
    and I pray it won't destroy my angel instead...

    ((and i won't say that i love you
    because i know the things that love can do))


    (i wish now that you'd forget my voice...)

    ...but UNLIKE US, love has no choice.

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