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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Saga POETRY IN MOTION - AN ANTHOLOGY/AN IDEA WHOSE TIME HAS COME - AND GONE? NEW POSTS - 9/23/03

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by CYNICAL21, Jun 11, 2003.

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  1. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    I know what you mean, J_O_D. Things sound a whole lot better in your head. ;)

    But...sigh...I guess I'll post this, if it means it prolongs the life of this great thread even a little longer. :D

    He is Not Her
    By LuvEwan

    I feel her hands
    Stroking my tear-streaked face
    Coarse and warm like the sands
    Pads of labored fingers making a gentle trace?

    Along the trail of my fear.

    I see her eyes
    Pools of trembling compassion, deep and sweet
    Understanding the pain of my silent cries
    While she struggles against the ragged urge to weep?

    Amid the stretch of sky so clear.

    I hear her words
    Spoken despite the quiver of her parched, cracked lips
    Voice as familiar as the lyrical kosda bird
    Comforts drifting around me like gentle willow wisps?

    Our shared hesitance a sharpened spear.

    I sense her sorrow
    As she ushers me from the soft shadow of my home
    Pausing for a final, lingering embrace that must last beyond tomorrow
    Beyond all the lonely days I'll roam?

    In the remote existence fate has chosen, one I can no longer cheer.

    For I cannot find her
    My mother, the protector of my heart
    I am expected to follow another
    Who is but a replacement for the man forced to part?

    Two that were to guide my way, two that were beloved and dear.

    He that is meant to be my teacher
    Standing in the absence of parent and Master
    He that nourishes the beastly creature
    Growing in the emptiness left within me thereafter?

    A youth that secretly wishes he were not pledged to be here.

    A Knight twined to me only in devotion
    To his friend who held faith in a dusty slave child
    His gaze is brilliant and full of emotion
    But I know, somewhere inside, his affection is mild.

    Tainted by the jealousy that's never dwindled to faint or mere.

    He does all that he can manage
    And even more than his limit
    Ignoring the weariness and damage
    To his wounded, tender spirit.

    Enduring the hardships that sear.

    But for all his noble work
    To fulfill my enormous needs
    The memories of my lost family lurk?
    But I am not the only that bleeds.


    Ech, I know. **winces**
     
  2. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001
    Ech? Ech? Why would you go, "Ech"? And why would you wince?

    Poetry is about taking the emotion out of your inside - and putting it outside, for others to share and examine - and you certainly managed to do that extremely well.

    No "Ech" here! :D

    CYN
     
  3. Darth_Tim

    Darth_Tim Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 26, 2002
    Awesome, LE!

    I'll see if I can get another one up. The problem with poetry is that it's terribly wasteful of paper...I think for most of mine I go through about 4 pages of messing around for every one that's finished...LOL.

    -Tim
     
  4. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001
    You amaze me, Tim - if I had to write it out in longhand, on paper, I would NEVER post anything. Thank God for Word! Although I do concede that there's a certain amount of inspiration to be found in staring at a blank sheet of paper.

    Unfortunately, given my penchant for going back - and rewriting - and rewriting - and rewriting - by the time I was done, any paper I'd written on would be totally illegible.
    :D

    Come on, Everybody - scribble, scribble, scribble!

    CYN
     
  5. Darth_Tim

    Darth_Tim Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 26, 2002
    "Illegible" - except by me, and often even I scratch my head and say "what the hell is that?" One day when I get the DOTF site going, I'm going to scan a page from the longhand draft...

    For some reason, though, writing long-hand seems to inspire me a bit more, but usually I'll go back and make changes as I type in. Also, I don't have a laptop so when I'm away from my computer, a spiral notebook is a godsend.

    I'm scared to think how many pens I go through in a year...

    -Tim
     
  6. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Thanks, guys. ;)

    I know what you mean about writing it out, Tim. With stories, I usually type, but with the poetry, I've found it comes out much better when I scribble it down first.

    Up! :D
     
  7. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001

    Child to Man


    By: CYNICAL21

    I stand and watch
    And feel the fire surround him,
    And hold him close, beloved and bright.
    Child no longer,
    Awkward boy grown now to manhood,
    Beautiful creature, pierced with Light.

    My heart is cold;
    I cannot let him touch me;
    I cannot lose another to the dark.
    He lights the way,
    His smile an ache within me,
    That burns and brands me with his mark.

    How to say it,
    How to sacrifice his love,
    Reject the possibility of pain;
    I stand alone;
    I choose to stand alone;
    I will not risk my heart again.

    I feel his need;
    I see the tremor in his hand,
    The faith he holds in trust for me;
    I turn away
    And feel the breaking of his heart;
    And tell myself it?s meant to be.

    The world is cold;
    There is no trace of comfort,
    And I embrace a silence grown
    From empty days
    And nights without his presence;
    He is not here; I am alone.

    Somewhere, someone
    Smiles to hear his laughter,
    To watch his sense of irony take flight;
    And I have gained
    My solitude, and learned ? too late ?
    Without him, I cannot face the night.

    FINI

    I know, I know. I?m like a broken record. So ? why don?t some of you take up the gauntlet ? and do better? :D
     
  8. female_obi_wan

    female_obi_wan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2002
    Great poems, everyone! *fears she's sounding to start repetitive*

    Here's one that hasn't been done before...Dooku's thoughts on Qui

    When You're Grown Up

    When you're grown up
    You will be great
    I'll have made you what you are

    (don't look at me that way)

    When you're grown up
    You will follow destiny
    Bring back power for me-us?-to use

    (don't look at me that way)
    (when I can clearly hear you say)

    When you're grown up
    You'll follow me also
    -but you are not just a tool, I do care for you...

    (don't look at me that way)
    (when I can clearly hear you say)
    (that you see the darkness in me)

    When you're grown up
    You'll do what I want
    ...is that not the only way I'll save you from the darkness here?...

    (don't look at me that way)
    (when I can clearly hear you say)
    (that you see the darkness in me)
    (and you love me anyway)

    When you're grown up
    I will then truely love you
    For I made you into what I wanted you to be

    *

    Now you're grown up
    And not here
    Can you forgive me?

     
  9. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001
    Wow, f-o_w - That is truly original and unique - and stunning!

    A different perspective, which is a wonderful thing.

    Godiva chocolates, champagne & roses to the poet!

    CYN
     
  10. Padawan_Jess_Kenobi

    Padawan_Jess_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    [v]LuvEwan:[/b] My goodness. That was amazing. Perfectly amazing. You have a such a talent!! :)

    CYN: [face_shocked] What can I say? That was stunning. More than stunning, actually. Beautiful. Amazing. Brilliant. Getting the picture? :D

    Sarah: (don't look at me that way)
    (when I can clearly hear you say)
    (that you see the darkness in me)
    (and you love me anyway)


    That was wonderful. Beautiful. A very unique poem. It really makes you feel for Qui-Gon. Still loving Dooku although he is turning to the darkness. Wonderful. :)
     
  11. Darth_Tim

    Darth_Tim Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 26, 2002
    Inspired by Cyn, here's some haiku:


    <<Palps>>

    Now the Chosen One
    Slave to be my sword and shield
    Stolen from the Light

    Like corrupted souls
    Are the stars, bound in darkness.
    I alone rule all

    Eternal patience
    And striking from the shadows
    Will bring victory

    <<Luke>>

    In the cave I saw
    The evil I could become
    Seduced by darkness

    Could such words be true?
    That I am son of this man,
    Servant of evil?

    My blade poised to slay
    Such power, it could be mine
    - My father, he is

    =Tim
     
  12. Padawan_Jess_Kenobi

    Padawan_Jess_Kenobi Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 20, 2002
    Tim: That was great. :) My blade poised to slay
    Such power, it could be mine
    - My father, he is

    *shudders* Powerful part right there, it shows Luke actually thinking about the Dark Side. Good job!

    I'm really going to regret posting/writing this "poem." This is the last time I ever try to make a poem that rhymes... ;)

    You're so special to me

    Memories of the past run through my head,
    Just like water flowing past a sparkling riverbed
    Even when you were little, you were special to me
    But I didn't know it, I couldn't see
    A bond that existed so clearly

    I remember how your laugh filled the air
    You smile was brighter than ten suns, it was so rare
    I could never acknowledge the joy you brought to me
    That happiness you instilled, and your eyes that twinkled like a calm sea

    When you cried I'd always wipe your tears
    When you were scared, I'd soothe away all of your fears
    And you've held on to my heart through all of these years
    And I've done the same.
     
  13. astroanna

    astroanna Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2002
    Wonderful work, all!! :)

    Tim, Cyn, f-o-w, I especially enjoyed your poems, but everyone has done great work!

    OK, I thought I'd do one more...

    Hope you all like...

    SACRIFICED HEART-by astroanna

    The sands now blow around me
    As memory consumes
    And I am taken back
    Through my long years of life

    The mentor that I always
    Struggled just to please
    Who I looked on as a father
    And loved him just as well

    His visage rises before my eyes
    And his last words ring in my ears
    And I wonder, though he was like a father to me
    Was I ever like his son?

    A student so suddenly came into my life
    And before I even knew it
    Left a mark upon me
    That I could not erase

    For though at first I was reluctant
    To teach this chosen child
    I knew that I could not deny
    The place he had taken within my heart

    But now that child
    Has grown to be an enemy
    Beyond my worst nightmares
    And I am left here

    Left here with the knowledge
    That the failure was mine
    And left to wonder if
    My conscience ever can be cleansed

    For now I stay on this barren, desert world
    Looking towards the day that my redemption may yet come
    And now I come to realize, though it was badly broken
    My heart, so sorely tried, never really was my own

    ********************************************
     
  14. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    This is much better! So many wonderful poems to read and respond to! :D

    CYN, a broken record doesn't produce new, beautiful sounds, as this gorgeous, piercing work did. Same base harmony, but crafted into something unique. ;)

    female-obiwan, I never thought anyone would see such a creative angle as you did! [face_shocked] Such a great style to it, too. Beautiful.

    Tim, you have a real talent to bring such loveliness to a form that can be restrictive. Wonderful job! :D

    Jess, the situation between those two is so heartbreaking, and your poem is a perfect description of that.

    astroanna, beautiful work. :)
     
  15. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001
    Tim - you continue to amaze me. What wonderful, raw power, in a form that challenges ANY poet - that burns away everything extraneous and leaves only the pure core. Marvelous.

    Jess - Lovely work. You should stop worrying about pleasing anyone but yourself - for you're doing beautifully.

    astro - you captured his heartbreak and his sacrifice perfectly. I will never understand how anyone would NOT see him as THE perfect tragic hero (not to mention a lovely piece of . . . work! AHA - gotcha! :D

    CYN

     
  16. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    I hope this doesn't end up the last thing on the page. Then no one's gonna see it! :(

    My Death
    By LuvEwan

    The robe is a dark pool forgotten on the floor
    Spilled on the sleek marble?so cold
    Such a short while ago, with my heart I would have swore
    Your vivid presence would thrive until I was crippled and old.

    But in the midst of this fierce, mindless fight
    I faltered, leaving you to oppose the shadow-laden fiend
    I struggled to reach you with every shred of frenzied might
    Hardly bearing I was helpless to the scene.

    I watched you behind the buzzing glaze of red
    My heart clenched tight and painfully
    Echoes of the last words we said
    Tearing my trembling mind ruthlessly.

    For the passages exchanged
    From me to you
    Were tainted with an envy so strange
    I was beginning to forget what between us was true.

    Because each gift of gaze
    To your latest, greatest cause
    Left me lost in bitter haze
    And you never seemed to take a pause.

    I thought my place within your life
    Had?again?been forsaken
    I tried to struggle against the reborn strife
    You unknowingly awakened.

    Then, when I stood in the chamber sealing me in
    From the fierce and snarling war
    I realized that my inferiority was a grievous sin
    I could shoulder no more.

    So, with sweat rolling down my face
    I vowed to change what this cruel destiny had planned
    And you would not fall in the chase
    It would be me to be slain by the charcoal, scarlet hand.

    The warning erupted in my chest
    A split second before the blade jabbed
    Through the man the Force loved best?
    Robbing me of all that I had.

    A rage instantly painted over my eyes
    And pumped white-hot through my form
    I lurched forward with a visceral cry
    Reveling in the strength of that hateful storm.

    My body was freed
    From the confines of sane, rational thought
    I could feel my Master, my dear Master bleed
    And more intense was the revenge I sought.

    With azure blade, I sliced the air
    Aiming for his putrid flesh
    If I were sacrificed to the dark, I didn't care
    This wasn't a meager drill or test.

    I was thrown backward in the fire of my anger
    Grasping to the hope of the side
    Drowning in the dizzying danger?
    But I could feel you?still?weak where you lie?

    And the feral, yellowed grin
    Floating above my potential grave
    Was twisted when he was ripped from within?
    What, I pondered miserably, had I saved?

    When I dashed to you, and crouched at your feet
    Cradling your weary head
    A final time our touch did meet
    You dried a single tear I shed.

    You whispered your time had passed
    That my efforts were too late
    But instead of voicing love to your student, your last?
    You rasped the desperate wish to ensure the boy's fabled fate.

    I swallowed the agony rising in my soul, but it brimmed
    And I promised everything you wanted me to
    When your brilliant eyes and soft smile dimmed
    I knew my spirit had died with you.

    Now I look down at your worn, familiar cloak
    Left so still without your gentle heat
    I bend to press the cloth against the heart this day broke
    And wonder why it bothers to beat.


     
  17. female_obi_wan

    female_obi_wan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 1, 2002
    :_| Oh, that was lovely!
     
  18. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001

    To a Young Queen - In Passing


    By CYNICAL21



    From the moment I first saw her,
    I believe, somehow, I knew,
    In that level of awareness
    That defines the pure and true
    As a function of perspective
    From the place in which I stand.
    I looked through the pale reflection,
    Through the graceful slight of hand;

    It could not have been her stature,
    For, in truth, she was quite small;
    Nor the hauteur of her manner
    As she watched the twilight fall
    To dim the bright conjecture
    That harkens to her voice,
    To dulcet tones and murmurs,
    Or tears that trace her choice

    That leads to dark tomorrows,
    From broken yesterdays,
    To plunge her heart in sorrow
    As the mourning softly plays,
    To brush her face with sunrise,
    In gardens fresh and green.
    I knew it from the first time,
    No handmaid, but a queen.

    No words between us spoken,
    A glance or two - a smile.
    A wink that hints of laughter
    At the grandeur of her style;
    Comrades joined in battle,
    We share a moment then -
    And spare a thought in passing
    For things that might have been.


    FINI

    And before anyone can scream - NO, I'm not a big Obi/dala writer - but all things are possible - both here and in that GFFA.

    Good job, LE. You guys just get better and better.

    CYN
     
  19. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Not to sound all gushy, but...awwwwwwwww!!! [face_love] What a tasteful, beautiful way to address the idea of Obi-Wan/Padme romance. I think that AU is actually kinda neat, but I'm not really into romance fics in the first place, so the poem was perfect. ;) Wonderful job...again.

    And thanks for the reply to mine. :)
     
  20. Darth_Tim

    Darth_Tim Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 26, 2002
    Heh. Probably the first Obidala story I've enjoyed, let alone left feedback on, but I've got to admit, I was impressed... :D

    -Tim
     
  21. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001
    ROFLMAO - Tim - LOOOOVVVEEE your new icon!

    OK - somebody. Whose up?

    CYN
     
  22. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001

    AHEM -

    I'd tell the crowd to belly up;
    I'd buy the bar a beer;
    I really would, if only
    It weren't so DEAD in here!

    I've rhymed my fingers bloody
    And taxed my weary brain;
    Someone best step to the plate
    Or the thread goes down the drain. :eek:

    CYN
     
  23. Darth_Tim

    Darth_Tim Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 26, 2002
    I've got way too much stuff to write
    And verse is quite hard to do right
    DOTF needs an update
    My readers have had quite a wait
    And Unforgiven, oh so slow
    In Darkness, Bind Them sank quite low
    Writer's block is such a pain
    All these updates, causing strain
    Award nom's I still haven't done
    Picking favorites isn't fun
    I do not think this thread should die
    More poets should give it a try

    -Tim
     
  24. CYNICAL21

    CYNICAL21 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2001
    :D We need a thumbs up icon in here!!!!

    CYN
     
  25. LuvEwan

    LuvEwan Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 24, 2002
    'Killing this fic is a stupid thing to do
    Cuz then, CYN, I'm gonna have to kill YOU.'

    [face_devil]

    I'm working on one, if its any consolation...involves Obi of course.... Maybe If I post a link on my fics it'll help things out a little... [face_blush]

    Oh, and excellent poems, you guys... So inspiring. 8-}
     
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