So NV Post a Funny!

Ok post something funny here...

Joke, limerick, slogan, movie - what ever you happen to find that's funny.

(*note: please be respectful of the forum rules and don't post anything offensive or disgusting.)

 

Some bumper stickers I thought were funny:


Eschew obfuscation.


Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.


Better living through denial


Ambivalent? Well yes and no....


Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.


Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


Mediocrity thrives on standardization.


I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.


What happens if you get scared half to death twice?


All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.


Ask me about my vow of silence.


Today's subliminal message is: ( )



And my favorite:


Give me ambiguity or give me something else!

 

Two guys walked into a bar,


they didnt see it.

 

this is one of those circumstantial jokes, you have to be there to understand it but here goes: Why didn't the mushroom cross the road???? CAUSE IT DIDN'T HAVE ANY LEGS!!!! hahahahaha


And the funniest one I know I think would be labeled as offensive, but if you wish to hear it pm me.

 

You might be a redneck jedi if...

...you have ever used your lightsaber to open and cook a can of pork and beans.

...you have a gun rack in the back of your landspeeder

...your jedi robes are camoflauge

 

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"


Wouldn't that put you 3/4ths of the way toword death? You know, halfway, and then half of halfway...? Right?

 

Ummm no

1/2 + 1/2 = 1

 

you cause it's not half of a whole any longer, i mean it is, but it's a smaller whole than what you originally started out with, so if you got scared half to death once, you'd be at 50%. now 50% then becomes your 100%, so if you get scared half to death again, you would drop back down to 50% which compared to anyone that has never been scared half to death, you would have 1/4 of the life that they have.

 

You might be a redneck jedi if...

...at last one of the wings of your starfighter is bondo colored.

...you've every used R2D2's electroshock self-defense thingy to light your Barbeque.

 

Ummm you are over thinking it. It's not funny unless it's just 2 halves.

Eeesh

 

Another forum I visit has a funny Star Trek joke on it.

http://www.glod.me.uk/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=4894#4894

Give it a visit. Good laugh.

 

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

 

you know, i was on the phone with my buddy who is from texas and he was telling me how he had just opened up a bottle of wine with an electric screwdriver cuz he had no wine key.

silly hicks

 

sorry i'm not posting a joke, but i wanted to know if there is a group of star wars fans in las vegas that gets together once in a while, and dresses up...or not. if there is could some one please tell me how i can join too?

thank you very much

 

Why Star Wars Is Cooler than Star Trek

-In the Star Wars universe, weapons are rarely, if ever, set on 'stun'.
-The enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of 20 just to go into warp...the Millenium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookie.
- After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looks fresh and desirable...after pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looks like crap.
-Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.
-Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters.
-The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named Slave I.
-The Death Star doesn't care if the Earth is class M or not.
-Darth Vader, a cyborg, could crush the entire Borg Collective, also cyborgs, with one glance.
-Picard pilots the Enterprise through an asteroid belt at one-quarter impulse power. Han Solo floors it.
-Alien Species are set apart by more than just the difference in their foreheads.
-Death Star vs. Borg Cube, Bird of Prey or even the Enterprise for that matter is not much of a debate.
-One word: lightsabers