Post Your Lens Flare Jokes Here

Ackbar is not used to lens flares. he might mistake one for a trap.

Abrams: your over confidence is your weekness.
Palpy: your faoth in your lens flare is yours.

Great flare kid that was one in a million.

Sir, the odds of successfully navigating a lensflare are 3720 to 1.


Sir, flare approaching, lens class.
Monitor abrams and allow him to direct.

Chewie and i havr gotten into lensflares more heavily guarded than this.

jabbadoesn't like smugglers who drop their cargo at the first sign of an abrams lensflare

 

Serious question: Is just "joking about lens flares" banned in other threads? Or is all talk about lens flares not allowed? I mean some folks want a legitimate debate on them. But I agree, tons of photoshops and youtube videos can detract from other conversations.

 

The best lens flare jokes are actually by Damon Lindeloff in the commentary track of the 2009 Star Trek movie.

 

Just relax for a moment, you're free of the lens flare. You have flash blindness.
I can't see
Your eyesight will return in time.

There will be a substantial reward for the one who directs Episode VII, you are free to use any methods necessary, but I don't want to go blind . . . No lens flares.

 

Wanna film some lense flares?
You do not want to film lense flares.
I don't want to film lense flares.
You want to go home and rethink your films.
I want to go home and rethink my films.

Director abrams, the time has come. execute lense flare 66.

I'ld just as soon kiss a lense flare.

Are you a lense flare?

 

Potential for Lightsaber lens flares = JJ Abrams reason he signed the contract.

 

You can't ban talking about JJ Abrams and lens flares because it would be the equivalent of not being able to make cracks about power converters / Jar-Jar Binks / Han shooting first, etc. Just another element to add to the SW-inside-joke souffle.

 

Aren't you a little short for a lens flare?

 

I was going to go to abram's sound stage to pick up some lense flares.
You can waste time with you director later, as soon as your chores are done.

 

ROTS opened with one.

 

Two lens flares walk into a bar... Ok I got nothing

 

WOOOOOO

 

I have never seen any lens flares in a JJ Abrams movie.

In fact, after seeing a JJ Abrams movie, I can't see at all.

Strange. What could have caused that?

 

I just can't out do that one.

 

That was Lucas layering in clues about who was going to direct Episode 7!

 

It was a lens flare... went off in my locker. ****ing elephant was destroyed.

Anyone??

Still gotta star out the whole word

 

OK, I think I've got the plot for Episode VII cracked:

Luke is being chased by thugs on Flare-P swoops. After defeating them, he sends a distress signal using a flare gun. While waiting, Luke is stung by Alderaanian flare-wings. Aayla Secura, having survived Order 66, lands her yacht, the Flare, on the planet and rescues Luke. However, once they take off, bounty hunter Anniha Nega chases them in her modified Z-95 Headhunter, the Flare. Fortunately, Nega's instruments are blinded by a solar flare and Luke and Aayla are able to jump to hyperspace. Lens flare as camera cuts to credits...

* All uses of the word flare are based on actual in the EU as per Wookiepedia. Seems like Abrams will have a lot of raw material with which to work

 

J.J.: "John, would you come here for a moment, please?"
John Knoll: "I'm sorry. I was late. I was having lunch with Dennis and Phil."
J.J.: "We need to talk about your flare."
John Knoll: "Really? I.... I have 15 pieces in each of my shots. I also...."
J.J.: "Well, 15 is the minimum, okay?"
John Knoll: "Oh, okay."
J.J.: "Now, you know, it's up to you whether or not you want to just do the bare minimum or, uh.... well, like Roger Guyett, for example, has 37 pieces of flare in each of his shots. And a terrific smile."
John Knoll: "Okay. Okay, so you want me to use more?"
J.J.: "Look. John."
John Knoll: "Yeah?"
J.J.: "People can see a movie anywhere, okay? They come to my movies for the atmosphere and the attitude. Okay? That's what the flares are about. It's about fun."
John Knoll: "Yeah. Okay, so more then, yeah?"
J.J.: "Look, we want you to express yourself. Okay? Now, if you feel that the bare minumum is enough, then okay. But some people choose to use more and we encourage that. Okay? You do want to express yourself, don't you?"
John Knoll: "Yeah. Yeah."
J.J: "Great, great. That's all I ask."
John Knoll: "Okay."
-------------------------------------------------------------
(later on)
John: "Umm.... you know what, J.J.? If you want me to use 37 pieces of flare in each shot, like your pretty boy over there, Roger, why don't you just make the minimum: 37 pieces of flare?"

 

Hey, did you hear the news?! Disney hired JJ Abrams to direct the new Star Wars movie. But there's one condition . . .

Yeah, what's that?

He's only allowed one lens flare, but it's gonna be HUGE!

 

Not enough to ruin my day mind you.