It's a soap opera. With Premiership stars as the err... stars. ... You get the idea. ... ... ... begin ... ... ... Andy Johnson and James Beattie are shopping in their favourite store, Beckham's Boutique, at RICHARDSON'S SHOPPING CENTRE (FORMERLY MALL). Suddenly, Gary Neville appears from nowhere. Gary Neville: What do you want, you scouse ********? Wanna buy something? This? He picks something up at random from a nearby shelf. Gary Neville: It's cheap, like all your kind. Andy Johnson: Oh, we're just browsing. Gary Neville freezes, and looks at Andy Johnson. Gary Neville: Andy, say 'You know'. Andy Johnson looks confused, but acquiecses. Andy Johnson: You know. Gary Neville: Oh my! Now say, 'You know, like' Andy Johnson: 'You know, like'. Gary Neville: 'Oh Victoria!' Andy Johnson: 'Oh... Victoria!' James Beattie: C'mon AJ, let's get you back to my place. Gary Neville: No! Andy, you sound like Becks. Listening to you eases my pain a little... James Beattie: What are you talking about Gazza Nezza? You trying to woo my mate AJ? He's not interested in you, you ain't gonna score today. Gary Neville: Listen you ******* ******, talk of scoring coming from you makes me laugh. AJ, keep talking, and I'll kit you out in gear that reminds me of David, beloved David. James Beattie: AJ, you can't! Andy Johnson: Oh, Gary. Do you think I can really replace him? Gary Neville: Sure. Ooo! You make me go all funny! Suddenly, Gary Neville and Andy Johnson run off together, leaving James Beattie alone with his thoughts. James Beattie's Thoughts: I can score... can't I?!?!?! Suddenly, Jose Mourinho enters. ... What will happen next?