Saga Prequels at a Glance [HUMOR] Episode II 4/21

Well, a few days ago I realized that this was originally posted in BtS instead of here, where it belongs, because I am stupid.

So it is reposted.

This is the prequel (obviously) to SW at a Glance, which can be found here

Episode two is on the way, I promise!

The Prequels at a Glance

An even longer time ago in the same galaxy far, far away...

Episode I:

Trade Fed: WE SHALL BLOCKADE NABOO!
Naboo: Blockaded!
Republic Ship: Blown up!
Viceroy: Ahhh, Jedi!!! Run!!!
Evil Guy: Kill the Jedi!
Viceroy: Okay.
Obi and QuiGon: Oh, no, gas!! *kick Neimodan butt and stowaway on ship*
Evil Guy: Invade Naboo!
Viceroy: Okay.
Naboo: Invaded!
Queen Amidala: Uh-oh.
JarJar: Ahh!! Save meesa!
QuiGon: Take us to your city even though they'll kill you for returning!
JarJar: Okay.
Obi: Aren't Jedi supposed to be kind and compassionate?
QuiGon: Shuttup, you.
Boss Nass: We no liiiike you.
QuiGon: *waves hand* You will give us a ship!
Boss Nass: Okay.
Naboo's Core: Perilous!
Sea Monsters: Monstrous!
Theed: Still invaded!
Jedi: *uber cool!* You must leave!
Queen: *has suspicious consultation with lowly handmaiden* Okay.
Queen's Ship: Escapes Blockade!
Artoo: Saves the day!
Queen: Clean the droid,lowly handmaiden! *winks*
Handmaiden, aka Padme: All right, Your Highness. *winks back*
Pilot Guy: Oh no, the hyperdrive broke!
QuiGon: Let's land on this planet, the one ruled by gangsters that doesn't have laws and won't even take New Republic money!
Pilot Guy: Okay.
QuiGon: JarJar and the droid can come for no apparent reason!
JarJar and Artoo: Okay! Beep beep beep!
Captain: Her Highness demands you take her lowly handmaiden!
QuiGon: *reluctant* Okay.
QuiGon and crew: *Run into an extremely kind, convienently placed slave boy with Jedi powers, a podracer, and a master who likes to gamble*
Boy, aka Anakin: I'm going to marry you!
Padme: *backs away slowly*
QuiGon: He could be an uberJedi!
Obi: *turns green*
Boonta Eve Classic: Difficult pod race!
Watto: Gambling problem!
QuiGon: Tricksy!
Anakin: Wins!
Everyone: YAY!
Anakin's Mom: NOOO!!!
QuiGon: *sings* Anakin's mom, has got it goin' on...
Everyone: RIGHT then....
Darth Maul: Can't talk!
Darth Maul and QuiGon: *furious lightsaber battle!*
Anakin: WAAA IT'S COLD!!!
Senate: Bureaucracy!
Palpatine: Plotting deviously!
Queen: *has outburst* Elect Palpatine!
Palpatine: Still plotting!
Queen: I've got an idea! Let's go back to the planet we nearly died escaping from!
Everyone: Okay!
Padme: I AM THE QUEEN!
Everyone: Oh no! An upsurper!
Padme: No! I'm Amidala, and she is the lowly handmaiden!
Everyone: *stare for a minute* Okay.
Gungans and Nubians: Allies!
Anakin: Saves the day!
QuiGon: Toast!
Maul: Equally toast!
ObiWan: Not toast!
QuiGon: Train... the... boy... *dies*
ObiWan: Okay.
Jedi Council: Okay.
Palpatine: Still plotting!


To be continued...

 

ROTFLMAO! That describes all of TPM in a nutshell. This was my favorite part:

Boy, aka Anakin: I'm going to marry you!
Padme: *backs away slowly*



Fantastic work, Smuggler_Shidakis! The funniest story I've read on these boards thus far. I can't wait for more!

 

That was really funny, Gina. Great work!

 

QuiGon: *sings* Anakin's mom, has got it goin' on...
Everyone: RIGHT then....

LMBO!! Hysterical!

 

*giggle* Brilliant! Liked the 'Anakin's Mom...' bit.

 

Heehee, yay for the repost, even though you still left out the whole Qui-Obi-Ani training issue. When's ep2 coming out?

 

Okay, at long last... Episode II! I don't think it's quite as funny as the previous ones, but I'll see what everyone thinks.

Episode II:

Padme: More big hair!
Jar Jar: Still annoying!
Anakin: Tall!
Obi-Wan: Awesome!
Obi Fangirls: Swooning!
Padme's life: Threatened!
Assasination attempts: Failed!
Anakin and Obi: *Ride in elevator*
Padme: Wow, Ani, you've grown! *checks him out discreetly* Really.
Anakin: Corny pickup line!
Obi and Eyepatch guy and Padme: *boring discussion*
Anakin: I know! Let's go against the wishes of the entire Jedi council!
Obi-Wan: No, let's not.
Anakin: WHY NOT! I'M SMARTER THAN YOU! *throws temper tantrum*
Padme: Wow. What a brat.
Jango and assasin lady: Shady dealings!
Wormly things: Creepy!
Dramatic Music: Playing!
Wormly things: Dramatically climb up Padme's neck!
Anakin and Obi-Wan: OH MY FORCE! WORMLY THINGS ARE ATTACKING THE SENATOR! *run in*
Anakin: *destroys wormly things but somehow doesn't slit Padme's throat in the process*
Padme: HOLY FLYING BANTHAS, ANAKIN JUST BURST INTO MY ROOM AND JUMPED ON TOP OF ME! THIS ONLY HAPPENS IN THE MOST R-RATED OF MY DREAMS!
Everyone: *stare in shock*
Padme: *nervous chuckle* I mean, thanks for saving my-
Obi-Wan: *Jumps out window*
Everyone but Anakin: Obi-Wan is suicidal?!
Startled Obi Fangirls: NOOOOOOO!!! OBI!!!!! COME BACK, MY LOVE!
Anakin: *reads Obi-Wan's mind, runs outside, and STEALS a speeder*
Random Guy: Aren't Jedi supposed to ENFORCE the law?
Anakin: Shuttup, you.
Assasin Lady: *Shoots Obi-Wan down*
Obi-Wan: *Falls to death*
Obi Fangirls: OBI!!
Anakin's speeder: Convienently placed!
Obi-Wan: *Drops into convienently placed speeder* That's convienent.
Anakin: *Performs a series of gravity-defying moves*
Obi-Wan: *turns green*
Both: *Don't fall out of seats, somehow*
Chase scene: Dramatic!
Assasin lady: Runs into Club!
Anakin and Obi-Wan: Follow!
Obi-Wan: You're going to be the death of me.
Obi-Wan's comment: Ironic!
Club patrons: Shady!
Assasin: Runs outside! Gets shot by poison!
Obi-Wan: Damn.
Anakin: Must protect Padme!
Padme: Okie.
Anakin: Whine whine whine snivel whine whine.
Padme: OOookayyyy...
Fat guy with four arms: *takes one look at dart* This here is from CAMINO!
Obi-Wan: Cool.
Jedi Archives: Big!
Jedi librarian: Snotty!
Camino: Lost!
Yoda: Humorous!
Little Kid: Smart!
Obi-Wan: Oh, I'mmmm.... OFF! to see the cloners! The wonderful Camino-ans! Because because because because BECAUSE...!!!
Lama Su: I am tall. I am Caminoan. We built you an army.
Obi-Wan: Confused!
Obi-Wan and Jango: Dramatic fight in the rain!
Obi-Wan: Yeah, I think I'll go to this Geonosis place to uncover the grand schemes! And for backup, I'll contact my moronic apprentice!
Anakin: I hate sand.
Padme: Okay.
Anakin: You are not sand.
Padme: Okkaaayyy...
Anakin: I love you.
Padme: Right.
Anakin: I'm going to Tatooine to rescue my mommy.
Padme: I'm coming!
Anakin: *shrugs* Okay.
Shmi: Dead!
Anakin: Homicidal rampage!
Padme: Comforting, rather than doing the intelligent thing to do when your boyfriend becomes a homicidal maniac: dump him!
Obi-Wan: Come to Geonosis! *is captured by alien bug thingies*
Anakin and Padme: Okay!
Geonosis: Desolate!
Count Dooku: Evil!
Artoo and Threepio: Awesome!
Conveyor Belts: Threatening!
Anakin and Padme: Miraculously do not get killed by conveyor belts, only to be captured by alien bug thingies!
Padme: I love you.
Anakin: Sucker.
Padme: *cleverly picks locks and frees herself in front of thousands of alien bug things*
Anakin and Obi-Wan: *stupidly do nothing at all, not even opening their shackles with the Force*
All three: *Beat up monsterly things*
All three: *forget about the billions of bugs and evil guys who're gonna kill them anyway*
Jedi: Outnumbered!
Yoda and the Clones: Save the Day!
Dooku: Still evil!
Anakin: Armless!
Yoda: Kicks bum!
Palpy: Continues Plotting!
Anakin and Padme: Let's get married, even though it's forbidden!
Everyone: Yay!

-
Well?

 

Shamelessly upping my own fic for visibility.

 

Me: laughing hysterically!

That was so hilarious!

Fat guy with four arms: *takes one look at dart* This here is from CAMINO!
Obi-Wan: Cool.
Jedi Archives: Big!
Jedi librarian: Snotty!
Camino: Lost!
Yoda: Humorous!
Little Kid: Smart!

Anakin: I hate sand.
Padme: Okay.
Anakin: You are not sand.
Padme: Okkaaayyy...
Anakin: I love you.
Padme: Right.
Anakin: I'm going to Tatooine to rescue my mommy.
Padme: I'm coming!
Anakin: *shrugs* Okay.
Shmi: Dead!
Anakin: Homicidal rampage!
Padme: Comforting, rather than doing the intelligent thing to do when your boyfriend becomes a homicidal maniac: dump him!

Jedi: Outnumbered!
Yoda and the Clones: Save the Day!
Dooku: Still evil!
Anakin: Armless!

I think I just quoted over half the story. I'd keep going, but, you know. Post lengths and all...anyways, Episode II is as awesomely funny as all the others! Great job!

 

Wonderful, Shidakis! Both of these were excellent. I really liked the Ep. II one though, especially these lines --

Anakin's speeder: Convienently placed!
Obi-Wan: *Drops into convienently placed speeder* That's convienent.


Anakin: I hate sand.
Padme: Okay.
Anakin: You are not sand.
Padme: Okkaaayyy...
Anakin: I love you.
Padme: Right.

I love the way you wrote Anakin -- it's slightly worrying how true it is. Especially the whine whine snivel bit... Great job!

 

Thanks!

Shamelessly upping....

I'm working on ROTS.