Before Pretense -- Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon story

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ardavenport, Dec 18, 2005.

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  1. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Title: Pretense
    Author: ardavenport (aka Ani-Chay Pinn, aka Anne Davenport)
    Timeframe: pre-Episode I
    Genre: adventure
    Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi
    Keywords Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, JA, BfTS
    Summary: Our Jedi run into one of the Jedi Order?s loose ends after dinner
    Notes: also posted on The Jedi Assembly fan fiction forum. And typo is my middle name, with missing words and errors that spell checkers don?t catch being my speciality ? if you see any, just post a reply with the what and where and I will kill them with no mercy.
    Disclaimer: All characters belong to Lucas; I?m just playing in his sandbox
    =========================================================================


    ?Ah ha! I smell good fortune!? Wofaga bustled through the dark, narrow hallways to the back pantry of the boarding house. Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi followed. Their guide rounded the sturdy, round table and chairs that took up almost half of the small room.

    ?I won?t be a moment,? Wofaga called back to them as his green cape and pale, blue head tails disappeared through the swinging door at the opposite end of the room. Obi-Wan looked about. The room was floor-to-ceiling with dark brown cupboards and shelves stacked with supplies in sacks and jars and boxes. A neglected droid didn?t even look up at them from its alcove in one corner and only a hint of natural light shone down from the tiny, narrow window that mostly only showed the side of the next building less than 2 meters away. It was warm, but not uncomfortably so and yellowed light panels in the room?s high ceiling dispelled some of the gloom. The aroma of dinner from the kitchen beyond welcomed them.

    Obi-Wan?s stomach growled.

    He cleared his throat and folded his arms, his hand disappearing into the wide, opposite sleeves of his brown robe. Qui-Gon?s mouth curled in a hint of a smile, but he didn?t say anything about his young apprentice?s lack of control. Neither one of them had eaten anything substantial since rising many hours ago. Every time they?d started to pause for a meal, something new had come up to take them elsewhere. The day-season of this polar city made ?morning? and ?evening? into virtual concepts. Technology and artificial lighting should have rendered this time of perpetual daylight into a simple curiosity. But the natives of this city took the seasonal lack of a natural day and night as a cue to not maintain any daily schedule at all. Half their time had been wasted in just looking for people who were out shopping or eating or sleeping or partying or doing just about anything other than their appointed jobs. Qui-Gon wondered how this city managed to function at all, but it obviously did.

    Boisterous voices and some banging noises came from the kitchen door. Qui-Gon Jinn removed his long, dark robe, hung it over the back of one of the chairs and sat down. Obi-Wan did the same. Neither one spoke while they both gratefully settled into the silence. They?d only been introduced to Wofaga two days ago and the Twi?lek had talked every waking second of that time. It did seem to be true, about what Councilor Ikot had said; Wofaga knew everything about everyone. But getting information from Wofaga was something like looking for a gold ring in a garbage heap; you had to sift through all the gossip to find anything useful. Not even using the Force worked to focus the Twi?lek?s mind on their immediate business; underneath all his flippant and carefree manners, Wofaga was far from weak-willed.

    Footsteps approached and the kitchen door banged open. Wofaga returned. His dark eyes alight, he bore a wide grin on his pale face and a tray laden with food.

    ?And these are just the appetizers.? Their host praised the skill of the boarding house?s cook, Voreedi, while he laid out plates, cups and napkins for his guests. Qui-Gon partook only sparingly of the flavored nuts, cakes and jellied fruit while Obi-Wan, with his teenager?s metabolism, helped himself more generously.

  2. Princess_Arulmozhi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 16, 2004
    star 4
    Voreedi's a great OC, and the way he tackled Qui-Gon about Jedi business was fascinating. I loved the internal workings of both men: Voreedi's hurt, anger, frustration and Qui-Gon's mild worry. That was particularly well done. Excellent. :)
  3. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    That was just stellar.

    Only a missing scene type story and I was draw into it so fully. I agree with P_A, Voreedi was so intricately complicated, his aversion to the Jedi for losing his first son, the fact he stated he wasn't sentimental. I loved his realization that he has scared a Jedi Master and the way Qui-Gon had let out a breath and released his tensions at the end.

    Just a wonderful story! =D=
  4. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    This was very well done. I loved the way your OCs interacted with the Jedi and Voreedi was particularly wonderful, working his way through his guilt and curiosity. I loved the ending when Qui-Gon said Jedi Business.

    Great job.
  5. Fluff-Slayer Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 12, 2005
    star 2
    A very interesting character study piece, arda! :eek:

    I'd never really given this situation much thought, but of course it must have happened--surely anyone would be resentful if his or her child was spirited away. Qui-Gon's reactions really drew me in to the poignancy of this piece. Your OC seemed almost able to deflate him somehow, and I loved how he couldn't really deny anything that was said.

    Realistic, brilliant, and generally beautiful.

    Well done! =D=

  6. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Wow ardavenport! Truly magnificent job with this piece -- I was thoroughly engrossed in it!

    =D==D=
  7. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    What a wonderful story! I love it.
  8. Star_Drifter Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2005
    star 3
    A very interesting look at what it's like to be the parent of a child given to the Jedi!

    Good job! [:D]

    Star
  9. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Thank you all very much! Yes, it is a large loose end that the Jedi Order has if they take kids away so young to start training them. Uuuum, it was actually a daughter (since Voreedi said that it couldn't be Obi-Wan unless he'd had a sex change), but no matter what, it was a child and that's where the problem lies.

    And it is terribly fun putting Qui-Gon on the spot.[face_mischief]
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